Men Are From Venus, Women Are From Mars

MEN EVER SENSITIVE AND WOMEN EVER LESS SENSITIVE?

Who doesn’t love Gray’s “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus?” Bam! Rightfully so, since in 1992, Dr. John Gray, an internationally recognized expert in the fields of communication and relationships, told us that men need to retreat to their caves now and then to get their bearish bearings. But in my book, traits associated with men (a thick skin) are traits of the Instigator-type communicator. Likewise, traits often associated with women (sensitivity) are traits of the Empathizer-type communicator. Thus, taking my research outcomes into consideration, about half of all men are sensitive Empathizer (E-types) communicators, and half of all women are less sensitive Instigator (I-types) communicators. As the planets of love spin, things continue to get more and more interesting!

DISTINGUISHING MALE AND FEMALE EMPATHIZERS from MALE AND FEMALE INSTIGATORS

In my book, I describe how differences are not as much a gender or personality thing as they are a communication-type thing. Who’s talking? A man or woman who is an Empathizer-type (E-type) or an Instigator-type (I-type) communicator? Well, either or both is the correct answer. Try these shoes on for size and fit to get the hang of the differences:

E-types (men and women) like compliments and verbal praise
I-types (men and women) think giving words of appreciation is corny

E-types (men and women) sting from corrective feedback
I-types (men and women) dispute corrective feedback

E-types (men and women) tend to feel guilty about being too sensitive and staying upset for too long
I-types (men and women) feel guilty for hurting people with their “out of mouth” experiences

E-types (men and women) complain to connect and to strengthen relationship bonds
I-types (men and women) get mad at complaints that waste time or don’t inspire action

E-types (men and women) feel bad for feeling bad
I-types (men and women) feel bad for talking mad

E-types (men and women) want to calm things down by backing away from conflict
I-types (men and women) wish to stir things up by moving forward with confrontation

E-types (men and women) look at why change is possible
I-types (men and women) look at why change is blocked

E-types (men and women) use “I feel….” talk language to get their bearings
I-types (men and women) use “I believe….” talk language to get their bearings

E-types (men and women) like and need more verbal praise than objective rewards
I-types (men and women) like and need more tangible (monetary) rewards than praise

E-types (men and women) think I-types are heartless
I-types (men and women) think E-types are clueless

E-types (men and women) prefer “What would you suggest we try to improve…?” brainstorming
I-types (men and women) prefer “Why isn’t what we’re doing working around here?” brainstorming

Both E- and I-types of either gender can go to extremes when stress is high and energy reserves are running on low.

I-types then feel helpless and ineffective as problem solvers, while E-types think they’re not worth much and not very good contributors to the cause…both of which perceptions are false.

DROWNING IN A SHALLOW POOL OF TALK

Bad communication makes you feel like you’re drowning. When you begin to feel like you’re drowning, and you use the new talk tools from the Talk to Me© system, you’ll be able to stand up and realize you are only in knee-high water. When you get past the fear and negativity, you will find that your opposite communication type is EASY to talk with. Instead of complaining or screaming at one another, or hiding away in a cave, just keep traveling down the two-way Talk Highway. You’ll find that the journey to meet your goal can be very rewarding and fun

ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dennis E. O’Grady, Psy.D., provides relationship communications coaching and corporate training as the developer of the results-driven Talk to Me© positive and effective communication system. Dr. O’Grady’s communication textbook, Talk To Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, betters communication across all levels. Consult with Dr. O’Grady by calling (937) 428-0724.