All posts by : Dr. Dennis O'Grady

Would you like to have a reliable roadmap to achieve confident and caring communication everywhere you go? Well, that’s what the Talk2Me© system helps you achieve, in just minutes. Sound too good to be true? Miracles happen at every mile marker on the two-way communication Highway of Life. I recommend, of course, that you know your communicator style, who is either an Empathizer-type or an Instigator-type, and learn to break down walls while adopting the strengths of your opposite communicator type. It’s not as hard as it sounds, mind you!

FOR THE EMPATHIZERS…YOU CAN ADOPT ONE OR ALL OF THESE SECRET INSTIGATOR STRENGTHS

Here’s the Empathizer roadmap from What I Admire About Instigator Communicators discussions which I record on workshop easel boards. These are the directions which Empathizer workshop participants devised to get to the opposite side of Talk Street without getting run over in the crush of oncoming traffic.

Instigators are:

• SELF-CONFIDENT
• DIRECT
• ENERGETIC
• RISK TAKERS
• VISIONARIES
• SELF-STARTERS
• RESULTS-DRIVEN
• TIMELY AT ADDRESSING ISSUES
• LIKELY NOT TO WORRY AS MUCH AS E’S

DO YOU HAVE AN ORANGE TATOO ON YOUR RIGHT ARM?

Which traits will you Empathizer communicators tattoo in orange on your right arms? Will you adopt and utilize one or more of these strengths of your opposing communicator type today?

THE EMPATHIZER ROADMAP FOR INSTIGATORS

Here’s the Instigator roadmap from the What I Admire About Empathizer Communicators roadmap discussions with trainees. Here are the directions for how to get to the opposite side of Talk Boulevard without getting squeezed in a traffic jam that makes you want to pump the horn impatiently.

FOR THE INSTIGATORS — YOU CAN ADOPT ONE OR ALL OF THESE SECRET EMPATHIZER STRENGTHS

Here are the directions for how to get to the opposite side of Talk Boulevard without getting squeezed in a traffic jam that makes you want to pump the horn impatiently.

Empathizers:

• ARE PATIENT
• SHOW CONCERN AND EMOTION WITHOUT BEING FAKE
• ARE EASY-GOING
• ARE CAUTIOUS—THEY THINK BEFORE THEY SPEAK
• ARE RESERVED
• HAVE BETTER LISTENING SKILLS
• ARE LOYAL
• ARE NURTURING

DO YOU HAVE A BLUE TATOO ON YOUR LEFT ARM?

Which traits will you Instigator communicators tattoo in blue on your left arms? Have you adopted just one of these strengths of your opposing communicator type today?

DOCTORS OF COMMUNICATION…DOCS…TALK DOCS

O.K. my big, brainy, bunch of high I.Q. Doctors of Communication – DOCS. It’s all up to you, my dear Talk DOCS. Are you still wearing your white laboratory coat, or are you wearing your new tie-dyed coat, made from a blending of the co-communicator colors of ocean blue and burnt orange? I know, I know. You wouldn’t be caught dead in a sterile white coat of missed communication opportunities that nets anything but high grades on your I.Q. Leader Climate Survey….

So, you’ve got your roadmap….What ya gonna to do with it?

ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the new Talk Doc in town, a corporate consultant, team trainer, and the insightful, original developer and researcher of the Talk to Me© positive and effective communication system. T2Me has been successfully implemented in multi-generational family companies and couples communication training.

The appearance of confidence and the demonstration of personal power and communication prowess is a core strength Empathizer-type (E-type) communicators feverishly admire about their Instigator-type (I-type) communicator counterparts in the Talk2Me© system. For instance, I-types can sell snow to Eskimos and don’t have trouble shrugging off stupid comments. I-types are a picture perfect example of: “I am confident about this, so follow me!”

THE CONFIDENCE FACTOR…E-TYPES VIEW OF I-TYPES

Let’s back up a minute. What strength set do you secretly admire about “The Confident Person?” Perception may not be everything, but it sure is at the top of the Talk Totem Pole. Characteristics the Empathizer (or E-type) perceives the Instigator (who is the E-type’s opposite talk type) as having, center around the appearance of confidence power.

I-types appear self-assured and powerful by ever-confidently showing:

• The appearance of power
• The ability to get the crowd’s attention
• An aura of dominance and competence
• An instantly high credibility factor
• A Believability Factor: The ability to really sell well even when not sure of the details
• The ease to shrug off worry while flying high on the stress trapeze
• The ability to not lose sleep by worrying about what happened during the day
• That they have bad moments but not bad days
• That they get over the bumps in the road without dwelling on them or gritting their teeth
• They can move on down the road, not looking in the rearview mirror, while E-types constantly mull things over regarding what was or what wasn’t said or done
• They don’t want to go back in time and change things: “It’s over and I can’t do anything about it now!”

• That they are able to keep their composure during emergencies or extremely stressful situations
• That they are able to hide emotions and keep calm
• That they are like the Wizard of Oz, able to maintain an image of power
• They can even control their jitters or heart poundings and other anxieties
• That they won’t burst into tears and go down the drain as a weak and vulnerable person who can’t buck up
• They aren’t afraid to take risks
• They aren’t afraid to give their opinions
• They have no doubts about their thoughts
• They are more likely to be an entrepreneur
• Confidence in saying: “Hey, I can do this; just give me a chance….”
• They don’t have to ask for everybody’s opinions about a venture
• They don’t need others approval to take initiative
• That they are quicker to go all in instead of fold with a good hand!
• An optimistic focus on “when” we do this or that vs. “if” we do this or that
• The desire to ask forgiveness rather than ask permission

Instigators are powerful communicators who are naturally born optimists with a half-full glass that is overflowing with confidence.

CONFIDENCE: THE ONE COMMON DENOMINATOR ADMIRED BY ALL…ARE YOU QUICKER TO FOLD WHEN YOU HAVE A GOOD HAND, OR ARE YOU GOING TO STAY IN THE GAME?

If you are an E-type, you will be quicker to fold with a good hand in a poker game than to go all in! Instigators as live-hard I-types both find AND make more opportunities for themselves, enabling themselves to advance faster up the corporate ladder. I-types aren’t as likely to get stuck in a dead end position, because they’re like a “beep-beep” roadrunner who drives right past you, leaving you in the dust. I-types just take off with an idea and don’t care about criticism. I-types get more opportunity for the opportunity. Far more bang for their opportunity buck, so to speak.

CONFIDENCE VS. COMPETENCE…ARE YOU A LAMB OR A LION?

E-types are a naturally competent bunch of guys and gals who can err by not exuding an aura of confidence. I-types are a naturally confident bunch of gals and guys who can err by not relishing the research of competence. Are you a mixture of confidence and competence? The Expert Communicator, in the Talk2Me© system, is a blend of E- and I-type strengths, one who can intertwine the powers of confidence and competence in centering and comfortable ways. No easy task, for sure, to combine the talents of the lion and the lamb!

THE APPEARANCE OF CONFIDENCE AND THE REALITY OF COMPETENCE

I-types will tell you they’re not so composed on the inside, much like the image from the “Wizard of Oz” when the curtains were pulled aside to reveal the smoke and mirrors tricks. I-types are surprised that you and I haven’t caught on that they hide their emotions so well. Yet, the single common denominator that radiates down each spoke from the hub of The Opportunity Wheel is CONFIDENCE. Put loud confidence and soft competence together – and you will have an unstoppable team with high morale and creative staying power…and things will get done!

ABOUT TALK DOC, DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dennis O’Grady, Psy.D., is known as the Talk Doc since the advent of his positive and effective communication system, The Talk to Me© Communication Roadmap. Dennis is president of the Dayton Psychological Association and is a clinical professor at the Wright State University School of Professional Psychology. His talk textbook, Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, received the 2008 Axiom Business Book Award Silver Medal. He can be reached by calling (937) 428-0724.

Are you happy to be an emotional person and an emotion-driven communicator? Or do you feel guilty being filled to the brim with emotions, because you are lionhearted? “Cold or insensitive” Instigator communicators deeply admire the “warm, fuzzy” emotional displays of their opposites, Empathizer communicators – or E-types – in the Talk2Me© system. Tough luck: E-types have a complex about their emotional powers that undermines the expression of their competencies. What’s your reality? Confident? Calm? Centered? Competent? All four pillars are the foundation of good communication.

EMPATHIZERS’ EMOTIONAL STRENGTHS

In my intensive T2M workshop Talk Exercises, when asked directly, Instigators will tersely tell you exactly what and how much they secretly admire the emotionally gifted world of Empathizer communicators. Recall that 50% of all males and females from all walks of life are privileged to live in the emotionally-driven world of the Empathizer communicator.

What thicker-skinned Instigators admire overall about the high Emotional I.Q. of sensitive Empathizers:

• The E-type’s ability to show emotions.
• Expressiveness: Facial and hand gestures, octave changes in voice, shows passion.
• Very express-full and respect-full”…BUT I-types are more uncomfortable with hugs.
• E-types are more fun and have more fun…BUT I-types are often asked: “Aren’t you having a good time?”
• Eagerness…enthusiastic attitude…happy-go-lucky.
• E-types are expressive…BUT I-types are inexpressive.
• E-types struggle with openly receiving positive feedback of a personal nature.
• Deep ability to interpret emotions.
• With their spinning radar, E-types can usually read a person accurately.
• E-types don’t depress their moods, and they make it obvious when they’re having a good or bad day.
• E-types’ instinctual ability to take the best avenue of communication when a roadblock crops up.
• Keen ability to express “warm fuzzies”…BUT I-types can’t initiate physical affection like E-types can.
• E-types give “warm fuzzies” more easily…BUT I-types are more selective to whom they give “warm fuzzies
• “Cold pricklies” disturb E-types more than criticisms disturb I-types.
• E-types have more patience…while I-types are more direct and to the point.
• E-types are natural-born teachers and teach you about life…while I-types are comfortable being the boss of males and females alike.
• The E-type is a quiet and humble leader.
• E-types are always in the mood and have the patience to stop and pay attention. They take time to explain, and will explain the lesson over and over again, without losing patience.
• E-types are better listeners…BUT I-types don’t stop to listen –they go through stop signs and red lights.
• They will make a “time investment in listening.”
• E-types will stop and smell the roses, while I-types will keep on going by and maybe say they look nice!
• E-types will take time to invest in a relationship, while I-types will set standards and use tough love.
• Empathizers are more approachable and approach-able.
• E-types will freely deliver or give emotional-laden feedback.
• E-types are more likely to initiate a feedback session with an E-type vs. an I-type.
• E-types have all their ducks in a row before approaching an I-type.

Both E-types and I-types deliver the freight through good and bad weather, using the new knowledge of talk technology available only in T2M.

POINTS OF COMMUNICATION CONVERSION

As a couples communications psychologist and a corporate trainer, I’ve first-hand and up-close seen the miracles the T2M system facilitates around the Communicator Table…and the disasters that are prevented, as well. How you, too, can utilize strengths from both sides of Talk Street and make this week the beginning of a bright, positive, communicative future:

1. Learn how to give and receive feedback, by talk type, at www.drogrady.com.

2. If you’re an E-type, go out of your comfort zone to give more feedback!

3. If you’re an I-type, go out of your comfort zone to get more feedback!

4. Use the “accurate feedback in a minute or less” T2M approach to become a better communicator today.

5. Always Ante Up: Know that good communication rules the work nook and home roost alike.

EMPATHIZERS STOP AND SMELL THE ROSES…WHILE INSTIGATORS KEEP ON GOING AND MAYBE SAY THE ROSES LOOK NICE

E-type and I-type men and women alike can sometimes feel like a desperate group that’s going down, due to setbacks of poor or no communication. However, both E-types and I-types get the freight delivered through thick and thin. Sure, the Empathizer wooden crate has a “Fragile” label pasted across it, while the Instigator box is labeled “Hazardous Materials/Explosive”. But just pry open the box and take a good look inside at what you’ve feared to cheer. See and use all that you admire about your opposite talk type, using the TALK2ME approach.

ABOUT TALK DOC, DR. DENNIS E. O’GRADY, Psy.D.

Dennis O’Grady, Psy.D., is known as the Talk Doc since the advent of his positive and effective communication system, Talk to Me©. Dennis is president of the Dayton Psychological Association who received the 2008 Silver Medal Axiom Business Book Award.