Have you ever wondered how not to give feedback to an Instigator communicator. I have, since feedback is the standard way we drive out of our ruts or comfort zones, which are often our coffins. So, how is it that you shut down your fellow communicator without knowing why or how? Instigator communicators, or I-types, love reason and hate emotions. So, long story short, get all upset and go over the top emotionally, which includes being too sweet and sugary. As thick-skinned as they are, I-types simply don’t trust rampant or extreme emotions.
SHUT DOWN FEEDBACK: GIVE INSTIGATORS NO REASON TO SPARK BACK AT YOU
When dealing with instigators? When you’re feeling too sensitive? What are fast ways to turn off an Instigator or I-type talker – like shutting off a faucet? Don’t push back, but simply withdraw, giving I-types no reason to spark – or bark – back at you. End of discussion!
According to one of my Talk2Me© training groups, here’s how to shut off I-types in short order:
• Ignore them: “Hang on; I’ll let you know.”
• Look at someone who is yelling at you, and walk away.
• Do not give attention to them – don’t listen or be preoccupied.
• Be overly nice. You’re not giving them a reason to spark back at you.
• Being nice is a form of sarcasm and pisses the I-type off even more.
• Attack their procedures. Question their ways of doing things; be able to do things better than they can.
• Show them they’re wrong. OUCH!
• Find fault and inconsistencies, compared to the norm.
• Because they’re not used to being wrong, they shut down.
• Don’t allow them to take the reins and run.
• Make them into followers instead of leaders.
• Linebacker: “You can’t shut us down; you can only hope to contain us!”
• Question their resiliency or the ability to bounce back.
• Criticize their performance as quantity, but not quality. Double OUCH!
• “Cause it wasn’t my idea” makes me feel insecure and inferior.
• Don’t offer any rational explanations: “Do it because I said so!”
I-TYPE TENACITY: YOU CAN’T SHUT US DOWN; YOU CAN ONLY HOPE TO CONTAIN US
Even “insensitive and logical problem solving people (men and women) who take charge and ride the bull through the china shop”…or everyday I-type leaders…have their breaking point. As one I-type trainee put it directly and pointedly: “Reason will prevail on my watch. You can’t shut us down; you can only hope to contain us!”
ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS O’GRADY, Psy.D.
Dennis delivers Talk2Me© Leadership Communication workshops which provide a Communication Toolbox full of positive communication tools to set people up for success. Dr. O’Grady can be reached at (937) 428-0724 or at www.drogrady.com.