MENTAL CRAP IS TOXIC TO YOUR MENTAL HEALTH
Mental crap, swirling around in your skull, is toxic to your mental health. It doesn’t have to be that way. You can flush the mental crap right down the drain. Now, I realize that Empathizer-type (E-type) communicators sometimes struggle with the blues, and their Instigator-type (I-type) life partners often act like court jesters, trying to “fix” their sensitive partners or at least get them to laugh off their blues…which actually depresses E-types all the more. But you can change how you talk to yourself and then climb out of the hole in which you find yourself, my dear E-types.
WHAT YOU THINK IS WHAT YOU GET
Your character is tested when the crap hits the fan. Are you going to do all those little caring things that give you comfort, or are you going to refuse to flush the toilet, making matters worse? Here’s how one female E-type, Terra, felt “emotionally flooded”:
I started making myself miserable again about things I can’t control. I focused on unpaid bills, pet problems, family members who are ill, a toxic neighbor, a Doberman that chases me when I’m jogging, and my husband who seems comfortable in the middle of an emotional tornado. My husband becomes more energized with stress; I become more drained. Then I blame myself for not feeling better and for bringing everyone around me down, too.
WHO’S YOUR MOOD MANAGER?
So, how do you fix your mental crap list? First, you must determine what crap is swirling ’round and ’round in your mind. Terra’s mental crap is composed of several things:
- I’m making more excuses than fixing my sights on solutions.
- I can’t change or rise above a negative mentality.
- Since I’m a visual person, I create pictures of bad things happening to good people, like me.
- I feel like I’m getting bitter and withdrawn.
- Why can’t I have fun and pretend I’m on an episode of Hee Haw?
- Little things tick me off, like my cat sleeping on my stuff.
- Am I the only one bothered that the garage is full of old junk?
- My husband wants to help me, but I don’t know what to tell him to do.
- I feel like I should be contributing more to the social good.
- Why am I not taking better care of myself?
- I make it harder on myself than it needs to be.
- When I’m in a bad mood, I disconnect from people who love me.
- I’m frustrated that I keep falling into a hole…then I throw myself a pity party.
Now what? What’s stopping you from taking care of yourself? The solution is to show yourself a little caring and tenderness. Don’t blame those I-types who try to sound upbeat, but merely rub salt in the wound. Your I-type life partner is having an I-type panic attack when you’re in emotional pain.
FEELING GOOD AGAIN…THE NO CRAP ATTITUDE
How can you show compassion to yourself? By adopting the strengths of your opposite communicator type, which, in this case, is picking up and using Instigator strengths:
1. NO NONSENSE ATTITUDE. Adopt the attitude that you can climb out of the hole.
2. USE ASSERTIVE SELF-TALK. Example: “I didn’t fall into this hole, and there are straight-forward ways, proven effective, to get out of it.”
3. HAVE A LITTLE FUN WHEN YOU’RE MISERABLE. All you’ve got to lose is a negative attitude. Things don’t keep coming at you — you keep stress coming at you. Breathe!
4. GO OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE. Push yourself out of your comfort zone. Be more social and engage people who value you.
5. BE SARCASTIC. Example: “Anxiety isn’t going to kill me, so let’s get over it and go for a walk on the street or beach!”
6. YOU’RE A CHANGE MAKER. When you feel you have nothing more to lose, you are capable of the miracle of change.
7. STICK TO STRUCTURE. You can feel better by putting energy into you. Get more sleep, eat reasonably, don’t stay up late, stick to structure.
8. WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS…BLAME THE NEXT PERSON YOU SEE. Hey, that’s what happens in real life! Just joking, of course….If you still feel like you’re swimming in an Olympic-size pool of pity, blame it on your life partner, or play the Blame Game with the person in the next cubicle at work.
9. SPEAK UP. Say to your life partner, for example: “Your chipper mood is depressing me. You need to stop feeling so anxious when I get the blues!”
You can change more easily than you might think!
I CAN’T GET THIS NEGATIVE CRAP OUT OF MY HEAD
“I can’t get this negative crap out of my head!” is a common sentiment of Empathizer-type communicators whose light is being drained. Another communication trainee said self-scoldingly:
I’m an Empathizer who’s not black-and-white like my Instigator mate. I don’t feel satisfied with myself. Here’s the pattern: I get fatigued always being on the go and not feeding myself good vibrations. My Instigator (I-type) partner will jump into motion and try to fix my problem, which actually compounds my feeling lonely and misunderstood. This is a cycle that keeps happening to me, one that I want to change ASAP. I need to be a better self-soother and a better self-encourager when I’m singin’ the blues.
Amen to that.
I DON’T THINK YOU’RE CRAPPIN’ OUT
Now, I don’t think you’re crappin’ out. But you and I both know that you and I produce and induce depression. Yes, some is chemical but much is conditioning. You know what to do to feel better. Give yourself the positive attention you need to re-generate. In part, the Talk To Me© system is designed to help you restore energy and reverse energy drains, lickety-split.
EMPATHIZER CLIFFSNOTES ON BEING THE MANAGER OF YOUR OWN MOOD
1. E-types become emotionally flooded more easily than I-types.
2. The blues are part of being a deep person.
3. You don’t fall into a hole…you walk blindly into a hole.
4. You can control your mood far more than you realize.
5. Who do you expect to be your “mood manager” if not you?
6. You aren’t a control freak, because you realize the harder you try to control, the behinder you get.
7. You CAN climb out of the hole you’ve walked into.
8. A bad mood can quickly become a bad habit pattern that you don’t need or want.
9. I-types will try to “fix it” and change your bad mood, which only reinforces it and makes it last longer.
10. At core to the cure is “TO DO ALL THOSE ROUTINE LITTLE THINGS” that you know will keep your mood steady; i.e., routine sleep, routine nutrition, routine positive self-talk, etc.
11. Acknowledge that your I-type co-communicator or partner will have an “I-type panic attack” when you get the blues…but that’s not your issue.
ABOUT TALK DOC, DENNIS E. O’GRADY
Dennis O’Grady, Psy.D., is known as the Talk Doc since the advent of his positive and effective communication system, Talk to Me©. Dennis is a corporate consultant and team trainer, while maintaining a private practice which focuses on improving communication. His Talk to Me© system has been successfully implemented in a “top down” process in companies which understand that to ensure positive results, the best investment in personnel development is in improved communication skills. Dr. O’Grady has customized and personally facilitated extensive Talk to Me© training programs for Dayton Freight Lines (Regional LTL Transportation Services); Morris South (CNC Machine Tool Distribution); Parts Express (Electronics E-Retailer); and Motoman (World Leader in Robotic Solutions). Dennis is president of the Dayton Psychological Association and is a clinical professor at the Wright State University School of Professional Psychology. His talk textbook, Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, received the 2008 Axiom Business Book Award Silver Medal. Not much time to read? Check out www.drogrady.com for hundreds of blogs dedicated to Dennis’s communication approach. You can contact the Talk Doc at 937.428.0724, or email him from the web site.