DON’T ICE…BE NICE
What feedback barriers ice good communication? In the talk world of Empathizers, or E-types, what red lights turn off the delivery of useful feedback? Or, more specifically, what puts off or stops two-way communication lines from being open for these sensitive souls? What are the barriers or roadblocks that shut down the process of correcting a problem that can grow from a molehill into a mountain?
STOP: FEEDBACK BARRIERS TO EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION, EMPATHIZER-STYLE
Following are barriers to effective communication, often cited by real-life E-types in Talk2Me seminars I’ve conducted:
1. SHOW ME WHERE. If you say to an E-type, “Show me that what you’re saying is true,” then it is implied to an E-type that you think they are exaggerating or downright lying.
2. UNWILLING TO LISTEN. Staying with one viewpoint – no matter what – by being hardheaded and not listening to input, or by stonewalling and icing up, will definitely reinforce the wall between the I- and E-type communicators, slowing down or completely stalling talks.
3. SARCASM. Firing sarcastic comments, such as, “You don’t expect me to believe that, do you?”
4. ARGUES LOUDER. Talking louder…and arguing louder…and getting more confrontational…and raising the voice pitch…turns off Empathizers, pronto.
5. FINGER-POINTING. “Because the customer’s always right, that’s your problem!” points one finger at the E-type, while pointing four fingers back at you.
6. CHANGES THE FOCUS. It’s a turn-off to E-types when an I-type changes the subject focus of the conversation to something personal, deflecting reflective problem solving.
DO YOU RUN A YELLOW LIGHT?
Set your people up for success. Instead of rushing through a yellow or amber light, yield to your opposite communicator type for a change of scenery. I know…I know. Slowing down is hard to do when you feel time-compressed and goal-stressed. No matter, you can still tap on those brakes and take a deep breath, because you are a flexible and responsive communicator. You will get the best results if you talk in the language style of Empathizers when you are talking to E-types.
ABOUT TALK DOC, DENNIS E. O’GRADY
Dennis O’Grady, Psy.D., is known as the Talk Doc since the advent of his positive and effective communication system, Talk to Me©. His talk textbook, Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, received the 2008 Axiom Business Book Award Silver Medal. Dennis can be reached at (937) 428-0724.