Posts in category: EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

OPEN DOORS OF GOOD COMMUNICATION

Recently a communications coaching client queried me about the failure to communicate. He wondered what he must do to ensure that his communication partner accurately interprets and comprehends the information he’s trying to convey. What is needed to open the door to good communication?

WHEN HAS A PERSON FAILED TO COMMUNICATE?

“When has a person failed to communicate?” Actually, we don’t fail to communicate, we communicate at many spoken and implied levels of conversation. In fact, this question reminds me of the scene in the movie Cool Hand Luke when the warden said to Paul Newman, “Boy, what we have here is a failure to communicate!”

THERE IS NO FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE

There is no failure to communicate. However, communication can be unproductive and not useful when we communicate far more than we intend. Your key intention is to communicate trust, so the better question would go something like this: “Was what I said…or what I failed to say…productive for building bridges of trust in this interaction or relationship?” If trust or good will is weakened, then unproductive communication has occurred. If trust or good listening is strengthened, then productive communication has taken place.

YOUR INTENTIONS ARE IMPORTANT IN GOOD COMMUNICATION

This question makes me think of how important our intentions are in good communication. In fact, we can say “My intent is to build bridges or trust here, so I want to listen very carefully to what you have to say, including your dissatisfactions and disagreements. My mind is open to doing new things which would work out better for us all.” …Or something similar, that puts your intention in the center of the communicator table.

The sincere desire to improve communication at all levels of this client’s company started at the top…with the esteemed leadership. Knowing this, I have no doubt that the company’s initiative will succeed. The rewards realized from the positive changes implemented will amaze everyone involved!

ABOUT EXECUTIVE COACH DENNIS O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a Dayton, Ohio, effective leadership communications psychologist, enlightening keynote speaker, executive coach, and corporate trainer. He wrote the book on good communication, Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone, which is available at drogrady.com or Amazon. Dennis also enjoys leading Listen Up! corporate and hospital training programs on effective listening skills.

I’m often asked, “What can I do differently to improve my communication skills in the workplace?” Let’s speak realistically — for a change — about what you can do today to be a better team communicator. Well, just flip the teamwork coin over and adopt these positive viewpoints to promote open lines of communication in teamwork:

1. MAKE NO ONE THE FALL GUY OR GAL. Solve problems instead of trying to fix people or affix blame.

2. KEEP AN OPEN MIND TO HEAR NEW SOLUTIONS TO OLD PROBLEMS. Calm your mind and really listen to the opinions of those around you.

3. MODERATION. Look for the middle ground when you’re feeling too riled up emotionally. Refuse to go to extremes — don’t become a fear-driven or anger-driven griper and whiner.

4. FAIRNESS. Don’t expect others to behave in ways that aren’t demonstrated in your own walk of life. Example: How can you fairly expect others to be on time when you are perpetually late?

5. KNOW THE TWO COMMUNICATOR TYPES TO WHOM YOU ARE SPEAKING. If you can’t list three key differences between Empathizer-type and Instigator-type communicators, then you are not licensed to drive on the two-way communication highway.

6. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. We all need to be validated through even small recognitions that our efforts are far more appreciated than our goofs.

7. THINK BEFORE SPEAKING. You can drain your customer’s or co-worker’s bank accounts with a single episode or “out-of-mouth experience” that leaves psychic bodies strewn all around.

8. PUT AN END TO WORRYING. Disrupt your worry? Yes, the Talk To Me tools will help you quickly do away with unproductive worrying, which causes silos in the workplace to be built like mad and the resentment flu to spread.

9. KEEP LINES OF COMMUNICATION OPEN. Talking openly is frequently uncomfortable because we are often in the midst of the unknown, seeking to find out why what we’ve been doing hasn’t worked and why we still persist in doing it.

WHAT CREATES A STRONG TEAM?

A strong team is created anew each day by using clear goals and open and honest communication, while looking for ways to acclaim instead of blame.

WHO IS COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.?

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a Dayton region corporate trainer, keynote speaker, relationship communication coach. Dennis is the developer of the innovative person- and results-driven Talk to Me© effective leadership and teamwork communication system. For 30 years, Dr. O’Grady has focused on improving effective communication, constructive team relationships, and change management. His latest book, Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along with Anyone, is available at www.drogrady.com or at Amazon.

Have you ever slowed down and gawked at a messy traffic accident to see what all the fuss and commotion was about? Was it a fender bender or a bone cruncher? Gruesome…. Oh, how we human beings are fascinated by destructive accidents. Often, we think to ourselves, “I’m sorry it had to happen to you…but sure glad it wasn’t me.” I’m an optimist: although misery loves company, most times your talk accidents are preventable by following simple rules of good talk.

RULES TO AVOID OR TO DRIVE AROUND TALK ACCIDENTS

Do you follow good communication rules that keep the relationship traffic flowing smoothly? Do you abide by rules so that all drivers are free of hard feelings, expensive repairs or emotional meltdowns? Much misery on the Communication Highway could be avoided by consistently using these simple rules for safe driving:

1. Don’t drive faster when your emotions are hot. When you are angry and blame-filled, it’s time to slow down, step or sit back instead of looking behind your back, and take a good look around at what’s coming up in front of you.

2. Don’t hammer a passenger with hard talk. When you justify, rationalize or spin the truth to make a point, you will lose your way on the talk highway.

3. Don’t stay in a trance. When you stare blankly out the window in a trance, you might run into something you don’t want to, since “justifying is hypnotizing.”

4. Don’t react to intimidating threats. When you get mad at someone who is acting badly, you must get that person out of your mind, and stay in the driver’s seat to stay sane.

5. Don’t curse yourself (or others) under your breath. When all you can control is your own integrity, keep both hands on the steering wheel. You won’t regret it later.

6. Don’t tell white lies to look favorable in others’ eyes. When you bend the rules, are you the person you say you are? Will your story be believed by a traffic cop who pulls you over?

7. Don’t expect anyone else to change but you. When you expect others to change, you are forgetting about yourself and your own needs…the only factors over which you have control.

8. Don’t fear negative feedback. When you need to have your ego stroked, you won’t be able to hear suggestions that are smart alternatives to being stuck in a traffic jam.

9. Don’t break good communication driving rules. When you lose your common sense, you will forget that your greatest wealth is being true to yourself, and being a true friend to others.

PRETTY WORDS ARE EMPTY WITHOUT THE PLENTITUDE OF POSITIVE ACTIONS

Now, you may object to my negativity, or counter with, “…using DONT’S vs. DO’S creates foggy driving conditions instead of clearing the way ahead for good talk.” Here are the corresponding optimistic DO’S:

• Do slow down when your emotions are hot.
• Do listen more than you pontificate or lecture.
• Do be aware of your self and your surroundings at all times.
• Do respond to others instead of using “knee-jerk-me-jerk” reactions.
• Do be nurturing to yourself and others when stressed out.
• Do use your character values as your compass.
• Do be a good friend to others when you are prone to trying too hard to save face by being right.
• Do expect yourself to change and grow on a daily basis.
• Do hear negative feedback that resolves pesky problems that haunt you.
• Do follow good communication driving rules, even when you don’t want to.

DO YOU SPEED UP WHEN YOU SHOULD SLOW DOWN BECAUSE YOU’RE MOVING TOO FAST?

Is it hard work just to talk to you? Do you feel drained by a Nega-talker — who is spouting the rhetorical party line — and avoiding the rigors of personal change projects? Do your co-communicators have to chase you down to feel close to you? It’s up to you to be approachable, available, and open to good talk that steers you around talk accidents and dead end alleys that disrupt really good relationships.

ABOUT DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the author of three books, professional keynote speaker, corporate trainer and developer of the “Talk to Me” communication system that improves strategic decision making and encourages everyone to be a better communicator. Dennis is founder of New Insights Communication, a Dayton, Ohio based company that specializes in honing leadership skills for the betterment of teams, families and companies. Read the “let’s all talk” textbook that will change your communication viewpoint forever, called: “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone” available at this site and on Amazon.

People talk. Everyone agrees talking is the key that turns over the ignition of your communicator car. Once your engine is running and you pull out the map, you set out on a life destination with your partner. But “people talks,” like cars, can break down now and then, making relationship repairs expensive or impossible. They can cause everyone the frustration of being stranded all alone on the highway of life.

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU’RE DRIVING SANELY AND SAFELY ON THE TWO-WAY COMMUNICATION HIGHWAY?

Are you an open and responsive communicator or a closed and reactionary communicator? Here’s how to tell:

1. YOU TAKE TIME TO WASH AND WAX YOUR CAR. You try to keep your communicator car clean, because you know dirty communication spews tar and gunk on everyone.

2. YOU HAVE A VALID DRIVER’S LICENSE. You don’t leave home without first checking that you have your valid driver’s license as a trained “positive and effective” communicator. You also don’t drive under the influence of excessive negative emotions.

3. YOU HAVE A MAP IN YOUR LAP. Without knowing where you’re going, how will you ever get there? Maps make sure you don’t drive in circles until you run out of gas, and that you don’t need to hitch a ride to the next petrol depot.

4. YOU STICK TO THE SPEED LIMIT. Accidents happen when you don’t drive with the flow of traffic, or go too fast or too slow, instead of playing by the rules of the “suggested” speed limit.

5. YOU DON’T GIVE NON-VERBAL SIGNALS TO YOUR FELLOW TRAVELERS. Giving the single finger non-verbal gesture of disapproval says: “Although my Interpersonal I.Q. is 1, because I’m never-ever in the wrong, if things don’t go my way right now you can just get off My Highway!”

6. YOU STOP AND ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST. You’re not too proud to ask for help when you’re lost, so you don’t tie up anyone’s life with insecurity or use words that sound off but don’t amount to squat.

7. YOU ARE TRAVELING ON YOUR TIME. You don’t rush around like a chicken with your head cut off, and you plan time to relax along the way at rest stops to boost your energy.

8. YOU USE CRUISE CONTROL BUT EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED. Although you use cruise control to relax and enjoy the drive, you keep your eyes and ears wide open; you turn down the temptation to tell someone why your thinking is right and their thinking is wrong.

9. YOU DON’T READ EVERY ADVERTISING SIGN. Why read stupid signs filled with mindless slogans? Instead, you vow to talk positively to yourself when you feel blue and build your confidence by taking new life routes to prove you are change-able.

10. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MOOD IN YOUR COMMUNICATOR CAR. It’s up to you to set the tone, tempo and mood in the car since you’re the one in charge. You don’t pontificate or lecture and you don’t flip out when you accidentally miss a turn on Talk Road.

11. YOU AREN’T A MIRROR GAWKER. “Mirror gawking” is staring into the mirror to see how beautiful thou art, picking your nose or applying make up, because it makes the trip all about you and the drowning greed of narcissism.

12. YOU DON’T YELL AT BACKSEAT DRIVERS. Backseat driving or arguing are headaches waiting to happen, and loud discussions of differences distract you from keeping your eyes on the road and focusing. To improve your life is the only right thing to do or be, right?

13. YOU DON’T GET BENT OUT OF SHAPE BY FENDER-BENDERS. Talk accidents do happen. Some are avoidable, some are not. When a talk accident happens, do you blame, get angry, withdraw, attack, feel all crazy or act like a smiley-wiley, goodey two-shoes? None of these “fear-driven” strategies ever changes the basic fact that your fender is bent and needs fixing.

Whenever you miscommunicate, or miss the communication mark, how you communicate during those tense times becomes all the more important. Are you keeping your communication tight?

THE INSURANCE POLICY OF GOOD COMMUNICATION

Are you in the driver’s seat of your own life? Are you keeping your eyes on the road, and your eyes on the relationship prize of positive talk? Don’t leave home without the insurance policy of good communication.

ABOUT INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION EXPERT DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a communications psychologist from Dayton, Ohio, who specializes in teaching positive and effective communication skills. You wish to utilize easy vs. sleazy communication that is both ethical and effective. Dr. O’Grady’s third book, which includes his “Talk to Me” effective leadership communication system, is at www.drogrady.com and Amazon. Life is a highway? Are you traveling to where you need and want to go in a spirit of hopeful anticipation, or are you cursing under your breath at the other driver’s stupidity? The choice is yours. Know this: Whenever you travel with an open heart and flowing mind on the two-way communication highway, change happens fast and lasts.

Many spoken sentences are like fog that makes driving on the two-way communicator highway very dicey. For example, “You just don’t understand!” If you’re driving down the two-way communication highway when road conditions are foggy, mistakes can be costly.

7 COMMUNICATION MISTAKES TO AVOID

Common foggy communication mistakes that cause talk crashes at work and home:

Communication Mistake #1: You worry too much, and your worry disrupts clear communication in your “keep your talk tight” relationships.

Communication Mistake #2: You turn into a control freak, one who freaks out when you aren’t in control of everything.

Communication Mistake #3: You are a know-it-all who is blissfully blind to your own dangerous ignorance.

Communication Mistake #4: You “listen with half an ear” or with a closed mind to the speaker, ready only to launch your next “talk over them” argument.

Communication Mistake #5: You claim that you don’t have any resentment luggage or junk in your trunk, although you do have a few big carry-on bags that interfere with interpersonal closeness.

Communication Mistake #6: Victim talkers expect compensation for hurts that happen in life on a fairly routine basis. Victors instead say, “I may be broken-hearted, but I am not broken.”

Communication Mistake #7: Failing to learn something new about good communication moves on a daily basis.

KEEP YOUR COMMUNICATION SIMPLE

Got a headache from bad talk and confusing communication? Then slow down a little to account for the fog on the talk road, and go easy until the sun burns it off.

“Keep your communication simple” by first paying attention to your positive communicator attitude. Make a point of interpersonal power, to communicate clearly with others during times when the road ahead is difficult to see.

ABOUT EFFECTIVE LEADERSHIP COMMUNICATION AUTHOR DR. DENNIS O’GRADY

Dennis E. O’Grady, Psy.D., is a corporate trainer, professional keynote speaker and author of “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone,” available at www.drogrady.com. Dennis is from Dayton, Ohio, and founder of New Insights Communication, a firm that specializes in positive and effective communication strategies.