ARE YOU DRIVING UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF INTOXICATING EMOTIONS? A BAD MOOD DOOMS…
Are you driving while under the influence of intoxicating emotions? Instigator-type (I-types) communicators’ #1 suggestion to improve communication with their more sensitive Empathizer (E-types) pals is, “Don’t take things so personally!” E-types rapidly respond, “But how am I supposed to do that when I am moody and my anxiety is raging like a storm because I can’t read your mind and don’t know where you’re coming from?” When relationship bridges are broken and misunderstanding occurs, how do you avoid acting out emotional delusions that disrupt good talk? By using the Talk2Me© relationship communication system.
STICK TO THE FACTS OF REALITY SO YOU DON’T TAKE THINGS SO PERSONALLY….
Do you drive under the influence of intoxicating emotions? Empathizers are prone to feeling rejected, slighted, not being appreciated, not feeling important, and feeling offended by Instigators who don’t take things personally enough. How can too sensitive E-types put their logic over feelings like too insensitive I-types do? By obeying these stop signs:
1. DON’T LET YOUR ANXIETY DEFINE REALITY. Acknowledge that emotions aren’t facts, and misinterpretations abound when people are anxious.
2. DON’T LET GO OF FACTS. Stick to the focus on facts that pertain to the person with whom you are communicating.
3. DON’T LET GO OF REALITY. Your talk partner is probably overwhelmed with too much on his/her plate. In fact, I-types are grief avoiders while E-types are grief embracers.
4. DON’T FORGET WHAT YOU KNOW. You know Instigators don’t like to talk when they feel vulnerable or hit with grief. In contrast, E-types are grief experts.
5. DON’T PRESSURE. Pushing an Instigator to hear or agree with your viewpoint will make these genuine souls run away from you like a chicken from a fox.
6. DON’T ESCALATE. Being combative, going over the person’s head, pointing out unfinished grief business, or talking to a third party throws salt into an open wound. Talk triangles of any kind are not constructive.
7. DON’T DROP BUILT BOMBS. Empathizers need to learn to flush away their mental crap and be their own best friends by staying true to their strengths. E-types light the way, while I-types lead the way lighted.
8. DON’T BE OVERWHELMED. “It’s not my stuff.…” is the logical way to deal with confusing mixed messages.
9. DON’T PUSH AND PROD. I-types can be very frustrating to E-types, who are too prone to feeling hurt when miscommunication occurs.
10. DON’T FEEL UNIMPORTANT. E-types need to own how important their input, energy, solutions, and change-abilities are.
11. DON’T LET THE UNKNOWN THROW YOU. Anxiety is rarely useful since fear is so often false evidence appearing real. You have no-thing to fear.
E-types criticize I-types for not being able to talk productively about emotions, so avoidance and procrastination are in the driver’s seat of the relationship.
DON’T ALLOW YOUR FEELINGS TO RUN YOUR LIFE SHOW
My dear E-types — don’t allow your feelings to run your life show, and don’t take on the disowned emotions of those I-types you love and who are struggling with grief and other tough-to-deal-with emotions. Opposite communicators can find ways to meet in the middle. Why stay in a pit of despair by yourself? Know what bugs your opposite communicator type! If you’re an Instigator, you can benefit from sensitivity training. In reverse, Empathizers benefit from insensitivity training and learning how to put their logical thinking over intense feelings.
ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the pioneer of the Talk2Me© positive and effective communication system and a communication expert and coach.