FIRST NAME FEEDBACK IN 10 SECONDS OR LESS
Some road conditions or talk barriers really turn off Instigator-type (I-type) communicators. If you want the I-type to talk with you instead of lecture you, steer clear of emotions, which are a big roadblock or barrier to good communication, in the I-type viewpoint. Unless you want your communicator car to slide off Talk Highway into a ditch, it’s best to drive around revved-up emotional roadblocks.
STOP: FEEBACK BARRIERS, INSTIGATOR-STYLE
Following are barriers to effective communication, often cited by real-life I-types in Talk2Me seminars I’ve conducted:
1. EMOTIONS. Sad emotions or tears really throw off I-types who feel uncomfortable watching anyone fall into an Abyss of Grief.
2. TALK TOO MUCH. Repeating a great point you’ve already made is like stuffing cotton into the ears of I-types. I-types want a discussion to be to-the-point, using as few words as possible. The more words they hear, the more anxious they become and the more they view their E-type talk partner as an airhead.
3. BEAT AROUND THE BUSH. E-types beat around the bush to give themselves time to radar-in on the good, bad, or ugly mood of I-type communicators, which makes I-types easily miffed and distractible…they want to get down to it!
4. ADD ONS. Adding on incidental issues, when involved in a specific problem-solving discussion, causes I-types to experience mental confusion and agitation.
5. FACTLESS. Feelings that talk louder than facts constitute irrationality in the I-type brain. Instigators prefer to logically dig down to strike gold and solve problems.
6. INACCURATE. I-types prefer black-and-white numbers and concise opinions. “Always” and “Never” are better than “Sometimes” and “Maybe.”
TALK ABOUT IT: AVOID…SARCASTIC REMARKS…ASSERTIVE
When you face a problem, created by running into a communication roadblock, and you need to yield, you have three choices from which to choose. First, you can AVOID talking about the challenge you now face. Second, you can react with off-the-cuff SARCASTIC REMARKS. Third, you can speak out in ASSERTIVE ways. The most effective response is one that solves problems and values people simultaneously.
Giving and receiving constructive feedback, based on Empathizer vs. Instigator communication styles, is as easy as remembering how each type accepts and receives discriminating judgments and evaluations.
ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the new Talk Doc in town, a corporate consultant, team trainer, and the insightful, original developer and researcher of the Talk to Me© positive and effective communication system. T2Me has been successfully implemented in multi-generational family companies and couples communication training.