WHY BURN YOUR BRIDGES?
You’re on a communication quest to get along better with your leader manager. Although things are strained between the two of you, you realize that whatever you seek, you can have. You are a visionary. You can envision where things need to be in the future, and you can conceptualize how to go about getting there. You do, however, need the help of others who are committed to you and your “big vision” of change. How do you conduct yourself as a follower and/or a leader of people? Do you manage people with hands-on involvement, just as you know people would like? Below is a three-step Talk To Me© leadership communication exercise that will make you and your people want to take action in spite of any silly fear of failure.
I. WHAT KIND OF COMMUNICATION QUEST ARE YOU ON WITH YOUR LEADER MANAGER?
What kind of relationship would you like to co-create with your boss or manager? What open doors of communication would you like between yourself and your manager, or between you and upper supervisory or upper management in general? One trainee told me, “I would like communication between my manager and myself such that we can truly work as a team instead of as two separate people. That way we both understand our places and know what’s going on.” O.K. then…let’s explore the specific footwork of the talk tool which will facilitate that objective.
II. WHAT DO I WANT TO GET OUT OF THE COMMUNICATION WITH MY MANAGER?
Make a list of what outcomes you would consider to be indicative of a positive relationship with your manager. Here is one of my real-world Instigator-type trainee’s “The type of positive relationship I’d like with my manager is….” list:
1. Open criticism. Ask why I completed a task a specific way, or give me feedback I can learn from. This goes further than telling a person they’re wrong to do it the way it was done.
2. A good leader gives direction. If you need for me to do something, tell me. Give me specific steps and instructions about how to do it. I want to do it the way you would like for me to do it.
3. Confront when something’s wrong. Ask open-ended questions and just talk about the project. Ask why we can’t do it a different way, if that process would work better.
4. Let me (and everyone) know about changes. Don’t make me find out in a meeting that there’s something I’ve done wrong. Tell me about changes so I’m not shocked by hearing it from a customer or agonized by what I don’t know.
5. Training. You have to teach and train someone to perform the desired behavior correctly. Don’t throw someone into a deep lake and tell them to swim. Keep lines of communication open, and don’t make me feel like a dumbbell.
6. Demonstrating how things are to be done. As an experienced leader or mentor, role model what you want to see in me.
7. Tell me what’s going on for the day. To start the day, give me a brief overview of what needs to be completed before the end of the day.
Be the powerful communicator you are today…without embarrassment.
III. HOW WOULD I HAVE DONE IT DIFFERENTLY?
Can you list examples of open-door or two-way communication that makes no one feel inferior, lazy, or stupid? Make a list of 7 or so items, just for kicks. Directive Questions are a big part of the Talk to Me© system, not telling people what to do. It’s listening and repeating before sounding off, so everyone stands a better chance of being on the same page. Asking directive questions doesn’t come across bossy….
1. What do you have going on?
2. Could you do this?
3. Why did you do it that way?
4. Do you think this will work?
5. What are your thoughts on this?
6. How would you do this?
7. Is there something that could have been done differently?
Don’t make anyone feel lower than you. Don’t give anyone the impression that, “Hey, get off my back, because it’s not my job to help fix or to fix that.” A closed mind creates a bad mood, which is like a tar baby — you can get more stuck in the tar, or bad mood, the harder you fight against it.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO A COMMUNICATION EXPERIMENT?
Answer these three questions to fulfill your communication quest to become a better communicator:
1. WHAT IS MY COMMUNICATION QUEST WITH MY MANAGER? Example: Give my manager/boss a daily task list to which I plan to commit and accomplish.
2. WHAT 7 THINGS DO I WANT OUT OF THE COMMUNICATION WITH MY MANAGER? Example: I’ll better my communication skills by talking openly about what has to be done, and what barriers may come up that I’ll need to address.
3. LIST 7 EXAMPLES OF OPEN DOOR COMMUNICATION? Example: I’ll ask my boss to prioritize my list of the day’s projects or activities, or I’ll ask specifically what I should do.
You are in the driver’s seat of your communication life, aren’t you? I know you can’t control everything, but you can control what comes out of your mouth. And, remember to keep using your “Multi-Million Dollar Talk Tools” every single day that you are brave enough to show up for the work of good communication!
ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the new Talk Doc in town, a corporate consultant, team trainer, and the insightful, original developer and researcher of the Talk to Me© positive and effective communication system. T2Me has been successfully implemented in a “top down” fashion in companies which know that communication is the best investment in the development of people skills, if you want to guarantee positive results. Dennis is president of the Dayton Psychological Association as well as a clinical professor at the Wright State University School of Professional Psychology. His “Talk Textbook” received The 2008 Axiom Business Book Award silver medal. Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone, is available at Amazon. Not much time to read? Quick reads on Dennis’s communication approach are available at no charge at www.drogrady.com.