MAKE A CORRECTION IN DIRECTION
How feedback is given can make you dance or make you depressed, can’t it? Delivering quality feedback is one key to good communication. So…would you like to know how to get more work completed by employees in the same amount of time? Would you register your supervisees for communications training if their work output were to increase by 50% as a result of better communication? And, what if everyone in the team canoe was having more fun to boot? Heaven’s to Betsy…of course you would drive in positive talk lanes that solve persistent problems. And how? Well, that’s just what happens when you intentionally use the Talk to Me© positive and effective communication system. Gone will be the days of hearing, “I feel like I’ve been thrown under the bus again!”
E-TYPE OUTPUT: I’M TRYING TO KEEP MY TIRES MOVING
Do you know the communication type of your talk partner? It’s the Golden Rule of Good Communication. Why? Production can fall off as much as 50% when Empathizers feel put down or are having a bad week. (Instigators lose their edge, too.) Here’s the sensitive viewpoint of a loyal-to-a-fault Empathizer (E-type) employee, who feels her Instigator (I-type) boss is simply too pushy.
I’m feeling overwhelmed. I feel like I’m juggling more than a few things right now. My Instigator boss hits me emotionally. She is pretty dominating, bold, opinionated, very public, won’t back down, and has insecurities and too much pride. Trouble spots? I’m trying to keep my tires moving, but I could start grinding down to a halt at any time. I feel the cogs cranking a little slower. I’m starting to feel weighed down, and I’m beginning to blame other people. I-types move so fast, and, as an E-type, I just can’t keep up with them. I-types don’t seem to feel much; they are like programmed robots, giving you results while setting aside emotional stuff. I need to be able to disconnect from my emotions, just like I-types do. The more things pile up, the more overwhelmed I feel. I need to form a plan and delegate tasks, like an Instigator does.
I-types are experts at setting aside “emotional stuff” to get results. The above example shows how E-types, be they male or female, can become emotionally flooded during stress-centered times. With Talk to Me© training, everything changes as everyone adopts a new point of view.
THE SILENT TALK TRAGEDY
Without ever realizing it, Instigator supervisors and managers behave like the proverbial Hare, running over (or past) their slower-moving Empathizer supervisees and employees. Here’s what ignorance of your communicator type, and the type of your co-communicator, costs you in missed opportunities that may not come knocking on your door again:
1. Unintended frustration mounts
2. Motivation declines
3. Complaining increases
4. Mistakes are repeated
5. Good results don’t stick
6. A dog vs. cat power clash
7. Empathizer employees will shut down, shut up, and duck behind walls
8. Instigator managers will listen less, shout more, and charge the walls
9. Results are lackluster
End motivational result: I-types then will have to go to the back of the E-type line. Why? The E-type will secretly feel “thrown under the bus” by the I-type! Instead of alienating your opposite talk type, wouldn’t you like to learn how to work cooperatively within that opposite viewpoint, to the benefit of all concerned?
BENEFITS OF BETTER COMMUNICATION BETWEEN THE OPPOSITE TALK TYPES OF INSTIGATORS AND EMPATHIZERS…or…HOW TO AVOID COLOSSAL COLLISIONS THAT STRIP DOWN MOTIVATION, ON TALK HIGHWAY
My dear I-types: Can you walk softly in the beautiful blue suede shoes of the sensitive E-type communicator and just carry a big talk stick? Or do you wear your favorite Army boots when you’re talk dancing with the “too sensitive” one? What positives you will accrue as an Instigator leader, when you flexibly adjust to the preferred talk style of your Empathizer employee:
1. You won’t tick off the very people who click off the items on your “to do” list
2. Grudges of which you are unaware will stop growing
3. The bridge of trust will be buttressed instead of blown up
4. There will be extra efforts behind the scenes to satisfy customers
5. There will not be the “spinning top” or unnecessary distractions of anxiety, anger, and energy drain
6. Good ideas and solutions will be placed on the Communicator Table into the light of change
7. You will keep your best people and lose your losers
8. Troubled talk waters will once again be calm and glassy
Bridge Over Troubled Water: Collisions on Talk Highway strip down motivation. Why let your employees suffer from lost aspiration to achieve goals? What could you do with 50% greater work output in the same time period, without strain or drain? How much would that be worth to you? Lots of money and even more peace of mind would be my guess. Let’s end our collective ignorance. Did you believe me when I said “…production can fall off as much as 50% when Empathizers feel put off their emotional game?!” Should you help your employees build and maintain a bridge over the rushing waters of miscommunication?
DO YOU FEEL AS THOUGH YOU’VE BEEN THROWN UNDER THE BUS?
Yeah, we’re only human, and it hurts when you or I get our toes stepped on. But, my dear I-Leader, why can’t you talk to me in the talk style that I prefer, so that I will go the extra mile and smile for you when the chips are down? Well, you CAN, when you’re no longer ignorant of the Empathizer vs. Instigator motivational preferences. Here’s how a positive Instigator can turn on the light of a positive Empathizer:
The Instigator communication leader should:
1. Take time to warm up the communicator car engine
2. Not speed off, screeching your tires, if you don’t instantly get your way
3. Groom the texture and tone of the conversation…everyone sits in the front seat
4. Not approach boldly and interrupt gruffly or callously in a demanding tone of voice…don’t give directions unless asked
5. Use “ask talk” instead of “tough talk” to get things done quicker…don’t be a backseat driver
6. Make it sound like hardly anything you touch is an “urgent emergency”…the journey is more important than the destination
7. Not be a dictator but engage in dialogue…enjoy talking as you ride…relax and enjoy the trip of a lifetime
8. “Just take a talk minute” and discover the personal life of the person…nourish connecting instead of disconnecting
9. Show generous vs. stingy signs of regular verbal appreciation…you don’t have to like the long drive to enjoy the ride
Why not take time to talk? I-types are performance-driven and are constantly judging the self against the list of goals and objectives accomplished in the least amount of time. Thus, to I-types at work it’s nothing personal…it’s only performance-driven. But, you already knew that!
DON’T YOU STEP ON MY BLUE SUEDE SHOES!
Elvis is still alive and well — a living legend in many minds. In my case, I’ve sung “Don’t You Step On My Blue Suede Shoes” to my three daughters as they were growing up, until each girl split a grin groaning! But be careful where you step. If you step, or worse, if you stomp on the blue suede shoes of an Empathizer communicator, you may make an enemy for life without fully realizing why. And that’s a cryin’ shame, because our beloved E-types are the workhorses who pull a wagon load along for our companies, organizations, and families.
The Rule of Motivation: What could you do or say when you accidentally step on the toes of your fellow Empathizer talk dancer and partner, knowing the mishap would predictably result in a 50% reduction of positive energy, productivity, or output?
ABOUT RELATIONSHIP COMMUNICATIONS COACH, CORPORATE TRAINER, AND COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the “Talk Doc” and president of the Dayton Area Psychological Association, as well as the developer of the TALK TO ME© positive and effective communication system. Why invest in a process that will improve your communication skills fast, in both personal and work relationships? Why waste time alienating people and prolonging the effort to reach a common goal, when you can use good communication strategies which pay extraordinary dividends! When you use the tools and strategies detailed in Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, you’ll find that it’s easy to keep your car in the center of Talk Highway, leaving the ditch to those communicators who play the lame Blame Game.