As a parent of three daughters and a communication psychologist, early-on I outlawed the use of the word “stupid” in my home. I know it’s “stupid”…BUT I loathe the word “stupid” although I hear it daily in my office and at home! Yikes!
RUN FORREST, RUN
“What was I thinking?!” “That’s the point…I wasn’t thinking!” is a lament I hear daily in my psychotherapy practice. If I had ten bucks every time I’ve heard that “What-I-did-am-stupid-and-guilty” put down, why…WHY I would be as rich in my bank account as I am in my personality. Psychologically, repetitively speaking the word “stupid” encourages and reinforces “stupid” AKA UNCARING actions.
WHY FORREST GUMP WAS SUPER-SMART AND SUPER-CARING
Forrest Gump cut to the chase because he DARED TO CARE. I’m a 30-plus year veteran of the “stupid talk wars.” Here were some of the ways people express a lack of caring about caring framed in the word “stupid.”
- Idiot
- Dumbbell
- IT for brains
- Stupid people make me really angry
- Empty-headed
- Stupid systems are dumb
- Numbskull
- Do you use your head for more than a hat rack?
- Dim-witted
- Dumb as a rock
- Dumb nuts
- Dumb as dirt
- Dumb as a doorbell
- Plumb…dumb…stupid
- You can’t fix stupid
- Hey, fathead!
My, now aren’t we feeling fine after filling our minds with a bunch of garbage? My definition of dumb is “uncaring.” And yes, people are plenty uncaring…especially towards themselves because they lack high self-esteem (HSE). HSE is being able to show caring toward self and others when you are feeling tossed about, split apart, strained, pushed, stressed or hurting.
Forrest Gump was right that “Stupid is as stupid does!” I might add that “Caring is as caring does!” Forrest was VERY CARING…even risking his life and helping others’ dreams come true long after they left this world. In my couch talk, that means y/our Emotional I.Q., or what you do DO…matters as much, or more than, your intellectual I.Q. or what you are capable of doing.
We can be plenty brainy but still lack caring. In my communicator theory, Forrest Gump would be an ETE, or an Empathizer-type extrovert. Very rare type! I call ETE’s…SEERRS. Empathizer extroverts see and know what it would take to make the world a far better place IF you and I would only….
You aren’t stupid. You can think ahead to the consequences of what you are feeling like doing today. After all, “Caring is as caring does!” may not always be smart but it is brave!
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is an executive coach, management consultant and professional relationship counselor who is the author of Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone.