Never Let Them See You Sweat

NEVER LET THEM SEE YOU SWEAT

Empathizers are criticized for getting their feelings hurt too easily and for staying hurt for too long. Are you able to stop caring and become indifferent when you’re dwelling too much on how someone did you wrong, making you feel unwell? Listen up. There’s a season and reason to be insensitive!

DON’T GIVE AWAY YOUR POWER

Empathizers can learn to present a front of self-control and confidence which Instigators value.  If you’re a sensitive E-type, how do you let water roll off your back like a duck?

To help out their E-type counterparts, I-types would advise Insensitivity Training via self-talk tools of this type…

  • Just don’t react
  • Don’t throw a fit
  • Don’t do what they think you’re going to do
  • Never let them see you sweat
  • Don’t dwell…be well
  • Don’t give away your power
  • Don’t react in the same manner that you’re being treated
  • Ignore the person
  • Stop thinking about it
  • Control what you can…accept what you don’t have power to influence

DON’T DWELL…BE WELL

These “be strong” messages take the focus off thinking…thinking…thinking about the other person, and puts the focus back on helping yourself get mentally fit.

THERE’S NO BETTER BEING TO BE, THAN BEING YOURSELF

Human beings are feeling machines. Empathizers ding themselves for being so emotionally alive. What’s all the fuss? When, my dear Empathizer, you’re dwelling on how someone has hurt your feelings – change the channel – dwell on being well.

“Talk Doc” Dennis O’Grady provides relationship help, family business consulting, and TALK2ME© positive and effective communication training for teams.

Exhibiting Empathy

EXHIBITING EMPATHY

What if you’re an Instigator husband who has miffed his Empathizer wife by neglecting her wants and wishes? In the TALK2ME© system, Instigators win big when they adopt the Empathy Factor, which is so prevalent among Empathizer communicators. How do you respond in a nurturing way, even when there isn’t much time to do so?

USE THE EMPATHY FACTOR TO PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR PARTNER

Empathy is defined as identification with and understanding of another’s situation, feelings, and motives. If you have been there, done that, then you can be empathetic. To convey your empathy to your conversation partner:

  • Be quiet in your mind – don’t allow your mind to spin a million miles an hour
  • Do unto others, as you would like others to do unto you
  • Pay attention to what you’re seeing and hearing
  • Respond – walk in the shoes of your partner
  • Demonstrate empathy to others
  • Show you care
  • Don’t worry
  • Listen more

THE EMPATHY GOLDEN RULE

No, the Empathy Golden Rule isn’t, “He who has the gold, rules.” What is the impact of empathizing with an Empathizer spouse? “It makes me feel special and appreciated when you help out on little things.”

The relationship results? Happiness. Thankfulness. Time savings. Laughter. Deep appreciation…all well-worth the effort of a tiny little, “I understand.”

“Talk Doc” Dennis O’Grady provides relationship help, family business consulting, and TALK2ME© positive and effective communication training for teams.

Emergency Kit For The Change Process

Change strain or fake talk got you singing the blues? Came across these survival items in a plastic bag with the note enclosed from my change management days…

EMERGENCY KIT FOR THE CHANGE PROCESS

* An ERASER so you can make mistakes disappear.

* A PENNY so you will never have to say “I’m broke.”

* A MARBLE in case someone says you’ve lost all yours.

* A RUBBER BAND to stretch yourself beyond limits.

* A PAPER CLIP to hold it together when everything falls apart.

* A HUG and a KISS to remind you that someone, somewhere cares about YOU.

“Talk Doc” Dennis O’Grady is a family business psychologist and psychotherapist from Dayton, Ohio.

How To Keep My Mouth Shut?

How to keep your mouth shut when talking to a conniving snit of an ill-tempered communicator? A business-savvy Instigator communicator client, who specializes in appetite management systems, asked, “I want to walk away from here with a list of key words to keep myself under control…to keep my mouth shut. If I keep my mouth shut, I will be O.K. There are going to be more stressful times ahead. How do I use your TALK2ME© communication approach to keep my mouth shut?”

ARE YOU AN AVERAGE OR AN ABOVE AVERAGE COMMUNICATOR?

Now, that’s a dandy question for all Instigators who have those “out of mouth” experiences, and then they regret words spoken. “Can’t I take my words back?” they wonder. Nope. If you ever wished you could take your words back, chances are, you are Instigator communicator, feeling only of average communication skills. You perceive your counterparts, Empathizers, as being superior communicators. How can you control your actions so you don’t open mouth and insert foot?

TO HAVE TOTAL CONTROL OF YOUR COMMUNICATION

When to be assertive and when to just listen? My Instigator colleague pointedly answered that Million Dollar Communication question. Key thoughts to keep your cool when temperatures rise…

  • Don’t be abrasive
  • No bitter sarcasm; be polite
  • No fuel to the fire of conflict
  • Be assertive, not aggressive
  • Keep control of yourself
  • Don’t do anything rash
  • If necessary, walk away when words fly

EASY SAYS IT: SENSIBLE THOUGHTS VS. PANICKED THINKING WHEN IN CONFLICT

The AA slogan, “Easy does it!” teaches not over-doing, while the T2M slogan, “Easy says it!” teaches not over-talking. Emotional fuel is added to the fire when you have a negative attitude. Emotions confuse facts. “I’m right…and let me tell you why!” arguments land you in a ditch. How do you NOT do something rash when someone is coming at you with opinions, not facts? Well…how? Walk the talk pointers listed above….

“Talk Doc” Dennis O’Grady is a clinical psychologist, speaker, and seminar leader and developer of the TALK2ME© system.

Who’s In Charge Of Your Life?

Who’s in charge of YOUR life? In the car of your life…the burnt orange car if you’re an Instigator communicator and ocean blue if you’re an Empathizer communicator…are you sitting in the passenger seat, expecting the auto-pilot to drive your life where you want it to go? No way, Jose.

YOU ARE IN THE DRIVER’S SEAT OF YOUR LIFE

An Empathizer client coached to use TALK2ME© tools, said:

“I am in control of my mood. I didn’t have to change myself. I’m not dwelling on it. I’m not bragging about it. I view people differently now, and it makes me feel better.”

It’s a shame that you have probably spent more time in driver education classes than in communicator education school, even though you communicate far more than you drive. Well, there’s no time like the present to improve your communication skills.

A CHANGE OF SCENERY…I DIDN’T SEE IT THAT WAY BEFORE

Although there’s no need to change who you are, simply by using TALK2ME© tools you will create a change in your perspective, and you will come to realize that you…

…are in charge of your life for life

…are willing to give yourself chances for happiness

…won’t allow someone else to drive your life

…have a good outlook on life

…know how to boost your mood by thinking positively

…cannot sit in the passenger seat and expect the car of your life to take you where             you want to go, while you clench your teeth and push your feet through the floorboards

Have someone else drive your life? No, thanks! After all, the happy pills and anti-misery pills are something you don’t really need to take. You are in the driver’s seat of your life, putting decisions into gear and making your way toward your goals.

YOU’RE THE LUCKIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD

You’re the luckiest person in the world. How lucky? So lucky that there’s no place you’d rather be than at work on your communication skills, because you know that arriving at your end destination depends on it.

Psychologist Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a relationship communication expert.  He can be reached at 937-428-0724.