YOU KNOW THAT WHEN YOU’RE THROWN UNDER THE BUS, YOU WILL BOUNCE BACK
I have a little blue star that is positioned on my desk to remind me that there’s still light in a completely darkened room. Sensitive souls know that little gifts of friendship — disguised as blue stars — are a godsend, becoming bright shining flashlights during dark times. How do I know such things about blue stars? An independently-minded, professional Empathizer-type (E-type) female communications client of mine, recently gave me a star wrapped in blue foil. It was about the size of a 50 cent piece and contained some rich dark chocolate. Blue, in the Talk to Me© system, represents E-type communicators who are stars that light our way! I look at that little blue star often and am purely amazed. I wonder, how might this blue star help those who have been thrown under the bus, to bounce back to their normal state?
DON’T WORDS WORK WONDERS?
With the gift of the blue star from the Empathizer driver of the blue communicator car, came these sincere words delivered to my receptive ears:
“I appreciate all that you’ve done for me, Dennis. You’ve given me the gift of lighting my own way to get through the fog of a painfully difficult divorce that I didn’t want but had to get through. Not only is my self-esteem still intact, but my confidence has grown, as a result of better communication with myself and others. You know I was deeply worried about the effects of divorce on my children. I’m relieved to say the kids are doing very well, and I no longer feel drained when talking to my Instigator ex-husband, a Negatalker.”
Do you bounce when you feel someone you’ve trusted and loved has thrown you under the bus? Yes, the words you speak light the way for others, long after you’ve forgotten what you said, my beloved Empathizer communicators.
EMPATHIZERS: WHY YOU LIGHT THE WAY
I’ve bragged on you Instigator (I-type) natural-born leaders for being “on purpose” types for the longest while. Now, the shoe’s on the other foot for a change. If you’re an Empathizer, or E-type communicator, here’s why YOU soulfully appreciate giving and receiving positive messages, when mammoth changes have run you over like an elephant stampede, or you’ve been flattened after being thrown under the bus…and you need a little bit of pep in your step. Do you know who I’m talking to?
My sensitive E-type…
you know that when you’re thrown under the bus, you will bounce back!
with your emotional wisdom, you light the way ahead for all of us to more easily see our way.
you understand there is a time and a season to bend like a willow, and there is a time and a season to stand steadfast like the majestic oak.
you feel bad for people who suffer unnecessary, self-inflicted losses.
you won’t become a bitter or old dried up prune of a person, because you love people with all your heart.
you’re really grate-full, not grudge-full, and you are a natural rule-follower in relationships.
you don’t wish harm to a flea on your beloved pet, and you won’t allow change of tidal wave proportion to wash away your identity.
you trust others to see through the Negatalkers, who seek to stick a straw in your skull to suck your energy out.
you expect to help yourself and don’t expect much help from others, if you’re not first willing to do the legwork.
you are responsible and responsive, and you are accountable and reliable, all the while being a warm and loving human being.
you will do what’s right, even when it feels wrong for you.
even when you have every logical reason to do so, you won’t get even, because you know that getting even puts you behind.
you believe that things happen for a reason and work out for the best, and you can cope with uncertainty without becoming a control freak.
kids and grandkids, and all the other little people in the world, mean the world to you.
if anyone can make a relationship work it’s you; but a relationship shouldn’t be all work, now should it?
you know it’s only money, and you can’t take it with you, but you deserve to be paid buckets full for the talents you’ve honed.
you loathe loss and feel sad for those who blow up relationship bridges, putting unnecessary losses into their lives.
you know that any situation could be worse for people, and you try to look on the bright side, even though the dark clouds sometimes try to fool you into thinking that there is no blue sky above them.
you won’t put all your eggs in one basket when the other person keeps dropping the basket of eggs.
you’ve learned to speak up and stand strong, and say “NO”, when “No” is the right answer.
you have learned to do for you selflessly and without the guilt of labeling yourself “selfish.”
you let go of the need to always be the relationship rehabilitator.
YOUR LITTLE ACTIONS LIGHT THE WAY
You’re such a sensitive soul, my dear E-types, that you don’t understand why retaliation rules the lives of so many nincompoops. Ah, why bother. Who cares? You do! So, do little things for YOU when you feel bad. Pass out those shiny blue stars for which you are so well-known, being sure to keep a few for yourself. Know that during dark times, when all feels lost, flashlights of your positive deeds light the way ahead, for you and for others.
ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the developer of the Talk to Me© positive and effective communication system. Dennis is a relationship communications coach and corporate trainer, who is the current president of the Dayton Area Psychological Association. And the other day Dennis was in a dark mood, and he had a cold, and he was losing his voice, and he had two big speaking engagements coming up. Dennis was feeling strained and drained, and wishing that life wasn’t so tough and rough. But isn’t that how the cookie crumbles? So Dennis talked to himself as best he could: “Although you can definitely be your own worst critic, buddy, you are getting better. In fact, haven’t you noticed how you don’t fall on your own sharp sword as often? I knew you would come bouncing back after being thrown under the bus!”
GOOD COMMUNICATION ISN’T A FLUKE
Good communication isn’t a fluke. It involves a simple system of enlightened moves, which are all laid out in the Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone© textbook. Additionally, the Talk to Me© system’s tools can be accessed, at no cost to you, in the more than 200 articles at www.drogrady.com. The typecasting and other skills you will learn are all you need to start talking more positively and effectively today at work and at home. Why plug in to this system? The Talk to Me© system helps you better handle the fear of confrontation and conflict, while helping you avoid unnecessary miscommunications that could blow up in your face. The best news: Your business clients and family members will feel you truly can walk in their shoes, and, based on this trust, accomplish needed changes faster, making everyone smile.