Will You Win My Inspirational Coffee-Cup Communication Contest?

You’re Born To Win

I am getting ready to run a coffee-cup motto contest that includes the best sayings you can muster about change mastery. Would you like to win a cash prize?

The wittiest quotable quotes will be emblazoned upon coffee mugs to pump up y/our mind(s) with daring ideas that will take flight on the wings of positive action…and a little caffeine. This way, you and I can “Have a New Day…Happy or Not!” every day of this challenging year of change that is ahead of us.

Here are a few pithy sayings about change to get your engine started and raring to go:

  1. Change…For a Change
  2. Change: Give IT a Chance
  3. The Only Person You Can Change Is Yourself
  4. The Grass Is Always Greener On The Side of the Fence You Take Care Of
  5. Change Happens!
  6. If Something Is Worth Doing, It’s Worth Doing Imperfectly
  7. Put OFF Procrastinating
  8. I Reserve the Right to Drive Myself Crazy
  9. Give Change a Chance
  10. Give Up ‘Giving Up’
  11. A Mind Is a Terrible Thing to Misplace
  12. T.G.I.T.: Thank God It’s Today
  13. Go the Extra (S)mile
  14. Keep Your Nose to the Grinstone
  15. Why Can’t People Be More Like Dogs?
  16. Communication is Everything
  17. Change…the damn record
  18. CHANGE IT

Now it’s your turn. Come up with a pithy statement that opens the mind and heart of everyone to change.

And send me your ideas to change@drogrady.com. The contest is coming to a computer screen near you soon!

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a communications psychologist from Dayton, Ohio, and the author of TALK TO ME: Communication moves to get along with anyone at www.drogrady.com

If It Ain’t Workin’…Do Something Different

DO YOU GET GREAT RESULTS BY FOCUSING ON WHAT NEEDS TO CHANGE INSTEAD OF WHO NEEDS TO CHANGE?

Many of my clients who need help with communications skills get great results by focusing on WHAT needs to change instead of WHO needs to change.

The old saw goes like this: “Don’t push against the river of change…flow with stress events.” Or, “If IT ain’t workin’…do something different!”

I use a CANOE metaphor to help you keep your mind(s) focused on ACTIONS and RESULTS instead of talk…making lame excuses…more talk…pointing a finger of blame…even more talk…getting all defensive…repeating talks…feeling critical or criticized …talk-talk…launching counter-attacks…talk-talk-talk…disrupting by interrupting…talk-talk-talk-talk…agreeing to something and then procrastinate perfectly…talk…talk…talk…I’m pooped!

There is no single way to paddle a canoe that works for everyone. The point is to paddle the canoe as a team…in the agreed upon direction…without running out of energy or killing one another to get to the destination where treasure awaits you.

Are you doing teamwork or mework? Read my blog on “New Insights About Teamwork” that teaches you my canoe metaphor to find out.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady studies leadership styles and teaches teamwork tools in his coaching and consulting practice that focuses on change management and communication skills.

To Sigmund Freud: Happy 150th Birthday

Everyone has a hero. One of mine is Sigmund Freud, who instigated illuminating changes during the dark times of the Nazi regime. Happy 150th Birthday, Sigmund. You’ve helped more people and cultures than you ever personally met. Man, you’ve got brains and guts!

OH, WHAT CHANGES FREUD INSTIGATED

Many concepts you and I take for granted and use every day were developed by Freud and his followers, such as:

1. Counseling and psychotherapy
2. The driving force of the “unconscious”
3. Interpreting your dreams when you get up in the morning
4. The idea that children have feelings and are important people, too
5. Multiple voices (id, ego, superego) are alive and well in your head
6. Defense mechanisms, such as, “I’m afraid of hurting your feelings!”
7. The mortido drive…or why we do such stupid things now and then

    Freud was a very gifted and prolific writer and thinker. Technologically akin to the development of airplane travel, Freud helped us all safely fly to unknown regions of the unconscious and subconscious inner minds.INVENTORS: GREAT COMMUNICATORS WHO INVENT NEW IDEAS TO HELP THE WORLD ACCOMPLISH GREAT FEATS OF CHANGE

    Was Freud and extrovert or an introvert? I’m sure…Freud was an Instigator-type communicator who was an introvert. In my communication system, both Freud and Jung were Instigator-type introverts or ITI’s. Nickname: INVENTORS. They are among good company. Bill Gates, Ben Franklin and The Wright Brother’s are just a few famous ITI’s.

    ARE YOU MORE-INGOING AND INTROVERTED…OR MORE-OUTGOING AND EXTROVERTED?

    Your communicator type is an Empathizer-type communicator or an Instigator-type communicator. Your personality type is either an introvert or extrovert…you know best. Did you know that Freud’s close ally and buddy Carl Jung developed the ideas of more-ingoing (introverted) or more-outgoing (extroverted) to try and better understand his “ambivalent” and very productive relationship with Freud? There was a huge clash of these genius titans and ultimately a very painful falling out. In fact, the Myers-Briggs personality testing movement, the most popular measurement of understanding your personality today, grew out of this undertaking.

    GREAT MEN AND WOMEN HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR AND CAN BE TEASED

    The basic writings of Sigmund Freud are a treasure-trove filling shelves upon shelves. I know many jokes are told about Sigmund Freud…just goes to show he’s still got us thinking and reeling after 150 years. I won’t soon forget the cartoon I saw that described “a Freudian slip” (slip of the tongue) with an image of my hero Sigmund Freud prancing around in a lady’s slip…

    BRAIN ENVY

    …Oh, my now. That’s SO hostile. Just goes to show some have “brain envy” of that remarkable Jewish man and scholar.

    Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a keynote speaker on positive and effective communication, Transactional Analyst and communications psychologist who is a mentee and admirer of the life-changing work of Sigmund Freud. O’Grady’s third book is “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone.” He is a husband and father of three daughters, and resides in the hometown of flight, Dayton, Ohio.

NASCAR Road Rage: Why “Road” Rage Is “Human” Anger

Positive vs. Negative Anger

As an anger educator and communications psychologist, I can tell you that “road rage” is a slick and tricky mental magic act and a racey misnomer. It’s more accurate to call it “human rage,” since it’s unhealthy anger directed at human beings not roads made of concrete or asphalt.

Nate Ryan, in a tire-screaming USA TODAY cover story, says: “In the early years of the sport, some drivers would resolve personal issues with a fistfight after the race. Now, some say, drivers vent their anger on the track instead.” Gosh, this statement implies that we can’t handle anger in healthier ways – ways that don’t involve hitting, yelling or kicking the dog. Are we being too melodramatic again about anger-driven behaviors?

Psychological Profile of a “Road Rager:”
What is the psychological profile of The Aggressive Driver?

  • Massive personal insecurity…winning is everything
  • Feeling like a failure…can’t tolerate getting behind in the race of life
  • Prideful ego: “Are you going to let them get away with that?”
  • Self-defeating belief that venting anger is always good
  • Difficulty relaxing
  • Doesn’t enjoy the ride enough…focuses on final outcome/destination
  • Fear of emotions: Prefers putting mind over emotional matters
  • Fault-shifting: Plays the “It’s not my fault!” blame and shame show
  • Drags along old suitcases filled with rusty resentments
  • “Reactive anger” is triggered by disppointment or loss
  • Prone to fear disapproval: “You’re not good enough unless you’re perfect!”
  • When hot under the collar, thinks the golden rule is for chumps
  • Fails to remember: “Trying to hard to get even will distract you and quickly put you behind!”

Perhaps we live in an anger-confused society, one that anxiously discusses bad anger choices while at the same time issuing “fluffy feel good excuses” for inappropriate and dangerous driving behavior with psychomumble.

What Can You Do?
You can be a safe driver when others refuse to, that’s what. In addition, you can use these six tips for driving peacefully:

  1. Don’t let “idiot drivers” get your goat
  2. Talk sense to yourself when you’re mad, i.e. “This isn’t a good use of my time or energy!”
  3. Have a goal to make your car a meditaiton/relaxation/education chamber
  4. Start thinking in terms of “positive vs. negative anger choices”
  5. Read mini-lessons about how healthy or positive anger can be used to promote emotional self-control
  6. Remember anger is an emotion, NOT an action or stupid reaction

In addition, you can download my podcast on “No Hard Feelings” for free.

Self-Talk Communication Tools Can Eliminate Foul Anger
If a driver wants to, I can help an “angry driver” cure so-called “road rage” in a couple of meetings by using self-talk tools to calm him/herself down when nothing seems fun. It’s no big deal!

Actually, anger isn’t a bad behavior unless you choose it to be so. Anger is an emotion, positive or negative or both, that can be healthy or unhealthy, depending on how you choose to use it. Stuffing anger leads to physical problems and “anger implosions,” while venting anger inappropriately leads to “anger explosions.” Anger attacks ain’t pretty no matter where they occur…and some of the worst one’s occur privately in many American homes.

Disallow yourself from being led around like a goat on a rope by anyone’s anger. That way, you will keep the unhealthy anger of a competitor from harming you.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a Dayton, Ohio, communications psychologist who has successfully cured “road rage” clients in two hours of communications training by using new coping tools that include talking positively to yourself. Dennis is the author of TALK TO ME.

“It’s my way or hit the highway!” is a stamp of a depressive relationship

Are You In An Expressive or Depressive Relationship?

You are either in an “expressive” or a “depressive” relationship because of your preferred communication style. An expressive relationship encourages an open mind and flowing emotions. Thus, open talking solves problems and promotes the fresh air of change.

In contrast, a depressive relationship encourages closed minds, closed mouths, closed ears, and blocked emotions. Thus, defensive talking peppers the relationship and perpetuates problems and promotes the stale air of unfair fights that go nowhere.

“It’s my way or hit the highway!” is the stamp of a depressive relationship…while “It’s our way on the two-way communicator highway!” is the calling card of an expressive relationship.

WHY CAN’T WE TALK? Empathizer vs. Instigator Communicators

  1. If you are an Empathizer-type (E-type) communicator, you will try harder and harder and harder to “make things right” when talks go astray. You will shy away from giving negative feedback because you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.
  2. In contrast, if you are an Instigator-type communicator you will be quite comfortable giving negative feedback and less comfortable hearing and using negative feedback that heralds change.

A Perfect Divorce Storm

Divorce isn’t mysterious. People who divorce use defensive talk tactics that stall out problem solving and togetherness. When emotions aren’t addressed and problems aren’t resolved…resentment builds until a breaking point is reached. A perfect divorce storm awaits you if you continue to talk defensively and ineffectively.

CHANGE HAPPENS! Including in relationships, personalities, habit patterns, tastes and compulsions…ALL LIFE LONG. After all, tigers can change their stripes, dogs can learn new tricks and “brainy” human beings can change at any stage in life. Who ya’ callin’ a dog, anyway? So why not spruce up your communication skills…attacking the problem and not the person?

Always remember this: Expressing yourself doesn’t mean defensive talking that puts off change and puts down people.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a Clinical Professor at the Wright State University School of Professional Psychology and the author of Talk to Me: Communication moves to get along with anyone