AGREEING TO DISAGREE
What are your communication rights? Do you feel you deserve respect? And should respect be either earned or given as a result of your life experience level? The intent of good communication is to have open and positive communication among different ages, levels, and stations in life. But how do you do it, especially when you’re talking up or down the chain of communication command? The Talk to Me© system really helps you focus on grabbing the prize that comes with great communication skills.
I DESERVE RESPECT
“I deserve respect from you!” is often vocalized out of exasperation or frustration. But how do you respect the communication rights of a fellow speaker or co-communicator? What can I reasonably expect from you in the way of civility and respect? If I don’t respect you, should I expect you to respect me? If I disagree with you, are you going to ditch me or push me into a hole of misunderstanding? What if you’re a “level above” the communicator…like a parent of a teen or the boss of an employee? More emotion on top of emotion! But on-the-fly communication, when emotions run high, is where the communication action is nowadays!
YOUR COMMUNICATION RIGHTS…I DESERVE RESPECT
We all know that respect is both given and earned. Respect recognizes the wisdom of experience. But what if strong wills collide and a conflict or confrontation is brewing? What then? How do we show respect for a viewpoint with which we heartily disagree? Moreover, did you know that Empathizer and Instigator communicators have essentially opposite strategies for showing respect? It’s just like staring across the stunning panorama of the Grand Canyon…only to turn around to scan the view of a bunch of rocks and scraggly pine trees.
Here are your communication rights for respectful disagreeing….
1. I want respect.
2. I want my opinion to be worth something.
3. I want you to listen to me.
4. I want you to put positive effort into communicating effectively with me, because you want to.
5. I want my wisdom to be heard, considered, and utilized, if warranted.
6. I want to have a genuine and trusting experience with you, in which we can both be open and honest.
7. I want to you to consider my ideas and words, which could be constructive and useful.
8. I want to give myself (and you) credit for progressing and becoming better communicators.
9. I want our communication to be a two-way street, instead of a one-way dead-end alley.
10. I want what I have to say to mean something significant to you.
11. I want to be able to speak assertively while being an enlightened listener.
12. I want to be able to process negative or positive feedback without taking it too personally or too impersonally.
Respectful communication is built on a foundation of trust, fortified with an open exchange of ideas to benefit us all.
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CONFLICT RESOLUTION STYLES OF EMPATHIZER AND INSTIGATOR COMMUNICATORS
Talking gets dicey when emotional expectations get dashed. When “Inflexible Expectations” rule the roost, or are in the drivers’ seats of our lives, we don’t feel the love, but the anger manifests itself in the conflict.
Differences in conflict resolution communication styles to note….
1. Empathizers (E-types) feel left out when respect isn’t recognized or understood. E-types will tend to retreat passively to a cave when feeling overlooked or disrespected.
2. Instigators (I-types) feel annoyed when respect isn’t perceived or received. I-types will tend to advance aggressively up the hill when they believe they’re disrespected.
Perhaps showing respect is more important for the person giving it than the one receiving, but it is always a two-way Street of Good Talk.
GO RESPECT YOURSELF
By genuinely including someone instead of excluding him or her, utilizing open and not closed lines of communication, creative relationships are produced instead of associations which are combative.
Do you need R-E-S-P-E-C-T? Yes, you need respect, most importantly from yourself. When you’re feeling emotionally disregarded, you need to give yourself an extra dose of respect. Dwelling on being disrespected by others isn’t good for the positive energy of anyone, and when the disrespect comes from within, positive energy cannot flow.
RESULTS OF RELATIONSHIP COMMUNICATION COACHING
Here’s what one of my relationship communication training clients told me:
We believe you now. It was such an eye-opener! You said I would feel better. You said I would find more peace as I talk with our teen and as we work things out. Now we get into open and honest impromptu talks at the kitchen table. I have grown so much using your Talk to Me© effective communication system.
There is so much less conflict and horrible emotional upset in our home, than was present before we started using the tools and strategies from TTM…and there is actually respect and trust in our relationship. I used to feel left out of the loop, but now I feel that respect is earned and given freely.
ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.
Dennis O’Grady is the original researcher and developer of the Talk to Me© communication system, which streamlines communication to be productive and useful…inside your head and inside your relationships. The Talk to Me© approach to good communication will help boost your mood, keep your energy up, and free yourself from the tar baby of negative relationships or emotions.
HOPE IS HERE: WHAT ONE INSTIGATOR COMMUNICATOR HAD TO SAY ABOUT THE EASE OF LEARNING AND USING THE TALK TO ME SYSTEM
I have been reading for a while now and have already started to obtain useful information and comparisons from the system. One that caught me out of the gate is:
The Talk to Me© system is designed to improve your energy and motivation, and give you the stamina to achieve your goals, by talking sensibly to yourself instead of wallowing in the mud of self-imposed self-pity. You are the perfect talk road warrior! Get that junk in your trunk out of your head. Use the spiritual tools neatly tucked away in your glove box. Use your communicator map to get to where you need and want to go. Otherwise, you are going to be an energy drag to be around.
It is funny how I can reflect and see all the mistakes I have made in my communications with my wife. I only hope and pray she will be open-minded to give it a second chance as well.