EMOTIONS AREN’T THE ENEMY
Emotions rule? Emotions rule. That is to say, the outcome of many communication events is determined by how unruly emotions are allowed to rule. Did you know? Emotions are multiplied by a factor of five with E-types or Empathizer-type communicators. Ever heard yourself say to a sensitive soul, “Why can’t you just get over it and get past the past?!” Sound familiar? It’s an emotional hurdle E-types have difficulty jumping over in the Talk World of the Empathizer-type communicator. That’s why I say, “E’s put the motion in emotion, which can cause all sorts of commotion.”
EMOTIONS ARE MULTIPLIED BY FIVE WITH E-TYPES
“No sweat or strain, just keep focused on the brass ring!” would describe how Instigator (I-type) communicators handle their emotions. I-types mistrust emotions, because feelings can overrule logic, resulting in chaos, or so the I-type thinks. Instigators habitually downsize emotions. What Instigators feel about Empathizers’ emotions at work:
Personally, I don’t look back much except to feel fortunate. It does no good whatsoever to dwell on the past because you have no control over it. But you can’t sell that to emotional types. When Empathizers don’t feel well, no one around them is going to feel well. Emotions are multiplied by 5. Sorrow and joy are multiplied by 5. Amplifying the emotions and emotional flare-ups seem to be every day occurrences with E-types. I control a lot of my emotions.
Positive Instigators use a rational approach to emotional problem-solving. Negative Instigators get all emotional, too. Gunk (grief) in your communicator car engine buggers up the works.
I-TYPES HAVE LONG FUSES BUT RARELY IGNITE THEM
True, Instigators take rightful pride in controlling their emotions. I-types stay pretty even-tempered and calm and are levelheaded and even-keeled, unless you light their fuses. I-types have long fuses but rarely ignite them.
WHEN E-TYPES’ EMOTIONS ARE MULTIPLIED BY FIVE, YOU CAN EXPECT CONSEQUENCES:
1. Empathizers struggle to let go of resentments. When trust is broken, E-types have an elephant memory for mouse-sized hurts.
2. When E-types are flooded by emotions, they can’t change the radio station or turn down the volume in their heads.
3. E-types view I-types as coldly logical, cool, supreme commanders of rationality, in charge and in control when all the people around them are losing their heads.
4. Positive Instigators perceive negative E-types as being emotionally volatile, like walking through a minefield, ready to fly off the handle at any second.
5. When they are anxious, E-types repeat their basic message again and again, a bad habit which makes I-types duck out or stop talking altogether.
6. I-types don’t intentionally set E-types off, but it frequently happens. Then I-types think, “Do I have time to get into this right now? Not! I’m tired, and I have 12 other things on my mind, so it’s easier not to get into this now, because it’s a minefield of emotions….”
Are you talking and no one seems to be listening, my dear E-types? You don’t want to talk TO people — you want to talk WITH people. I recommend that emotional types adopt the good habits of their Instigator counterparts.
YOU DON’T TALK TO PEOPLE…YOU TALK WITH PEOPLE
You can work with your emotions instead of against them. Feelings are often unreal, and they depart as unexpectedly as they appeared. I-types trust and love logic. The Talk to Me© system holds the keys to ignite good communication and to remove the talk barriers of both E- and I-types.
How do I-types turn down the volume of their emotions?
I-types using PosiTalking tools…
…use a positive attitude: “I CAN control feelings and turn down the volume of runaway emotions.”
…believe: “Why dwell on the negative? It won’t do any good, so let’s move on!”
…don’t have time to ruminate about issues: “As far as I’m concerned, this is over.”
…set firm boundaries: “I’ve drawn the line, and you can’t cross it any more.”
…use deflection: “I’m not going to dwell on past memories or future worries which are not taking place right now.”
…string together rationality: “Is there anything you can do about this? Why worry about it, if you can’t control or change it? Forget about it because there’s nothing you can do about it.”
TO STAY WELL, DON’T DWELL
I respect rationality. The I-type comfort zone is in controlling emotions. To summarize, Instigators control their emotions to gain an edge, in order to accomplish more. “I stay well, because I don’t dwell!” is the I-type battle call. In contrast, emotional lows can restrict E-type output by as much as 50%.
DEFLATING FEELINGS HELPS YOU THINK MORE CLEARLY
Getting a handle on your feelings in advance, helps you to think more clearly, my esteemed E-types. “It helps you sleep at night,” said one of my I-type executives during a communications coaching session. Of course, on the flip side, I-types are often viewed as being cold, calculating, and aloof. Perhaps that’s the cost to E-types, of being so emotionally upset that you can’t be as effective and fact-driven as your counterpart….
ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the Talk Doc in town, a corporate consultant, team trainer, and the insightful original developer and researcher of the Talk to Me© positive and effective communication system. T2Me has been successfully implemented in a “top down” fashion in companies which know that communication is the best investment in the development of people skills, to guarantee positive results. Dennis is the president of the Dayton Psychological Association and is a clinical professor at the Wright State University of Professional Psychology. His “Talk Textbook” received The 2008 Axiom Business Book Award silver medal. Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone, is available at Amazon. Not much time to read? Quick reads on Dennis’s communication approach are available at no charge at www.drogrady.com.