Even “Old” Dogs Can Learn New Tricks

You’re How Many Years YOUNG?
Do you limit yourself unfairly because of age or other nonsense? Do you incorrectly think that just because you’ve been doing something for a very long time that you cannot change or improve? Say it just ain’t so!

Our contributor below is a petite, 50-something female, who has the courage to change and demonstrate why even “old” dogs can learn new tricks.

Finally, I made it!

I was recently training for my fourth-degree black belt test, and as I looked back over the years of training, I wondered if I was really ready. Of 13 total years of training, I’ve spent 9 years as a black-belt instructor and 7 years teaching Asian weaponry. I’ve won tournaments and endured various injuries over the years. The problem is that years have passed and I’m starting to feel the effects of age slowing my movements and reducing my speed and endurance. After all, I’m 50 years old now.

Then I realized that I was letting a cloud of negativity surround my thoughts, hopes and ambitions. So what did I do? I read my favorite meditation by Dr. O’Grady. I have Dr. O’Grady’s “Meditation for Success” on my desk to help me through difficult times at work, and I realized that I needed to apply these principles to my meditation and preparation for the test as well.

To be successful for this test meant being a real person and working through the difficulties, using everything that I had. I had to be brave and step out in the face of danger and uncertainty. I had to work through my nervousness and jitters. I had trained enough, I was skilled, and I was brave enough to do this. I had to be honest with myself and take into consideration my age and injuries, and then I had to make a decision concerning just how much I was willing to risk to complete this test. I’m 50, I’m human…BUT I’m the best I can be at 50 years old.

Anyway, I passed the test, and my grandmaster instructor commented on how rare it is for someone my age, and someone who had started out so late in life to study martial arts, to be so skilled and dedicated. I had to THINK success, LIVE success and BREATHE success for this to have happened…and it did!

So what do YOU think? Are you letting “a cloud of negativity surround YOUR thoughts, hopes and ambitions” because of age-limited thinking? Do you dare to be self-approving? Do you positively believe that “I’m 50…I’m human…BUT I’m the best I can be at 50 years old!”

It’s up to you. You can pump up your heart-mind with encouragers…or you can choose to listen to old negative tapes that stop your efforts before you really start rolling.

Make Up Your Own Mind About Yourself

A Mind Is A Precious Thing To Misplace
Who might be filling your “dear little ear with hate and fear?” Are you thinking your own thoughts and coming to your own conclusions based upon your life learning experiences, or are you regurgitating rhetorical prejudices fed to you? If you’re not busy minding your own mind…someone else will…and it may not always be good for you.

Communication Rules: Do you choose to be driven crazy today by people who don’t want to change? No one can drive you up a wall or keep you there without your ascent! Rappel yourself back down a miscommunication wall knowing only you can change yourself. Make up your own mind about yourself. Disallow others from putting downer words into your mouth and frowner thoughts into your mind.

Talk Sense to Yourself: When mud is slung say to yourself: “I’m NOT going to let you drive me up a wall!”

Talk Up: “Fixating on fault doesn’t fix anything!”
Talk Back: “Blame doesn’t produce anything useful!”
Talk Straight: “I can only change myself!”

Dare to be self-approving!
Care as much (or more) about what you think about you and your life choices as what you fear others may think of you. Are you minding your own mind? If not, you will be under the influence of “I’m not good enough!” After all, YOU are the expert and final judge when it comes to knowing who you are and what you stand for. Aren’t you?

Reserve The Right To Drive Yourself Crazy

Are you allowing someone to drive you up a wall and down again? There’s no need to stay constantly or chronically upset by a nemesis who has long ago forgotten about you.

Communication Rules: Treat yourself to the kindnesses you expect others to show you. Allowing anyone to constantly upset you DISTRACTS you from focusing on the personal changes, goal attainments or energy choices YOU need to make.

Talk Sense to Yourself: Miracles of change can can do happen, don’t they? Replace “They’re driving me crazy!” with “Hey, I’m allowing them to drive me crazy!” or “I reserve the right to drive myself crazy, thanks very much!” Disallow anyone from playing all of those mind games with you.

If you’re not in control of your mind…what you focus on and what you choose to let go of…then who is?

When You’re Fed Up With Feeling Down

It’s NOT so hard to change hardening of the attitudes.
When you’re fed up with feeling down, there are ways that you can talk to yourself that will build back up your confidence. But nothing kills progress or open communication faster than close-minded attitudes that box a person into a comfortable or so-called secure “known zone” that is both stifling and claustrophobic.

Hard attitudes are everywhere, such as: “There’s nothing I can do about IT!”…”THEY’RE driving me crazy!”…”I can’t change because I’m too SHY!”

Got attitude? Here’s the reality: all of life is a series of choices regarding how you will respond to yourself and others when you’re feeling afraid due to a loss of control.

The paradox: The harder you try to control people or a situation…the less effective and satisfied you will be…and the less positive feedback you will receive from your world. Hard attitudes keep you stuck in that paradox.

The War On Your Happiness Waged By Poisonous People

Poisonous people wage war on your happiness to gain the upper hand of control.

Poisonous people hate emotions…and wage war on your happiness to gain the upper hand of control. If you bite into their poison apple, you will fall asleep into depression or frustration, or both.

Who’s messing with your peace of mind today? Why is it that you try to help someone who repeatedly stings you with their poison, and at the expense of your own happiness and personal desires? The answer just might be that you fear doing what you “love to do” to feel energized and happy because doing so might mean you are SO “selfish.”

Do you feel confident that: “There’s no better person to be than ME!?!”

Or have you given a negative person a license to drive around helter-skelter in your mind and bring you down? What’s UP to you: Allow no one to make your head spin around…to mess with your serenity, contentment OR peace of mind for long. And don’t feel sorry for someone who saps your energy and zaps your self-esteem while simultaneously pleading for your help and understanding.

The timeless fable I share below is excerpted from my book, Taking the Fear Out of Changing, and will explain to you why, “Sympathy may not always be the best policy!”

The Fable Of The Scorpion And The White Horse

ONCE UPON A TIME there was a tremendous life-threatening fire in the forest. All the animals were frightened and panicked.
The animals frantically ran toward the big river that bordered the forest to reach safety. Most of the animals were able to cross the wide river with the help of a rush of potent adrenaline.
All reached safety except for the Scorpion, who because of his small size was unable to cross alone. Without help, the Scorpion would die in the fire. He knew what he must do.
A marvelous White Horse came galloping up right then. The other animals in the forest greatly admired the White Horse for his good deeds, strength and kind spirit. The Scorpion was no different from the other creatures in this regard.
The Scorpion called out in a tiny voice: “Oh, help me, White Horse, help me get across the river.” At once the White Horse answered: “I can’t do that. I can’t help you. You are a Scorpion; you will bite me if I give you a ride on my back acoss the river.”
“Why don’t you TRUST me?” replied the Scorpion. “Biting you would jeopardize my life and would be a foolish thing to do. Wouldn’t you agree?”
On a sorrowful note the Scorpion pleaded: “Only you can help me White Horse. Please don’t leave me behind to be burned alive in this terrible fire.”
Reluctantly, the White Horse agreed. Going against his better judgment he said: “Okay, hop on. But you better be careful. Remember, both of us will drown if you pull anything funny.”
The Scorpion thanked the White Horse, and with a dark red glimmer in his eyes, hopped on quickly. The White Horse, swollen with pride and muscles rippling, swam mightily out into the river.
About half way across, the White Horse suddenly felt a horrendous sting. Poison filled his veins.
The White Horse screamed: “You fool! What have you done now? You’ll kill the both of us. We’re doomed to drown. How could you do such a stupid thing? Why on God’s earth did you do this?”
And the Scorpion calmly replied: “Because my dear White Horse, I’m a Scorpion!”

Read the fable carefully and you will find that the Scorpion never promised he wouldn’t bite the beautiful White Horse. The popular saying that “IT is what it is!” (I2WI2) means a Scorpion stings.

The moral of the story? Fair play relationship rules all change when you’re around a poisonous person. A poisonous person “sells” you on helping them, figuring: “It’s up to the buyer to beware, be-aware and be wary!” Or put differently, “It’s not my fault that I am what I am!”

“Why don’t you trust me?” is a good gut-check perhaps that the person you’re currently dealing with is NOT to be trusted. Pleasers struggle and strain with the fact that no amount of extra giving can–or should–make someone else change or be diffferent…to be a better person.

Ending the search for approval and the neurotic avoidance of saying “no” or appearing too “selfish” or “disagreeable” isn’t easy for pleasant people who are natural born people pleasers. BUT your happiness and high energy are worth the investment to avoid wars you cannot win.

Disallow yourself from being stung with the poison of unhappiness that won’t help anyone.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a change management and communications consultant from Dayton, Ohio, and the author of “Taking the Fear Out of Changing” at www.drogrady.com