If you’re going to pursue “positive and effective approaches to communication” by using my TALK2ME system, you must first give positive feedback to yourself and those you enjoy. THEN proceed to give accurate negative feedback that turns up the flame of change. To do this: Begin listening to the “skull talk” or “inner talk” that you use toward yourself…what you think about yourself is REALLY your own business…and no one else’s. Often, you are “blind” to how others positively view you.
LET YOUR POSITIVE THOUGHTS FLOW
Here’s why you are wise to let your positive thoughts flow in your self-talk and significant other(s)’ talk:
- When you want to say something positive and make sure it won’t be taken wrong
- When you want to share an appreciation
- When you are telling the truth, not manipulating or “kissing up”
- When you want to safely share positive impressions
- When you are keeping your energy and spirits high by trying on positive talk tools for size
- When you don’t want to be taken wrong by the opposite gender
- When you want to “check out” the impact of your words or “test the waters”
IF YOU DON’T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY…YOU ARE A NUMBSKULL
“I’m not going to say anything that will stir up a hornet’s nest” … “I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable, much less mad” … and “I hate conflict” are the reasons most often given for keeping positive thoughts to themselves. People are afraid to bring up a need, wish or desire that will benefit everyone. “If you don’t have anything nice to say…don’t say anything at all!” has gone WAY overboard. It’s simply not healthy to “stuff your positive feelings and keep them locked inside your heart.”
WHY SHOULD YOU GO EASY ON THE COMPLIMENTS?
When is it appropriate to give compliments that might put someone on the spot and under the spotlight? Remember, many times you aren’t giving a compliment, but sharing a good feeling both of you are experiencing. BIG difference. When someone arouses a good feeling in you…good for you both. How to better a bad mood? By allowing yourself to feel positive feelings that others inspire in you. Wanna’ beat the blues? Than beat your co-communicator to “singing the sunshine.” It sure beats singing the blues!
USING THE ‘TALK TO ME’ APPROACH TO CREATE FAST CHANGES THAT LAST…
LEARNING TO LOVE—LOVING TO BE A FAST LEARNER USING NEW TALK TOOLS
Let go. Let your love flow. Let what you like out. Let your kindnesses grace this unkind planet. Do kiss…but don’t kiss up. Say what you mean and mean what you say without being mean. Then you’ll be on the road to being one of the best communicators you know! And that’s what matters most, when the tires of your self-esteem are low or have been popped.
ABOUT PROFESSIONAL KEYNOTE SPEAKER AND COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DR. DENNIS O’GRADY
Dr. Dennis O’Grady likes to think of himself as the AAA tow-truck driver, the guy who arrives on the scene just in time to help everyone on the Communications Highway make the necessary repairs – sometimes small, sometimes huge – that get everyone going again. He’s author of “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone.”