How can you bounce back from being hurt? Bouncing back from the stuff life throws at you is harder for Empathizer communicators, who wear their feelings on their sleeves. To beat off the blues, consider two self-talk options, adapted from thicker-skinned Instigator communicators…
I DON’T HURT ME, WHEN I FEEL HURT BY YOU…
Sensible Self-Talk: We all make mistakes. It’s so sad, but life goes on. You have to move on as well. Don’t dwell on the pain for too long, because you have other responsibilities and obligations to deal with. Don’t wallow and dwell and over-think and whatnot. Try to come to a solution. Don’t keep chasing this hurt around like a dog chasing his tail. Neither will end successfully!
I DON’T HAVE A CONFLICT WITH YOU WHEN YOU’RE BEING CONFRONTATIONAL WITH ME …
Sensible Self-Talk: O.K. I feel sad when you act mad at me. I can’t find a solution to your having a bad day. BUT I won’t dwell on it…and I will move on. How’s it helping ME to keep on being frustrated by someone who’s choosing to be mad at me, just as leverage to get what they want? How’s it helping me to keep on being sad and spinning my tires? Is sitting around, crying, going to change the situation? This isn’t productive, nor is it helping me. I’ll put the cry behind me and move on; that’s my way of doing things.
I’LL PUT THE CRY BEHIND ME AND MOVE ON!
You’re not whining. You’re not complaining. You’re not selfish. You’re not throwing yourself a pity party. HOWEVER, putting logic over emotions will work out better for sensitive souls who can be easily intimidated, manipulated, and blackmailed emotionally by confrontational I-types, who are bulls in the china closet of life.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a clinical psychologist and communication expert from Dayton, Ohio. You can reach him at 937-428-0724.