I recently had the distinct honor and privilege to be the “celebration keynote speaker” on “effective and positive communication” to the Morris Group “All Branch” Meeting at a retreat held in South Carolina at The Inn at Palmetto Bluff. Why was this event so remarkable? The Morris Group had its best year ever, and the focus and purpose of my talk was “Celebrating Your Couple Life.” CEO Lee Morris practices and preaches that strong couple bonds are as important (or more important) as strong company profits. The leaders and their spouses are just like you and me… hard-working…caring…juggling 50 balls in the air at once…wanting to love what they do and be in love with their spouses to boot.
THE TALK TO ME PROGRAM
The “Talk to Me” program builds a bridge between work (leader) communication and home (spousal) communication. Effective and productive communication eliminates backseat drivers and detours, to help us all drive down the two-way communication highway in a better mood. In fact, how were we ever able to talk to one another without knowing who we were talking to by type—Empathizer or Instigator drivers?
DO YOU DRIVE A BLUE OR RED TALK CAR?
After taking a short version of the New Insights Communication Inventory (NICI), each participant got either a “blue circle” or a “burnt orange” circle to put on their name tags to represent their communicator type. Blue is the color of the Empathizer-type communicator car and burnt orange is the color of the Instigator-type communicator car. In my studies, a majority of leaders drive the burnt orange cars since they are Instigator communicators, while most of their spouses drive the blue communicator cars since they are Empathizer communicators. Just goes to show that “one size communciator shoe” does not fit all, as my “shoe exercise” parlayed. Besides the roasted oysters, the biggest newsflash involved the communication tips and tools that each couple came up with at the end of my talk to put to use at home.
WHAT WILL YOU PUT TO POSITIVE USE FROM TODAY’S TRAINING AND WORKSHOP MESSAGE?
So here are the answers that workshop participants (leaders/spouses) came up with in response to: “What will you put to positive use from today’s training and workshop message?” This wisdom is in no particular order…feel free to join in:
I am going to tell my wife how much I appreciate her and what I love about her every day
Better understand my communicator type and how to relate better to a different type
Not to take things so seriously…use touch more
Implement the four minutes per day for communication practices
I will be a good and receptive listener. I will understand where my spouse is coming from and support him. Can’t be too much of a communicator in family life
Set the tone and setting for communication…communicate why and how I feel
To listen in a different way…to see their side…slow down and don’t overreact. Enjoyed your talk.
I will read the book (Talk to Me)
Don’t take I-types (Instigator-type communicators) so seriously…don’t expect my type of communication only
Better awareness of what is important to my spouse when communicating with her
Try and be more understanding of his type of communicating…bring the elephant out of the room
Set time aside each evening to sit and discuss the day’s events
Attempt to understand my wife’s communication style…and see and challenge myself to listen to her actively…and not pass by on my fast track
To give loving comments and touch…although we’re both the same types…be a good listener
Communicate more effectively—understand that nobody is perfect…listen to my partner’s point of view…won’t hold grudges
Understand the two communicator types and how to talk to the other…set the communication table…say the positives more often
Set the table each day to open up discussion…learn my wife’s communicator type…understand my communicator type
Set the communication table and state what makes me fee so good about talking
I will not take my “hero” so seriously…I will also try to walk in my spouse’s shoes more often
Think like my partner…listen with three ears…share my thoughts and feelings
Tell others how I feel about them more often…ask them how they are doing
Communicate more and listen
Better understanding of the types and dynamics of communicators…we are two different types my wife and I
That Instigator couples have to trade plans and take turns…the flip a coin plan
Tell what I love about my spouse each morning
Try to talk using emotions and feelings…be more sensitive to how others might be affected by my words/actions…work toward understanding the communicator type of those with whom I communicate/live/work
Try not to take my husband so seriously when he has a lot on his plate and stressed…help him recharge his battery…help understand his communicator type better
Understanding why I’m the way I am and how to understand my partner’s communicator type…slow down the inner voices…breathe…listen
I will make sure that I slow down and listen instead of blowing through the conversation
Setting the communication table properly is the key to a healthy relationship between my wife and I…we both work hard understand our different styles and try to acknowledge each others wishes
I have got to learn how to be a better listener…because when we talk I am ready for the fight
I will try to clarify what my wife is saying to me with the phrase, “So let me tell you what I think you’re saying…”
When my spouse is feeling down, vulnerable, etc. I will use his style of communication with him since he is the opposite of me
LISTEN! Talk in my spouse’s language
Give more space to my spouse when he comes home
I will understand my husband’s actions when times are tough and when times are good
Identify with my wife’s personality type to improve communication
Allow myself to be questionned
I will try harder to give my husband my FULL ATTENTION AND COMPLETELY LISTEN to how he feels each day
Learn and understand how to effectively communicate with my spouse
Be sure to find out how her day was and remind her how much I love her
Learn about the opposite type’s communication style and adopt these techniques when talking to them…I look foreward to reading more in your book
It’s a useful way of understanding how others think, feel and reason
Understanding my spouses communicator type…understanding my type
CAN WE TALK?
Oh, my, what fun we had as a group. Talking to “both sides of the aisle” is an exhilarating honor. I love talking to real people who make positive things happen. And as you know, it can be tough to talk as spouses during the tough times…and spouses busy with parenting can “skip over” the positive times to focus on other urgencies. The leaders and their spouses laughed, hooted, cried, hugged, held hands and smooched—a good time of communication was had by all. Thank you, Morris family!
KEEP COMMUNICATION TIGHT TO STAY CONNECTED AND CLOSE AS A COUPLE
Well, that’s it from our real-world “live communicating love” couples in the world of work, raising kids and celebrating the one life God has given you to live. Are you celebrating your life today? Way-to-go! Now remember to use your own gold advice all you gals and guys…Keep It (Communication) Tight! Keep the battery charged you I-types…and you lovable E-types…keep your inner light shining bright for without you it’s a very dark world, indeed.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady, who still gets butterflies in his stomach when he gets up in front of a crowd of strangers, nevertheless comes away from events like this even further committed to spreading the word about positive communication and communicator types, as outlined in his new book “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone.” He’s founder of New Insights Communication in Dayton, Ohio.