This could be the high achieving, Instigator-type communicator (I-type) credo: YES, I WANT IT TODAY….IF I’D WANTED IT TOMORROW, I WOULD HAVE ASKED FOR IT YESTERDAY! Does this performance pressure, which is typical of I-types, annoy your team partners at work or co-partner in Love, Inc.? You’re not alone in Oz, Tin Man.
ARE YOU MARKED FRAGILE OR DANGEROUS?
Are you trucking along the two-way expressway serenely, or are you careening out of control? Is your cargo going to make it to its destination in top condition? Empathizers or E-types have FRAGILE marked on their wooden crates or cardboard boxes. Instigators, or I-types, have HAZMATS or DANGEROUS labels pasted on their metal drums. (Fragile people are not packaged well, so they get hurt….) Can you adapt your driving style to match the needs of your cargo?
YES, I WANT IT TODAY…IF I’D WANTED IT TOMORROW, I WOULD HAVE ASKED FOR IT YESTERDAY!
How would you criticize your favorite Instigator communicator? Here’s how a recent Talk2Me© corporate training group did the job.
E-TYPES give these I-TYPE SLAMS:
1. YOU’RE TOO INSENSITIVE. I-types don’t tiptoe, and they step on others’ feet. They don’t think through what they’re going to say, and they don’t take others’ feelings into account.
2. YOU’RE TOO AGGRESSIVE AND OPINIONATED. They have too many opinions, and we don’t want to hear your opinions all the time.
3. YOU’RE TOO INDEPENDENT. I-types try to do everything on their own, and they don’t ask for help, even when it’s necessary. Instead of getting everybody’s ideas, they believe that, “If you want it done right, you have to do it yourself.”
4. YOU’RE TOO IMPATIENT. I-types want results right away. “Yes, I want it today….If I’d wanted it tomorrow, I’d have asked for it yesterday!”
5. YOU’RE AFRAID OF FAILURE. They think failure’s always bad. I-types don’t view failure as an option, because it’s the worst possible outcome. Example – Single’s Life: “I wasn’t rejected; she just chose a different path.”
6. YOU’RE STUBBORN. I-types encounter their vulnerable empathetic or E-nature and then turn into stubborn mules when things don’t turn out as planned. The I-type has this inability to admit defeat instead of admitting that there are many ways to skin a cat. Instigator viewpoint: “There may be many ways of approaching this problem, but what I decide, we’re going to try first.”
7. YOU DISLIKE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM. They think they’re close to perfect: “I’m right and you’re not!” They won’t easily agree with you, no matter how appropriate and advantageous your input. Instigator viewpoint: “I can take criticism; I just may not listen to it…. OK, I’ll listen, but I’ll still do it my way.”
8. YOU DON’T GET MAD – YOU GET EVEN. I-types believe in the actions of retaliation to reprove and repay. They hold grudges. E-type viewpoint: “Life’s too short so just forgive and forget!” I-types don’t get mad; they just get even. Thus, E-types are sulkers, while I-types hold grudges. Key difference: I-types will shoot you on the spot, while E-types will poison you slowly.
9. YOU LIKE CONFLICT. They don’t avoid conflict when conflict isn’t useful. The I-type view: If you avoid conflict, it could lead to bigger problems. The E-type view: I-types don’t feel guilty enough or worry about a thing, and they stir the pot to cause conflict just so they’ll feel important as problem solvers.
10. YOU DO NOT WORRY. Although a lot of people worry, I-types try to find a solution to fix the problem, but they do not worry about things they cannot control. I-type view: E-types make up things to worry about. Example: “E-types will worry about stuff that may not even happen and they’ll take the worst possible outcome to dwell on.” In short, Empathizers are pessimistic worriers, while Instigators are optimistic worriers.
DO YOU HAVE THE RIGHT STUFF AS A COMMUNICATOR?
Let us not be blind to the secret strengths of Instigators, which are admired by Empathizers everywhere. I-types are self-confident, direct, energetic, risk-takers, visionaries, self-starters, results-driven, timely at addressing issues, and they don’t worry much about what they cannot control. These are positive signs of a roadmap to confident communication and better results.
Called on the Carpet. The origin of this phrase goes back to earlier times when carpeting was expensive and quite rare. Oftentimes companies and businesses had just one office that was carpeted – the boss’s office. When the boss wanted to talk with an employee, usually to give him bad news, he’d call him to the office, which was carpeted. Thus when somebody in authority wants to reprimand someone, that person is being called on the carpet.
WILL THE TALK TO ME© COMMUNICATION ROADMAP WORK FOR YOU?
In the words of one top executive of a major regional company which is based in Dayton, “…If we can’t communicate with each other, therein lies many of our problems. It’s all about the customer. Talk To Me© is a communication system that will give you the tools and strategies to communicate better with your peers, your subordinates, your customers, your families. You learn how to listen and how to talk more effectively. Talk To Me© is great, but you can’t really explain it….It just works! As you put the communication tools and strategies that you learn to good use, you set up the work climate for clear communication, thus setting yourself up for success.”