All posts by : Dr. Dennis O'Grady

Primal Leadership: Realizing the Power of Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman’s 2002 book, gives a solid description of what will happen when you adopt Empathizer-type leadership talk tools that relate to emotional intelligence. In fact, Empathizer leaders will feel validated while Instigator leaders will feel liberated, and all of us will benefit by spreading a good mood infectiously around.

WHAT’S IT TO YOU?

Instigator-type communicators are frequently dinged on 360-feedback leadership surveys for being TOO….

•    Direct and driven, aggressive, and controlling
•    Dictatorial, intimidating, lacking a collaborative attitude
•    Insensitive to the needs of others
•    Too blasé about investing in relationship connections, not taking time to build bridges of rapport
•    Unaware of what causes team members to feel distressed or resistant
•    Much a strategic thinker, one without a heart and prone to over-leading
•    Forceful to make others perform, which can reduce cooperation and motivation
•    Impatient to listen to feedback that disagrees with your viewpoint
•    Deficient in empathy and willingness to show concern for people
•    Short and abrupt in e-mails or conversations

Many of these attributes don’t tend to bother thicker-skinned Instigators, but they turn off Empathizer-type communicators (50% of our population), like clicking off a light switch.

How you win: As an Instigator, adopt more Empathizer characteristics and, like a computer chip was inserted into your brain, your emotional intelligence will be activated. You will experience the results first hand…and the positive outcomes will amaze you.

AN I-TYPE LEADER TALKING

The following is from an Instigator leader who came for TALK2ME© coaching after receiving shockingly low grades on his 360-evaluations…

Dr. O’Grady:

I successfully completed TALK2ME© communication training within the time frame of 8-10 sessions, which we’d we discussed prior to beginning.

I am happy to say I’ve successfully hit the goals and objectives of the best ways to communicate with my team. I now understand the key differences of Empathizer vs. Instigator communicators. Using the new E-type talk tools I learned from you, I am now able to inspire people to: achieve higher levels of motivation, taking a win-win team approach; listen effectively to positive and negative input, lifting company morale significantly; clarify and confirm communication, creating a two-way street of communication; get everybody on the bus to work together, getting tasks completed more quickly; communicate objectives weekly, and now each week there is a positive result, such as successfully moving a business! Thanks again for giving me new talk tools to use at work and at home.

Overall, good communication leads to proven profitability!

WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL ABOUT EMOTIONAL IQ?

Instigator leaders trust logic over emotion. Empathizer leaders trust emotions, but not when they’re too intense. As both types seek to become balanced communicators, they need to blend Logical IQ and Emotional IQ to connect both sides of the brain.

Here are some points, well honed in Primal Leadership, that have to do with Managing Mood In The Workplace, a seminar in the communication series I co-lead…

➢    Great leadership works through the emotions.

➢    If leaders fail at driving emotions in the right direction, nothing they attempt to do will work as well as it could or should.

➢    Sensitive leaders who are tuned-in intentionally create optimism and unity.

➢    Less sensitive, tone-deaf leaders unintentionally create pessimism and division.

➢    A leader’s mood – and how she or he impacts the moods of others – plays a significant role in any organization or family.

➢    Understanding and managing emotions sets the best leaders apart from the rest. They net tangible results; retain talent; manage higher morale, motivation, and commitment; and they implement swift and sure actions that get results.

➢    The leader acts as the group’s emotional guide and broadcasting system.

➢    Clearing away the smog of toxic emotions from the company culture climate and building bridges of trust on the two-way communication highway are key to lasting success.

➢    The leader has amplified power to sway everyone’s emotions in a very positive or a very negative way.

➢    Anxiety and rancor throws a team off stride, while enthusiasm and caring set a team in full stride toward the goal.

➢    The often overlooked and underused Primal Dimension: Followers look to a leader for a supportive emotional connection – for empathy – like giving oxygen to an exhausted patient during difficult times.

➢    When emotions are driven positively, there is resonance, which makes people shine.

➢    When emotions are driven negatively, there is dissonance, which makes people depressed, markedly lowering output from individual workers.

➢    When a team experiences a leader as being out of touch, and individual members feel frustrated by riding their mood roller coaster, team output can be expected to be restricted by at least 40%.

➢    Recent studies of the brain reveal the neurological mechanisms of primal leadership.

➢    Due to the open-loop limbic system, emotions are spread and received through social interactions – you DO make people feel good or bad by what you say or do…and the reverse is true, too.

➢    The open loop of emotional contagion is so much a part of our daily lives, that we don’t even notice it, much like we tend to be unaware of the noses on our faces, unless we happen to look into mirror.

➢    Positive emotions open up communication channels and creative problem solving, while negative emotions close down communication avenues and creative problem solving.

➢    Positive emotions lead to good moods and better communication, while negative emotions lead to bad moods and poor communication.

➢    Powerful emotions are spread non-verbally to others and inwardly to oneself. That’s why everyone watches the boss.

➢    Thus, an Emotional Soup simmers in teams, with each player adding his own flavor, but it is the leader who adds the strongest seasoning.

➢    The Emotional Leader has the credibility, trust, and respect of followers, thereby setting the tone and tempo of the work symphony.

➢    How easily we catch hold of a leader’s emotional states and moods, good or bad, has to do with how expressively his face and voice conveys his feelings.

➢    The more open leaders are – how well they express their own enthusiasm, for example – the more readily others will feel the same contagious passion and compassion.

➢    Leaders for whom you want to work, and the kind of leader you strive to be, is one who exudes upbeat feelings and who makes others feel good by being around during tough times.

WHY DRIVE UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF A BAD MOOD?

Now, you and I know that no one is always in a good mood…unless s/he happens to be the Perfect One. But the Expert Communicator leader manager has learned to manage his or her moods in the workplace and at home in ways that profit everyone.

Thus, driving under the influence of a bad mood, being irritable and flying off the handle, shooting from the hip, cynicism and sarcasm, gossiping and belittling, being dictatorial or domineering, or cold and MOODY – in short, chopping people off at the knees and expecting the team to swim across an Olympic-size pool of pity – simply won’t work.
Why make your best and brightest stars quit a moody boss and choose to leave town?

OK…TALK DOC…HOW DO I RAISE MY EMOTIONAL IQ?

It’s not too tough, you know. Just utilize these key stair steps in the TALK2ME© communication system…

1. Understand that Instigator-type (I-type) communicators as leaders are typically perceived through a sensitized emotional lens.

2. Understand that the main criticism of Empathizer-type (E-type) communicators is a wish for the I-type leader to “take time to talk,” “be more empathetic,” and “exhibit more receptivity to others’ needs, requirements, ideas, and timetables.”

3. Understand that I-type leaders, who adopt the strengths of E-type communicators, will build a two-way highway of top-flight communication.

4. Understand that when teams are trained in the TALK2ME© communication system, worker harmony and high output will be produced, vs. hard feelings between workers and lack of motivation. This requires E-type     communicators to understand and adopt the I-type strength set, too.

5. When you understand what makes Empathizer communicators tick, or become anxious and ticked off, your leadership feedback scores will dramatically raise – as if by magic.

WHAT TO DO?

Most people would give their eye teeth to BE YOU! I know I would. I hope your arm isn’t too short to pat yourself on the back. Now that you know you don’t need to change, there’s a little tweaking from which you will benefit.

Know this: This knowledge has been the missing key to accelerate good communication driving skills which predictably leads to proven profitability in your life.

In summary, dear Reader, I respect your courage and willingness to learn and grow for the good of us all.

ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS O’GRADY, PsyD

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a Communication Expert and Developer of the TALK2ME Communication Roadmap. Dr. O’Grady provides individual and relationship coaching and counseling.  Talk with Dennis at 937-428-0724.

THE INVENTOR LEADER

There are four leadership subtypes in the TALK2ME© positive and effective communication system.  Of the four – Inventor, Seer, Intuiter, Leader – do you know which you are?

In my leadership development studies, I found that the INVENTOR leader was the most powerful producer of positive results. Everything we see – from the light bulb, to computers, to psychotherapy – is the large-minded innovation of an Inventor leader.  Thomas Edison, Bill Gates, and Sigmund Freud are all Inventor leaders, but from far different fields.

WHAT ARE THE INNER STRENGTHS OF THE INVENTOR LEADER?

Inventor leaders want to cut to the chase. They are true visionaries with the ability to magnify results and take action when others are chewing their fingernails or sitting on their hands. Inventors have the uncanny ability to find the diamonds in a rock-strewn canyon. Key characteristics which Inventor leaders share:

INVENTOR LEADERS:

▪ ARE VISIONARY. You envision the next great leap which is necessary to create a higher level of success. You see when the world needs an improved light bulb or laptop, and you aren’t afraid to make it happen. You utilize the key help of the super-motivated souls with whom you surround yourself.

▪ ARE MASTER CREATORS. What you see in your innovative mind is quickly formed, expeditiously created from the vision in your mind’s eye. Your mind is like a powerful broadcasting station that sends out requests which are quickly answered by the universe. You’re accustomed to your mental powers, but others are awed when you envision a future reality that, by today’s standards, might seem like science fiction.

▪ ARE CHARASMATIC. You can’t help being a “people charmer,” though you might claim that you are not. People tune in to your station, listening carefully to your viewpoints, internalizing them and often repeating them as their own.  People like to love you. This is a little hard for you to fully comprehend because you measure yourself harshly. If you are in an oppositional relationship, you shrug it off, hardly missing a beat.

▪ ARE MAJOR MOOD MAKERS OR MOOD BREAKERS. Because your mood is infectious, you are a major mood-maker. You can make people feel good or bad, although you contend that every person is responsible for his or her own feelings. You can bring people up by using carefully crafted words, or, with nothing more than a skeptical glance, you can squash the self-esteem of another like a bug underfoot. Yes, you do have that kind of interpersonal power.

▪ CREATE SIGNIFICANT RESULTS. You rarely create outcomes or events that are average or mediocre. You either do “A” or “F” work, but never “C” work in the field of your passions and with your family. What you create is either extremely positive or extremely negative, and your results are typically big-time. The Creation Equation: When you are in a good mood or are confident, your results are positive. But, when you are in a bad mood or feel insecure, results are negative.

▪ ACTIVATE THE INNER POWER OF OTHERS. Why do others love to work for you? You push people hard to go way beyond their self-imposed boundaries to achieve new heights. To be around you, all talents must be tuned up. Your people will be pleasantly surprised that they are able to achieve levels of performance they had only imagined, before they began interacting with you. And they do have you to thank for pushing them outside their comfort zones, which they now know could easily have become their coffins.

▪ ARE MASTER LOGICIANS. You are the master of the meta-message. Often, what you don’t say but what you imply carries more weight in the minds of those you seek to influence. Thus, you gently lead others to the conclusions and impressions you wish to convey to them. If so inclined, you could be the wizard of propaganda.

▪ DOMINATE DECISIONS. You are quite able to convince others that your way is the best way to go. You can be perceived as intimidating and overpowering through the tool of conversational coercion. However, you feel you know what’s best for the group as a whole and only have the good of all at heart.

▪ STRUGGLE WITH INTERPERSONAL CLOSENESS. Your life partner may perceive you as backing up or putting the brakes on when he or she is trying to get close to you by using effective communication. When confronted, you will go to your island to cool off. You intensely dislike being pushed to talk about vulnerable emotions or past mistakes, as you see this as a sign of weakness and a big waste of time. Your partner disagrees.

▪ HAVE STROKES OF GENIUS AND SEIZURES OF INSECURITY. Life is a two-sided communicator coin of both positive and negative life challenges.  Chances are, as a child you might have been reared by a tyrant parent who was controlling, belittling, moody, strict, or harsh. As a result, you set the pole vaulting bar very high for yourself, and you loathe failing or being put under anyone’s thumb. Perhaps those tough foundational times of loss vs. gain are the fuel for your strokes of genius.

You may have noticed that not every statement above fits you nicely, like hand in glove. However, many of these insights ought to ring true for you as an Inventor leader. I also know what you’re thinking. “Yes, but, what about the negative side of the coin? This is all fluffy and comfy, but it doesn’t capture the facts of my personal relationship life.” And of course, you’re right again.