All posts by : Dr. Dennis O'Grady

THE SKILL OF INFLUENCING PEOPLE

“To lead is to serve…” clips along international leadership expert and inspiring speaker James Hunter, who hails from Detroit, Michigan. I recently had the privilege and honor of hearing Jim talk to a top flight, leadership group at Dayton Freight Lines, which is a privately held professional trucking company, based in Dayton. (On a personal note, Jim is married to a clinical psychologist, and that makes him a better communicator, by definition!)

QUIPS AND QUOTE-NOTES ON LEADERSHIP GEMS THAT WILL STICK WITH YOU AS YOU GO THROUGH YOUR DAY

EVERYBODY IS A LEADER

Everybody is a leader.
To lead is to serve.
Humility isn’t thinking less of yourself…it’s thinking less about your self.
Any time two or more people are gathered, there is an opportunity for leadership.

WHEN YOU HAVE SOMEBODY’S HEART—THE REST OF THAT PERSON WILL GO WHERE YOU WANT IT TO GO

Are we going to be glad you were here?
Who can get your people to own the mission of the company?
Management has little to do with leadership.
How do you inspire people to action?
Old way: When I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you!
Do you have your people from the neck up? Will your people walk through a wall for you?

IT’S ALL ABOUT PEOPLE AND RELATIONSHIPS…PEOPLE DON’T QUIT THE COMPANY—THEY QUIT THE BOSS

It’s all about people and relationships.
When you treat your employees badly, they will take it out on the customers.
People crave attention more than they crave bread. (Mother Teresa)
To truly be an inspirational leader, you must serve those you lead. (Sam Walton)
People don’t quit the company – they quit the boss.
How you behave affects lives. Would you like to work for you for half your life?
Why is it that I get the whole person when all I’m looking for is a set of hands? (Henry Ford)
When the Gods wish to destroy us, they first give us 30 years of prosperity. (Chinese proverb)

PEOPLE NEED TO BE REMINDED…MORE THAN THEY NEED TO BE INSTRUCTED

All change is not progress…but you can’t progress unless you change.
Nobody became a better leader by reading books or going to class.
People need to be reminded…more than they need to be instructed. (Samuel Johnson)
Treat people the way you want to be treated….Go be the boss you wish your boss would be.…Be the dad you wish your dad would’ve been….Be the co-worker you wish your co-worker would be.
Leadership is identifying and meeting people’s needs.
Everything I need to know I learned in Kindergarten. (Robert Fulgrum)

LEADERSHIP IS SERIOUS MEDDLING IN OTHER PEOPLE’S LIVES

Spend a little time in the prayer closet.
Leadership is serious meddling in other people’s lives. (Max DePree)
A leader has a most powerful influence on those they lead….It is a sacred trust. (John Wooden)
Leadership is influence – nothing more, nothing less. (John Maxwell)
You are leaders serving leaders.
What is leadership? It is an influence process. (Ken Blanchard)

LEADERSHIP IS THE SKILL OF INFLUENCING PEOPLE TO WORK ENTHUSIASTICALLY TOWARD THE COMMON GOOD

Leadership defined: The skill of influencing people to enthusiastically work toward goals, identified as being for the common good, with character that inspires confidence.
You can be a great manager but a horrible leader.
Leadership is a skill, a learned or acquired ability available to every one of you…not something you’re born with or a combination of personality and genetics.
Power: The ability to force or coerce others to do your will, even if they would choose not to, because of your position or might (paraphrase: “Do it or else!”).
You’re either green and growing – or you’re ripe and rotting.
There may be some natural born leaders, but they’re too few to count on.

CAPTURING THE MINDS AND SPIRITS OF OTHERS IS THE HALLMARK OF A GREAT LEADER

Leadership is about that person you are in the dark, when no one is looking. (Dwight Moody)
Just because you can do the job well, doesn’t mean you can inspire others to do the job well.
Capturing the minds and spirits of others is the hallmark of a great leader.
Everybody wants to change the world, but nobody wants to change themselves. (Leo Tolstoy)
When we think we’re thinking, we’re often just rearranging our prejudices. (Edward Murrow)

YOU CAN KNOW ALL ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE LEADERSHIP AND NEVER KNOW IT

You can know all about something (leadership) and never know it!
Can you “get it” from your head…to your heart…to your hands…to your actions in the world?
My wife’s a shrink! You can know all about mental health but not know mental health.
Did anyone ever learn to swim by reading a book?
We spend billions on talk and nobody gets their head and heart and hands into the game.
Leadership is character in action. (Warren Bennis)
99% of leadership failures are failures of character. (Norman Schwarzkoff)

CHARACTER IS DOING THE RIGHT THING ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU DON’T FEEL LIKE IT

Character is doing the right thing, especially when you don’t feel like it.
Character is the glory of being human between the stimulus and the response.
A two-year-old attitude of “Me-first and pooh-on-you!” is really ugly in a 50-year-old.
Talking about change is like putting perfume on a pig.
There ain’t no human beings; there are only humans becoming.
Intentions minus actions equal squat. (Ken Blanchard)
Intentions + Actions = Will

THE ONLY TWO SURE THINGS IN LIFE ARE DEATH…AND CHOICES

The only two sure things in life are death and choices.
The qualities of moral character that enable a person to inspire and influence a group of people successfully. (United States Marine Corps Definition of Leadership)
It ain’t about what you do, boss, it’s all about who you are.
You don’t manage people; you manage your checkbook. You lead people.
Raise the bar to improve morale.
Character means pushing us to be the best in all that we do.
Excellence is inspiring in and of itself. Never dumb down the standards.
Honesty is the #1 thing people want from a leader. You then build trust by being honest.

CREATE A TEAM OF “ALL LEADERS” WITH DIFFERENT RESPONSIBILITIES

Your actions speak so loudly I can no longer hear you.
Dishonesty is avoiding the hassle by not telling the whole truth and by confronting others.
Create a group of “all leaders,” each with different responsibilities.
Give a quality project, on time, and at a reasonable price.
The higher you are in any organization the more personal change is required of you. (Peter Drucker.)

WHEN YOU GET THE LEADERSHIP THING RIGHT…ALL THE REST WILL FALL INTO PLACE

You get the leadership thing right and all the rest will fall into place.
There are no weak platoons – only weak leaders.
Every union drive is about broken relationships.
Everything rises and falls on leadership.
Start with the leadership team and the symptoms of low morale will disappear.
Anyone among you who wishes to be the leader must first be the Servant. If you choose to lead, you must serve. (Jesus Christ)
Authority: The skill of getting people to willingly do your will because of your personal influence. (Paraphrase: “I’ll do it for you.”)

WHEN EVERYONE IS KISSING UP—ALL YOU CAN SEE ARE BUTTS

When everyone is busy kissing up, all you can see are butts.
Seagull Managers: Make a lot of noise, poop on people, eat your lunch, get in the way, and then fly away.
Make sure your people have everything they need to win.
CEOS: Customers/Employees/Owners/Significant Others
Without people, there is no business.
Healthy relationships: Identify and meet needs through good communication.
Power damages relationships.

MY PAY IS MY RIGHT, BUT YOUR PRAISE IS MY GIFT

My pay is my right, but your praise is my gift.
At the core of the human personality is the need to be appreciated and respected. (William James)
There’s nothing more powerful than an idea whose time has come.
HR has spontaneous human combustion when you talk about love.
Act with love. Extend yourself to people, and seek their greater good.
Hugging and spanking is the essence of Servant Leadership.
It’s all about accomplishing tasks while building relationships for the future.
Do you bring to the party the skill of getting results and building good relationships simultaneously?
We hire for character…and train for skills.
Love is the act(s) of extending yourself for others, by identifying and meeting their legitimate needs and seeking their greatest good.
I am my wife’s biggest case.
I’m not asking you to like your people…I’m asking you to love them.
Being in power is like being a lady. If you have to remind people you are – you aren’t. (Margaret Thatcher)
There are no shortcuts to serving.

A GOOD LEADER WALKS THE TALK

PATIENCE: A good leader shows self-control.
KINDNESS: A good leader gives attention, appreciation, and encouragement. (Common courtesy)
HUMILITY: A good leader is authentic, not boastful, arrogant, prideful or “puffed up.”
RESPECTFULNESS: A good leader treats others as important people.
SELFLESSNESS: A good leader meets the legitimate needs of others, as opposed to the wants of others.
FORGIVENESS: A good leader will give up resentment when wronged.
HONESTY: A good leader is free from deceptive behavior.
COMMITMENT: A good leader sticks to the choice(s) you have made.

I’M NOT WHERE I WANT TO BE BUT I’M BETTER THAN I USED TO BE

10% of people will change from the inspiring messages they are constantly hearing.
Healthy tension helps you to grow.
Identify your gaps, and use feedback to further your growth.
If you don’t measure it, you can’t evaluate progress.
If you’re too old to change, you’re too old to lead.
You must be the change you wish to see in the world. (Ghandi)
The only two certainties in life are death…and choices.
What are you going to do differently today?
It’s time we all stop looking for magic dust to be a great leader.

ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS O’GRADY, Psy.D.

Dennis delivers Talk2Me© Leadership Communication workshops which provide a Communication Toolbox full of positive communication tools to set people up for success. Dr. O’Grady can be reached at (937) 428-0724 or at www.drogrady.com.

Servant Leadership corporate speaker and author James Hunter can be reached at http://www.jameshunter.com/index.htm or by calling (734) 692-1771.

DON’T FLIP OUT ABOUT NEEDING TO CHANGE

What’s in your communication toolbox? Why not pick your top list of communication tools, from our Talk2Me training classes, to take along with you to use when the traffic is jammed up on the two-way communication highway? On what tool will you rely most heavily? When you hop into your blue Empathizer or burnt orange Instigator communicator car, what tools are important to carry with you to ensure safe travel?

YOUR SPARE TIRE IN TIMES OF TROUBLE

Much like a spare tire or a GPS device, daily use of your chosen keys for effective communication can save the day when times are tough. Here’s what a recent class of “precision communicators” decided to use:

▪ APPLY GOOD COMMUNICATION TOOLS AT HOME. Use good communication 24/7 at home and work. I don’t want to take anyone for granted, because being unhappy at home carries over to being less productive and less positive at work. Turn the headlights on during dark times, and bring everything full circle.

▪ COMPLIMENT PEOPLE. Compliment people more than I do, and I won’t always assume other people know how good a job they do.

▪ LISTEN WITHOUT AN AGENDA. I’m going to really listen and not listen with an agenda. I’m going to start really thinking about what the other person is really saying. Then you can figure out the core of the problem and solve it.

▪ APPLY IT…YOU’LL LIKE IT. Apply what works for you to better communicate. If I don’t buy into the T2M program and use all of the tools, then nobody else will, and everything will stay the same.

▪ GENUINE RELATIONSHIPS. I’m learning to utilize the different ways to communicate with Empathizers and Instigators and work on that to build a better and genuine relationship with each person. That’s the only way we both can reliably get something productive out of the interchange.

▪ ACCESSIBILITY. I’m becoming more available and accessible, and I’m listening more. I’ll listen to what my crew and family are actually saying. Don’t just wait until they’re quiet to jump into the fray.

▪ BE WHO YOU ARE. Be genuine instead of fake. If you are a good listener and have the traits of a leader, just feel free to be who you are, and it will all fall into place.

▪ USE THE COMPLIMENT SANDWICH. The one thing I’m going to mainly focus on is “The Compliment Sandwich,” which I feel will get me lots of results. When I must criticize, I’ll try to lead with a positive and insert the negative in the middle and end with a positive (+/-/+). Instead of only dishing out constant negatives, compliments will speed up results.

▪ GAIN RESPECT AND TRUST. Listening is gaining respect and trust. All communication begins with building bridges of trustworthy communication. Listen to the type of talker and apply-apply-apply good talk tools.

▪ TAKE TIME TO SIT DOWN AND TALK. It all starts with making yourself accessible. A classic example is taking the time to sit down with everyone. Make yourself open and available to begin talking around the Communication Table.

RULE OF THE ROAD

Don’t flip out about needing to change. We’re not really CHANGING…we’re simply ADDING tools to your tool box. You don’t have to change but do add new tools to use to make life better for you and yours.

ABOUT “TALK DOC” COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the “Talk Doc” and president of the Dayton Area Psychological Association, as well as the developer of the TALK TO ME© positive and effective corporate communication training system. Why invest in a process that will improve your communication skills fast, in both personal and work relationships? When you use the tools and strategies detailed in Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, you’ll find that it’s easy to keep your car in the center of Talk Highway, leaving the ditch to those communicators who shout out “It’s my way or the highway!”