Oh, No, Charlie Brown…You’re An E-Type!

Charlie Brown and Lucy mixed it up like oil and water in the comic strip “Peanuts,” penned by legendary laugh artist Charles Schulz. But do you know why? Get the talk accident scene: Charlie Brown once again ready to run and kick the football…skeptically looking at Lucy who is holding the football…memories of past incidents when Lucy pulled away the football at the last minute…and Charlie Brown spinning ‘round and ‘round in the air and falling to the ground on his can. Oh, no, Charlie Brown! Why did you think Lucy would change?

CHARLIE BROWN WAS LUCY’S OPPOSITE COMMUNICATOR TYPE, WHICH MADE HER HARDER TO UNDERSTAND, UNTIL NOW

In this heart warming comic adventure, time and again, at the last minute Lucy would pull away the football. How frustrating! Lovable, sappy, venerable Charlie Brown…. He always thought Lucy might change. Why couldn’t Charlie Brown get it through his lame brain that impish, pot-stirrer Lucy, the bombastic debater she was, was going to get the last laugh and outtalk him every time? If you hear yourself say “Why does this always happen to me?” it might mean you have a Lucy in your life, too.

EMPATHIZER (E-TYPE) TRAITS OR STRENGTHS

You tell me if Charlie Brown fits this list of Empathizer characteristics, independently arrived at in a Talk2Me© group training session:

1. Sensitive to others’ feelings
2. Follows “Don’t hurt and don’t do harm” rule
3. Good at listening
4. Learns best talking with others about problems
5. Word power: Promises should be kept or not made at all
6. Gets on same level with you…doesn’t look down upon others
7. Adaptable, flexible, easy-going, considerate, polite
8. Knows in gut what’s true and what’s not
9. Fear of failure lurks around when goes outside of comfort zone
10. Will work for complete understanding of all sides to an issue
11. Seeks to meet your needs, get your buy in on decisions, in tune
12. “Stabilizers” during conflicts
13. Risk cautious: “It’s better to ask permission than to risk getting into trouble!”

Now, go back down the list quickly with Lucy in mind. How well does this listing of strengths fit her personality? Well, hey, yes, the shoe doesn’t fit.

INSTIGATOR COMMUNICATOR (I-TYPE) TRAITS

Instigator communicators can be hardheaded and thick-skinned. Now, how much does Lucy fit the following list of top gun communication style:

1. Determined to seize the day in a predetermined way
2. Follows “Sometimes you have to hurt people to make progress happen”
3. Good at strategizing
4. Learns best telling others how to solve their problems
5. A black-and-white thinker who doesn’t like washed out grays
6. Prefers to be at higher levels…Futuristic thinkers and planners
7. Hurry up: Why not put old grudges behind us and move on?
8. Trusts head to think clearly over heart emotions, behaves assertively, pushes forward
9. Fears loss, losing or looking foolish when goes outside of comfort zone
10. Doesn’t beat around the bush. “Why can’t people be more blunt and direct like me?”
11. Seeks to give opportunities, but you must use own free will
12. “Promoters” of one side of an issue during conflicts
13. Change makers: “It’s better to ask forgiveness than to ask permission!”

Now, go quickly read back down this list again with Charlie Brown in mind. How well do the adjectives fit his personality? And what about that flying ace beagle, Snoopy? Is he an I-type, too?

DO LUCY INSTIGATORS LOVE TO MESS WITH THE CHARLIE BROWN EMPATHIZERS OF THE WORLD?

Do Instigators (Lucy) love to mess with your mind (Charlie Brown) to get a rise out of you? Well, of course Instigators like to stir the pot, ahem, pull out the football. However, why was Empathizer Charlie so naïve and perpetually trusting, giving people a chance to change when they didn’t appear, by their actions, to want to? Sometimes you don’t see all the flaws in those you love, especially family members or people who are close to you. Well, without the Lucys of the world we might not learn anything about freeing ourselves from the narrow boxes called “comfort zone coffins” that we choose to live and die in.

BRING HOME THE BACON: More of living in the 1500’s….Sometimes a bit of port was obtained for a special occasion. When visitors would come over, the bacon was hung up so the visitors could see that the man of the house was a good provider, or bring home the bacon. The hostess would cut off just a bit of the pork to share with the guests, and then everyone would sit around and chew the fat. Those people of the 1500’s who had money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach into the food, causing death by lead poisoning. This happened most often when tomatoes were served, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered to be poisonous. Bread was divided according to status – workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family members got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.

ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST, DENNIS E. O’GRADY

Dennis O’Grady, Psy.D., is known as the Talk Doc since the advent of his positive and effective communication system, Talk2Me©. Dennis is a corporate consultant and team trainer, while maintaining a private practice which focuses on improving communication. His Talk2Me© training programs for Dayton Freight Lines (Regional LTL Transportation Services); Morris South (CNC Machine Tool Distribution); Parts Express (Electronics E-Retailer); and Motoman (World Leader in Robotic Solutions). Dennis is president of the Dayton Psychological Association and is a clinical professor at the Wright State University School of Professional Psychology. His talk textbook, Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, received the 2008 Axiom Business Book Award Silver Medal. Not much time to read? Check out www.drogrady.com for hundreds of blogs dedicated to Dennis’s communication approach. You can contact the Talk Doc at 937.428.0724, or email him from the website.

Surplus Communication

As a couple, do you have a surplus or a deficit of good communication? Are you adding or subtracting from your relationship bank account? The choice is yours, whether you are rich or poor. You and your partner are either doing or saying things that drive you and your partner apart or bring you together. Which will it be today?

HOW DO YOU TREAT YOUR SPOUSE? HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE TREATED?

Focusing mostly on what’s wrong and how your partner should change is the same as staring in your rear view mirror while barreling down the highway at 75 mph. Who’s in the driver’s seat of your marriage?

1. Open up lines of communication. Discuss openly — “What are we willing to do to get where we need to be?!”

2. Avoid Blame Games. Example: “You’re the one who is negative and won’t change!”

3. Be nice. Give up nasty looks, rolling your eyes, or giving the evil eye when you’re dissatisfied.

4. Be in the driver’s seat. Feel like you alone are running your marriage, for better or worse. How good a job are you doing?

5. Show a little empathy. “You act like it’s my fault!” indicates that empathy or basic courtesy is lacking.

6. Be a credit-giver. Empathizers particularly need positive strokes and compliments on a routine basis.

7. Make your partner feel like the good guy or gal. Example: “I told you so…what a great person you are to know!”

CATCH YOUR PARTNER IN THE ACT OF DOING SOMETHING GOOD…AND NEVER LET HIM OR HER FORGET IT!

You can create positive change in your relationship by using good communication skills. Combative chaos and avoiding each other are the enemies of love.

ARE YOU BROKEN AS A COUPLE?

Do you take turns equally driving your couple communicator car? Are you broken as a couple? Although you can’t control everything, and you can’t always get what you want, you can co-create getting what you each need from your partners in the business of Love, Inc.

ABOUT COUPLE COMMUNICATIONS COUNSELOR DENNIS O’GRADY

Dennis O’Grady, Psy.D., is a couples communication coach with 30+ years experience developing effective communication skills that work. Dr. O’Grady’s couple communication textbook is Talk To Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone. Dennis can be reached by calling New Insights Communication at (937) 428-0724.

At The Hub Of The Communication Wheel

You are at the center of the world when it comes to being a competent communicator. In fact, I use a wagon wheel as a metaphor in my intensive Talk2Me© communication skills training. Imagine this: You are at the hub of the communication wheel, and out from you extend many spokes connecting you with those you work with and love. As the hub, when you speak accurately and precisely, your good vibes spin down the spokes to positively impact everyone you know. When you overreact negatively, well, the opposite happens, and good talks get stuck in a rut. Isn’t it a great response-ability to be at the center of the Talk Universe? You bet it is, so let’s hop on board the wagon train that’s headed out West!

WHAT SHOULD BE AT THE HUB OF GOOD COMMUNICATION?

What should be at the hub of good communication? According to ten professional men and women – five Empathizer-type (E-type) and five Instigator-type (I-type) communicators – who were participants in a three-day, intensive Talk2Me training program…

1. Respect is spelled LISTEN.

2. A little effort is often all it takes for good relationship communication at home and at work.

3. Even though someone doesn’t respond to your idea, it doesn’t mean it’s a bad idea. Don’t take the non-response to your idea personally.

4. Listen…Listen…Listen. Don’t make a snap judgment or premature decision before you hear the entire thought.

5. R-E-S-P-E-C-T = LISTEN.

6. Confidence and competence matter equally in trusting communication.

7. Don’t let perceptions get in the way of getting things done!

8. Trust and respect flow from the hub of internal communication…down the spokes to others in the company…and out to your external customers.

9. Go to meetings with an open mind and give each person around the Communicator Table time to ask questions or to respond to the new idea. And if someone doesn’t respond, don’t let it hurt your feelings or inhibit future presentations of your ideas. Don’t take it all to heart.

10. Be more understanding of both sides – Empathizer and Instigator – in order to forge an alliance and accommodate needs. Meet in the middle of the Communicator Table to collaboratively develop strategies which will result in improved results that astonish everyone.

11. Treat everybody the way you would like to be treated!

The two teams – E-type and I-type – included both men and women. Did you notice that some items were listed more than once, indicating that both communicator types agreed on those particular elements?

THE OPPORTUNITY WHEEL

Call it the Opportunity Wheel…the Communication Wheel…the Communicator Table. You’ve got to keep rolling along or your wheel will get stuck in a rut and remain there for a very long time! Then you can call it the “Good Grief!” Wheel, and it will keep rolling over you to flatten your hopes, dreams, or aspirations.

WHAT CAN I DO?

Help is now here with the Talk2Me© talk technology. Studying the T2M system just 4 minutes a day is all it takes. Example: When you know your talk type and how you’ve inappropriately labeled your opposite talk type, change happens fast and lasts in all of your Wild West communication adventures.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T EQUALS LISTEN…PULL THE WAGON IN THE SAME DIRECTION

On behalf of all of us, thank you, Aretha Franklin, for expressing that RESPECT is crucial to centering communication instead of deflecting it into a ditch. Why ditch good communication via distracting arguments or by giving the silent treatment? Be wary and aware: you generate your own stunning insights about how to fix a broken wagon wheel, so you can pull your wagon through difficult mountain passes…and with the help of your friends and team, you’ll be on your way to California for the 1800’s gold rush, without getting scalped or frozen in the winter of zero-degree communication.

WHO IS “TALK DOC” DENNIS O’GRADY?

Dennis E. O’Grady, Psy.D., is a Dayton communications psychologist and relationship communications coach. Dennis wears two hats, one of corporate trainer in leadership communication skills and the other as a couple communications expert. The Talk2Me system bridges communications gaps and helps resolve family conflicts. Dr. O’Grady’s mission is to give you tools to use to improve the quality of your life. He is the author of Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone. www.drogrady.com.

The Miracle of Good Communication

What makes for good communication? It’s easy to make communication mistakes, and that’s why I sometimes tease that good communication is a miracle. Yet, the truth is, good (or bad) communication starts at the top, powerfully rippling down to people throughout families and organizations, like a snowball rolling down a hill. But you already knew the power of your words or lack of them. What talk must we walk together to qualify as good communication in your real life?

WHAT MAKES FOR GOOD COMMUNICATION?

In a recent opening Talk To Me© positive and effective communication class exercise, tuned-in students came up with this list of essentials for good communication:

  • Keep it upbeat and positive
  • Be clear
  • Don’t leave until both parties understand
  • Be sure to look at the big picture
  • Make time for short meetings
  • Be direct
  • Stay focused
  • Be sincere and honest
  • Be on equal ground feeling at ease
  • Confidence: Believe in yourself and in your talk partner
  • Use self-control

THE MOOD FLAGS ON THE RACE TRACK?

Everyone is zooming around the track at work. Do you account for the mood of the person you are talking to? Do you manage your own mood well? Are you able to be a positive communicator when your mood is frustrated (yellow flag of caution), angry (red flag to get off the talk track pronto), or confident (green flag that signals all is well)? You can learn to be a PosiTalker, whatever your mood happens to be, when you drive using the T2M Driver’s Manual and system four minutes a day.

THE MIRACLE OF COMMUNICATION

Think of good communication as the hub of a wagon wheel. Benefits flow down each spoke of the wheel…benefits such as improved morale, higher productivity, fewer problems, extra effort, attracting A players, tossing out bad apples from the orchard, feeling focused and energized, sharing recognition respectfully. Pretty nifty results when the rubber gets rollin’ down the road of good talk at work or home.

ABOUT TALK DOC, DENNIS E. O’GRADY

Dennis O’Grady, Psy.D., is known as the Talk Doc since the advent of his positive and effective communication system, Talk to Me©. Dennis is president of the Dayton Psychological Association and is a clinical professor at the Wright State University School of Professional Psychology. His talk textbook, Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, received the 2008 Axiom Business Book Award Silver Medal. Dennis is currently (and through the end of the year) training 2000 corporate executive management/supervisory employees for a very successful regional trucking company. The results are so outstanding that the company has expanded the original contract to include all managers and supervisors, instead of just the executive management team. He has also trained smaller groups for an internationally known designer and manufacturer of robotics, as well as training all employees of a small, local electronics distributorship. He also uses the T2M system with his private, relationship communications training clients. Please feel free to contact the office to set up a time to speak with Dr. O’Grady. You won’t regret that you made the call — no one ever does!

Top Picks For Sales People

A MULTIDIMENSIONAL WARRIOR

What are top picks for a positive attitude set for top sales people? In the Talk2Me© positive and effective communication system, top sales people continually venture outside of their comfort zones. They don’t criticize what everyone else is doing, or failing to do, instead getting on down the road of two-way communication that consistently yields results and boosts energy especially when you hit roadblocks or have setbacks. Picking top sales people is an intuitive art and logical science.

TOP LEADERSHIP COMMUNICATION SKILLS FOR SALES PEOPLE

Top sales people are in the driver’s seat of their own professional and personal life by using these 6 strengths of a realistically positive attitude:

ATTITUDE #1: A SELF-STARTER
Top sales people are self-starters who are alert and organized, confidently going into the unknown, to pick the new fruit of old opportunities. They don’t get to the end of their driveway in the morning feeling indecisive about whether to turn left of right.

ATTITUDE #2: A QUIET AGGRESSIVENESS
Top sales people have a lean competitive streak in them. They are willing to work hard to accomplish results by using their multidimensional talents. They don’t suck up to the manager, which is a low trust indicator.

ATTITUDE #3: A STRAIGHT SHOOTER
Top sales people don’t exaggerate and tell you straight about suggestions to do things differently and better. They don’t manipulate others by keeping them close to avoid hearing needed negative feedback.

ATTITUDE #4: OFFERS IDEAS AND FIXES
Top sales people are new idea generators and can take criticism all day long, but don’t become chronic complainers. They don’t quit and are passionate about finding answers to your business problems.

ATTITUDE #5: GO WHERE FEW DARE TO GO
Top sales people harvest the entire field knowing that differences enrich us all. They don’t avoid half of the field that includes potential customers of an opposite communicator type who are difficult to build rapport with.

ATTITUDE #6: A COMPLEX COMMUNICATOR WITHOUT A COMPLEX
Top sales people know that communication is everything, and that many personalities and influences flow together or impede the sales process. They don’t shirk from living on the edge of stress every day … the edge of fatigue … the edge of changing trends and peoplescapes.

Top sales people are “multidimensional communication warriors.” They’re using the strengths equally of sensitive Empathizer-type and insensitive Instigator-type communicators. Thus, E-types become more ME-types and I-types become more WE-types.

SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY SOMETHING CLICKED INSIDE OF ME AND I FEEL LIKE A TOTALLY NEW PERSON

This 39-year-old Empathizer male communications client had this to say after 5 sales leadership training sessions in the Talk2Me© system:

I really need to thank you. Somewhere along the way something clicked inside of me and I feel like a totally new person. I could go on and on. My joy is back and happiness follows and my negative thinking has almost totally disappeared. If something comes after me negative, I’ve figured out how to turn it positive. My emotions are powerful and I’m getting compliments at work to “keep doing what you’re doing because it’s working.” The issues that brought me here are no longer an issue. I’ve totally released and let go of what I can’t control. I just really want to thank you for doing what I came here to accomplish. You’ve given me great tools. I’m responsible to use them and it’s up to me to use tools that work. This is stuff I always knew within me but the fear of changing kept me from doing. I’ve applied the T2M tools in a frame of mind of wanting to move along instead of feeling tired or defeated.

STOP PUSHING AGAINST THE RIVER

So stop pushing hard against the river of opportunity … quit paddling backwards against the flow of communication … flow with the force of the river to go downriver and net results as big as your biggest dreams. Your life starts today! After all, you are a multidimensional communication warrior!

A MULTIDIMENSIONAL WARRIOR

You are a warrior when you come home through the door exhausted. What’s needed in the top sales professional? A good personality … highly motivated … positive energy … ability to juggle 100 plates on long sticks … shrugging off rejection like water off a duck’s back … and still smile. It’s multidimensional selling at its best.

WHO IS “TALK DOC” DENNIS O’GRADY?

Dennis E. O’Grady, Psy.D., is a Dayton communications psychologist and relationship communications coach. Dennis wears two hats, one of corporate trainer in leadership communication skills, and the other as a couple communications expert. The Talk2Me system bridges communications gaps and helps resolve family conflicts. Dr. O’Grady’s mission is to give you tools to use to improve the quality of your life. Dennis is the author of Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone. www.drogrady.com.