IF YOU CAN’T TALK ABOUT FEELINGS…YOU CAN’T TALK
Do you find it nearly impossible to listen as people discuss every aspect of their feelings? Join the gang! As a teenager, the Mission Impossible T.V. show was a favorite of mine. The part when the secret instructions played on the audio tape, which then burst into flames, made my teen day. Heck, as a teen I’m not sure I listened carefully enough to catch all the instructions! So, in my seminars now, I give clues where to find a 50 dollar bill in the meeting room. “You can put all the clues together if you really listen. Of course, ‘If you accept this mission of listening, I won’t disavow all knowledge that we ever spoke….'” Effective listening doesn’t have to feel like a mission impossible.
YOUR POSITIVE TALK ATTITUDE
How you hear a transaction can change how you respond. For example, What is that supposed to mean? can sound like curiosity or criticism. How you say what you say really matters. Is your listen-before-you-talk attitude a positive one? How to know:
You —
- Use an upbeat voice tone which conveys friendliness
- Transmit energy that you are curious instead of judgmental
- Nod your head to indicate that the speaker’s message is registering with you
- Clear your mind so you can really listen
- Give more than a minute to listen completely
- Pat yourself on the back for even trying
STARING AT YOUR WATCH OR TAPPING YOUR FINGERS ON THE TABLE?
Moreover, you don’t send out non-verbal clues — like staring at your watch or looking around the room — that suggest you’re impatient or peeved, nor do you sigh deeply or loudly tap your fingers on the table. You can’t hide your listening attitude of interest and curiosity vs. boredom and close-mindedness, so choose to be an attentive listener and stop blaming others for not talking openly to you.
TALK IS A TWO-WAY STREET
Do you talk by listening? Then what is, “Why don’t you talk to me?” supposed to mean? Does that imply that if I talk, you will listen open-mindedly? Well, in the Talk to Me© system, talk IS a two-way street. Not listening is summed up in this gem: “It’s my way or the highway. If you don’t like it, then you’ll just have to lump it and find your own way home.” Let’s be fair. Here are five key ways which enable communicators to be effective when talking to others and to the inner self:
1. First, ask good questions which don’t box a person in.
2. Second, actually listen to the answers without preconceptions.
3. Third, listen with the ultimate goal to understand the speaker.
4. Fourth, don’t interrupt by talking over or talking down to anyone.
5. Fifth, go back to first base and ask more directive questions.
WALK THAT TALK WAY
When you walk the talk of living life on a two-way communication street in your interpersonal world, get ready to go from the horse-and-buggy age to the jet plane era. As an innovative directive communicator, you won’t wait to get behind the steering wheel of your communicator car so you can follow the roadmap of good communication, you will take the initiative and start the engine, following the signs along the highway to ensure a smooth communication journey.
ABOUT EXECUTIVE COACH DENNIS O’GRADY, PSY.D.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady wrote the book on good communication, called Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone, available at drogrady.com or at Amazon. Dennis is a communications psychologist who leads Listen Up! workshops, which teach teams to listen better and become better communicators. These innovative workshops help doctors communicate better with patients, managers to communicate better with their employees, team members to build the spirit of Team Listen! and couples to find solutions to problems, opening up communication lanes on the two-way communicator highway. Dennis never tires of talking about the fine art of Talking to Listen, using his new talk technology. Dr. O’Grady is the original developer of the powerful new person-driven and leadership communication system called Talk to Me©. The self-study form of his system is found in his latest book. Get your roadmap to communication success today by consulting with Dennis O’Grady.