I Am Able To Express Myself Without Apologizing

CAN’T TEACH OLD DOGS NEW TRICKS?

It’s all about communication. Are you able to link the benefits of your effective communications training back to your real life circumstances to navigate the future? I sincerely hope so. People schooled in the Talk2Me© system often utilize their newfound abilities to accomplish great tasks, surprisingly easily. Can’t teach old dogs new tricks? Oh, yes we can! Here’s what one Empathizer-type (E-type) communicator realized through discovering and using his hidden talents….

EXPRESS YOURSELF

Hello, Dennis:

I’ll do my best to describe the “tie back to real life” benefits of the Talk2Me© work we do in class. I suppose that “counting the benefits of on-the-fly talk practices netting great rewards” is a no-brainer. Silence is a killer in my family life, while conflict isn’t a thriller in my work life. Here’s a brief list of what I experienced when “the light bulb came on….”

I am…

•    able to stay centered rather than get embroiled in a non-productive argument
•    better able to listen to what I don’t want to hear
•    able to work at higher energy levels
•    able to achieve more effective results in my scientific endeavors
•    able to lead professional groups and encourage them to operate with more positive energy and esprit de corps
•    able to more clearly write responses to blogs at drogrady.com
•    able to apply tools and strategies, learned in communication training, to business and home settings
•    able to get out of “thinking ruts” more quickly
•    able to feel more compassion for everyone I encounter
•    able to talk about my emotions without causing additional problems
•    able to relate to my children better and enjoy them more
•    able to openly discuss personal situations with my wife
•    able to let go of negative “sticky or tarry” feelings more efficiently
•    able to love more deeply
•    able to cry more completely
•    able to be curious and open minded
•    better able to handle unexpected changes
•    able to feel unconditional confidence
•    able to walk in the shoes of others in authentic ways
•    more able to explore the wonders of life
•    better able to understand complex concepts such as religion, politics, sex
•    able to team up with other scientists and professionals to make needed changes that benefit everyone
•    able to feel like running away but instead stand strong like an oak tree
•    able to “not know” without panic or fright
•    able to feel guilty without gutting myself
•    able to encounter others rather than critique others
•    better able to live in my head, body, emotions, relationships, etc., in ways that break free of childhood patterns
•    more able to embrace hope
•    able to live my life free of outside beliefs that used to be security blankets
•    able to leave the coffin called the “comfort zone”
•    able to express myself without apologizing

In short, knowledge is not the same as experiencing life.

WHO IS “TALK DOC” DENNIS O’GRADY?

As a communication expert, Dayton-based Dennis E. O’Grady, Psy.D., wears two hats: one of corporate trainer in leadership communication skills and the other as a couple communications expert. The Talk2Me© system provides tools and strategies to bridge communication gaps and to help resolve both family and workplace difficulties. Dr. O’Grady’s mission is to give you communication tools to use to improve the quality of your life. Dennis is the author of Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone. www.drogrady.com.

Do You Drive The Extra Mile For Good Communication?

MISCOMMUNICATION KILLS…DO YOU FEEL VALUED AND VALUABLE?

How do you stack up? If people who worked for you or loved you graded you on a curve on your communication, what grade would you receive? What would the customer service reality be? Would you receive a grade of “A”…”B”… “C”…or “D”? How do you stack up in the minds of others, who perhaps see things entirely differently than you do?

HOW DOES YOUR COMMUNICATION PERFORMANCE STACK UP?

Stated in the first person, here are selected communication performance questions that tap your core skill areas, according to how others typically view you:

1. Are you COMFORTABLE communicating with me?

2. Do you feel VALUED?

3. Do you feel your thoughts are HEARD?

4. Do I provide consistent FEEDBACK?

5. Do I COMMUNICATE CLEARLY with you?

6. Do I SPELL OUT what you need to know to accomplish your job?

7. Do I MAKE TIME TO TALK with you?

8. Do I send the message that I’m OPEN and AVAILABLE to LISTENING, even when I’m BUSY?

9. DO I DRIVE THE EXTRA MILE FOR GOOD COMMUNICATION?

These are billion dollar questions to ask of your teammates, or your life partner, and even your kids. Take a chance by risking receiving negative feedback.

GIVING AND RECEIVING HELPFUL FEEDBACK

O.K. I even gave you the questions to ask to get at the truth of your communication skills. Simple, yes; easy, no. Ready? Set. Go!

Guidance strategies as you ask risky, powerful feedback questions:

1. First, you need to ask the right open-ended questions

2. Second, you need to listen open-mindedly to ALL the answers

3. Third, you need to be open to changing and growing and learning as a result of the feedback

4. Fourth, you won’t allow a bruised ego to flip off good communication, via retaliation

When you learn you earn! Ask, then listen, then add to your repertoire of communication skills…today.

COMMUNICATION SKILLS: DO YOU DRIVE THE EXTRA MILE FOR GOOD COMMUNICATION?

Miscommunication kills! You can’t afford to be a legend in your own mind — namely, that your perception is way off from the reality on how your fellow co-communicators will grade you when they talk. Why not get an “A” on your Talk2Me© Communicator Report Card? Only the strong who use soft communication skills will survive today’s business climate. Bottom line: Do you make others feel VALUED…AND that their OPINIONS and THOUGHTS ARE HEARD? Why, or why not? And most importantly, what are you going to do about it?

ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the new Talk Doc in town, a corporate consultant, team trainer, and the insightful, original developer and researcher of the Talk to Me© positive and effective communication system. Talk2Me© has been successfully implemented in multi-generational family companies and couples communication training.

I Just Don’t Understand You

YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND ME

“I just don’t understand you, and you don’t get me!” piped in a frustrated spouse.  Are you in a crazy-talking relationship where you’re told all is well, but for some reason you feel ill in the pit of your stomach? A bright, professional, female communications client of mine lamented, “I just don’t understand. When I get close, he moves away!” This same sentiment of “Why, when we’re having such fun, does he have to go and ruin everything by making a big communication mess!” happens over and over again in Talk World. And the impact is devastating to both Empathizer and Instigator communicators. The Talk2Me© system clears away the confusion from your mind, so you aren’t struck down by a lightning bolt of grief time and again.

ARE YOU IN A CRAZY-TALKING RELATIONSHIP?

Your experience doesn’t lie when you listen to and respect yourself. For example, if you feel unimportant in a relationship, chances are that you’re treated poorly. You can be fed lines and lies, but your experience tells you the truth most times. How to “listen to yourself” to personally know if a calculating communicator (who is an Impressionator and Negatalker) is bluffing while playing you like a fiddle:

1. I just don’t understand, when we’re close, you move away.

2. I feel unimportant.

3. Nothing seems to work for long.

4. When I say “No,” you get mad.

5. You treat strangers and the dog better than you treat me.

6. You don’t act like you respect me.

7. You try so hard to impress everybody with how wonderful you are.

8. You neglect me and our relationship.

9. Everyone else you know and interact with is treated with respect.

10. I don’t want to pretend everything is O.K.

11. You’re mean to me behind closed doors.

12. I feel an urge to drink/drug/eat/have sex, to get away from this pain of losing you

Crazy-talking causes you to wonder if your perception is off. It isn’t!

CRAZY-TALKING REDIRECTS CONFRONTATIONS

What comebacks might you expect, from crafty communicators who are playing their cards close to the vest? For example, “Why can’t you trust me?!” is crazy-making when the talker has arrogantly broken promise after promise. Here are a few other excuses to exonerate behaviors that create disastrous losses:

1. I’m not a great communicator.

2. I get upset easily.

3. I can be pretty moody.

4. I don’t have much patience.

5. I don’t see it that way at all.

6. I’m doing the right thing.

7. Why should I have to live my life by your rules?

8. I have mixed feelings and alternate between feeling good and feeling bad about us.

9. I believe that we can work anything out.

10. Why can’t you get past the past and trust me?

Learn from your experiences when results and actions don’t match promises. If you’re not sure whether to believe your eyes and ears, track what’s been promised to determine how often there has been follow through. If too few promises have been fulfilled, holler to high Heaven about it…or take action, learn the strategies in the Talk2Me© system, and protect yourself from the negatalker whose goal is to bring you down once again.

WHO IS COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS O’GRADY, PSY.D.?

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a communications psychologist from Dayton, Ohio, who specializes in teaching positive and effective communication skills. Dr. O’Grady’s third book, which includes his “Talk to Me” effective leadership communication system, is at www.drogrady.com and Amazon. Life is a highway? Are you traveling to where you need and want to go in a spirit of hopeful anticipation, or are you cursing under your breath at the other driver’s stupidity? The choice is yours. Know this: Whenever you travel with an open heart and flowing mind on the two-way communication highway, change happens fast and lasts.

How Do You Give Constructive Criticism In A Calm And Loving Way?

How do you give constructive criticism in a calm and loving way? Is that even possible when you come home in a bad mood? Yes, it is, when you use the Talk2Me© Communication Roadmap. You want to keep the green light of good communication glowing in your home.

HOW DO YOU START GIVING CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM IN A CALM AND LOVING WAY?

How do you start using criticism constructively? By stopping old talk habits that make your communicator wheels stay stuck spinning ’round and ’round in a rut and CHANGE…

1. Stop criticizing and nit-picking.

2. Start complimenting your talk partners, on a daily basis.

3. Stop using an aggressive tone of voice when you communicate.

4. Speak more calmly. (Don’t make others feel under attack.)

5. Stop fretting or worrying over the small things.

6. Let the little things go. (Understand when getting upset is necessary.)

7. Don’t take out or direct your frustrations at your loved ones.  (Your mood dictates your reputation of trustworthiness.)

THE COUPLE REPORT

Many couples and most people don’t like to bark orders at each other. After all, this isn’t a dog-eat-dog world. Said one inventive couple, who wanted to change the stormy climate to calm:

We’re cured. We want to be talked to in a calm manner like equal adults. These Talk2Me© rules are common sense, and when they are used, level-headed and positive communication is created. Don’t ever speak to other people like they’re little children or robots.

ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS O’GRADY, Psy.D.

Dennis delivers Talk2Me© Leadership Communication workshops which provide a Communication Toolbox full of positive communication tools, to set people up for success. Dr. O’Grady can be reached at (937) 428-0724 or at www.drogrady.com.

Prepare Future Leaders

Roadblocks and detours which evoke losses are caused by the stereotypes about our opposite communicator type that we harbor. In fact, we often throw the mood ball or tomato or hot potato across the room to our opposing type. What to do to prepare future leaders for building bridges of trust and respect that solve problems and seize opportunities?

LEADERS MUST KNOW THAT GOOD COMMUNICATION DOESN’T LEAVE ANYONE OUT

Improved communication skills will lead reliably to increased enthusiasm, steady performance, and profits. Could it be that simple? Yep. Leaders must walk the talk, and they must practice what they preach.

• Notice there are two communicator types
• Take each half and make a whole communicator
• Utilize the strengths of both types
• Adopt the strengths of your partner’s communicator type
• Plan to package your message by communicator type

But how to know which is your “half-a-brain” communicator type of Empathizer vs. Instigator communicator? Many of the following characteristics may be extremes but are still worth listing.

DINGS AND FINGER-WAGGING TO THE INSTIGATORS

Common negative perceptions of Instigator leaders (I-types), by their Empathizer (E-type) followers…

• Not people people
• Can be bossy
• Tends to make preventable mistakes
• Are not prudent
• Control freaks
• Know-it-alls
• Employees are more likely to shut down on I-types
• A willingness to embarrass others in the presence of others (public ridicule)
• Insensitive (to feelings)
• Abrupt
• Inflexible
• Don’t take everyone’s feelings into consideration
• Close-minded
• Forceful, direct
• Intimidating
• Unapproachable
• Short attention span; No undivided attention

Empathizers are bugged by the accusation that they are too soft and too needy for social approval.

DINGS AND ZINGERS TO THE EMPATHIZERS

We need to activate the inner strengths of our opposite types to avoid disasters. Think of the Titanic, the ship that could never sink, but did.

Perceptions of I-types warning of E-dangers…

• Soft – too emotional
• Need hugs
• Don’t get to the point – wishy-washy
• Easily influenced (devalues own leadership skills)
• Make better followers
• Are pushovers (I-types trust more someone who can think for themselves)
• Thin-skinned
• Need to show more competitive firepower
• Try to please everyone: they want to be liked/they seek approval
• So afraid to take a chance, they miss opportunities
• Conscientious to relationships; people take advantage of them
• Don’t get off the fence; are constantly waiting for approval and applause
• Overly dramatic/emotional/roller coaster moods
• Too sensitive
• Tend to be pessimistic
• Lower confidence in the outcome of things
• Long winded (full of hot air)
• Irrational/illogical (I-types devalue excessive information and find it frustrating)
• Tend to be complainers and pushovers

Instigators are miffed by the accusation of being too cold-hearted and too close-minded to corrective feedback.

KEEP ON TRUCKIN’ DOWN THE TWO-WAY COMMUNICATOR HIGHWAY

Are you dedicated to service and good communication instead of communication breakdowns? Keep on truckin’ down that two-way communicator highway!

ABOUT “TALK DOC” COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is known as the “Talk Doc” around town. He is president of the Dayton Area Psychological Association, as well as the developer of the TALK TO ME© positive and effective communication training system. Why invest in a process that will improve your communication skills fast, in both personal and work relationships? When you use the tools and strategies detailed in Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, you’ll find that it’s easy to keep your car in the center of Talk Highway, leaving the ditch to those communicators who shout out, “It’s my way or the highway!”