What To do When You’re Fed Up With Being Down
It’s NOT so hard to change hardening of the attitudes.
When you’re fed up with feeling down, there are ways that you can talk to yourself that will build back up your confidence. But nothing kills progress or open communication faster than close-minded attitudes that box a person into a comfortable or so-called secure “known zone” that is both stifling and claustrophobic.
Got attitude? Here’s the reality: all of life is a series of choices regarding how you will respond to yourself and others when you’re feeling afraid due to a loss of control. The paradox: The harder you try to control people or a situation…the less effective and satisfied you will be…and the less positive feedback you will receive from your world. Hard attitudes keep you stuck in that paradox.
Why do humans excel in talking negatively to themselves?
– Practice since childhood creates the perfect “I/You’re not good enough!” environment for avoiding emotions
– Good people feel bad about feeling mad
– Feelings can rule the home or work roost
– Extreme emotions can supplant rational talks
– Fear specializes in making people feel shy and embarrassed
– Hard feelings: “Better to be safe than sorry!”
– Hard thinking: “I won’t be blind-sided by hurt if I keep my guard up!”
TAKE THE TALK TRASH TO THE CURB
BE(A)WARE: If you catch yourself blaming or badgering yourself or someone else…you CAN BOOST your attitude. Hard attitudes will run your life if you permit them to…and drive you up a wall and down again over and over and over.
DRIVE YOURSELF SANE WITH THESE COMMUNICATION TOOLS
Hey, you can take the trash talk to the curb. Try out these communication tools that are guaranteed to drive you sane:
1. Reserve the right to drive yourself crazy.
Communication Rules: Treat yourself to the kindnesses you expect others to show you. Allowing anyone to constantly upset you DISTRACTS you from focusing on the personal changes or energy choices YOU need to make.
Talk Sense to Yourself: Miracles of change can and do happen. Replace “They’re driving me crazy!” with “Hey, I’m allowing them to drive me crazy!” or “I reserve the right to drive myself crazy, thanks very much!”
2. Make up your own mind about yourself.
Communication Rules: Do you choose to be driven crazy today by people who don’t want to change? No one can drive you up a wall or keep you there without your ascent. Rappel yourself back down a miscommunication wall knowing only you can change yourself. Are you minding your mind? Disallow others from putting downer words into your mouth and frowner thoughts into your mind.
Example: When mud is slung say to yourself: “I’m NOT going to let you drive me up a wall!” Talk up: “Fixating on fault doesn’t fix anything!” Talk back: “Blame doesn’t produce anything useful!” Talk straight: “I can only change myself!” Focus yourself: “Fear will not have the final say in my life today!”
3. “Change the subject.”
Communication Rules: Why make things worse when your mood sucks pears by talking to yourself about how bad things are and will be? Aren’t things rough and tough enough without playing the same scratchy worry record?
Talk Sense to Yourself: Whenever your inner chatter riles you, forcefully say: “Change the subject! Whenever you groan in agitation like Eeeyore the donkey, assertively say: “Change the subject!” Whenever you grump about why somebody else won’t change, doggedly say: “Change the subject!” In these ways you will prove to yourself that you DO have the power to change the mood channel by saying: “Change the subject!”
4. IF at first you don’t succeed…try, try something DIFFERENT.
Communication Rules: “TALKING IT” douses the fire of your potentials, as in: “IT doesn’t work…IT really ticked me off…IT is depressing….IT won’t work for me…IT isn’t fair…IT just happens over and over to me!” “IT” talk unplugs your power source to change AND feel satisfied or happy with where you are.
Talk Sense to Yourself: Feed your mind fun truths like: “Communication is not a monologue but a dialogue!” “Hey, no one has ever died of a positive attitude!” “I’ll keep my nose to the grin(d)stone!” “Thanks but I’ll stick to ticking myself off if you please!” “Thanks BUT I don’t need your help in depressing me!” “Change is GOOD and my middle name is change!” “Sure, life’s hard BUT then you fly!”
5. Be the change you wish to see in others.
Communication Rules: Exasperated with perfectionist procrastinators, dull drivers or people slapping you in the face with their bad mood? Oh my now, don’t you know others can’t frustrate you without your complicity BECAUSE you frustrate yourself more than anyone else ever can or will…which is as it should be? Bingo.
Talk Sense to Yourself: How to get a grip on grousing and griping about why others won’t change their habitual patterns to make your life smoother sailing? When impatient say: “The only person I can change is myself!” Or, “Here’s another golden opportunity to realize I don’t run the universe!” Or, “The more I control, the less satisfied I feel and the less effective I am in all my relationships…including with myself.”
6. Manage your self-esteem or stress events will.
Communication Rules: Waiting to rake in the big haul while you stall doing the small? Go figure: Make your “to do” list into a “DO(NE) list. Refuse to be beguiled or seduced by “ALL OR NONE” extremist thinking that keeps your achievable dreams grounded. Success results from small positive actions taking flight in spite of fears that seek to stall you out in mid-air.
Talk Sense to Yourself: Tease yourself: “Anything worth doing is worth doing imperfectly.” Or ease yourself: “Little changes net huge rewards.” Or spiritualize: “Life is loving to learn…and learning to love.” Pump up your attitude using any upbeat idea!
Sure, although it’s easier to be glum and numb than positive…why not have some fun talking up to yourself when you’re talking trash? You can’t fix people…but you can fix problems.
Talk sense to yourself whenever you feel knocked senseless by a street talking fighter…namely, YOURSELF.
You don’t need to get a grip. You need to let loose of self-chatter that slaps you down until you drown in self-pity.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a Clinical Professor at the Wright State University School of Professional Psychology and a relationship coach and communications psychologist from Dayton, Ohio. Dennis is the author of Talk to Me: Communication moves to get along with anyone at www.drogrady.com