Fighter Rocky Was An Empathizer Communicator?

IN THIS CORNER…ROCKY BALBOA

Remember when you watched and felt the first punch of the original Rocky movie, starring Sylvester Stallone? And what about the music from that muscle-pumping soundtrack… ♫da-da-dah♪… ♫da-da-dah♪ … ♪da-dum …♫da-da-dum♪-dum-dum …. It still makes me want to punch bags, do sit-ups, sprint up hundreds of steps, and leap up-and-down in celebration! I enjoyed watching this classic with my wife and daughters recently.

Do you recall the story line? In one corner of the ring is Apollo Creed, the heavyweight boxing champion of the world, who is, at the moment, in a pinch for a payday. The other corner was occupied by a Philly Italian underdog boxer named Rocky, who had nothing to lose and who trained by breaking the ribs of slabs of beef hanging in a meat freezer.

Each man was a skilled, thriller fighter. Could it be that Rocky was an Empathizer-type communicator, in the Talk To Me© system, who was known for being super-sensitively tuned-in, as my wife suggested? Adrian! And what about idea-man Apollo Creed, whose promotional genius saved the day? Here comes a left jab…you tell me. Rocky was an Empathizer, but how do I know?

CHARACTERISTICS THAT EXPLAIN WHY UNDERDOG ROCKY WAS AN EMPATHIZER COMMUNICATOR

Although Empathizer-type communicators have guts that don’t quit, and they possess “jerk radar,” they can also be saps and neglectful about sharpening their talent tools. E-types don’t want to stand out and risk falling down. (In fact, when slammed or shunned, E-types shut down and disappear on you.)

E-type talk-traits that Rocky demonstrated…

…Sensitively talked to his two turtles, Cuff and Link
…Dreamed big but thought small
…Put a great deal of thought into joking with Adrian at the pet store, to gain her favor
…Although he felt slighted, he avoided conflict with his gym manager
…Procrastinated working out at the gym and lost his locker
…Intuited that although Adrian was shy, she was a beautiful woman, inside and out
…Couldn’t bring himself to break the thumbs of a client who owed the loan shark cash
…Kept forgiving Adrian’s brother, when he was an “anger alcoholic” repeatedly
…Had difficulty believing in his natural born boxing talents
…Really valued talking to everyone on the street and being in relationships with people

Rocky always empathized and connected with people and creatures of all kinds. He was muscled, big and rough, and tough spoken, but he had a soft heart of bright gold.

ARE YOUR TALENTS SHUFFLED AROUND BY OTHER PEOPLE?

Empathizers can lose track of who they are, which results in a forfeiture of confidence. Rocky set his goal to go more than three rounds and still be standing at the end. The fight ended in a tie, so he got his wish. Are you in an invisible boxing ring or cage, feeling as though you’re being shuffled around, causing you to get off track and unable to reach your goals, my dear Empathizer communicators? Don’t let anyone, anyhow, anyway toss you into the backseat of your life or throw you out of your communicator car!

ARE YOU AN EMPATHIZER-TALK BOXER?

If you are an Empathizer communicator, these traits will fit you like a hand in a boxing glove:

• You tell the truth and listen more than talk, to really know what’s really going on.

• You dislike, “I know best…” or “I’m right and you’re wrong…” extremism.

• You care about people, not just about their money, so you can sleep at night.

• You may not have book-smarts, but you do have street-smarts. Unlike many people, you actually learn from life.

• You are able to predict which strategies will fly or fail, based on your uncanny ability to look into your crystal ball and see the future.

• An Achilles heel for you, however, is that you get your knuckles bloodied, trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.

• You are able to command great respect and loyalty, not only because you put your customers’ needs first, but also because you genuinely care about their satisfaction as well as their frustration, over the long haul on the two-way communication highway.

• You have uncanny relationship savvy.

• You are opposed to doing more of what isn’t working.

• You have irreplaceable wisdom, earned through painful experiences.

• Although humble, you do know best.

• You are a role model for how to get along with anyone.

• You tend to stay loyal to people who aren’t being loyal to you, to the company, or to the project.

What about the communicator type of Apollo Creed? Where does he fit into the scheme of things…? Stay tuned for the next round of good communication in the Friday Talk News.

ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the new Talk Doc in town, a corporate consultant, team trainer, and the insightful, original developer and researcher of the Talk to Me© positive and effective communication system. T2Me has been successfully implemented in multi-generational family companies and couples communication training.

The Underachiever’s Creed

ARE YOU A SLACKARD?

For all you Type-A personalities, I have an Underachievers Club you can join for free. Just raise your hand halfway and repeat after me, my dear Overachievers:

THE UNDERACHIEVER’S CREED

I’ll do the worst I can….

I will get paid more for doing less….

I won’t think about work, once I leave the doors of the building.…

I won’t take any work home….

I won’t read e-mail from home….

I will work my eight hours and go home….

I will take extended lunches….

I’ll blame something for why I can’t do what I’ve promised to do….

I won’t complete my action items….

I will get others to do my work when I can….

I will never volunteer and I will be grumpy….

I will leave all stones unturned….

I will dial down my work ethic….

I’ll call in sick when I’m not….

I will take very long breaks….

I’ll do the worst I can….

THE UNDERACHIEVERS’ CLUB

So do you want to be a member of The Underachievers Club? If you’re an Empathizer-type communicator, pass this along to a friend who’s doing the work others slide out of. If you’re an Instigator-type communicator, pass this along to make a co-worker paranoid. You, too, can fail to pay your dues and not show up when people are counting on you.

So, promise, to do the worst you can today instead of your best.

BUSHED? When you are totally exhausted, you often say you are bushed. This word originated with Dutch settlers, who termed the forests and woods they had to clear bos, which was modified by the English to bush. Clearing away dense forests and thickets was hard work, and after a hard day’s work of carving out trails and cutting trees for log homes, the settlers would declare with a sigh, “I’m bushed….” Today, bushed is used to express exhaustion from any physical activity.

ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the new Talk Doc in town, a corporate consultant, team trainer, and the insightful, original developer and researcher of the Talk to Me© positive and effective communication system. T2Me has been successfully implemented in multi-generational family companies and couples communication training.

Don’t Bother Me

PREJUDICE UNDERCUTS PROFITS

What prejudices do you hold about your opposite communicator type? What are “hot buttons” that can set off explosions between the two of you? Whether it’s a person at work or your partner at home…what makes it so hard for the two of you to “just talk?” Here’s what drives Empathizers up the wall about their Instigator pals, be they boys or girls. Please notice that using “They” or “They’re” widens the communicator spark gap or widens the distance between co-communicators that has difficulty being bridged. The Talk To Me© system opens up closed-off communication avenues through using miracle-making Communication Table tools. If you want to delete all those difficult people in your life, consider what a recent training group had to say about what bugs and bothers them about people who alternatively are too sensitive or too thick skinned.

WHY YOU BOTHER ME, BOY

Why Instigators (or I-Types) Bother Me, An Empathizer: (If you are unsure about your communicator type, you can take the test to find out, privately and for free, at www.drogrady.com.)

THEY’RE…

They’re always right.
They’re pushy.
They don’t listen.
They confuse opinion with fact.
They’re critical.
They’re insensitive.
They’re always on task.
They’re rash.
They’re quick to judge.
Their reality is the only reality.
They do not understand the impact of their words or actions.

WHY YOU BOTHER ME, GIRL

Why Empathizers (or E-Types) Bother Me, An Instigator: (If you are unsure about your communicator type, you can take the test to find out, privately and for free, at www.drogrady.com.)

THEY…

They are slow thinkers.
They worry too much.
They’re overly sensitive.
They want to please everyone.
They’re perfectionists.
They’re too emotional.
They’re too demanding.
They’re too passive.
They’re too indecisive.
They’re too literal.
They avoid conflict.
They’re too agreeable.
They repeat themselves too much.
They rehash history and bring up old news.
They’re illogical.

ARE YOU NICE OR DO YOU ICE PEOPLE WHO DISAGREE WITH YOU OR WHO ARE DIFFERENT?

Do these “They…” sayings, or negatalking, sound a little too familiar to you? Be a conscious communicator who has an open mind to getting along better with others. Don’t fall prey to prejudices about people who are ignorant. Why walk through a minefield of misunderstanding, uncertain where the next land mines are located, because you’re not using the Talk2Me© system? You know in your heart that you secretly admire your opposite communicator type. And I’m all ears ….

ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the new Talk Doc in town, a corporate consultant, team trainer, and the insightful, original developer and researcher of the Talk to Me© positive and effective communication system. T2Me has been successfully implemented in multi-generational family companies and couples communication training.

Will You Be Good To Me?

ARE YOU GOOD TO YOUR BELOVED?

Will You Be Good To Me is a poem I wrote to help couples improve the quality of their life together. The stanzas are written from the viewpoint of a sensitive Empathizer communicator who is feeling ignored and taken for granted by an indifferent Instigator partner.

WILL YOU BE GOOD TO ME?

Will you let me know in little ways how important I am to you each day?
Will you see me through fresh new eyes each morning?
Will you hear my words with non-judgmental ears?
Will you give me a hug when I feel overwhelmed without my asking?

Or will you be too busy to call me from work …
Look at me through cold, cynical eyes in the morning …
Judge me as too needy if I need to talk to you …
Scold me for wanting a hug when you’re rushed!

Will you still love me when I disagree respectfully with you?
Will you still remember that I’m a good man or a good woman when you’re mad at me?
Will you accept my disappointments without becoming defensive?
Will you accept my vulnerability and not attack or lambaste me?

Or will you put me down when I disagree with you …
Call me bad names when you’re mad at me …
Give me grief instead of hearing my grief …
Disappear when I’m distraught!

Will you confront me when I shred your self-esteem?
Will you remind me how I’m good enough when I doubt myself?
Will you make regular deposits in our bank account of love?
Will you forgive me for being far less than I can be?

Or will you ignore my complaints …
Lay a guilt trip on me that I’m being too selfish …
Treat the dog better than you treat me …
Blame me for not living up to your expectations!

Will you kiss me when you don’t have time to?
Will you be excited and happy to buy me presents?
Will you set limits with me when I talk stupidly?
Will you hold my hand in the grocery store?

Or will you love me when you’re not so busy …
Get more thrilled about the bills than me …
Stuff your anger and steam when I speak stupidly …
Walk in front of me when we’re out together!

Will you be good to me?
And love me even when I don’t show up to love myself?

ARE YOU LOVING AN EMPATHIZER-TYPE COMMUNICATOR?

If your loved one is sensitive, emotional, thin-skinned, dislikes arguing, is easy-going and compromises easily, then your co-communicator is likely an Empathizer communicator. Conversely, if your loved one is insensitive, doesn’t sit back, likes to be in control, is thick-skinned, enjoys debating points, and has a strong personality type, then your partner is likely the opposite talk type or an Instigator communicator.

You can test your type and receive a free and private report of your communicator type at http://www.drogrady.com/type.php

Pre-Marital Counseling

RELATIONSHIP EFFECTIVENESS PROGRAM

My heart always leaps for joy when I work with a couple who wants to improve their communication skills, before they get married. Why? Research has shown that when a couple invests a few hours, before they get married, in communication training with a professional psychologist, it’s like they’re taking out an insurance policy to prevent divorce. Could exploring relationship talk patterns really be that important?

WHAT A COUPLE NEEDS TO KNOW ABOUT GOOD COMMUNICATION, BEFORE THEY GET MARRIED

Communication-wise, an ounce of prevention is worth a ton of cure or treatment. In just a few meetings, the couple and I take a good look at and talk deeply about potential pitfalls and walls which they would likely encounter as a newly married couple. Then we discuss and brainstorm ways to deal with those situations.

1. YOU CAN’T COMPARE APPLES AND ORANGES. Your communicator type counts for so much because you’re either an apple or orange in the communication orchard. Statistically, the typical pattern is for your partner to have the opposite of your communicator type. For example, the woman would be an Empathizer-type communicator, while the man is an Instigator-type communicator. Opposites do seem to attract, but will the bond last? If you don’t know about the two communicator types, you are driving with one-eye closed on a very busy, two-way communicator highway!

2. COMMUNICATOR KNOWLEDGE UNLEASHES THE POWER OF A POSITIVE RELATIONSHIP ATTITUDE. In a typical in-love couple, many misunderstandings will occur, causing hurt feelings and resentments to take hold and flourish. With knowledge of the key differences in attitude for Empathizer (E-type) and Instigator (I-type) communicators, you will avoid taking many unwanted wrong turns and detours on the Communicator Highway. Isn’t avoiding costly communication mistakes worth the price of a few hours spent with a relationship communications psychologist or the price of a book on good communication? Of course!

3. BAD COMMUNICATION HABITS ARE EASY TO COME BY. Under stress, couples-in-trouble easily adopt bad communication habits that stick if they are not replaced with appropriate communication habits. Why? We haven’t been taught how to quickly and courteously quell someone who constantly interrupts, talks down to, or rebuffs. Bad communication habits, power plays, and silent standoffs are disrupted by using the Talk2Me© effective communication system.

4. THE ROAD MAP. Couples co-create their own marriage as co-communicators. Nothing happens by chance. What is the road map for your journey together through a long and loving life together? Where does this map come from? During one of our meetings, I have the couple list 12 positive relationship attitudes they each would like to see in their marriage. For example, “To talk openly about anything without blaming anyone.” “To enjoy healthy friendships with other couples.” “To encourage robust sexuality.” “To stick within our financial budget and enjoy our prosperity.”

5. BUMPS IN THE ROAD. Although occasional discord is quite common between the partners in a newly married couple, they often panic when things aren’t peachy. But the bumps in the road can make your communicator car feel as if it were hanging over a cliff, held in place by the thinnest of threads, ready to crash and burn below in a canyon of worry. To prepare for such times, we identity challenges the couple must face together, free of fear. For example, whether to loan money to a family member; how to deal with pesky in-laws who put the couple on the outs; loss of a beloved mother or father; relocation due to career advancement or change; rules to disrupt unfair fights and how to sincerely apologize; avocational and religious observations; when to have kids and how to parent; and how to address — and change — bad habits, such as alcohol abuse or excessive worrying.

6. AFFIXING BLAME FIXES NOTHING. Unproductive blame games are the bane of every loving couple. It’s SO-O easy to blame the person instead of the problem…and then a partner can feel guilty and withdraw, causing more hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and misinterpretations. The point isn’t to point a finger of blame, but rather to fix problems in little steps without hurrying, steadily improving the couples’ confidence that together they are good communicators during sunny and stormy times. Pre-marital counseling identifies dead-end talk alleys to avoid, while it provides the tools to use on a detour.

7. LOVE IS A TWO-SIDED COIN. Love will make you feel everything you are afraid of feeling, so that you are able to heal old wounds and get rid of all that guilt baggage you no longer need to carry. But partners can turn white from fear when good feelings turn into ugly dark feelings. Not to worry! Love will sometimes seem lost, or missing in communication action. But, in reality it is very strong behind-the-scenes. Unfortunately, only an experienced couple knows this to be true, while the inexperienced couple must accept this fact on faith.

8. REMOVING RESENTMENTS. Fights happen. Having the same stupid fight over and over again happens. Each individual has a set of implied talk rules to create fairness, equality, and respect. I believe that each partner is 50% co-responsible for making things right when the apple cart has been turned over. Otherwise, stupid turns on the Talk Highway will end in each partner’s being a back-seat driver, angering the partner who’s driving. Walls of resentment kill happiness, peace of mind, and fun sexuality.

9. WHO’S TO BLAME FOR THIS MESS? No one is to blame. That’s right, no one is to blame. However, there is a problem to fix, through an open-minded discussion of alternatives and utilization of new talk strategies. Hard fact: Each partner who blames the person of the other partner for problems instead of the communicator type of the other partner, is being self-defeating. Intimate knowledge of your communicator type and how to employ the characteristics and talk strategies of the opposite type, makes for smoother traveling on the two-way communicator highway.

YOU DON’T CARE…YOU’RE NOT LISTENING…YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND…WHY DON’T YOU EVER LISTEN TO ME?

Debating doesn’t work to any great extent to advance good communication. Truly listening to divergent, rich, and different viewpoints does work. Talking negatively, such as, “You just don’t understand!” increases negative feelings. The last third of Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, focuses on talking positively during emotional times. Why take the time and make the effort? Negative feelings increase the chance for negative actions to occur, causing your communicator car to crash far from home. You no longer have to walk alone when you use the new talk technology at your disposal in Talk to Me.

WHO IS TALK DOC DENNIS O’GRADY?

Dennis O’Grady, Psy.D., provides pre-marital counseling, marriage counseling, and relationship communication coaching in Dayton, Ohio. Dennis is the author of the powerful new communication system found only in “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along with Anyone.” Talk2Me© quickly helps you understand your and your talk partner’s communicator types. Also provided are talk tools and strategies which help you converse effectively when emotions are high and logic is low. The Talk2Me© system is used in corporate training, too, since good communication principles are similar at home and work. Dr. O’Grady is available by phone at (937) 428-0724 or at dennis@drogrady.com.