Tactical Communication

IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO GOOD COMMUNICATION

It all boils down to communication…how you feel about talking and how you avoid a communication meltdown. Do you feel like a goof ball when it comes to good communication? People often have two different sets of expectations, and if you don’t discuss things, there’s bound to be upset. Those who frequently communicate often find that they don’t hate exchanging information. In fact, they find that even when expectations collide, communication crashes do not necessarily result.

EXPECTATIONS CRASHES CRUSH RELATIONSHIPS

Expectation collisions crush relationships. But it’s not that big of a deal if you’re tactical in your communication. What is tactical communication? Tactical communication is intentionally initiating a discussion, taking a little extra time to build trust, when you don’t have to. A good time for this is when the pressure isn’t on you and your talk partner to achieve anything monumental. So, by putting a little energy in on the front end, you protect your prized relationships when stress and strain set in.

So, what are three shortcuts to give good talk a chance in your life?

GIVE TALK A CHANCE

The three C’s of good tactical communication, or two-way talks, are: Connect, Clarify, Confirm. Here’s how to make these three-Cs of two-way talk tactics work for you today:

C1. CONNECTING. “I’m just calling to find out what, if anything, is up regarding….” or “I wasn’t sure if you had heard this, so I wanted to fill you in.”

Tactical Talk: In short, you reach out to stay in close touch, especially when you don’t have to.

C2. CLARIFYING. “I’d like to clarify something with you if you have a second….” or “What do you expect to happen next?” and “What is your take on all of this?”

Tactical Talk: In short, to quell anxieties, you’re clarifying expectations and emerging realities by openly comparing notes and perceptions.

C3. CONFIRMING. “Let me see if I’ve heard you correctly….” and “Are you saying that the next steps are…?” or “So what you and I are agreeing to do by the end of the week is….”

Tactical Talk: In short, you confirm that what you think is true, is actually going to happen.

GIVE GOOD TALK A CHANCE IN YOUR LIFE TODAY

Tactical communication is predictable and preengineered to avoid many unnecessary misunderstandings. As one client said, “I’ve learned from your T2M system that it’s not that big of a deal when you’re tactical in your communication!” Give good talk a chance in your life today.

ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS O’GRADY

Dennis E. O’Grady, Psy.D. is a Dayton region relationship communications psychologist and corporate trainer. Dennis is the developer of the innovative and results-driven communication system, Talk To Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, available at drogrady.com.

What I Gain When I Lose Weight

BE AWARE OF WHAT YOU EAT

What do you gain when you lose weight? By using the Talk to Me© positive and effective communication system, Empathizer-type communicators, who often struggle with weight issues, can stop eating compulsively. How? By focusing their thoughts on what will be gained by eating sensibly. You’re eating life is going to get a whole lot healthier…if you want it to.

WHAT DO YOU GAIN WHEN YOU LOSE WEIGHT?

It’s not about looks. It’s not about the weight you are. Losing weight is not the goal. Breaking the thought pattern is the plan. E-types are able to change long-standing habit patterns of eating by focusing on positive thoughts and results. You can change the spots on a leopard. How? By changing the thought processes, healthy eating habits will emerge, resulting in feeling healthier almost immediately.

FOCUS YOUR AWARENESS ON GOOD THINGS YOU GAIN BY EATING SENSIBLY

Write down a list in black-and-white about what you will gain when you lose weight. Make sure to list at least 15 good outcomes. Preferably, send this list to yourself in an e-mail and flag it as important. Print out the list, or put the list on a card to carry with you and pull out whenever you eat. Don’t try to change what you eat but how you think about the outcomes of your eating. One client’s list is used as illustration below.

Whenever I eat, I will now think about these things which I will gain when my weight decreases:

  • I can hold my grandbaby
  • I can get up from a chair easily
  • I won’t get winded when I walk
  • I can buy clothes in more stores
  • I can fit into booths when I play darts
  • I can put lotion on my feet
  • I will be able to tie my shoes without straining
  • I will feel healthy
  • I will feel better about myself
  • I will have a healthy relationship with a mature guy
  • I will put positive people and things into my life
  • I can do more things I enjoy
  • I will love and approve of myself
  • I will encourage good things to happen
  • I will be independent
  • I will do what I want to do
  • I will figure out what I like
  • I will do what I’ve never done before
  • I will be in charge of my life

HOW TO BE AWARE OF THE AMOUNT YOU EAT…

Eat in awareness! It’s all about you! When eating compulsively, or when you’re compulsively thinking about eating, you aren’t aware of what or how much you eat, nor do you remember what you ate. The Million Dollar Talk Tool creates awareness of eating while you’re eating, which creates permanent change! It’s all about how you feel and think about the freedom to love your life and those in it.

MILLION DOLLAR TALK TOOL…WHILE EATING I THINK ABOUT WHAT I WILL GAIN BY NOT EATING COMPULSIVELY

In my experience, Empathizers have more struggles with weight issues than do Instigators. Each talk type preference produces desired changes quite differently. OK, Hear Ye All Empathizers: Whenever you eat (or think of eating), try to think of how you will profit by letting go of unnecessary eating. You’ll be glad you’re regaining your independence by caring for yourself.

ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST, DENNIS E. O’GRADY

Dennis O’Grady, Psy.D., is known as the Talk Doc since the advent of his positive and effective communication system, Talk2Me©. Dennis is a corporate consultant and team trainer, while maintaining a private practice which focuses on improving communication. His Talk2Me© training programs for Dayton Freight Lines (Regional LTL Transportation Services); Morris South (CNC Machine Tool Distribution); Parts Express (Electronics E-Retailer); and Motoman (World Leader in Robotic Solutions). Dennis is president of the Dayton Psychological Association and is a clinical professor at the Wright State University School of Professional Psychology. His talk textbook, Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, received the 2008 Axiom Business Book Award Silver Medal. Not much time to read? Check out www.drogrady.com for hundreds of blogs dedicated to Dennis’s communication approach. You can contact the Talk Doc at 937.428.0724, or email him from the website.

The Five Leadership Communication Commandments

IS SUCCESS AS SIMPLE AS HANGING THE BROOMS AND SHOVELS?

Is success as simple as hanging the brooms and shovels where they’re supposed to go? Is it finding out what works well and doing it over and over again, instead of doing what doesn’t work over and over again? Right you are on both counts. A best practice in communications psychology is to ask top-performing leaders how they get such good results, so those same results can be duplicated by others. In short, when the novice does what works for the master, lo and behold, the novice gets good results, too.

5 COMMUNICATION BEACONS FROM A TOP FLIGHT INSTIGATOR LEADER

After a recent corporate training session, I asked one of the participants, a long-standing, peak-performing Individual Quality (I.Q.) Leader of a growing business in the area, for his Top 5 Leadership Commandments for Good Communication. Here’s his formula for success which you, too, can use…

5 Positive Attitude Beacons from a Top Gun Communication Flight Master:

1. KNOW WHO YOU ARE. Don’t try to be everything to everybody. Find out what you do well and what you like to do, then do those things a whole lot.

2. ACCOUNTABILITY. Each of us is accountable and has a boss to be accountable to. We’re expected to perform those functions assigned.

3. WORK ETHIC. You are paid to produce positive results.

4. DISCIPLINE. Do it the right way – the same right way – over and over and over again.

5. A SENSE OF TEAM. No matter what function or role you perform at the workplace, we’re just people…and just because I have a different job than you, doesn’t mean I am better than you.

In short, if you embrace your role in the company and strive every day to become a little better at it, we will have success, and, at the same time, set everyone up for success.

ARE YOU A TOP COMMUNICATOR?

What 5 attitudes do you use to navigate your success? Top communicators don’t allow their communication to come out of the blue, dropping out of thin air and confusing others like a spinning gyroscope that drives everyone batty….

Sandwich. The fourth Earl of Sandwich was John Montagu, and he engaged often in his favorite pastime, gambling. Any time he was able to take a seat in a game, he would. During his playing times, he didn’t want to leave the gaming table to take the time to eat formally at the dining table. Instead, he ordered his servants to give him a slice of roast beef between two pieces of bread so he could eat while he played. Because this sandwich was portable and needed no utensils, it became widely incorporated into the daily lives of those who were short on time or who found it difficult to be at home for every meal. The Earl of Sandwich may not have been the first to come up with the idea of a sandwich, but he was the first to use it in public…often.

WHO IS “TALK DOC” DENNIS O’GRADY?

Dennis E. O’Grady, Psy.D., is a Dayton communications psychologist and relationship communications coach. Dennis wears two hats, one of corporate trainer in leadership communication skills, and the other as a couple communications expert. The Talk2Me system bridges communications gaps and helps resolve family conflicts. Dr. O’Grady’s mission is to give you tools to use to improve the quality of your life. Dennis is the author of Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone.

Leading By Example

CHANGE IS BLOSSOMING

Are you Leading By Example in your marriage, as taught in the Talk2Me positive and effective communication system? Is your wife a sensitive soul who is feeling unappreciated and taken for granted through your lack of little loving touches? Hey, that’s pretty normal…BUT not good because you may be getting a C- on your relationship score card without ever knowing it. Here’s how a 50-something professional married guy, who’s an Instigator communicator and an introvert, put the Family Change Challenge:

Change is blossoming, thanks to our meetings. There’s less tension at home, and change is occurring in our family, including with our teenager. But I still dread what’s going to happen next. It’s like walking on eggshells when I take a tough love stand as a dad. When I say what people should be doing, it never seems to work. Change starts with me Leading By Example. That changes everything. And the next stage of our growth is to create more time for loving exchanges with my wife.

Empathizers become unhappy in the relationship with their partner when they don’t receive regular displays of positive feedback, which make them feel appreciated instead of neglected or rejected.

ARE YOU LEADING BY EXAMPLE?

Couple conflicts increase when couple displays of affection decrease. And it’s only human nature that when people get mad, they tend to strike back. Do we want to get even? Nah, we want to pull ahead. So, here was my question to my positive Instigator client husband: “What 12 little things could you do or say that would prove to your wife that you care deeply for her and will love her past death?” Although my client responded with dry wit that, “I don’t think I can come up with that many…” he managed to come up with 14 in no time at all. Of course he knows that he is a Course In Communication Miracles. The Course of course: How to Show Physical Affection.

REVITALIZING YOUR MARRIAGE

Demonstrating physical affection boosts energy and makes people feel good. Do you take your wife or husband for granted when it comes to physical affection? Here’s the list my proud, professional, warrior, male Instigator client relayed to me. “Together, my wife and I, need to revitalize what we used to feel before there were communication problems. So I will…”

  • Open doors for her
  • Hug her before she leaves for work
  • Massage her neck
  • Offer to help out
  • Just sweep the floor instead of waiting to be asked
  • Kiss her goodnight
  • Hold hands when we’re walking
  • Put my arm around her waist
  • Lotion her feet
  • Give her a massage with oil
  • Tell her “I love you a lot…” before she tells me
  • Have more family hugs
  • I could blow in her ear like I used to 20 years ago
  • Dance with her
  • Take a shower together

WHAT TO DO IF YOU’RE TAKING HER FOR GRANTED?

No public displays of affection? You’ve stopped doing all those little caring things you used to do, that still mean so much? It’s not too late to change. Well, you’re in charge of your relationship destiny, aren’t you? O.K. So you’ve been hurt a lot over the years by how things have turned out. You still need to Lead By Example in your marriage today.

THE NEXT STAGE OF FAMILY REHABILITATION

Will your wife go into shock from all this positive attention? Will she flip out and think you’ve been out to the bar with babes? Who knows? Perhaps your wife will stop being so negative. In fact, you will run into fewer problems throughout the whole family. And your teenagers will see a good leader who is leading by example. “Don’t do as I do, do as I say?!” Nah, watch me now. “Do as I do, and do as you say!” You’ve got to love the fact that loving change can happen whenever you will it to.

WHO IS “TALK DOC” DENNIS O’GRADY?

Dennis E. O’Grady, Psy.D., is a Dayton communications psychologist and relationship communications coach. Dennis wears two hats, one of corporate trainer in leadership communication skills, and the other as a couple communications expert. The Talk2Me system bridges communications gaps and helps resolve family conflicts. Dr. O’Grady’s mission is to give you tools to use to improve the quality of your life. Dennis is the author of Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone.

Are Top Dogs Instigator Communicators?

AVOID LOOKING LIKE A GOOF BALL

Last time I told you that movie hero Rocky Balboa was an Empathizer-type communicator. In the Talk to Me© leadership communication system, he would be a “Seer.” He went to war with Apollo Creed for the Heavyweight Boxing Championship. As you’ve learned, whom you box with in real life is typically your opposite communicator type. I’ve also taught that you should walk in the shoes of your opposite talk type. Are there characteristics which tell you that boisterous and flamboyant top dog Apollo Creed was an Instigator communicator? You tell me….

DO YOU EAT NAILS FOR BREAKFAST?

Instigator-type communicators don’t mind a good fight or conflict. They are strong-willed, eat nails for breakfast, and fart thunder. I-types can’t stand losing, much less losing face, and they want to win big and look good while doing it. When criticized harshly, they will work harder and smarter to be the one in the right. Situations that worry most people roll off the backs of Instigators like water off a duck.

I-type talk-traits which Apollo demonstrated:

…Lived life with fiery passion – and an occasional flare-up
…Easily accepted that he was the greatest champion
…Turned bad news into an opportunity
…Snatched success out of the jaws of defeat
…Came up with the promotional idea of using a local talent
…Bragged comfortably
…Got lost in the marketing and didn’t see that Rocky had nothing to lose
…Surrounded himself with very talented people who could deliver what he needed
…Saw the map ahead which would solve his problems
…Made a memorable spectacle of the whole thing, with fancy costumes and all
…Confident – ever confident
…Never going to give up or quit
…Believed in justice and fairness for all

ARE YOU AN INSTIGATOR-TALK BOXER?

If you are an Instigator communicator, these traits will fit you like a hand in a boxing glove when you’re in the ring with your talk opponent:

• You need R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

• You default to anger when vulnerable.

• Tough feedback is easier to give than to take.

• Getting past the past is your way to make peace, not war.

• Reaching a friendly compromise is a challenge, when you are hurting.

• An Achilles heel for you, however, is that when the red flag of anger is flying, logic flies right out the door.

• Rogues or toxic communicators, psychodrama, and making a mountain out of a molehill drain your physical energy battery.

• When stressed, you forget that being right and winning is not the same as being loving and compromising.

• You are for doing less of what isn’t working.

• You recommend a cooling off period before attempting problem-solving, when the bridge of trust has been weakened.

• Although proud, you can admit to making mistakes.

• You are a role model for how to get down to business and not beat around the bush.

• You tend to be loyal to people who produce the results you seek.

To avoid looking like a goof ball, use your strengths, and your co-communicator’s strengths, for the good of all.

ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the new Talk Doc in town, a corporate consultant, team trainer, and the insightful, original developer and researcher of the Talk to Me© positive and effective communication system. T2Me has been successfully implemented in multi-generational family companies and couples communication training.