People Who Don’t Get Along

No one gets along with everyone all of the time. Difficult people are defined as those people who don’t, won’t or can’t get along with you, right? So really now, how much stress pressure does your not getting along with people put on your brain? In a New Insights survey, I asked people like you and me to tell me what’s the hardest part of a stress situation, such as a holiday or birthday. Do you feel bad when you don’t get along with the Scrooge or Grinch of a family member during an important celebration?

NEW INSIGHTS STRESSFUL FAMILY COMMUNICATION POLL

Let’s do it by the numbers. When expectations for happiness are high, disappointments are rarely low or slow to follow. Be it a holiday or other special occasion, such as a birthday or anniversary. Here’s what poll respondents voted, when asked: “What’s the hardest part about a special holiday marked in time for you?”

1. PEOPLE WHO DON’T GET ALONG ………………. 33.33%

2. TIME SQUEEZE ……………………….. 22.22%

3. FEELING DEPRESSED …… 16.67%

4. REMEMBERING LOST LOVED ONES …. 16.67%

5. MONEY ….. 11.11%

DIFFICULT AND ANNOYING PEOPLE WHO YOU LET DRIVE YOU UP A WALL (AND DOWN AGAIN) WITH YOUR ASCENDING CONSENT

Well, I guess we could make a number of errors in our interpretation of the data. For example, we could surmise that it’s difficult people who are in control of your mood during times of celebration. Is that really true…that your mood is owned by some energy vampire who feeds on the positive? Well, here are some ideas to chew on:

1. Normal people like you are prone to feeling down, blue, even depressed

2. You feel down when you fondly remember lost loved ones, such as a parent or sibling or grandparent

3. You feel bad when you aren’t able to get along with a living relative, leading to disappointing expectations

4. Whenever you feel disappointed, you “default” to feeling grumbling mad and pointing the finger of blame

5. The more vigorously and sweetly you point the finger of blame–the more nothing changes due to this “anger game”

6. Because “emotions communicate”…the resentment will be received instead of a compromise solution reached

7. Family are people who come alive during important times of transformation and change…making MANY mistakes of misplaced psychoanalytical critiques

8. Your depression is self-reinforced because you are remembering lost loved ones fondly…while not being able to get along with the people who are alive and we’re all supposed to get along with during high holy times

9. When you can’t get along despite your best attempts AND your time is being squeezed thin between your toes to boot…you will want to kick someone or grin and bear the stress, both of which will deepen your depression all the more

10. Then you won’t get along with yourself at all well and pretty much feel pretty miserable during one of the supposedly happiest times in your thank-full life

11. Being a grouch of a Grinch who stole your Christmas or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or New Year’s or Valentine’s Day or Independence Day results

HAVE MERCY ON MY PSYCHOLOGIST SOUL: BE IN YOUR LIFE — BE THE LEADER OF YOUR OWN LIFE

Life sucks pears most of the time, so why worry or feel completely bad about the irony of it all? There’s one person who needs your tender loving guidance completely–and that’s you. You don’t get along with yourself far more than you don’t get along with anyone else. Now that’s something to honorably feel depressed about and change!

ABOUT PROFESSIONAL SPEAKER, AUTHOR AND COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DR. DENNIS O’GRADY

Dr. Dennis O’Grady, Psy.D. is no stranger to dealing with depression, stumbling over words trying to talk to a “difficult person,” high expectations exploding in the sky during important holidays, family losses, personal travesties and existential tragedies, wonders of work gone unnoticed, words of wonder openly heard and heeded…but most of all O’Grady is glad to be the father of three interesting daughters and a husband who is also the proud author of the new communications system that works when you use it four minutes daily, called “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone.” Why suffer…that which you can change…such as getting along better with yourself when you’re not getting along so hot with others that you care for or love?

PREVIOUS NEW INSIGHTS POLLS FOR YOUR REVIEW

Other New Insights Communication polls: People Who Don’t Get Along … What Makes A Person So Difficult To Get Along With … Personality Clashes or Communication Crashes? … “What’s The Toughest Emotion You Wrestle With?” … “Are You An Optimistic Driver On The Two-Way Communication Highway?” … “The Elephant Stampede” … “What Makes A Good Leader Great?” … “Does Your Attitude Work To Make You A Better Leader?” … “What’s Up With Your Confidence Level?” … “When You Argue, Are You Always Right?” … “Are You Shy or Stuck Up?”… “How Do You Handle Anger?”…“Are Men or Women Better Communicators?” “How Easily Are You Frustrated?”

A Positive Mental Attitude Leads Downhill To A Negative Attitude?

Question from Tom B. for this doctor psychologist: “When I try to use a positive mental attitude and get a lack of results for my efforts, it leads to a negative mental attitude. For example, if you tell a skier to think positively and don’t fear falling, and the skier then breaks a leg in an accident on the mountain, what then? Do you really think the hurt person can keep using the power of a positive attitude? Or if you pray for a person, and then they die…how does the pray-er then view prayer itself? If results are not there, people will blame anyone outside of themselves to ease the pain. When negative words work, we will use them, because we’re only human. You have some of the best stuff on the net, I can tell you are a pro. So what do you think? I read tons of BS and really enjoy your articles!”

WHY USE A GOOD COMMUNICATION STYLE…AND TALK POSITIVELY IF IT DOESN’T WORK?

Why NOT use a positive communication style? Harder, yes; impossibly silly or ridiculous, NO. Tom B., who wrote the above challenging question, read your mind my dear reader, didn’t he? Sure, a positive attitude won’t kill ya’…but what good does it really ever do when the chips are down and your mood has been flipped around? Much less break a leg when you’re tryin’ to step out? Come on all you positive typesters: Isn’t it skill more than luck, thick skin better than sensitive feelings, who you know more than how you demonstrate who you are? What about results…results…results for gosh sakes!

SHOWING YOU CARE FOR YOURSELF EVEN WHEN YOU THINK IT’S STUPID TO USE A POSITIVE ATTITUDE IF YOU MIGHT BREAK A LEG

So why use a positive communication style with your inner self…much less anyone else?

1. PMA, or positive mental attitude, is a term I first came to know about through the writings and teachings of Napolean Hill, who is the author of, “Think and Grow Rich.”

2. PMA is a faith-filled attempt to exert some positive mental control over bad tidings and errant emotions that drag you down and keep you there.

3. The primary purpose of a positive attitude is to restore faith when all hope has been lost.

4. The ultimate test of a positive attitude is to act kindly, compassionately and hope-filled when there is no logical reason whatsoever to do so. You act on “what if things could get better” faith.

5. Bad things happen to good people whether or not a positive attitude is being used.

6. A positive attitude isn’t some kind of insurance policy that keeps painful life happenings from happening to you and yours.

7. When bad things happen, what good does it do to adopt a negative attitude in order to wall the self off from feeling hurt? You are already feeling hurt, the question is how you are going to be in your life with hurt.

8. In my experience, positive people are better able to be “response-able” and effectively handle emotions that are both shiny like gold and dreary like rust…and let go of trying to control others, including God.

9. Emotions are dualities or opposites. Thus, even happiness can be negative or sorrow can be positive…what a mind-bender and life-changer. Thinking realistically and accurately is the best thinking of all?

10. All emotions are a two-sided coin. We can’t just have the positive or “sunny” side of emotions without the “darker” or “flip side” of emotions. Positive people are courageous because they feel whatever they do without throwing their emotions around for others to work through.

11. True love and compassion comes from navigating tricky emotions without harm coming to anyone in a “we all win or none of us wins” fashion.

12. “Stuffing feelings” is a form of “inversion” that keeps your personal power stuck inside of you to rot away. You must not be intimidated to speak out expressing who you are!

13. Being friends with yourself means you behave in constructive ways when your feelings are encouraging you to fight unfairly or pursue some other self-defeating or destructive behavior.

14. You can’t find happiness, much less “have” happiness on a daily basis, unless you are first fast, best friends with yourself.

15. Friendliness, self-caring, taking care of yourself, compassion in relationships means you must be on pretty-friendly terms with your emotions.

Well, Tom, I have more to say but I’ve got a client who just came in for an appointment.

ABOUT KEYNOTE SPEAKER AND COMMUNICATIONS EXPERT AND PSYCHOLOGIST DR. DENNIS O’GRADY

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the father of three daughters and husband, all of whom hail from Dayton, Ohio, USA. O’Grady is a keynote speaker, business consultant and the author of the new positive and effective communication system to put into today what you are going to put off tomorrow. Dr. O’Grady’s relationship and mood management approach is called “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone.” Dennis’ book is available at this site and at Amazon.

I Could Be A Better Communicator

If you want to be a better communicator…then look no more. If you’ve been waiting for “the magic silver bullet”…it’s here in the form of “Talk to Me” communication technology that just takes a few minutes a day to learn as you use it. Only downside: If you don’t use the new talk technology…the new talk technology cannot work for you.

WHAT MY TALK PASSENGERS TELL ME ABOUT THE “TALK TO ME” APPROACH TO GOOD COMMUNICATION

Don’t wait “until” you lose out big to spend a few minutes taking care of YOU with help of the “Talk to Me” approach to strategic communication. It’s like putting on your oxygen mask first during an in-flight emergency, before you help your children or elder passengers with theirs.

According to my esteemed seminar members, what will they do differently after the seminar?

    • Try to determine which type each one of my colleagues are and try to use that approach with them.
    • Change what I say/do depending on who I’m dealing with (E- or I-type) not necessarily to win or outstrategize them, but for a better reason…to grow and be more effective at a win-win.
    • Growth comes through learning the strengths of your opposite.
    • People operate from 4 basic modes: Emotions, Beliefs, Behaviors, Talks. I will try to establish from observation which mode someone is in when I interact with that person, and respond accordingly.
    • Approaching each person I know looking for their personality type and mode–not just “they believe as I do (or don’t).” They aren’t annoying–they’re just E’s and I’s.
    • Look at my children differently when I correct or punish them as they may be a different communicator type. A new way of looking at where a person is coming from.
    • I (an E-type) can use information on the modes to determine where I am and how to best communicate to my I-type co-worker.
    • Determine each person’s type at work. I need to identify I-types, and work better with them. Dr. O’-Thanks for today. Being an E-type you have helped so much by helping me deal with I-types.
    • Realizing that the two types of communication styles, although very different, can be blended together well to form better forms of communication.
    • Develop the inspiration to challenge I-types to communicate more openly–rather than writing them off as close-minded. And develop more trust and confidence that opposite communication styles can be bridged with good coaching!
    • I will be able to sum up others’ communicator styles to avoid hurt feelings and resentments from occurring.
    • I will spend some energy seeking to understand the communicator style of the person I am engaged in conversation with.
    • Memorize the 4 modes of communication and it will change your life.
    • Honestly, I will stop feeling like a victim to “annoying people.”
    • I will let go of automatic “knee-jerk, me-jerk” reactions.
    • I won’t allow my energy to be drained by negative people who act like they want my help–then steal my life energy.

    • YOU CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH?

    No, this talk stuff isn’t work…it’s fun, pleasurable and stress reducing. Your positive attitude will be boosted, your mood improve, junk get ya’ down less long, etc.

    ARE WE THERE YET?

    Why wait until you “get there” to enjoy the ride in your communicator car? First, care for yourself. Know whether you are driving an ocean blue Empathizer-type communicator car, or driving a burnt orange Instigator-type communicator car. If you don’t know (and work with your type) your communicator type…than you are still driving a horse and buggy in the age of space travel.

    ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS EXPERT AND PROFESSIONAL SPEAKER AND SEMINAR LEADER DR. DENNIS O’GRADY

    Go on a trip you won’t soon forget and get your kicks on Route 66, and talk to yourself and others in new ways that work wonders. Experience good results for yourself by using this new interpersonal communication approach found only in “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone.” Spend a few minutes taking care of YOU with help of the “Talk to Me” approach to relationship communication. Your energy level will go up, your positive attitude will be boosted, your mood improve, junk not get ya’ down for long, and a whole bunch of other cool stuff. Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a psychologist licensed to drive on the communication highway, who lives in Dayton, Ohio, USA.

You Are Unique: That’s One Thing We All Share In Common

IF YOU THINK YOU KNOW IT ALL THEN YOU AIN’T LEARNED NOTHIN’ YET

The first-ever “Talk to Me” communications training seminar was recently held at the Five Seasons Sports Club here in Bellbrook, Ohio. The snowflakes reminded each communicator of his/her uniqueness, as either an Empathizer-type (E-type) or Instigator-type (I-type) communicator. That’s one thing we all share in common! Most importantly, you drive either a blue E-type car, or a burnt orange I-type automobile, on your way to the Town of Talk.

FIRST THINGS FIRST…KNOW YOUR TYPE

If you don’t know your type — much less how your type works, worries, over-reacts, is perceived by the opposite type, feels and perceives and gets ticked off — you will judge others to be total idiots on the two-way communicator highway. Being a “know-it-all” turns you into a little person.

YOU ARE UNIQUE…THAT’S ONE THING EVERY HUMAN BEING SHARES IN COMMON

I was the original guinea pig of this new approach to good communication. That’s why my nose twitches! I had company, though, with 180 clinical study research subjects who wanted to depend on more than luck to get where they desire to go on their families, couples, children, coworkers and professional communication teams. I’m not sure how I ever practiced psychology without this license to drive sanely and serenely on the communication highway! You can get hurt if you don’t know the rules of the road or how to drive or where you want to go on the Communication Highway.

YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND…YOU DON’T KNOW HOW IT FEELS

Talk to me…talk to you…you know how it feels to be misunderstood. Some of the ballyhoo at this Talk to Me training seminar that was more fun than fishing in a stocked pond (or climbing to the top of a tall tree and hollering “yahoo!”) includes:

1. Trying so hard to be right is always wrong.

2. First study your own communicator type to know when it’s time to move on and when it’s time to get going.

3. Understand why, in reality, you’ve got nothing to worry or fret about.

4. Take the “ten minute mental picnic” when you’re uptight and frazzled.

5. Understand that how you decide to talk to yourself (negatively or positively) about stress adds or subtracts loads of stress from your back.

6. Learn the “four talk modes”…you don’t have to stay where you are just because you’ve felt stuck there spinning your wheels for years.

7. Are you AT-ODDS or AT-UNDERSTANDING with your talk partner? Is your talk partner in your team canoe, or did you kick him or her out?

8. The “Talk to Me” approach boosts your energy by giving you ways to stay on top of relationship distress rather than watching miscommunication stress topple onto you.

9. If you think you know it all…then you ain’t learned nothin’ yet.

10. Learn why you can adopt the strengths of your opposite communicator type while avoiding the Achilles Heel of your own type.

11. Understand that how you parent and discipline your children or talk to your teen will change teeth-rattlingly fast when you use new talk avenues in this new approach to effective communication.

You are unique and you share that in common with everyone else. Seek to better your communication, and ye shall find!

ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS EXPERT AND PROFESSIONAL SPEAKER AND SEMINAR LEADER DR. DENNIS O’GRADY

Go on a trip you won’t soon forget and get your kicks on Route 66, and talk to yourself and others in new ways that work wonders. Experience good results for yourself by using this new interpersonal communication approach found only in “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone.” Don’t wait “until” all your ducks are lined up just right, or you lose out big in an important relationship, before you spend a few minutes taking care of YOU with help of the “Talk to Me” approach to relationship communication. No, this isn’t work…it’s fun, pleasurable and stress reducing. Your positive attitude will be boosted, your mood improve, junk not get ya’ down for long, and a whole bunch of other cool stuff. Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a psychologist licensed to drive on the communication highway, who lives in Dayton, Ohio, USA.

Seek To Be A Better Communicator And Ye Shall Find

When it comes to good communication, do you fancy yourself a “sensitive” communicator, an “insensitive” communicator or a mixture of both life attitudes and talk styles? I decided to ask my readers what view they take of their own communication skills. Not surprisingly, only 4.17% of you judge yourselves to be “insensitive communicators” (that is, people who don’t pay close enough attention to how your words impact others). But is your self-evaluation an accurate indicator of how good a communicator you are? Don’t bet your retirement savings on it!

WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR COMMUNICATION STYLE…COMMUNICATION IS EVERYTHING

The New Insights poll results turned out as follows to this question: “When it comes to my communication style…”

1. I am a “sensitive communicator” …………… 58.33%

2. I am both a “sensitive and insensitive communicator” …… 37.50%

3. I am an “insensitive communicator” …………………..4.17%

4. I don’t know what type of communicator I am ………………..0.00%

TODAY IS A GOOD DAY TO TALK

Now I know I’ve got some very “tuned in” readers who are “turned on” by effective and positive communication, BUT I wonder if how we view our own communication prowess is a little different than how others are viewing us.

KEEP A CLOSED MIND AND YOU WON’T FIND PEACE OF MIND

Some of the standard ways we shut off good communication and shut down a co-communicator from sharing their real views with us:

1. A closed mind

2. A know-it-all who does little to promote open talking

3. A pessimistic attitude disguised as pragmatism

4. A criticizer and critiquer who feels good finding and pointing out others’ faults

5. A nay-sayer who doesn’t embrace personal change

6. A one-up mindset of judging self as right and others responses as wrong

7. A non-compromising stance of: “You should change what I dislike because I said so!”

8. An emotional blackmailer who throws temper tantrums to get his or her way

9. Tough talking and bravado during tense times, such as: “You’ve got to take me as I am or leave!”

10. A failure to communicate every day in little and large ways

Be a know-it-little who does a LOT to promote open and flexible communication that includes everyone.

ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS EXPERT AND PROFESSIONAL SPEAKER AND SEMINAR LEADER DR. DENNIS O’GRADY

Go on a trip you won’t soon forget and get your kicks on Route 66, and talk to yourself and others in new ways that work wonders. Experience good results for yourself by using this new interpersonal communication approach found only in “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone.” Don’t wait “until” all your ducks are lined up just right, or you lose out big in an important relationship, before you spend a few minutes taking care of YOU with help of the “Talk to Me” approach to relationship communication. No, this isn’t work…it’s fun, pleasurable and stress reducing. Your positive attitude will be boosted, your mood improve, junk not get ya’ down for long, and a whole bunch of other cool stuff. Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a psychologist licensed to drive on the communication highway, who lives in Dayton, Ohio, USA.