Imagine putting an industrial strength zipper over the mouth of the “takes things too personally” Empathizer-type (E-type) communicator. Oh, what the heck! Put two industrial strength zippers over that E-type’s mouth, and then wonder why he doesn’t ever tell you what you don’t want to hear. You know the drill: “If I want to know what you think…I’ll tell you!”
TO TURN OFF BRIGHT IDEAS, INTERRUPT EMPATHIZERS WHILE THEY’RE TALKING
How do you turn off and shut up an E-type, or ice them instead of being (n)ice? How to tightly zip the lips of an E-type communicator, according to a training group of “precision Instigator communicators” who were learning to use the Talk2Me© Toolbox:
• “Get your head out of your arse.”
• Be very demanding: This is how I want things done.
• Set unobtainable goals.
• Do not cooperate.
• Interrupt them when they’re speaking.
• Disrupt their train of thought.
• Cut them off in mid-thought to hurt their feelings.
• “You’re idea is really stupid!” (Use prescriptive pejoratives.)
• BECAUSE I’M THE BOSS (Hurts most.)
• Formal power: “Because I said so.”
• Often pull rank: “Because I’m responsible to see that this gets done!”
• Do not listen at all, but instead multi-task when they’re trying to talk to you.
• “Shut up – this is not a social hour.”
• “We don’t have time to socialize. We’ve got to get back to work.”
Make a commitment to the on-going change in your comfort zone of miscommunication.
HOW TO OPEN UP LINES OF COMMUNICATION SO THAT EMPATHIZERS WILL TALK MORE
People who are E-types are starved for personal communication, but they will move sideways or back away and withdraw into a shell when dinged.
How to open up lines of communication with Empathizers:
• Give credit where credit is due
• Use the “compliment sandwich” approach
• Disallow team or family members a personal platform for complaining
• Step out of your daily grind and take a minute to talk
• Don’t knock on people
• Give-and-take positives
• Make sure your E-type feels appreciated
• Open and regular communication is key
• Secrets are deadly, so share information regularly
• Give others a boost
• When you talk, ask more questions
• Listen without a preconceived agenda
• Fill up their energy tanks
• Make weekly deposits in their Relationship Savings Account
• Make yourself somebody important to talk to
“SHUT UP AND GET GOING!”
Empathizers can be starved for acceptance, recognition, and energy validation. Thus, E-types need lots of love! You must overcome the hurdle of disbelief that sends the message: “You’ve got to shut up and get going and put the past behind you!” So you really DO want to be a better leader at home, work, school or church? Open and regular communication is the key!
ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS O’GRADY, Psy.D.
Dennis delivers Talk2Me© Leadership Communication workshops which provide a Communication Toolbox full of positive communication tools to set people up for success. Dr. O’Grady can be reached at (937) 428-0724 or at www.drogrady.com.