IS IT TEAMWORK OR MEWORK?
This makes sense to anyone who works in a place where the company mission statement says “teamwork” but the reality is the same old “me, me, me” and backbiting that most of us are familiar with.
Who’s paddling your canoe? Are you part of teamwork or mework? Imagine you and your team are straining to paddle down a rain-filled river. Here’s what NOT to do for a change:
1. Just paddle. Just paddling won’t work because you might be paddling in the wrong direction.
2. Just paddle the way you’ve always paddled. If you and your team are paddling in different directions, you will go round and round in circles and feel exasperated.
3. Just be positive and all paddle together and you’ll get there. True, you will get “somewhere” but the “where” you get to may not be the “there” you need to go.
4. Just paddle harder when times are tough. When what you’re doing to resolve a problem isn’t working and your solution is to paddle harder and harder and HARDER, then what you’re doing isn’t working…and you risk exhausting yourself. Doing more of what isn’t working still won’t work.
5. Just talk bombastically. Talking optimistically with great enthusiasm about why results are just around the next bend is knuckleheaded flamboyancy and unreal extremism. Heady inspiration that lacks perspiration is perfectionism mixed with procrastination. Cheap talk spurns measuring “good enough” results.
6. Just sink into debating the “right” and “wrong” ways to paddle. Heated debating is the typical diversion to avoid the change game of doing something different. In other words, talking high and mightily about the fine art and brainy theory of paddling isn’t the same as doing effective paddling.
7. Just badmouth your partner for being a “difficult paddler.” When you blame a fellow communicator for your mutual problems, then your partner will put down his/her paddle, lay it across the canoe and begin to argue and debate back with you…and nothing new will happen. And hey! Watch out for that tree limb that will knock you out of the canoe!
8. Just interrupt by talking over a listener or louder and louder. Are you defensively proclaiming “It’s not my fault?!” WHO may or may not be at fault diverts attention away from WHAT needs to happen differently NOW. You may be a legend in your own mind of canoeing, but talk is cheap, and talking big when you feel small creates problems instead of solving them.
9. Just talk about past losses or glories that don’t help deal with the challenges of today. Getting past the past is easier than you think when you solve the problems of today and break the chain of past painful patterns. Resenting what is lacking now (fear of loss) won’t help anyone get anywhere fast today.
10. Just shout out your orders to control your emotions. Your emotions won’t kill you, will they? The solution to painful emotions is NOT to force your way and override the will of others to feel a false sense of security. NOT listening, constant interrupting, stern or moralistic lecturing, blaming and shaming, guilt bombing, threatening or intimidating others simply won’t work. Have you noticed this to be true?
You can only change yourself. Trying to “fix” a team member will “break” your spirits and, and frankly, there’ll always been something else about that person to fix. Arguing that, “You are the problem and IF you change our mutual problems will be solved!” is a can of nuts.
“YOU should change because I say so to make everyone happy!” will make a lazy team of paddlers and simply won’t work.
That’s why even old, stubborn dogs can learn more than a few new tricks when the masterful YOU is patient!
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a speaker and communications psychologist from Dayton, Ohio, and the author of TALK TO ME: Communication moves to get along with anyone and Taking the Fear out of Changing at www.drogrady.com