Superstar Communicator

SUPERSTAR COMMUNICATOR

If you understand your specific communicator type of Empathizer or Instigator communicator, you are already cruising down the two-way communicator highway, admirably avoiding many accidents and misunderstandings that bruise relationships. If you understand the negative perceptions or prejudices about your communicator type and how you are viewed unfavorably by your opposite type when you’re under stress, then you are a Star Communicator. If you use the strengths of both E- and I-type communicators, you are a Superstar Communicator.

YOU CHOOSE THE MOOD OF YOUR TALK

You choose to be positive or negative in your communication mood mode. Positive communicators talk in the language of their fellow talk traveler to hear and understand more deeply and completely, and then act more assertively when problems need to be solved…after the talking is done. Check out what a recent TALK2ME© mood management workshop group ciphered out….

NEGATIVE E-TYPES (-Empathizers)

Are indirect

Tend to be passive aggressive

Are draining

Stew

Hold onto grudges

Too apologetic when not at fault

Shut down talks when stinging from hurt

POSITIVE E-TYPES (+Empathizers)

Are laid back

Demonstrate sincere, non-verbal expressions of hearing you out

Listen completely before acting

Have a good memory of personal events

Come out looking good

Emanate warmth

Are good facilitators

Possess emotional radar

NEGATIVE I-TYPES (-Instigators)

Are self-righteous

Tend to be critical

Judge others

Are confrontational

Are sharp-tongued

Make excuses

Intimidate others

Are selfish

Are closed-minded

Continually stir the pot

POSITIVE I-TYPES (+Instigators)

Are comfortable thinking about meeting their own needs

Demonstrate confidence in their actions

Task oriented

Get the job done

Are self-assured

Don’t hold onto past grudges

Let it go–Be done with it

Don’t allow people to walk all over them

SUPERSTAR STRENGTHS

The vote was clear about the most admired strengths of positive Empathizer and positive Instigator communicators in this class….

MOST VALUABLE EMPATHIZER STRENGTH: LISTEN COMPLETELY BEFORE ACTING

MOST VALUABLE INSTIGATOR STRENGTH: LET IT GO–BE DONE WITH IT

ARE YOU A SUPERSTAR COMMUNICATOR?

You most certainly are…by using the strengths of both communicator worlds. It’s a cinch. First Problem Solving Rule: Listen completely before acting. Second Problem Solving Rule: Let it go–Be done with it.

Don’t know your communicator type? Take a minute to privately determine your type for free here …. http://www.drogrady.com/whats-your-type/

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the developer of the TALK2ME communication system. Through thirty plus years as a clinical psychologist specializing in relationship communication along with extensive research, Doctor O’Grady identified two different styles of communicators–Empathizers and Instigators. He discovered that each communicator style has its own unique set of traits and viewpoints and created a teaching tool to provide the map for the two communicators styles to work and live together in understanding and harmony.

Excellent Communication Practices

EXCELLENT COMMUNICATION PRACTICES

Creating the right climate control in your communicator car is crucial to getting high grades in good communication on leadership (or family) surveys. Why learn what makes your Empathizer or Instigator communicator car hum along the road less traveled?

TOP PICKS FOR COMMUNICATION PROWRESS

One TALK2ME© training group brainstormed these answers to, “What practices give you the biggest bang for your communication buck?”

1)   Lead by Example – You can’t expect communication if you don’t give it.

2)   Honesty – Dishonesty can come back to bite you.

3)    Active Listening with Follow-Up – Immediate solutions or develop a game plan.

4)    Open Door – Encourage team members to meet with you, don’t just go through the motions.

5)     Be Accessible – No Barriers – Nurture one-on-one communication.

6)     Restate the Question – Clarify the question before you answer it.

TO SUM IT UP

Lead by Example: The late, great UCLA Coach John Wooden put it like this:

No written word

No spoken plea

Can teach our youth

What they should be

Nor all the books

On all the shelves…

It’s what the teachers

Are themselves

TALK2ME: Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a Dayton communications coach, couples counselor, and corporate trainer. He can be reached at 937-428-0724.

Fighting Like Cats And Dogs

FIGHTING LIKE CATS AND DOGS

The comic strip Garfield demonstrates that our opposite communicator type can prove difficult for every communicator. In fact, there are two types of communicators, Empathizer and Instigator. Our beloved skinny, drooling, jumping-up-on-you-want-to-hug-and-sing-kumbayah around the campfire, everybody’s friend Odie, is an Empathizer. Conversely, our plump, stay-out-of-my-space, don’t-get-overly-emotionally-excited-about-anything, assertive, tell-it-like-it is and let-the-chips-fall-where-they-may Garfield, is an Instigator communicator.

WHY CAN’T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?

Just goes to show you can’t compare apples to oranges any more than you can compare cats to dogs. On the back of my book, TALK TO ME, is a picture of a face-off between a dog and a cat, with the caption, “Can’t we all just get along?” No, we can’t. Not when invisible prejudices between the two communicator types, ahem, cats and dogs, are like invisible highway concrete dividers that we crash into as we speed along on the two-way communication highway, without knowledge of communicator type prejudices.

CATS’ (GARFIELD THE INSTIGATOR) VIEWPOINT OF DOGS (ODIE THE EMPATHIZER)

These are real life lessons gleaned from a recent TALK2ME© group exercise. According to I-type cats, E-type dogs…

  • Are too emotional
  • Are very sensitive
  • Take everything personally
  • Dwell too much on things of the past
  • Are not upfront with feelings
  • Talk in too much detail…yada yada yada
  • Never gets to the point
  • Are definitely passive-aggressive – Just get it out on the table!!
  • Bring personal problems to work
  • Want everybody to be friends
  • Are needy; very needy
  • Feel whatever you say is about them
  • Need lots of eye contact during conversation
  • Are cry babies – they cry about everything
  • Are touchers – they want hugs
  • Are space invaders
  • Appear to be weak
  • Need to be liked
  • Suck-the-life-out-of-me space-invading vampires
  • Over-analyze everything

CRASHING INTO CONCRETE DIVIDERS ON TALK HIGHWAY

The above prejudices act like invisible concrete dividers on Talk Highway. Just when you’re traveling along, minding your own business, you crash your car into a barrier that appeared out of nowhere…just like that! Likewise, these secret/invisible prejudices keep the drawbridge up between the two worlds of communicators, so you can’t build trust, and improvement in problem solving isn’t even an option. If you plan to bring the bridge down and move the concrete dividers to the side of Talk Highway, you must be aware of the strengths and weaknesses of both types, and you must make a conscious decision to not step on toes.

EMPATHIZER ODIE’S VIEWPOINT OF INSTIGATOR GARFIELD

Fair is fair. Each type has critically pigeonholed their opposite’s strengths and weaknesses. So, why isn’t the comic strip named “Odie?” (Human Empathizers always feel like they’re in the passenger seat while the Instigator drives.) According to E-type dogs, I-type cats …

  • Tend to be aggressive
  • Are sort of like know-it-alls
  • Like to start trouble
  • DON’T LISTEN
  • Are abrasive
  • Are intense…hard core.
  • Come across very cold; not emotional
  • Always appear to be hurried
  • Think they’re judgmental
  • Think they always have to have the last word – and the first!
  • Are blunt. They’re bullies
  • Are too focused on product vs. process
  • Are straight to the point. They want concise answers.
  • Are bold; in your face
  • Point their finger – literally
  • Use strong body language
  • Come off snobby…like they’re better than you
  • Don’t take feedback
  • Don’t want to own it if the plan doesn’t work
  • Are not personable. They come in, say what they want, and then leave.
  • Are buttinskies!

Prejudices about “THEY ARE THIS” or “THEY ARE THAT” cause many deaths relationship deaths on Communication Highway. It’s driving under the influence of ignorance.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR ADMIRED STRENGTHS?

Empathizers most admire about Instigators… (Odie admires about Garfield.)

Instigators:

  1. Speak up more…
  2. Are focused and they stay on task.
  3. Show initiative
  4. Are DECISIVE
  5. Possess an air of self-confidence
  6. Move from task to task with ease
  7. Detach from crises
  8. Don’t need every detail
  9. Are able to depersonalize: Leave work at work

Instigators most admire about Empathizers… (Garfield admires about Odie.)

Empathizers:

  1. Are nice…
  2. Are able to emotionally connect with others
  3. Are able to express feelings more openly
  4. Take time to do the “extras” or “feel goods”
  5. Are patient
  6. Are loyal to their friends and beliefs
  7. Appreciate that they are different from Instigators
  8. Are approachable
  9. Are very giving

ADOPT A STRENGTH OF YOUR OPPOSITE TYPE

So when I counseled Garfield and Odie during a dispute, I encouraged them to understand how different Instigators are from Empathizers, and to actively adopt an admired strength of the other. What was the outcome? Odie decided to adopt the strength of DECISIVE and Garfield decided to adopt the strength of being more PATIENT. Who says cats and dogs can’t get along? Only in extreme cases might that be true….

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a Dayton psychologist, family business consultant, couples counselor, and effective communication expert. He can be reached at 937-428-0724.

Do You Have Your Doctorate Of Communications Degree?

DO YOU HAVE YOUR DOCTORATE OF COMMUNICATIONS DEGREE?

What’s up, Doc? Have you earned your Doctorate of Communications degree? If not, the following might just be an exam question: In your opinion, what single characteristic makes for excellent and effective leadership communication? Now, think a minute–and your answer would be …? Would you choose what kind of mood a leader parlays every day?

A+ COMMUNICATION…CORE LEADERSHIP COMPETENCIES

Let’s get personal: What makes you feel valued and valuable as a follower? Are you walking the talk? From real life Talk2Me© workshops, here are insights of people in the field….

1. COMFORT LEVEL. You are comfortable communicating with the leader about anything at any time. There is no fear of the leader or fear of tackling tough talks or change transitions. Do you feel a secure connection to your leader? Do you find it easy to connect with team members as a leader?

2. THOUGHTS HEARD. You feel valued. Your thoughts are heard and your opinions are regularly sought out by the leader. There isn’t resentment, because creative thoughts aren’t interrupted in mid-sentence. Do you feel trust towards your leader? Are you trusted as a leader?

3. COMMUNICATION AVAILABILITY. Even when busy, your leader is open to listening – neither impatience nor irritation are shown. Do you feel your leader is approachable and listens well? Are you approachable as a leader and as an engaged listener?

4. CONSISTENT AND CLEAR. Your leader provides consistent and clear directions about job goals and the company mission. There is no fear of delivering quality feedback. Do you feel your leader is being consistent and clear? Are you consistent and clear as a leader?

5. NOT MOODY. Your leader provides a safe and reliable emotional atmosphere by showing a positive attitude most times. There is no fear of being dumped on or fear of retaliation. Do you feel your leader drives in a good mood most days? Do you choose to be in a good mood most days as a leader?

JUST ASK ANYONE….

Ask anyone to give you feedback about how you come across as a leader. Ask your co-workers or boss, supervisor or supervisee, your kids or life partner….

“Do you feel comfortable talking to me? Do you feel valued and feel that your thoughts and opinions are heard and appreciated?

Although Empathizer leaders and Instigator leaders lead from different strength sets, each type must adopt these core leadership competencies and improve upon them a little bit every day to drive into a future of success.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a Dayton psychologist, marriage counselor, family business communications consultant and Mood Management workshop leader. Dr. O’Grady can be reached at 937-428-0724.

Stop Obsessive Thoughts

STOP, OBSESSIVE THOUGHTS…STOP!

How can you reject obsessive thoughts that are a big waste of time? Stop them? Re-direct them? Forget about them? For example, do you fret about how people think or feel about you…or ruminate over the fact that you have more month left than money? Reflect on this: Obsessive thoughts are how you treat yourself like a pile of crap. That’s why God loves us so.

IT WILL WORK OUT, ONE WAY OR ANOTHER

It all works out in the end. Tough love self-talk in the Talk2Me© system involves disrupting repetitive obsessive thoughts with stern self-rebuke, such as…

  • Obsessive thoughts are a big waste of time
  • I can’t always be thought of as I would like to be
  • My health is in my own hands
  • I alone am the manager of my mood
  • I set the tone in my home
  • My mind is my own
  • The past is dead. Learn from it what you can, then forget about it.
  • Oh, well, let’s go….
  • Let’s move forward NOW
  • It’s not worth my time to stall my mind out on this
  • It doesn’t really matter
  • Play a little harder to master the mind…don’t back down…don’t give in
  • There’s nothing friendly about piling on and wearing yourself down or beating up on yourself
  • Fight through it without resigning until the very end

A CHANGE ATTITUDE: WHO OWNS YOUR MIND?

Instill in yourself a come-from-behind attitude…a weathering-the-storm attitude…an-if-it-doesn’t-kill-you-it-makes-you-stronger attitude…a no excuses, whining, crying, blaming, making-lame-arguments-that-make-you-feel-weak mentality. Be a positive mood-maker, a blame-game-ender…one brilliant shining star who owns your own mind and knows how to use it to its best advantage.

Dennis O’Grady, PsyD is a Dayton clinical psychologist, couples counselor, and family business Mood Management seminar trainer. Contact Dr. O’Grady at New Insights Communication 937-428-0724.