“I’m married to the most difficult man in the world!” a communications client recently told me. “And when I try to talk to him, I end up shutting down and not saying anything…which isn’t doing any good for our marriage.” She then added ruefully, “He thinks I’m irrational and silly, and that there’s nothing wrong with us and that the only wrong is just me. Am I the one who’s at fault?!”
Communication Junkyard: BUT I Didn’t Know Things Were This Bad
When your lover treats you to the same benign neglect as an old rusty car in the local junkyard, you know that positive talks on the two-way communicator highway have come to a screeching halt. Moreover, when a partner glibly says, “BUT I didn’t know things were this bad!”…you are bound to feel enormous dread, anxiety, loss of control and building frustration. No one, after all, likes to feel like a discarded heap of scrap slated for recycling in the relationship world.
New Insights Communication Poll: Are Men Or Women Better Communicators?
Media stories focusing on interpersonal communication issues often imply that women are far better and more effective communicators. The assumption is that women are more savvy at relationships and have some kind of secret communication prowess. But is this true for people who walk down the streets called Real Relationships? Moreover, is the assumption that women are better communicators slanted simply because many of the articles are written by women (perhaps with an ax to grind) or men who must tow the party line? This survey suggests that many of us are working on becoming better communicators, and feel frustrated when we fail to communicate…no matter our gender bias.
More to the point, if you were given only three choices, which gender (if any) would you say is a better communicator? What do “normal” people like you and me, people who work for a living and raise kids in a brave new techno-world, really think about who’s doing a better job at positive communication?
In a weekly New Insights Communication reader poll at www.drogrady.com, intelligent people like you and me gave these real-life answers to the very real question, “Are men or women better communicators?”
1. WOMEN ARE BETTER COMMUNICATORS: 41.18%
2. MEN ARE BETTER COMMUNICATORS: 29.41%
3. BOTH ARE THE SAME: 29.41%
DISCUSSION: Well, I was surprised and my scientific spirit soared when I reviewed these results. I thought women would wipe us men off the map with the often-perceived superior skills of communication. But almost a third of responders said both genders are about equally good at the act of talking! That might mean that we all have a thing or three to learn about becoming more open, effective, productive and positive communicators! Or it might mean that we voted with our genetic code, since I don’t have a list of voters-to-votes-cast by gender. No worries, mate! You will find “PosiTalker” communication tools and tips on this Web page to spruce up your “good” communication skills and make them better…and even to become a great communicator today!
Thanks to all you intelligent readers who took time to honestly register your vote on my site. My CommTools are designed to serve as a beacon of light in a world that is sometimes dark and devoid of laughter. Vote next week, please!
Dr. Dennis O’Grady originally did newspaper reader surveys in conjunction with the Dayton Daily News. Dennis is the author of TALK TO ME: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone. You can download a free copy of chapter one and much more neat stuff at his site www.drogrady.com.
Communication Interruptus: 12 Stupid Things That Stifle And Kill Communication
When was the last time a talker repeatedly cut you off in mid-sentence to make a point again and again…and ended up losing points with you instead? Communication shut-downs and relationship meltdowns are routinely caused by interruptions. Pushing a communicator away in mid-sentence, before the person has a chance to finish their thought and feel relaxed, is something I refer to jokingly as “communication interruptus.”
INTERRUPTING TALK
Interrupters disrupt effective and open communication. By talking out of turn, interrupters cause unnecessary friction and irritation. Moreover, interrupters don’t summarize the topic at hand so that communication can continue to move freely down the talk road. Likewise, some people try to disrupt or interrupt a conversation by talking louder and louder in hopes of drowning out their partner, which is akin to crunching too loudly while chewing; it gets quite irritating quite fast.
New Insights Communication Poll: Frustration
All of us are frustrated by something or someone…including ourselves…at least a few minutes of each day. But how much of your daily aggravation and irritation is caused by forces you CAN CONTROL vs. forces you CAN’T CONTROL? To be more specific, if you only had these three choices, how much of your aggravation today is caused by miscommunication, stress you can’t control, or stupid people?
In the first New Insights reader poll taken weekly at www.drogrady.com, intelligent people like you and me, when asked “What causes your frustration?”…gave these real-life answers.
1. MISCOMMUNICATION: 34.78%
2. STRESS YOU CAN’T CONTROL: 47.83%
3. STUPID PEOPLE: 17.39%
DISCUSSION: I surmise from the results that stress factors beyond our control rate highest on the frustration meter and put us in a maximum discomfort zone. These are situations that we must endure but have little power to change at the present time (or so we assume). Psychologically, the true purpose of frustration is to give you the energy and motivation to affect a situation and create needed changes to make your life road smoother. Thus, if a situation is truly beyond your control, you need to use self-talk tools that acknowledge this reality without getting stuck in the muck of miscommunication. You need to quit spinning your wheels until smoke is coming from underneath your car and out of your ears! No worries, mate! You will find “Inner-personal” communication tools and tips on this web page to do just that!
Thanks to all you intelligent readers who took time to honestly register your vote on my site. My CommTools are designed to serve as a beacon of light in a world that is sometimes dark and devoid of laughter. Vote next week, please!
Dr. Dennis O’Grady originally did newspaper reader surveys in conjunction with the Dayton Daily News. Dennis is the author of TALK TO ME: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone. You can download a free copy of chapter one and much more neat stuff at his site.