Are you a precision communicator instead of a sloppy communicator? The downside of being a sloppy communicator: when others don’t communicate well, you can feel poorly, even depressed or frustrated…especially if you’re an Empathizer-type communicator. When you expect others to be cut out of the same Empathizer (or Instigator) communicator cloth as you are, you are prone to feeling depressed and upset, and then you blame the other person for failing to live up to your communication standards or expectations. Not effective! What to do about expecting others to be like you in the “one size shoe fits all” school of communication?
FRUSTRATION – THE ENERGY DRAINING CYCLE
When there is a failure to communicate, your energy is drained. You hold people to standards that you hold yourself to. When you say you will make a phone call, you will call. How Jake said it…
I believe people ought to have high standards of communication. I get super-frustrated when I can’t do anything about the situation. When I feel forced into a passive role, without having any control, I find myself in a frustrating process that brings down my mood.
So, do we have choices and options to counteract the negatives in life with positives?
EXPECTATIONS OF OTHERS’ ABILITY TO COMMUNICATE
What are your communication principles? Instigators believe that words are just that – words and ideas – that may or may not materialize, depending on the situation. Empathizers believe the spoken word is gospel.
Are your E-view communication principles to…
• Say what you mean
• Mean what you say
• Be truthful
• Be timely in your communication
• Avoid putting others on the defensive
• Take turns listening and speaking, for two-sided talks
• Ask open-ended questions without preconceived answers
• Make the effort to start needed communication
• Share the good works of good communication
You don’t want to feel “done unto,” and then done, my dear E-type communicators.
However, compare the I-view of streamlined communication:
• State the bottom line
• Be blunt, direct
• Be persuasive
• Be progress-centered, results-driven
• Better ideas come from heated debates
• Direct and control the conversation
• Ask leading questions to arrive at the conclusion you feel will best work; make them think it’s their idea
• Lead the communication – don’t follow it. Take action first, ask questions second.
• Enjoy the good works of good communication.
DO YOU EXPECT GOOD COMMUNICATION TO COME EASY?
Mood is dictated by good relationship communication. Better communication…better mood. Do you own up to your strengths as an Empathizer-type (E-type) communicator? Empathizers are our relationship experts. If you’re an E-type, YOU are at the top of the communication heap, because you follow these principles. But not everyone is like you are! Us average folk are sloppy communicators. If you are a precision communicator, own up to that fact so you won’t feel frustrated when average communicators let you down.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Dr. Dennis O’Grady delivers TALK2ME© effective communication workshops that provide a Communication Toolbox full of positive communication tools, to executive, managerial, and supervisory groups, to set people up for success. Dennis also provides private, relationship communication coaching. Your questions and inquiries are welcomed. New Insights: 937-428-0724.