Posts in category: EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

What makes for good communication? It’s easy to make communication mistakes, and that’s why I sometimes tease that good communication is a miracle. Yet, the truth is, good (or bad) communication starts at the top, powerfully rippling down to people throughout families and organizations, like a snowball rolling down a hill. But you already knew the power of your words or lack of them. What talk must we walk together to qualify as good communication in your real life?

WHAT MAKES FOR GOOD COMMUNICATION?

In a recent opening Talk To Me© positive and effective communication class exercise, tuned-in students came up with this list of essentials for good communication:

• Keep it upbeat and positive
• Be clear
• Don’t leave until both parties understand
• Be sure to look at the big picture
• Make time for short meetings
• Be direct
• Stay focused
• Be sincere and honest
• Be on equal ground feeling at ease
• Confidence: Believe in yourself and in your talk partner
• Use self-control

THE MOOD FLAGS ON THE RACE TRACK?

Everyone is zooming around the track at work. Do you account for the mood of the person you are talking to? Do you manage your own mood well? Are you able to be a positive communicator when your mood is frustrated (yellow flag of caution), angry (red flag to get off the talk track pronto), or confident (green flag that signals all is well)? You can learn to be a PosiTalker, whatever your mood happens to be, when you drive using the T2M Driver’s Manual and system four minutes a day.

THE MIRACLE OF COMMUNICATION

Think of good communication as the hub of a wagon wheel. Benefits flow down each spoke of the wheel…benefits such as improved morale, higher productivity, fewer problems, extra effort, attracting A players, tossing out bad apples from the orchard, feeling focused and energized, sharing recognition respectfully. Pretty nifty results when the rubber gets rollin’ down the road of good talk at work or home.

ABOUT TALK DOC, DENNIS E. O’GRADY

Dennis O’Grady, Psy.D., is known as the Talk Doc since the advent of his positive and effective communication system, Talk to Me©. Dennis is president of the Dayton Psychological Association and is a clinical professor at the Wright State University School of Professional Psychology. His talk textbook, Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, received the 2008 Axiom Business Book Award Silver Medal. Dennis is currently (and through the end of the year) training 2000 corporate executive management/supervisory employees for a very successful regional trucking company. The results are so outstanding that the company has expanded the original contract to include all managers and supervisors, instead of just the executive management team. He has also trained smaller groups for an internationally known designer and manufacturer of robotics, as well as training all employees of a small, local electronics distributorship. He also uses the T2M system with his private, relationship communications training clients. Please feel free to contact the office to set up a time to speak with Dr. O’Grady. You won’t regret that you made the call — no one ever does!

IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO GOOD COMMUNICATION

It all boils down to communication…how you feel about talking and how you avoid a communication meltdown. Do you feel like a goof ball when it comes to good communication? People often have two different sets of expectations, and if you don’t discuss things, there’s bound to be upset. Those who frequently communicate often find that they don’t hate exchanging information. In fact, they find that even when expectations collide, communication crashes do not necessarily result.

EXPECTATIONS CRASHES CRUSH RELATIONSHIPS

Expectation collisions crush relationships. But it’s not that big of a deal if you’re tactical in your communication. What is tactical communication? Tactical communication is intentionally initiating a discussion, taking a little extra time to build trust, when you don’t have to. A good time for this is when the pressure isn’t on you and your talk partner to achieve anything monumental. So, by putting a little energy in on the front end, you protect your prized relationships when stress and strain set in.

So, what are three shortcuts to give good talk a chance in your life?

GIVE TALK A CHANCE

The three C’s of good tactical communication, or two-way talks, are: Connect, Clarify, Confirm. Here’s how to make these three-Cs of two-way talk tactics work for you today:

C1. CONNECTING. “I’m just calling to find out what, if anything, is up regarding….” or “I wasn’t sure if you had heard this, so I wanted to fill you in.”

Tactical Talk: In short, you reach out to stay in close touch, especially when you don’t have to.

C2. CLARIFYING. “I’d like to clarify something with you if you have a second….” or “What do you expect to happen next?” and “What is your take on all of this?”

Tactical Talk: In short, to quell anxieties, you’re clarifying expectations and emerging realities by openly comparing notes and perceptions.

C3. CONFIRMING. “Let me see if I’ve heard you correctly….” and “Are you saying that the next steps are…?” or “So what you and I are agreeing to do by the end of the week is….”

Tactical Talk: In short, you confirm that what you think is true, is actually going to happen.

GIVE GOOD TALK A CHANCE IN YOUR LIFE TODAY

Tactical communication is predictable and preengineered to avoid many unnecessary misunderstandings. As one client said, “I’ve learned from your T2M system that it’s not that big of a deal when you’re tactical in your communication!” Give good talk a chance in your life today.

ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS O’GRADY

Dennis E. O’Grady, Psy.D. is a Dayton region relationship communications psychologist and corporate trainer. Dennis is the developer of the innovative and results-driven communication system, Talk To Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, available at drogrady.com.

ADAPT TO YOUR OPPOSITE COMMUNICATION STYLE

It’s all about quality feedback, isn’t it? It’s so hard to communicate clearly. We all have expectations, make assumptions, get moody, fail to clarify…to verify…or to confirm. Do you invest in your future, or do you let your butt tell your head what to do?! I recently led a two-day educational seminar for leader-managers in the trucking industry. Here is the group wisdom of the 11 managers who were steeped in the easy moves of the Talk To Me positive and effective communication system that nets “real world” results:

MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR TALK TOOL KEYS

• Listen before you speak.

• Be on the same page.

• Try to know to whom you are talking.

• Be yourself.

• Accept responsibility for identifying the supervisor communication group and coach to move their thoughts and actions more toward the middle.

• It is essential to quickly identify communication types to aid in formulating the content of your message or feedback.

• Diffuse the conflict, resolve the problem.

• Adapt your communication style.

• Simply balance the communication styles.

• Accuracy in communication is essential.

• When dealing with rogues, have a plan.

ABOUT TALK DOC, DENNIS E. O’GRADY

Dennis O’Grady, Psy.D., is known as the Talk Doc since the advent of his positive and effective communication system, Talk to Me©. Dennis is president of the Dayton Psychological Association and is a clinical professor at the Wright State University School of Professional Psychology. His talk textbook, Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, received the 2008 Axiom Business Book Award Silver Medal.

YOU’RE NOT AN IDIOT

How can you know if your communication skills are weak or strong? No, it’s dumb, and deadly, to defend your weaknesses or deny your strengths. Also, you’ve learned first-hand from the school of hard knocks that you can make a mess or a miracle of communication. If you answer “yes” to most of the questions below, take your communicator car in for a tune-up to a communications coach near you:

1. I try to do everything on my own.

2. I don’t like to ask for help.

3. If something goes wrong, I try to fix it myself.

4. If people are not speaking to me, I won’t speak to them.

5. If people are in a bad mood, I’m not going to go out of my way to talk to them.

6. I guess I don’t express my opinions on things as much as I should because I don’t want to create conflict.

7. I go along with what is said or done to stay away from hurting your feelings.

8. I don’t communicate with my co-workers to get things done because some of them are very sensitive, and I don’t want to act pushy.

9. Some sensitive workers wrongly think I’m trying to boss them around, which isn’t true.

10. If something needs done, I’m more likely to do it myself, rather than confront someone who was supposed to do it but didn’t.

Is it very hard communication-wise where you work or live? Weak communication is costly. No communication or mixed messages from your manager or supervisor can reduce your performance by as much as 50%….

ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS COACH DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the “Talk Doc,” providing leadership communication coaching and corporate training, using the results-driven Talk To Me© positive and effective communication system. Dennis is president of the Dayton Psychological Association. His “talk textbook,” Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, recently won the Axiom Business Book Awards Silver medal. You can contact Dennis O’Grady at (937) 428-0724.

AGREEING TO DISAGREE

What are your communication rights? Do you feel you deserve respect? And should respect be either earned or given as a result of your life experience level? The intent of good communication is to have open and positive communication among different ages, levels, and stations in life. But how do you do it, especially when you’re talking up or down the chain of communication command? The Talk to Me© system really helps you focus on grabbing the prize that comes with great communication skills.

I DESERVE RESPECT

“I deserve respect from you!” is often vocalized out of exasperation or frustration. But how do you respect the communication rights of a fellow speaker or co-communicator? What can I reasonably expect from you in the way of civility and respect? If I don’t respect you, should I expect you to respect me? If I disagree with you, are you going to ditch me or push me into a hole of misunderstanding? What if you’re a “level above” the communicator…like a parent of a teen or the boss of an employee? More emotion on top of emotion! But on-the-fly communication, when emotions run high, is where the communication action is nowadays!

YOUR COMMUNICATION RIGHTS…I DESERVE RESPECT

We all know that respect is both given and earned. Respect recognizes the wisdom of experience. But what if strong wills collide and a conflict or confrontation is brewing? What then? How do we show respect for a viewpoint with which we heartily disagree? Moreover, did you know that Empathizer and Instigator communicators have essentially opposite strategies for showing respect? It’s just like staring across the stunning panorama of the Grand Canyon…only to turn around to scan the view of a bunch of rocks and scraggly pine trees.

Here are your communication rights for respectful disagreeing….

1. I want respect.

2. I want my opinion to be worth something.

3. I want you to listen to me.

4. I want you to put positive effort into communicating effectively with me, because you want to.

5. I want my wisdom to be heard, considered, and utilized, if warranted.

6. I want to have a genuine and trusting experience with you, in which we can both be open and honest.

7. I want to you to consider my ideas and words, which could be constructive and useful.

8. I want to give myself (and you) credit for progressing and becoming better communicators.

9. I want our communication to be a two-way street, instead of a one-way dead-end alley.

10. I want what I have to say to mean something significant to you.

11. I want to be able to speak assertively while being an enlightened listener.

12. I want to be able to process negative or positive feedback without taking it too personally or too impersonally.

Respectful communication is built on a foundation of trust, fortified with an open exchange of ideas to benefit us all.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CONFLICT RESOLUTION STYLES OF EMPATHIZER AND INSTIGATOR COMMUNICATORS

Talking gets dicey when emotional expectations get dashed. When “Inflexible Expectations” rule the roost, or are in the drivers’ seats of our lives, we don’t feel the love, but the anger manifests itself in the conflict.

Differences in conflict resolution communication styles to note….

1. Empathizers (E-types) feel left out when respect isn’t recognized or understood. E-types will tend to retreat passively to a cave when feeling overlooked or disrespected.

2. Instigators (I-types) feel annoyed when respect isn’t perceived or received. I-types will tend to advance aggressively up the hill when they believe they’re disrespected.

Perhaps showing respect is more important for the person giving it than the one receiving, but it is always a two-way Street of Good Talk.

GO RESPECT YOURSELF

By genuinely including someone instead of excluding him or her, utilizing open and not closed lines of communication, creative relationships are produced instead of associations which are combative.

Do you need R-E-S-P-E-C-T? Yes, you need respect, most importantly from yourself. When you’re feeling emotionally disregarded, you need to give yourself an extra dose of respect. Dwelling on being disrespected by others isn’t good for the positive energy of anyone, and when the disrespect comes from within, positive energy cannot flow.

RESULTS OF RELATIONSHIP COMMUNICATION COACHING

Here’s what one of my relationship communication training clients told me:

We believe you now. It was such an eye-opener! You said I would feel better. You said I would find more peace as I talk with our teen and as we work things out. Now we get into open and honest impromptu talks at the kitchen table. I have grown so much using your Talk to Me© effective communication system.

There is so much less conflict and horrible emotional upset in our home, than was present before we started using the tools and strategies from TTM…and there is actually respect and trust in our relationship. I used to feel left out of the loop, but now I feel that respect is earned and given freely.

ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dennis O’Grady is the original researcher and developer of the Talk to Me© communication system, which streamlines communication to be productive and useful…inside your head and inside your relationships. The Talk to Me© approach to good communication will help boost your mood, keep your energy up, and free yourself from the tar baby of negative relationships or emotions.

HOPE IS HERE: WHAT ONE INSTIGATOR COMMUNICATOR HAD TO SAY ABOUT THE EASE OF LEARNING AND USING THE TALK TO ME SYSTEM

I have been reading for a while now and have already started to obtain useful information and comparisons from the system. One that caught me out of the gate is:

The Talk to Me© system is designed to improve your energy and motivation, and give you the stamina to achieve your goals, by talking sensibly to yourself instead of wallowing in the mud of self-imposed self-pity. You are the perfect talk road warrior! Get that junk in your trunk out of your head. Use the spiritual tools neatly tucked away in your glove box. Use your communicator map to get to where you need and want to go. Otherwise, you are going to be an energy drag to be around.

It is funny how I can reflect and see all the mistakes I have made in my communications with my wife. I only hope and pray she will be open-minded to give it a second chance as well.