A Quiet Leader

DO YOU LOVE LIFE AND SHOW PASSION?

I choked up and just plain cried out at work when I learned that a quiet, world-class leader and hero, Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin, was stabbed in the heart in a freakish seaman-meets-stingray accident. Mr. Irwin loved life and showed passion for all of God’s creatures. Brimming with energy on the public airwaves, he was nevertheless a leader of the highest caliber—the type of leader I admire…quiet, confident and true, and always working behind the scenes for causes bigger than himself. I bet he’s a man loved much by his beloved wife and two small kids.

NOISY LEADERS GO BOOM

Noisy leaders, in contrast, are just that—noisy, bombastic excessively confident, enthralled in anger attacks, at odds with loved ones and prone to booming out, bellowing, name calling, character smears, posturing and threatening. A quiet leader is a role model, a man or woman who demonstrates what courage and passion, faith and hope, love vs. hate and conquering fear are all about. Perhaps YOU are a quiet leader in your neck of the world, too, and like Mr. Steve Irwin you may need to realize that you TOO are a quiet leader who is quietly admired. Are you the leader of your own life…a life you love?

10 GREAT TIPS TO TIP THE SCALE TO GREAT LEADERSHIP

What are some great tips to tip the scale to great leadership? Make no mistake about it – you are the leader of your own life. BUT how do positive talkers flex their leadership muscles in the workplace and home space? Do you use these quietly self-confident “qualities” that sculpt yourself into a good manager?

1. BETTER YOURSELF WITHOUT BEATING YOURSELF UP. Seek to better your best performance without being a perfectionist—one who doesn’t beat yourself up or down into the ground.

2. ‘CAN TOO’ TALK. Pick up a few little ways each day to show you can change “can’t talk” into a “can-too talk” attitude!

3. FIXATE ON THE SMALL FIX. The fix that nets the biggest results often is the small fix. A hotel card key that opens a locked door is an example.

4. MAKE THE POINT. Say what you mean…mean what you say…and do what you say you mean to in order to mean something to your followers.

5. TELL THE TRUTH. Telling a white lie is still telling a lie…just of a different color.

6. STOP OPTIMIZING. Confidently holding court but rationalizing the poor results you’ve been getting is wasteful.

7. ADOPT-A-STRENGTH. Pick out the strength of a hero leader you admire; adopt it and demonstrate that very strength in your life to accelerate the positive change you seek.

8. LISTEN AND LEARN. Listen to good audio books when traveling on the road in your car classroom – or use the tips your kids and co-workers toss out so casually to you.

9. STOP SPINNING LIKE A TOP. You have all the time in the world to get good things done, so why be a spinning top? “Slow down you move too fast, you’ve got to make the morning last!” can be your hit song.

10. GROW ON. Grow as a professional…grow as a person…grow as a partner…grow as a parent and grandparent…grow spiritually.

DE-FEAT COMES FROM NOT USING DE-HEAD OF COMMON SENSE

Hey, you can’t buy love or ethics or respect. Sure, you can get results and wield tremendous power and influence…and people will work for you but not go the extra mile with you. But who cares? The golden rule of unethical (but sometimes effective) leadership styles is, “We’ve got to get the job done at ANY cost.” The power hungry golden rule reads: “He or she who has the gold has the power to set the rules!”

LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF, SO OTHERS CAN

Caring and compassionate souls believe that love is all that lasts, SO the true golden rule is a guide to, “Learn to love yourself, SO others can.”

You don’t have to improve yourself daily…freely and willingly in a fun spirit. You don’t have to have the facility to look back at you through the eyes of a beholder…to walk in the moccasins of someone who feels intimidated by you. You don’t have to do anything. You can just always do it YOUR WAY and fail at the task of role modeling what makes a good leader into a great one. What’s a good leader? Being someone who demonstrates the virtues that others wish to emulate. Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter, did just that, and we should all try to emulate his vision, leadership and the fun he brought to everyone’s life.

Dennis O’Grady, founder of New Insights Communications, is at that strange phase in life where he likes to think he’s a great and effective leader, the co-head of the O’Grady house, but with three teen-age and pre-teen girls co-inhabiting his life, his leadership abilities are constantly called into question by inquiring and typical adolescent minds. He knows they’ll realize in a few years just how great a leader he really is (and was all along…they just have to grow up to realize it!). He’s also author of the recently published TALK TO ME: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone.

Previous New Insights Communication Polls have included “What Makes A Good Leader Great?” “Does Your Attitude Work To Make You A Better Leader?” “What’s Up With Your Confidence Level?”… “When You Argue, Are You Always Right?” … “Are You Shy or Stuck Up?”… “How Do You Handle Anger?”…“Are Men or Women Better Communicators?” “How Easily Are You Frustrated?” Read more about these challenging, growth producing topics, and other topics of personal and relationship interest here four minutes every day of the week to make change happen fast and last.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady provides executive coaching and professional development training in Ohio and surrounding states. Dennis is the author of “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone” which is a leadership training and positive relationship workbook.

Pledges of Attention

We all need to receive some positive attention now and then, in the workplace or home space, or we will act outrageously to receive negative attention by being a NegaTalker. After all, any attention is better than no attention at all! And like plants, we need to be watered on occasion in all of our relationships for maximum personal growth and confidence to occur. Moreover, Empathizer communicators like to give away attention while Instigator communicators like to earn attention.

DO YOU PLEDGE TO LET OTHERS KNOW IN LITTLE WAYS HOW IMPORTANT THEY ARE TO YOU EACH DAY?

These are “pledges of attention” from which any relationship can benefit. Would you agree that making a partner or child feel worthy of your attention is important?

WILL YOU BE GOOD TO ME?

Will you let me know in little ways how important I am to you each day?

Will you see me through fresh new eyes each morning?

Will you hear me through non-judgmental ears?

Will you give me a hug when I feel overwhelmed without my asking?

Will you still like or love me when I disagree respectfully with you?

Will you still remember that I’m a good man or good woman when you’re mad at me?

Will you accept my disappointments without becoming defensive?

Will you accept my vulnerability and not attack or lambaste me?

Will you confront me when I shred your self-esteem?

Will you remind me how I’m good enough when I doubt myself?

Will you make regular deposits in our bank account of love?

Will you forgive me for being far less than I can be?

Will you be good to me?

And love me even when I don’t show up to love myself?

Will you pledge now to pay attention to everyone you come into contact with, not because you have to, but because you want to keep their day going in a good way?

“Will You Be Good To Me” is an excerpted poem by Dr. Dennis O’Grady that appears on pages 259-260 of Dennis’ new book “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone.” When you read the book or attend a “TALK TO ME workshop,” you will know what you’re talking about when it comes to using the four communicator modes to talk positively and communicate more effectively with everyone…including the “difficult people” in your life.

What Makes A Good Leader Great?

In a recent poll, people dedicated to improving their communication skills – real people who are alive and well and who are leaders at work, church or in their families (or all of these) – rang in loudly and proudly about what makes a leader great. In your mind, what makes a leader great?

CONTINUAL SELF-IMPROVEMENT LEADS THE PACK

Well, in the New Insights Communication Poll, 62.96% said that “continual self-improvement” leads the pack of what makes and keeps a positive leader effective…ethical…centered…ever focused on change and problem-solving. I was happy to hear that a positive leader seeks to better her or his best performance without being a perfectionist.

HOW DO YOU DEFINE AN “EFFECTIVE” AND “ETHICAL” LEADER?

As a culture, we tend to idealize but not worship our leaders. We want to look up to people who demonstrate strengths we would like to have, but don’t. We like courage in the face of fear, good communication skills, ability to win a talk point, the wisdom not to take things too personally, and traits that support people contact and project achievement. So what do you consider to be a “real leader with heart, soul, guts, brains and an ability to inspire team members to all go in the same direction?

PROFILE OF A QUIET LEADER

My “big picture” profile of a good leader is:

A good leader is first and foremost a man or woman who is the leader of his or her own life

One who is continuously getting better in little ways that create large rewards

An open person who is curious, growing and changing…and likes to get to know others

Both a wise professor and novice learner who is unafraid to be in either the student or teacher role

Willing to constantly walk the team out of the box they find themselves in

Results-driven: “What you get is what you see!” motto

Results-analytical: “Let’s stop doing what isn’t working to do something different that might work!” motto

An expert problem-solver: Enjoys solving business and people puzzles

Good selectors and motivators of diverse team members

Able to fuse together multiple conflicting agendas with the torch of a single-minded mission

RESULTS OF THE NEW INSIGHTS COMMUNICATION POLL

A total of 54 votes were cast to determine what makes a great leader great. Is it humility? Is it really working hard? Is it working smart by selecting the right team? Is it being a powerful communicator? Is it using new technology to achieve uncommon results? Is it being like Bill Gates? So, first things first, let’s go over the oblique results of the leadership poll last week at www.drogrady.com:

AN EFFECTIVE AND ETHICAL LEADER STAYS CENTERED BY:

SKILL #1: CONTINUAL SELF-IMPROVEMENT…. *62.96% (First Place)

SKILL #2: BEING HUMBLE…………………… 16.67% (Second Place)

SKILL #3: INFLUENCING PEOPLE……. 11.11% (Third Place)

SKILL #4: SELECTING GOOD TEAMS….9.26% (Someone else’s place)

SKILL #5: WORKING REALLY HARD…..0.00% (No place at all)

Hey, I was raised on the belief that “hard work and elbow grease” are what made people successful! I guess we’ve changed our minds about that, although I think hard work is still part and parcel of the “street smart” business executive and home leader. And what about being a great communicator, as many of our U.S. presidents have been? A frequent trait of poor leaders is that although they think they can talk to others…they “can’t talk.”

ARE YOU TOO HUMBLE FOR YOUR OWN GOOD MR. OR MS. CHANGE EXPERT?

Continual self-improvement was the star member of the leadership quorum. Notably, “being humble” pulled in a respectable #2 place. Who would’ve guessed? And I have to ask: are leaders really humble or just acting humble to get the results they seek? Perhaps it’s a little of both…except for the “ethical” leader who has to be a man or woman of his or her word…not always easy in this “big bad-good world.”

RUN ACROSS THE FINISH LINE TO GRAB FIRST PLACE

I was misguided because I thought “selecting good teams” or “effective hiring and firing” would run across the finish line to grab first place. Well, actually that’s not entirely true. I thought “the humble leader” might get the call, but then I knew I was just being my old sarcastic self because I had just finished reading in USA Today about another arrogant leader who was stealing headlines by declaring that his opponents were “morally and intellectually wrong.” At least he could have said “deficient.”

Dennis O’Grady, founder of New Insights Communications, is at that strange phase in life where he likes to think he’s a great and effective leader, the co-head of the O’Grady house, but with three teen-age and pre-teen girls co-inhabiting his life, his leadership abilities are constantly called into question by inquiring and typical adolescent minds. He knows they’ll realize in a few years just how great a leader he really is (and was all along…they just have to grow up to realize it!). He’s also author of the recently published TALK TO ME: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone.

Previous New Insights Communication Polls have included “Does Your Attitude Work To Make You A Better Leader?” “What’s Up With Your Confidence Level?”… “When You Argue, Are You Always Right?” … “Are You Shy or Stuck Up?”… “How Do You Handle Anger?”…“Are Men or Women Better Communicators?” “How Easily Are You Frustrated?” Read more about these challenging, growth producing topics, and other topics of personal and relationship interest here four minutes every day of the week to make change happen fast and last.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady provides executive coaching and professional development training in Ohio and surrounding states.

Why You Too Can Sell Snow To An Eskimo

When you’re talking to someone who’s gifted at the art of talking, have you ever had the sinking feeling that you are losing the point and the talk game because of offensive “head-spinning” moves? You’re not alone. Slippery speakers are propaganda experts and terror-ific debaters who can win a point at the expense of a relationship…and leave your very sensible “just say yes or no” questions hanging in mid-air…along with your open, gaping mouth.

FOGGING UP THE WINDSHIELD OF GOOD TALK

These are verbal transactions that “fog up the windshield of good talk.” They make your head spin and forget where you were in an important conversation. And I call this behavior the offensively defensive NegaTalker “head spinning” of an effective but unproductive communicator.

HEAD SPINNING…YOU, TOO, CAN SELL SNOW TO ESKIMOS

“Head spinning” is the feeling that you get when your main points or logical questions, the ones that deserve forthright answers, are skirted in a conversation. “Head spinning” makes you feel like just giving up on talking because you’ve got to try too hard to get behind in the communications race.

Here are sample “HEAD SPINNING” transactions that I heard today in my couple communications coaching meetings.

  • It’s just the way it is.
  • I’m not sure I’m any different from anyone else in the world!
  • Oh, really…I say that ALL the time?
  • A lot of people I know do IT a whole lot more than I do!
  • So you think that’s what I mean by that?
  • We don’t agree…that’s O.K.
  • I’m just an average guy or gal.
  • You’re making way too much out of this. It’s no big deal!
  • Hey, we all made that decision.
  • But if you would take time to compare me…IT would be obvious THAT…!
  • I’m just trying to understand right now, that’s all.
  • I don’t act like THEM.
  • There you go again!
  • You don’t know what you’re talking about!
  • Want me to say something here? I’m afraid to.
  • It’ll sound like I’m arguing or being combative BUT is that my fault?
  • I’m not perfect…I never will be perfect!
  • I’m TRYING to do better…you’ve got to agree with me that I’m improving.
  • Isn’t it ANY better, in your opinion?
  • BUT what I’m saying is you’re better at IT than me, don’t you agree?
  • I agree with you.
  • I’m not trying to slam your confidence or destroy your self-esteem.
  • What do I think about WHAT? What now?!
  • That makes me feel terrible and guilty…I’m not looking to blame anyone.
  • Even though my actions say I don’t want you…I DO want you!
  • You’re saying I don’t have a right to be mad?
  • The truth is…
  • I want you to tell me what you don’t like or what makes you feel dissatisfied.
  • You try to be nice BUT you’re constantly telling me what I do wrong.
  • IT goes back to what I was saying before…
  • When I ask you to do something simple…instantly you get an attitude!
  • Why do you always have to be so moody and down?
  • I didn’t mean to leave IT all on your shoulders!
  • I didn’t mean to…
  • I didn’t mean to make you upset.
  • I didn’t mean anything by IT.
  • I wasn’t telling you what to do or dictating.
  • What exactly are you referring to now?
  • You’ve got to give me an example.
  • Why can’t you just get past the past?
  • I’m always doing something wrong, according to you.
  • Here you go again!
  • There you go again complaining about the same thing.
  • When you say “everything”…you can’t expect me to get “everything” done!
  • Is THAT all wrong? You make it sound all wrong!
  • That’s WHY I just shut up and don’t talk.
  • You make it sound like I’m trying to argue with you.
  • I don’t do IT THAT often!
  • No, I don’t…that’s not what I do…that’s not true…that’s not how I feel!
  • You know exactly what I mean…don’t play stupid.
  • I don’t feel that way for the 100th time!
  • What was I supposed to do?
  • I’m confused now.
  • Do you really feel that way about it…or are you just trying to make me feel bad.
  • 97% of the time I did it fine…you’re just focusing on the negative.
  • O.K. Whatever you say!
  • I’m not trying to do that!
  • IT would be nice IF you respected me.
  • I’m tryin’ to do that…why do you ride me and rip into my hide?
  • You don’t make me feel very good about any of this!
  • You’re telling me how IT is.
  • I don’t do IT all the time.
  • I don’t know anybody who’s like you think they ought to be.
  • That’s all I want, for your sake.
  • That’s the way IT is…what can I say?
  • Nobody can be that perfect!
  • IF I change IT won’t change a thing!
  • You act like I don’t care!
  • Things are going to be different from here on out.
  • I don’t want to lock horns with you!
  • You make me sound like everybody else…a loser.
  • IT sounds like I need to agree with you or I won’t hear the end of this.
  • I’m not doing anything to you.
  • I don’t have the power to make you feel bad…that’s your responsibility.
  • I can’t make you feel better…you like to feel bad and be unhappy.
  • We’ve gone over this all before!
  • No I don’t have to do things your way…you’re not my mother or father.
  • Look, I’m better today than I was a year ago? Isn’t that true?
  • Wait a minute…it sounds like I should shut up and do whatever you want.
  • Are we done with this talk, yet?
  • What’s so wrong about that…may I ask?

HEAD SPINNING SPITBACKS

Remember, these are “spitbacks” or “twisted thinking” that confuse clear talking and narrow change-mindedness. “Head spinning” essentially tells you to bug off in a nice way after you’ve gone “splat” like a flattened insect on the windshield of the aggressive talk driver.

TERROR-IFIC: YOU’RE WRONG ABOUT BEING RIGHT

The biggest wrong I can think of is never being wrong. If you aren’t wrong, you can’t identify a problem, and then you can’t affect the solution. Always being right is the biggest wrong that you can perpetuate in any relationship.

THE BIGGEST WRONG I CAN THINK OF IS NEVER BEING WRONG

Well, you get the idea since you’ve zipped down the previous list. Not much effective talking is going to get done. Most of the transactions imply that the co-communicator is in the wrong, unreasonable, illogical, fanatical, nit-picking and controlling. Did s/he have their important “yes or no” questions answered in a responsible way? No, probably not.

Listen for “head spinning” terror-ific communication blockades the next time you are traveling all night long on the talk highway…and feeling lost.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the author of “Talk to Me,” a communication handbook that will teach you how to assertively communicate with defensive communicators who aren’t answering your direct questions that clarify issues and require change. Dennis provides assertive coaching, relationship improvement counseling and professional leadership development training in Dayton, Ohio, and surrounding areas. In this inspiring new relationship enhancement, executive coaching and leadership training communication program, you will learn the crucial differences between Empathizer-type communicators and Instigator-type communicators that support you in becoming the leader of your life.

There You Go Again Worrying

A mind is a precious thing to misplace in a vast past space that dwarfs your present potentials. This lesson came home forcefully to me recently. I was on my knees on a wooden platform 30 feet underwater in Star Quarry being tested for my open water scuba certification. How did I get myself into this watery mess of a worry mindgeist? Hey, you try kneeling down on a slippery wooden platform in full wet suit and scuba gear and get ready to tear off your mask meters under the water and just you see how you feel!

OH, THE PLACES YOU’LL GO WHEN YOU TALK TO YOUR KIDS AND PLAYERS ON YOUR WORK TEAM

As the air bubbles gurgled around my mask, I wondered: “Why am I here?” That was easy. My middle daughter Riley, who is all of almost 13 years old and a National Geographic certified scuba diver wanted a diving “buddy.” Enter yours truly…playing skills catch up to reach the level of my “water bug.” By the way, Riley wants Dayton to become an island so she can do more diving! Riley’s enthusiasm for diving is contagious…I got bit by my water bug.

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER WHEN…

So Riley came with me for the two days of four dives to support me. She must have figured I was feeling kind of nervous. I appreciated her comforting wisdom and playful teasing. “You can do it Dad…I did it and it was no big deal!” I should have known better when her blue eyes blazed against the sun of her yellow hair.

I DO WORRY VERY WELL…THANKS…YOU CAN BET I’M AN EXPERT AT WORRYING

It’s easy to learn if you’re an undoubting child who simply follows directions without worry. My mind is a tad bit more “complicated.” Donning a wet suit, BCD, hoses going off from everywhere, masks and fins emphasized that we were entering a different world of experience. Why not worry? I do worry VERY well…I’m an expert at worrying…when I’m swimming in the unknown (or doing anything), I can count on worry to be my buddy. “Who me, worry?” You can bet your mask defogger on it.

LEARNING NEW SKILLS IS A SNAP?

Oh, snap! Being a novice at something when you’re a doctor of psychology is a huge lesson in humility and finding your courage when you have none. So here are some of the lessons of living life underwater and in the undertow of the worry habit.

1. BLOW BUBBLES. Worrying uses up your air supply very quickly. Plus, you’re supposed to breathe normally when you are afraid underwater, to calm yourself down. Advice for living your life today: BREATHE when you feel all chocked up on stress.

2. KEEP TRACK OF YOUR BUDDY. Worrying narrows your view when you’re surrounded by such weird sights as underwater trees, rocks and fish, and wooden platforms that appear out of the haze. I lost my buddy, Billy, once upon a time. I forgot the rule that after a minute you surface and look around for your supportive life line. Advice for living your life today: KEEP YOUR FRIENDS IN SIGHT and talk to them about what you aren’t doing right that you want to do better so you can both survive and thrive.

3. DON’T FLIP OUT TO WHAT-IFS-VILLE. O.K. this isn’t possible, but worth trying any-hoo.  As I was kneeling on a platform 30 feet below surface watching my air bubbles travel a very long distance to the surface…I thought about all kinds of dreadful WHAT IF outcomes.  What IF I failed at the new skills?  What IF I ran out of air?  What IF I looked the fool?  What IF I couldn’t think clearly under the pressured circumstances?  WHAT IF…drives me nuts in a flat second.  Advice for living your life today: EXPERTS ARE THERE TO HELP.  There were three expert diver instructors watching and helping with everything…SO I was not alone and they looked so calm and in control.  Guess they had done this hundreds of times before.

4. STUPID MISTAKES AREN’T THE END OF THE WORLD. Yeah, as I was trying to get my buoyancy just right, that capability to stay at one level and float in “outer space,” I lost my composure. I put too much air into my vest and whoosh up I rushed toward the surface! I bobbled and bumbled and bopped up trying to clear my ears the whole way and forgetting to kick down. I thought I saw a smile on my buddy’s face, as the expert instructors grabbed me and kindly pulled me back down under. Advice for living your life today: GET THE TIPS for correcting a mistake and use them the very next time you find yourself in the same stressful situation.

5. STAY FOCUSED ON THE MOST IMPORTANT TASK AT HAND. The practiced skills sequence seemed complicated to me but was “chunked down” into learnable steps to build confidence. So we filled our masks part-way and cleared it, then filled our masks completely and cleared it, then took our masks all the way off and put it back on and cleared it. When you can’t see the world as you know it to be keep your eyes open because something interesting is about to happen! Advice for living your life today: FOCUS ON THE FIRST STEP and the rest of the skills walk will take care of itself like a cake walk.

6. LISTEN ON LAND…LISTEN UNDERWATER. Communication is a mighty comfort. Underwater you must listen to hand signals to do what’s required, just like listening to the “non-verbal” or “implied” level of communication on dry land. Thirty feet underwater is not the place to start running on a one-way communication street that leads to disaster recovery. Advice for living your life today: IMPROVE YOUR TALK SKILLS every chance you get, everywhere you go.

7. RECORD YOUR PROGRESS. All dives involve a clear discussion of the dive on land before you get wet, a summary of what you’re going to do when you’re in shallow water, doing what was said would be done underwater, and reviewing what was done following the dive. Practice makes perfect…focus isn’t lost and attention doesn’t fly off into “zoner” land. Advice for living your life today: KEEP IT SIMPLE by writing down what the basic steps are to accomplishing your goals.

8. SHOW YOURSELF A LITTLE TENDERNESS. Alright, when was the last time you kneeled for 15 minutes on a wooden plank and considered that every thing you said or did was of weighty importance? When you feel out of your element…when you feel like a novice surrounded by experts…when your mind races away with you…when you are living in a fear-driven future unreality that is draining you—think again by showing yourself just a little tenderness. Advice for living your life today: LIVE YOUR LIFE today as the true person you truly are instead of some faker or “mind spinner.”

WHO ME, WORRY?

Perhaps the best part of new adventures is sharing them one-on-one with one of your kids or work partners. Sharing a couple of days together is “magic” for dads and daughters. Riley talked non-stop to me about all sorts of life events that were unfolding in her head. I learned that she really likes being part of our family. I discovered that worries worries about the upcoming school year were running around in her head like an open valve on a regulator draining the “energy” of her oxygen tank.

FACING OCEAN-DEEP EMOTIONS

I really love my three daughers. As an involved dad, I must face ocean-deep emotions about all sorts of topics the kids bring up. In fact, I saw a big billboard by the quarry that told me to have “the talk” with my kids. I hurrumped: It’s a little late to broach one BIG skill area in a huge way, like S-E-X, when you haven’t done all the “little steps” that prepare for the “big talk” first. It would be akin to taking your kid on a deep dive without having taught them to tread water or dog paddle first.

ON YOUR KNEES 30 FEET UNDERWATER TRYING TO REMAIN CALM IN AN UNKNOWN WORLD

I talk with my kids because I really enjoy talking and listening to my kids…even though I feel like I’m on my knees in scuba gear 30 feet underwater trying to remain calm in a world that isn’t known to me. Of course, most of us feel the same way during our work and/or parenting days and nights when all us “grown up” and mature folk are stretched at the seams ready to pop.

I noticed that the dive masters all truly accepted one another as they are. They joked and teased…but in a healthy way meant to demonstrate support. Each was unique, each had an important part to play, all were important to the team and skilled indviduals in their own merit. I felt safe, trusted and trusting. I knew my skill level was sufficient, and the instructors would make me “proficient” and praise progress instead of chastise my shortcomings.

THERE YOU GO AGAIN, WORRYING?

Yup, I became a “certified open water scuba diver” (better than being “certifiable”) this weekend in spite of my fears. I felt far less afraid due to the expert diving instruction of the dive staff Lynn and Cindy, Hasan, Rick, R.J., Randy “the turtler,” Matt and all the other passionate “let’s have some fun diving” people of Aquatic Realm Scuba Center, in Dayton, Ohio. What a TEAM…respectful of one another but still able to poke fun and tease to break the tension of keeping everyone safe. Diving at White Star Quarry, Bowling Green, Ohio taught me that ALL OF US WORRY SOME when we’re engaged in doing something worthwhile and new.

STILL WORRIED? JUST JUMP INTO THE POOL WITH YOUR BLUE JEANS ON

And Riley, I felt such delight watching you skip toward and then jump into the hotel swimming pool with your blue jeans on…your confidence gives me faith that good things really DO happen to good people like you and me in this world. Thanks for supporting me…ready to dive together?

Oh, and Riley, you know I love you so very much and surely hope that Dayton can become an island SOON and that the Grand Canyon would be more useful if it were filled in with salt water and ready for the next dive.

I am SO very proud of you…keep the spirit of hope, love and faith ALIVE! Live your life today and every day. Relieved, DAD.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady, who believes that everyone should get along in life just swimmingly, is author of the newly published book TALK TO ME: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone and founder of New Insights Communications in Dayton, Ohio. He likes to think of his book as a lifeline to anyone who’s drowning in a sea of poor communications. Dennis is also an executive coach, who runs leadership training skills development programs, and is a personal and family positive communications consultant.