How compatible are you with your romantic partner? As a communications psychologist, I recommend being an honest, open, empathetic and genuine communicator. Case in point: Do you think of love differently than your partner? Answer these 12 questions with your Valentine’s Day sweetheart to discover what type of love each of you prefer. For each question, the correct answer is true or false.
IMPROVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS ROMANCE QUIZ
1. Intimacy means being appreciated as a separate person with unique interests.
2. The most successful couples set comprehensive yearly goals.
3. Dependency is unhealthy.
4. Accumulated resentment is the major threat to the survival of every loving relationship.
5. Passion results from building new changes and growth into tired relationships.
6. The best way to receive affection is to ask your partner to meet your needs.
7. Sexual intercourse is less important than talking and physical nurturing in strengthening bonds of love.
8. Most people are happy in their current relationships.
9. Anger can be a constructive emotion in love.
10. Pleasing your partner should be a priority.
11. Men think differently about communication and sexual issues than women do.
12. Power plays are a normal way to resolve differences.
ANSWERS & DISCUSSION
Make time to discuss these answers and talk about the additional questions and responses with your partner. Remember, love means being able to create a relationship through the vehicle of talking that is satisfying to you both.
1. True. Intimacy occurs when two strong identities interact cooperatively in one relationship. How do you encourage each other’s individuality?
2. True. The most common mistake couples make is to forget that relationships grow and change successfully when they’re aimed at a common goal. What goals would you like to accomplish this year as a couple? Goal-setting should occur in these areas: spiritual, financial, sexual, careers, and child rearing. You could set goals of obtaining a new home, improving your sex lives, starting an exercise program, or finding a church, for some examples.
3. False. There is such a thing as a healthy co-independency. It means trusting your partner to meet your needs and is one hallmark of confident relationships. Do you allow each other the freedom to make different choices to better meet interdependency needs?
4. True. Accumulated resentment is the emotion most responsible for destroying love and intimacy. Have you taken time this week to productively air gripes and let them go?
5. True. The most negative message for couples who want to foster a passionate relationship is, “Don’t talk about it.” Are any of your dissatisfactions or conflicts due to resisting positive changes?
6. False. Ironically, asking directly for needs to be met can come across to a partner as a coercive power play. A better way to get your needs met is to focus first on meeting the other partner’s needs. When both partners do this, there is cooperation, and each is satisfied. Do you know what your needs are, and are you able to have them satisfied without speeches, whining, or withdrawing?
7. True. Physical nurturing, plain talk, non-sexual touching and hugging or holding are some of the best avenues to express unconditional love. “Instead of take it out on your partner; talk about it!” is a good rule to live and love by.
8. False. Research indicates that more than half of us are dissatisfied about the quality of our current relationship and don’t know what to do about it. What can each of you do to make your relationship more satisfying?
9. True. Healthy anger can motivate needed changes. Unhealthy anger – characterized by such behavior as name-calling, stonewalling, and withdrawing – is unproductive and hurtful. When you tell your partner you are angry about a lack of time in your relationship and ask what can be done, you are engaging in healthy, focused anger aimed at solving a problem. Do you use anger constructively to promote changes?
10. True. Pleasing yourself and your partner about equally is an act of “healthy selfishness,” because he or she will want to please you back. Do you freely take as much as you give?
11. True. Men tend to think sex will solve problems, and women tend to think communication will. But there is a need for both in a healthy relationship, and each partner should be free to initiate both sex and communication. Men who initiate communication and women who initiate sex are more balanced in their roles. Do you talk concretely about ways to add individual pleasure to your relationship without laying on guilt trips?
12. False. Repetitive arguments that don’t result in concrete changes are bad habits that will break the back of your loving relationship. Are you free to do something different, when what you’re doing isn’t working?
LOVE TALK
How they say I love you in: France: Je t’aime. Germany: Ich liebe dich. Greece: Se agapo. Italy: Ti amo. Japan: Watshi wa anata gasuki desu. Spain: Yo te amo.
EMPATHIZER VS. INSTIGATOR COMMUNICATORS
In short, by using my “Talk to Me” system you will learn that Empathizer communicators value talking about emotions to build bridges over chasms that separate lovers, while Instigator communicators value doing something to take their mind off from the painful reality that the relationship bridge has been blown to pieces. Not knowing who you are talking to by type is the cause of many avoidable talk collisions.
LOSING OUT ON LOVE DOESN’T MAKE YOU A LOSER
You deserve to be who you are – happy and respected as a partner. Don’t settle for less. Remember, both you and your partner are responsible for keeping romance, communication, and passion alive in your loving relationship, not just on Valentine’s Day, but every day.
ABOUT RELATIONSHIP EXPERT, CORPORATE TRAINER AND KEYNOTE SPEAKER DR. DENNIS O’GRADY, PSY.D.
Your number one customer is your talk partner, whether driving on the love or work communication highway. In fact, did you know that human resource surveys in successful companies list “better communication with managers and employees” as a key to teamwork? Well, you can go from a good to great communicator while driving on the two-way communication highway. Moreover, that’s why Dr. Dennis O’Grady became a communications psychologist, leadership communication keynote speaker and corporate trainer. Dr. Dennis O’Grady’s “Talk to Me” communication system provides the framework needed to help couples, families, managers and employees communicate more openly, effectively and productively. As a result, strategic decisions that result from “wisdom talking” are produced that benefit all members in the family or company. Just you try this new talk approach and see!