Are you enmeshed in a “drama atmosphere” at work or home that involves DISTRACTIONS galore, such as, grouchiness, grousing, negative talking, empty promising, high-brow pep-talks that are simple talk, empty word-talk that doesn’t solve problems or signal change?
Ah, my unfavorite pick of “talking head” distractions is this one: “Oh, I’ll get to IT…really, I promise…BUT I’m just too busy to get TO IT right now.” Truth is, the speaker won’t get to it, ever, and you will get to feel irritated, instead…if you permit yourself to.
PSYCHODRAMA
Why do we tolerate “drama…drama” in the work/loveplace? Because “psychodrama” DISTRACTS drivers and passengers from looking squarely at true results that range from poor to pathetic “we’re lost” outcomes. It’s sort of like saying while driving, “Hey, wow, look over there…you’ve got to see this or you’ll miss out!” Thus, “psychodrama mind games” or “talking trash” absolutely fogs up the windshield of your mind by confusing talking with doing…intending with delivering…saying “I’ll try to do it” instead of “I will do IT today!”
The truth is that the purpose of “work or personal psychodrama” is to keep the focus off of whether or not, “YES or NO…WHY or WHY NOT,” your fellow talk traveler is ACTUALLY achieving the promised results previously pontificated and punctuated with BIG CONFIDENT TALK. In fact, have you ever noticed when it’s time for an ineffective worker to receive their come-uppance, and unexpected “crisis” flares up? Hum…coincidence?
CHICANERY: TALKING IN CIRCLES
SO when you feel frustrated, probably there is a lack of agreed-upon results and loads of propaganda, distortions, lies, tall tales, logical sounding excuses and plain ole chicanery. Here’s how you know that you’re getting conned by “a drama King or Queen” at work:
1. AVOIDS. Does the “urgent” but unimportant. Too busy doing great things (i.e. helping others/self) to stay focused on the small things that reap great rewards.
2. DEBATES. Uses “what if” rhetoric that wins points, such as, “I’m thinking of doing” or “This plan is really going to work miracles.” Arguments are precisely logical, finely nuanced. Results are lackluster.
3. VERBOSITY. Although you may hear a blustery, “My actions speak for themselves!” there will still be inadequate results/actions (unkept promises) when measured closely. If you inquire about this discrepancy…be prepared for the talks to heat up.
4. HAIR-SPLITTING. Big, empty words are SO impressive. This is the old “Thou shalt say a lot and split fine hairs but do NOT answer the question!” approach. If you say enough gibberish, people will turn off and want you to stop torturing them with time-wasting, empty words.
5. TALKER NOT DOER. A talker is not a doer because promises are made to do better, but are rarely kept. “BUT I didn’t INTEND TO” is a legalistic form of self-defense to knock most counter-arguments down.
6. STIRS THE POT. Same as being the “master of avoidance” but preferred by the extroverts among us who can work a crowd. Pot stirrers keep things so riled up with “people problems,” that not much effective work gets done. “If you say something…will you do the something you say?!” cuts to the chase.
7. BRAIN DRAIN. Have you noticed being “dumbed down” when it comes to “words?” People don’t think words have meaning any more because words have been corrupted. Our brains have been drained of the ability to discern “truth.”
8. PROPAGANDIZING. Using powerful communication tools unethically to, “Lead the horse to water AND make him drink against his will.”
9. PSYCHOCRITIQUES. Being a “legend in m/y/our own mind” and “criticizing” ohers personality flaws and gossiping behind backs.
10. PLAYING SYMPATHY STRINGS. Playing on the sympathies of caring Empathizer types, even to the point of crying, about how we are “too stressed and busy” to get the crucial job done. Excessive self-esteem.
11. EXCESSIVE SELF-ESTEEM. Symptoms include sharing secrets, co-dependency, ethical oversights, lax boundaries, mind games, power trips, threats and tears, angry aggressiveness, talking over, using relationships for personal gain, not having any problems, thus, not needing to change.
12. FORGETTING WHO YOU ARE. Insensitive people are not good at letting you know how badly they need you, and equally good at making sensitive people feel like cold toast via power trips.
13. TALKING TRASH. Talking “trash” means going on-and-on about how you’re too busy to do what’s important to you…including hanging out with positive people, places and things.
14. DISTRACTION(S) GALORE. Threats/jeers/tears/fears sum up “the best defense is a good offense” guerilla talk tactics of psychodrama players at work. As long as you stay DISTRACTED…they aren’t on the hook to deliver the promised results.
PLAYIN’ THOSE MIND GAMES…WHEN THE RUBBER OF WORDS MEET THE ROAD OF REAL LIFE
Work (and family) psychodrama players are like the Wizard in the Land of Oz –they boom, bang, bellow and shout you down using smoke-and-mirrors. So what’s all the fuss and resentment about in the workplace or in the halls of marriage? Well, it’s about lack of results, pure and simple…and the accompanying energy drain when the rubber of words don’t meet the road of real life.
DOING WHAT’S IMPORTANT INSTEAD OF WHAT’S URGENT
Stephen Covey was SO right with the habit of, “Do the important instead of the urgent!” Always rippin’ and runnin’ and focusing on putting out fires will frustrate and stress you and everyone you work with and for. Are you frustrating yourself, getting in your own way, with loads of “jive talking” and lack of “positive results?” If so, it’s time to change all that.
STIRRING THE POT WITH PSYCHODRAMA MIND GAMES
Keeping things all stirred up in one big commotion or dust cloud makes sure important matters are avoided and poor results not focused on for long enough to make poor performers accountable for their mistakes. Thus, problem-solving is compromised. Know this: “Distraction” is the world’s best defense of mediocrity and interpersonal power-brokering.
Enough already of your energy being drained due to “psychodrama mind games” and your talents “thrown off” by a sad, gunny sacker “playing on your sympathy strings” when results aren’t forthcoming! You can let go of a work atmosphere that’s like “a crisis roller coaster that jolts up and down with everyone screaming in a Wizard of Oz fun ride with all the special effects?!”
Your energy is precious…your talents are needed…your energy will be drained and your spirits tapped and zapped into hopelessness when you bite into the manure sandwich of “psychodrama”…AND that is no fun at all.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the author of TALK TO ME. In this book, Dennis was tempted to define “psychodrama” as “breathlessly and ruthlessly acting out unresolved emotional issues on the work or relationship stage that serve as a DISTRACTION from determining whether or not positive results have been achieved to preset goals.” He chose instead to simply define “psychodrama” as a “distraction that works almost every single time.” Dr. Moreno was the developer of the original psychotherapy technique called “Psychodrama.” Acting is used to act out emotions in a group session, feedback is used for jettisoning old patterns, new ideas about relationships are then tried out with better results.
