Posts in category: LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT

DON’T POP MY SELF-ESTEEM BALLOON

While flying with my brother in his private plane in Florida, I noticed that, through his headset which was tuned to the airfield’s control tower, Al was receiving several kinds of corrective feedback and information about how to fly correctly into and around the area. Now, my brother is a very seasoned pilot, so I was interested to hear him calmly repeat the corrective instructions then follow them without a fuss. I inwardly mused, “Ah, how sweet my business life would be if those I worked with (and myself) could take corrective feedback as effortlessly. There were simply no ego wars or embarrassing hurt feelings to navigate through as we flew along the constantly adjusted flight path.

CORRECTIVE FEEDBACK ISN’T CRITICISM

If you jumped inside a bag of human skin, you would quickly realize we are all lean mean learning machines…if our egos don’t trip us up. Corrective feedback is a far cry from criticism. For example, if you’re in driver’s education, those tips on how to perform a skillful maneuver differently and better have nothing to do with you as a person. Impersonal corrections fall under the umbrella of constructive feedback, critical to task improvement but not critical of the person. This key difference is often confused in the complex world of communication.

SENSITIVE VS. INSENSITIVE TYPES OF COMMUNICATORS

You’re into advanced communication skills, aren’t you? The communicator type with whom you’re talking probably handles negative and positive feedback very differently. Two hugely important communicator distinctions:

Empathizer communicators take everything very personally, quite possibly because life is a very personal adventure for them. Due to E-types’ thin skin, they can feel slammed, after which they sulk or back off from the perceived offender.

Instigator communicators have a thick hide and more easily accept negative feedback without emotional interference. I-types, who let the negative feedback glide right off their skin, are like ducks, with water rolling off their backs.

There is no better or worse way of being, but I wish Empathizers would become a little more thick-skinned and Instigators would become a little more sensitive. The Talk to Me© system provides the map for doing just that.

PROVIDING NEGATIVE OR CORRECTIVE FEEDBACK IN A POSITIVE WAY

What are some talk tips that enable you to give corrective feedback in such a way that you don’t deflate the ego of the team player?

1. KNOW TO WHOM YOU’RE TALKING. You must get to know a little bit about your talk partner. Which talk type is your co-communicator? Is the listener prone to being too sensitive, which makes him an Empathizer or E-type communicator, or does he lean toward being insensitive, which would make him an Instigator or I-type communicator?

2. A TRUE CORRECTION TAKES PLACE IN A MINUTE OR LESS. Focus on one correction at a time — don’t go down a long laundry list. Make a single, directive correction of, “This is what will work out better for you next time.” You don’t stop play…you keep on moving. A true correction is completed in ONE MINUTE or less, and it can be followed by a reinforcing activity later.

3. NO TIME-WASTING. The principle of “when at work, you only work,” should be observed. True work is persistent, intense, determined, relentless…a team approach that is visible to all around you. Employees should not see the boss or anyone, for that matter, wasting time. Make time spent in practicing corrections feel normal and commonplace.

4. CORRECTIONS ARE FAR DIFFERENT FROM CRITICISMS. Respect for the self-esteem balloon of each team player trickles from top down. The top leader must demonstrate that pins of criticisms which shred self-esteem are not to be used. The talk principal: Your boss doesn’t prick your self-esteem, so you are not to deflate or pop the self-esteem of another team member.

5. NOW GET ON DOWN THE ROAD TO THE NEXT ITEM. You delivered the corrective feedback (negative feedback dealt with positively) in a business-like fashion, without fanfare, so now it’s on to the next agenda item of business. There is no need to repeat the criticism, use sarcasm, or laugh nervously. If mutual trust has been built, true corrections feel differently than criticisms.

6. WITH PRACTICE, CORRECTIONS ARE SEEN AS THE ROAD MORE TRAVELED TO SUCCESS. It does take a lot of practice to become accustomed to giving — and receiving — corrective feedback effectively. But it’s so productive once you do get the hang of it! You steadily improve every day in every way. Once the feedback receiver sees corrections as a means to meet heartfelt goals, she will accept corrections far more readily, and even welcome them.

YOUR SELF-ESTEEM BALLOON

The prototype for negative feedback was when your mom or dad yelled at you when you were a kid, making too much noise or horsing around in the back seat of the car. Whamo! Remember how deflated you felt? Negative feedback can be akin to taking a pin and popping the balloon of your co-communicator…and it doesn’t matter if hurt feelings weren’t intended. Damage is still done. Are you now able to provide corrective feedback about negative actions in a positive way, that should be heard without defensiveness?

ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dennis O’Grady wears three shirts of relationship communication coach, corporate trainer, and executive coach. Dennis has 30+ years of experience helping talk partners of differing levels and backgrounds hear the intended message their talk partners were trying to get across. He is the author of three books, a professional keynote speaker, and an organizational consultant who uses the Talk to Me© leadership communication system in forward-thinking companies, resulting in, “Now my manager is a better communicator.” His book of effective interpersonal communication, Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along with Anyone, is available at drogrady.com or at Amazon.

OPENING SWOLLEN AND CLOSED UP EARS

Giving clear feedback is a skill at which the master communicator has become proficient. All of us fear confrontation and conflict that is hurtful instead of helpful. Muddy feedback feels confusing and demeaning. Clear feedback is direct and illuminating. It’s different strokes for different folks, too. In the Talk to Me© communication system, clear feedback is difficult for Empathizer-type (E-type) communicators to give because they feel it too often hurts feelings. Clear feedback is also a challenge for Instigator-type (I-type) communicators to receive, because they think two sides to every story can be told. Overall, the point of giving clear feedback is to promote positive changes that benefit all the people paddling in the same canoe.

WHY GIVE FEEDBACK?

In delivering quality feedback, the difficulty is that strong feelings emerge, making ears swollen and closed up. What can happen when constructive feedback isn’t effectively given or if it’s not heard in an efficient or timely fashion? Well, here are four spirit-killers of companies, teams, and families, which result from fear of giving feedback due to apprehension about retaliation:

PARALYSIS. I-type communicators become frustrated because the same old, same old bad stuff keeps boomeranging right on back, producing the same so-so levels of performance.

WALLS. E-type communicators, who have solutions to vexing problems, will keep their great (and greatest) ideas to themselves, stowed low behind their high walls of resentment.

IDEA DEPRIVATION. When E-types’ passionate ideas are tied together with the progressive I-type tenacity, the resulting unbeatable team is one that unleashes the key energies and breakthroughs to allow a company to keep running ahead of the pack.

TURNOVER. The best and brightest E- and I-types will leave organizations (couples, families) to seek greener grass, which is right under their feet…if anyone cared enough to water and fertilize it.

All of us fear conflict and unnecessary confrontation. Since most of us have had the unpleasant and distasteful experience of being on the receiving end of negative feedback that’s akin to getting your skin pricked with needles or chewed on by fleas, it’s no wonder giving feedback is such a fierce challenge for all of us Empathizer and Instigator communicators. What a bear!

5 STEPS TO GIVING CLEAR FEEDBACK

You are a good role model of giving clear feedback, because you don’t want to wait until it’s too late for the feedback recipient to change. Here are the five steps used in the boss or supervisory role:

1. PREPARE TO GIVE THE FEEDBACK
2. TELL THE RECIPIENT OF THE FEEDBACK WHY YOU’RE TALKING
3. TELL THE RECIPIENT WHAT YOU THINK OR FEEL
4. ASK FOR INPUT TO CLARIFY THE FEEDBACK
5. MAKE A PLAN TO HELP THE RECIPIENT ADDRESS THE SHORTCOMINGS STATED IN THE FEEDBACK

You will want to write out your clear and direct change message, to keep you from straying away from the message content when the typhoon of emotions arise. Additionally, you won’t be distracted or DEFLECTED from taking control of the situation. Moreover, you will send the genuine message that you value the other person as an integral part of your personal growth and relational life. Then, together, you CAN develop a business plan to correct the matter without further blowing up bridges of trust.

Let’s examine a real life example of giving clear and directive feedback. Here are 5 steps you can follow to give feedback that makes good changes happen fast — and last — using the Talk to Me© positive and effective communication system:

STEP 1: PREPARE TO TELL THEM

The golden rule of giving clear feedback is never-ever-ever just wing it or fly by the seat of your pants! You should write down in advance a clear script of what you are going to say. How to get ready? Well, what is at the heart of your core message?

Example: Joe isn’t making enough sales calls. Joe is a company veteran. Joe receives bonuses based on sales. What’s happening with Joe? He needs to be making those sales calls. I can keep in my mind the key items and focus of what I need and want to say. I don’t think I will stray off track. I’ll keep my notes at hand, but I think I’m ready now to sit down with Joe to talk about what’s the matter. (Practice saying the core message out loud a few times before your meeting.)

STEP 2: MENTION WHY YOU’RE TALKING

Be clear and direct about why you’re having the conversation. Don’t beat around the bush with either communicator type when you two sit down at the communicator table to have an intense talk. Be explicit about, “The reason I want to talk with you is….”

Example: Joe, the reason I want to talk with you is your unwillingness or inability to make 15 sales calls per week. You are consistently not meeting your goal, and I feel we need to discuss why this is.

STEP 3: EXPLAIN WHAT YOU THINK OR FEEL

Can you walk in the shoes of your opposite communicator type? Of course you can. For example, Empathizers prefer to hear what you THINK about the problem, while Instigators prefer to hear how you FEEL about the situation. Neither approach is wrong, just different. Use any combination of “I think…because,” or “I feel…because,” statements in order to net the best results.

Example: Joe, I feel concerned (disappointed, depressed, upset, angry, etc.). Joe, it disappoints me BECAUSE you’re not making even the minimal level of calls. Joe, I’m concerned BECAUSE you’re a veteran sales person in this company. You’ve been with the company 30 years. People look up to you and your experience. If you’re not making the calls and setting the example for the younger sales people, then they won’t make the calls, based on the bad example, which will prevent them from being successful. Joe, the other reason it concerns me is that BECAUSE you’ve worked for the company for 30 years, you’re expecting a certain income level. With the compensation being variable as your work is reflected, the fact that you’re not making the calls, could affect your future income….

E-types will DO something stupid (like quitting) as an indirect way of giving tough feedback, while I-types will SAY something stupid (shoot off their mouth) as a distracting way of receiving tough feedback. (Both are avoidance tactics that confuse communication. Deflecting good feedback that encourages you to look in the mirror of change isn’t useful.)

STEP 4: ASK FOR INPUT

Sincerely ask for input and listen to the responses. Listen up and don’t interrupt! This final part of Giving Clear Feedback takes the longest time. You are listening to what the feedback recipient has to say, and you don’t want to be steered in a non-productive direction. So, Listen up and don’t interrupt!

Boss: Joe, I want your input. How do you feel about that, Joe? How would you like to respond to what I’ve said? What are your thoughts? (This is the complex part and it’s not simple. The speaker may wander around and you will have to bring him/her back.)

Employee, Joe: I don’t believe in the product….I don’t want to work that hard….I didn’t realize the younger guys looked up to me….My mother just died….I haven’t been paying attention because I’ve got a sick kid at home….My wife/husband just left me….I don’t have any energy, and my physician can’t tell me why….(Uncovers what’s going on in a person’s life…mother is dying so employee is not paying attention, etc.)

We’re all SO naive to think personal life doesn’t affect business, or the reverse. Although this is the longest and least structured part of an “everyone wins” conversation, you will learn that by walking in the shoes of your opposite communicator type, you will avoid unnecessary losses and unfortunate misunderstandings that harm us all.

STEP 5: MAKE A PLAN

The hardest thing to do relationship-wise is to confront issues and follow through with indicated disciplinary actions. But doing so enables everyone to flush out the issues, allows the receiver to feel heard and valued, gives tough love that is received in like-kind, and brainstorms good options to get things back on track. Thus, these are truly corrective actions that will make life much better for everyone involved.

Boss: How do you feel about that now, Joe? Are we clear about the next steps we need to take? And the results that are expected? Great. I think we’ve flushed out the issues and how to change the situation. These are ways we’ve both freely agreed to correct the problem: X/Y/Z.

NO ONE LIKES CORRECTIVE FEEDBACK, ACTION PLANS, CORRECTIVE ACTIONS BUT….

More people loathe than love negative feedback. But without corrective negative feedback we can travel in circles, lost in a swamp or on the outerbelt of the Communication Highway, and never reach civilization or our destination. We can do better than that. Here are the five steps again ….

1. PREPARE TO TELL THE RECIPIENT
2. TELL THE RECIPIENT WHY YOU’RE TALKING
3. TELL THE RECIPIENT WHAT YOU THINK OR FEEL
4. ASK FOR INPUT TO CLARIFY THE ISSUE
5. MAKE A PLAN TO CORRECT THE ISSUE

Listen to what THEY have to say? Yes, if you’re using The Cliff Notes version for giving clear and direct feedback using the Talk to Me© communication system. It’s the best game in town to ensure that you’re being heard, if the person you’re talking with isn’t about playing the games people play.

DRIVING ON THE TWO-WAY TALK HIGHWAY — REASONS FOR GIVING CLEAR, DIRECT AND DIRECTIVE FEEDBACK

By the time you reach the junction of the FEEDBACK FUNCTION, everyone present can leave with a plan to fix the problem, and each person knows and understands that results will be accounted for, as in “I’ll be watching you….” Why go to all this trouble to talk? The truth of the matter of talk: Clear communication, as opposed to confusing communication, works untold miracles. Are you a miracle-worker? Of course you are. Giving good, clear feedback, using the Talk to Me© system is useful in working miracles BECAUSE…

• You write out the message
• It’s non-threatening but to the point
• You don’t beat around the bush
• You get right to the point
• You stay on your intended message
• You personalize the discussion by stating genuine concern for the person
• You devise a plan
• Yes, you feel chastised…but you feel good about it
• You aren’t accusatory…you don’t make accusations about anything
  
• Your communication is a combination of business and personal
• There’s no retaliation
• There’s precious little critical parent interrogation
• You don’t dress someone down
• You stay in control of your strong emotions
• You don’t allow talks to spin out of control and land you in a ditch

That’s why “talking sense to yourself and others” works so well!

WHY DOES BEING A RESPONSIVE COMMUNICATOR WORK?

Why does it work? Because you are being a responsive, not a reactionary, communicator, who is putting up with changeable frustrations or putting others down who need to give change a chance. You are using an approach that borrows from the best of both worlds of Empathizer-type and Instigator-type communicators, an approach that fuses together the combined traits of sensitive and insensitive communication styles to get the point across.

GIVING CLEAR FEEDBACK IS A SKILL AT WHICH THE MASTER COMMUNICATOR HAS BECOME PROFICIENT

Giving clear feedback is an acquired skill of good communication, between equal human beings at disparate levels in an organization. Delivering quality feedback is not for the faint-hearted or coward who picks at the toothpick in your eye, all the while ignoring the tree in his/her own eye.

ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a relationship communications coach, corporate trainer and pioneer of the innovative Talk to Me© positive and effective communication system, which streamlines communication that is productive and useful, inside your head, inside your company, and inside your relationships. Communication mistakes and accidents plague us all, but the Talk to Me© approach to good communication will help boost your mood, keep your energy up, and free you from the tar baby of negative relationship emotions. Just try out the results of good communication for yourself!

Why can’t we just talk anymore, like we used to do in the olden days? Well, it seems today we might want to communicate more positively and effectively at work and at home. Just ask WellPoint, one of our nation’s largest insurers. According to Julie Appleby’s article in the 10/22/07 issue of USA TODAY, WellPoint-associated doctors will be rated, by their patients, on what it all boils down to is — communication. Poor communication can kill trust and kill the patient. Zagat Survey has been chosen by WellPoint to administer and analyze the customer satisfaction audits.

FACTORS OF GOOD COMMUNICATION

Why Zagat? Zagat has become known as the expert in their field, putting out a burgundy-colored restaurant-going guide that ranks eateries on food, decor, service and cost, to help guide our choices. WellPoint wants to know how well their doctors are doing on the communication chart, so they’ve secured the assistance of the master. In your mind, what makes up the art of good talk? Making time to talk? Using positive non-verbals like smiling or shaking hands? Giving critical information in a positive way? All of these are factors in good doctor-patient or manager-employee communications. Zagat’s rating guide will consider trust, communication, availability, and office environment, on a 30-point scale…with the added dimension of comments from patients. Here are the factors of positive and effective communication to be measured and my take on the top two:

1. TRUST (EFFECTIVE vs. INEFFECTIVE TALKS)

2. COMMUNICATION (RESPONSIVE vs. REACTIVE TALKS)

3. AVAILABILITY (OPEN vs. CLOSED PROBLEM-SOLVING DISCUSSIONS)

4. ENVIRONMENT (POSITIVE vs. NEGATIVE COMMUNICATION CLIMATE)

Making us all feel like jerks, knee-jerk communication is a leading cause of miscommunication, causing hard feelings. These resentments cause low ratings, helping to make a point. But how do we walk the talk of good communication? How do we make positive and effective communication more natural in fast-moving and stressful office environments?

JUST TALK: BUILDING TRUST THROUGH POSITIVE AND EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

MOTOMAN, Inc. President Craig Jennings is ahead of the communication game. He intends to build trust and good communication from the top, through all levels of his organization, and no one is going to stop him. MOTOMAN, Inc. Vice-President of Human Resources and Facilities, Mike Gabbard also knows that good talk isn’t cheap but priceless…as we put our minds together to promote good talk. Mr. Gabbard taught me that trying to talk across different levels of the organization, to opposing communicator types, is fraught with difficulties and speed bumps or slick oil patches that can spin off our communicator cars right off Talk Highway.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS ARE TAUGHT, NOT BOUGHT

That’s why, at MOTOMAN, Inc., we’re all working together to improve communication at all levels of the company, beginning at the top! In fact, I’ve just finished the communication training manual, Just Talk: Building Trust Through Positive and Effective Communication, for this Yaskawa company. It’s a communication trip we won’t soon forget. Here’s what we’re doing at MOTOMAN to make all of us better communicators, by using the innovative Talk to Me© effective communication education system:

1. Employees and managers will learn the important skill of typecasting, or how to know the communication type of your talk partner — and yourself.

2. Employees and managers will learn to use confirming talk in difficult situations by using The Clarifying Talk Tool.

3. Employees and managers will feel prepared and enabled to give and receive corrective feedback.

4. Employees and managers will markedly improve their listening skills.

5. Employees and managers will become responsive — vs. reactive — communicators by using The Communication Matrix.

6. Employees and managers will communicate more effectively in ways that build trust, clarify difficult issues, and avoid costly communication mistakes.

7. Employees and managers will use the Talk to Me© communication tools that work at all levels of the organization, creating a positive work atmosphere.

ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS O’GRADY

Dennis E. O’Grady, Psy.D., is the founder of New Insights Communication, a relationship communications coaching and corporate training company located in Dayton, Ohio. Dennis holds a B.A. degree from Michigan State University, a M.A. degree in College Counseling from Michigan State University, and The Doctorate of Psychology degree from Wright State University School of Professional Psychology. Dr. O’Grady is the president-elect of the Dayton Psychological Association. His latest book, Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone, is available at Amazon and drogrady.com. You can talk with Dr. O’Grady today by calling (937) 428-0724.

WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU DON’T CHANGE WHEN CHANGE HAPPENS?

Why is it important to hand off the baton of leadership in business? Is anyone out there coaching leaders in how to communicate effectively and how to change during emotionally driven times? New leaders who can run the long race are needed, because business isn’t a 50-yard dash. Company leaders, who don’t hand off the baton when the time has come to go, create losses and fallout that nobody likes…the new blood of creative ideas is needed. It takes courage to lead by leaving, because it’s all about embracing change rather than ignoring it. Why worry? What happens if you don’t change when change happens? You lose your star players, and the remaining dependable players lose motivation. Your customers lose passion for your product. Your communication becomes cloudy and confusing, and your company stumbles and falls during the race.

WHY ONE RADIO STATION FAILED

Here’s a real situation that unfolded when the leaders weren’t ready to move on. It shows that a proven leader might be blinded by the intense emotions that arise during transitions of change.

A friend of mine spun records for a living, eventually working his way up to being a radio station manager. A few years back he had a tremendous opportunity, when a wealthy owner of twelve southern radio stations was frustrated because his favorite hometown station was about to go under.

In the mood to try anything new to save the station, he brought my friend, Evan, on board. The instructions Evan received were clear: “Make this station profitable within two years. I’m too busy to look over your shoulder, so you have my blessing to try anything new.” Evan had been waiting a long time for an opportunity like this to come his way. His fear of failure was overcome by the opportunity for total creative control, and he agreed to take on the challenge.

Evan brought a fresh perspective to the station. He asked the listeners what music they most wanted to hear over the airwaves. He fired freeloading staff, and he hired creative types who weren’t afraid to voice innovative ideas. They loved the unknown of it all. They weren’t looking for approval, weren’t afraid of looking foolish should they fail, and they were willing to take calculated risks in order to be successful. The “mavericks of music” began to try anything and everything under the sun to improve ratings, working as a team and having fun all the while.

What worked to improve ratings, they continued to use; what didn’t work was tossed aside. The mavericks knew they were on the right track when their programming and advertising techniques were mocked by other stations. “It’ll never work here….It’s already been done before….” were just a couple of the slams. But soon new listeners began to tune in to hear the mavericks’ antics. Staff really began getting fired up by the warm response. Their zany gimmicks continue to keep everyone in stitches and talking.

In fact, the staff was so busy being creative and working so hard that they hardly noticed when the advertising dollars went from a trickle to a flood!

What a change. Ratings continued to climb, and within one short year, the station took over the ratings honors in the city. Creative change had become the norm, and positive strokes the status quo.

When the exuberant hometown station owner flew into town to congratulate everyone, the staff were wined and dined at a posh restaurant to celebrate the success. Feelings of pride were running as high as the restaurant tab. The owner strode to the podium and said, “All of you have done a tremendous job. Now, whatever you do, don’t change a thing! Keep on doing what you’ve been doing.”

What sad advice.

THE BOSS KNOWS BEST?

New ideas and changes were stifled in this one brief announcement. What had made this team successful — feeling free to change — now became forbidden. There was no arguing with the boss. He claimed to know what was best for business.

Ratings began to slide downwards, and staff morale took a nose dive. Complaining quickly replaced creativity. It didn’t take long for the staff to become glum and demoralized. Evan became disillusioned and disappointed, finally deciding to move on. He felt confused and irritated that what was working so well was not allowed to flourish. In their final meeting together, the owner asked, “What went wrong? Everything was going so well. I just can’t figure out what happened.”

THE MORAL OF THE STORY?

The moral of the story? Success emanates from the momentum of creative change. Rest on your laurels for a while to celebrate your victories, but get right back up and keep on changing to remain successful. Embrace change when it isn’t a requirement. Make this one of your change mottoes: “Why not fix it if it ain’t broke?” Keep thinking about your life and how to better yourself. Change, being paradoxical by nature, must be allowed to run its course or your self-esteem…and progress…will be trampled in the stampede.

The one and only guarantee for sustained happiness? Keep growing and changing — now and forever! Misery comes from resisting needed changes. Be certain to keep on changing, even…and especially…when you are successful!

ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS O’GRADY

Dennis E. O’Grady, Psy.D., provides workshops and coaching on Effective Leadership Communication using the results-driven Talk to Me© innovative communication system. Dennis is also a relationship communications psychologist and corporate trainer from Dayton, Ohio. Dennis’s 2005 Dayton Leadership Study tested a sample group of 32 “proven, effective, and ethical leaders” who are responsible for running companies which account for over half of the jobs in the Dayton region. Dr. O’Grady’s findings are in his latest book, Talk To Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, which aims to better communication across all levels. Consult with Dr. O’Grady today by calling (937) 428-0724.

If you’ve felt since your grade school years that you’ve been a natural born leader, then chances are you’re a Leader in the Talk to Me© effective communication system… a passionate leader, at that (an Instigator-type extrovert or ITE), one who knows how to go in there and make it work. You even have the know-how to take on a dysfunctional program or system and make it work. Your work motto is: “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade…and try to be the owner of the lemonade stand, too.”

WHAT INSTIGATOR EXTROVERT LEADERS DESPISE

As a Leader, I know you don’t like all that “Oh, how great thou art!” stuff because you are a humble person. According to my research using the NICI-LS (New Insights Communication Inventory — Leadership Survey), chances are good that 28.1% of the time, you are either interfacing with a Leader communicator or you are the Leader. Leaders lack patience for those people who don’t…

• Prepare for the worst and hope for the best
• Plan and go after it
• Follow The Fairness Doctrine
• Do everything in moderation and have a back up plan
• Have power and confidence in dealing with people
• Make up their minds and avoid second guessing themselves
• Have power and confidence in dealing with all people
• Take responsibility to walk the talk and be effective
• Talk to people and promote tools to cope with change
• Turn negatives into positives by using encouraging self-talk
• Realize that blaming and complaining are lame
• Know how to make it work
• Pick their battles carefully to win the war
• Make lemonade when life hands them lemons
• Move ahead vs. staying stuck, spinning their wheels
• Play fair…reward fairly…fix problems instead of fuss or fume about them

ARE YOU A CHARGE-AHEAD INSTIGATOR LEADER?

If you’re the positive Leader subtype you thrive in leadership roles because you…

1. ARE A NATURAL BORN LEADER. Even before grade school, you were wired to be a leader. You love to lead and loathe being a follower. You have the confidence that projects left to you will be done right, fairly, honestly, and filled to the gills with integrity. Instead of waffling, you’re confident when taking action. Your decisions are right-on for the whole group, and you don’t stuff your pockets at the expense of others.

2. PICK YOUR BATTLES CAREFULLY. You strive to make things work by carefully picking your battles. You choose your battles by asking yourself: “Is it worth dying on this hill?” or “Will I win this battle only to lose the war?” It’s more important for you to get ahead than to get your way only to lose the war. Communication with others is easy for you, as long as emotions don’t get all riled up, making smart people say or do some pretty stupid things.

3. ARE A MAP MAKER. You skillfully take time to chart out what lies ahead. You are able to plot a course from where we are now to where we need to be in the future, with the greatest of ease. In short, you are a flexible, plan-mindful person who loves to devise a good course of action as you efficiently motivate the troops to move forward. You think well on your feet, know the realistic rules of life, and you always strive to be prepared for any roadblock which may loom ahead. You quickly adjust any course of action that isn’t achieving the desired results, without sticking your ego in the mix.

4. USE THE FAIRNESS DOCTRINE. When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade and sell more lemonade stands to your comrades. You don’t waste energy with the useless refrain, “But life’s supposed to be fair.” You know the fair comes around once a year, and you often don’t go to the county fair even then. You have natural instincts that tell you what is fair vs. unfair for the individual and the group. “It’s not fair!” has nothing to do with you, because you strive to live by a fairness doctrine that always strives to balance obligations and payoffs equally.

5. ARE INGENIOUSLY ADAPTABLE. Like a good scout, you are always prepared. You prefer to travel through life independently, without having to worry about carrying the burdens of others on your shoulders. You don’t care to lug along guilt luggage because you prefer to travel light. You are able to gracefully adapt to any stressful situation. You are a versatile planner and doer, one who plans ahead and leads the way, constantly adjusting your course and modifying strategies as feedback is obtained along the way. You are performance-driven, and you like to win. Some consider you “the golden boy” or “golden girl.”

6. HAVE A SUSTAINING PASSION TO MAKE LIFE WORK. You love a challenge, and you have the know-how to get results fast that last. In fact, when one road is closed, you typically already have alternate routes planned out. You don’t let anything or anyone get you down for long, since you’re a big believer that a positive attitude brings good luck and divine fortune to you and yours. You have the passionate power and confidence to make any program or plan work. You’re good at calculating odds of success vs. roadblocks and failure.

7. ARE ABLE TO RECHARGE YOUR ENERGY BY INTERACTING WITH OTHERS. You recharge your energy battery by interacting with others. You adapt fast and communicate well as you pick team members with the steam to get the job done. You have the gift of gab, and you know how to work a room to your advantage. Your humor, enthusiasm, and positive attitude are respected and loved by those who drawn to you. Your battery goes low when people aren’t talking or sharing information openly with you. You like to take charge, but you aren’t a control freak. For example, you’d rather drive the car than ride in the passenger seat. There are no strangers in your life, just people waiting to become your new friends.

8. ARE A DRIVER WHO TAKES CONTROL OF THE WHEEL. You love to drive things along, and you can’t stand being bored. You can dominate the mood of the group, for better or worse. If you are a negative communicator, you want what you can’t have, and you believe the grass is always greener someplace else. Although you like to take the wheel and drive the car to the planned destination, you let others take the wheel and learn. You understand that “instructing and guiding” help teach important life lessons which people must learn.

9. ARE CONTINUOUSLY PERSISTENT. You live by your wits, and you have grit and determination. Giving up isn’t part of your plan…you are going to get us all to the next agreed-upon destination as fast as practically possible. You are persistent, determined to succeed, and you enjoy the financial rewards of being a finely tuned leadership guru. You are a relentless and tenacious go-getter. There’s no two ways about it — you establish the plan to get the job done and the goal attained. There’s no way you’re not going to get where you and your team or family need, or want, to go.

10. SEEK THE MIDDLE ROAD. You make things work by seeking the middle road as the most practical way to arrive at the intended destination. You hate the diversion of hurt feelings, injured egos, or other senseless accidents waiting to happen. In fact, you prepare with the worst in mind; you hope for the best; and you trust that the genuine outcome will be somewhere in the middle. You’re prepared to change your travel plans and try a different way. You seek sustenance in balance. You don’t trust others (or yourself) who go to extremes. Thus, you can play the piano of reality at all ranges, but you trust and use the keys in the middle range the most.

11. ARE A REALITY RESPONDER. “Be ready for anything and adapt as life unfolds!” is your motto. You solicit input from people whom you respect — those who have the keys of knowledge which unlock the door of opportunity you’re facing. You may not always be democratic, but you are certainly a diplomatic authority. You research options, you analyze potential problems or pitfalls, and you have a fallback position when times get tough. It’s so like you to plan ahead with alternate routes to take when one route doesn’t pan out. You are a reality responder!

You know how to make a map that gets all of us where we need and want to go, my dear expert communicator Leader!

LEADERS LOVE TO LEAD THE CHARGE AND MARCH OFF THE MAP

Simply put, Leaders love to direct us into unfamiliar regions. They love to create the map. They love to march off the map. Leaders take us from one known to the next known by going through the unknown or uncharted wilderness areas, with supreme confidence. Where would we be without them? Stuck in the past, pointing fingers of blame, that’s where.

Are you an Intuiter, Seer, Inventor, and Leader in the Talk to Me© communication system? Although Leaders diplomatically get along well with negative people, they don’t respect negatalkers who dig in their heels. Why? Because Leaders love to lead the charge ahead, marching off the map into new lands!

COMMUNICATION COMES EASY FOR THE LEADER COMMUNICATOR RELATIONSHIP SUBTYPE

Oh, how you love to drive in the Beliefs lane on the two-way communicator highway. Here’s what you know to be so:

You believe communication is easy…and it is pretty easy for you!

You think communication ought to be free of undue emotionalism…and you’re able to remain calm, even when your feelings are smarting!

You believe wise men and women pick their battles carefully…and you won’t lose your life charging over the next hill that’s not even worth climbing!

You think that patience is a virtue…and you wish you had some!

You believe in laughing at yourself…to beat others to the punch!

You think a good leader knows how to be a good follower… but honestly, you’re not so sure that applies to you!

INSTIGATOR COMMUNICATOR LEADERSHIP BY THE NUMBERS

There are four leadership or relationship subtypes in the Talk to Me© communication system — Intuiter, Seer, Inventor, and Leader — which I’ve painstakingly researched.

In the Dayton 2005 Leadership Study, which I designed and directed, I was able to get an accurate communication assessment of some of the most successful leaders in our region. Two types of Instigator leaders were found:

Type I: The Inventor. This very inventive and creative individual is an ideal “start up” leader. In my study, 15.6% of a selected group of leaders in the 2005 Dayton Coalition Study fell into this category. Inventors stumble when routine replaces inventiveness.

Type II: The Leader. This is the very fair and balanced individual who is an ideal “carry forward” leader. 59.4% of our proven and successful leaders, in the study, fell into this category. Project or company leadership trip up when can’t receive 360-degree feedback from those perceived to be trustworthy sources.

The remaining 25% in the 2005 Dayton Coalition Study were Empathizer leaders. Since 75% of leaders in the sample group were Instigator communicators, I concluded that Instigators love to instigate change. However, every individual, Empathizer and Instigator alike, can be an effective leader.

REALITY CHECK

If you are an Instigator-type communicator, you are a natural-born leader. You came in to this life wired to be a leader. You are eminently diplomatic and respectful of reality. With an accurate map, you can confidently lead all of us through unknown regions to begin a new life adventure.

ABOUT DENNIS O’GRADY

Dennis E. O’Grady, Psy.D., provides workshops and coaching on Effective Leadership Communication using the results-driven Talk to Me© innovative communication system. Dennis is also a relationship communications psychologist and corporate trainer from Dayton, Ohio. Dennis’s 2005 Dayton Leadership Study tested a sample group of 32 “proven, effective, and ethical leaders” who are responsible for running companies which account for over half of the jobs in the Dayton region. Dr. O’Grady’s findings are in his latest book, Talk To Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, which aims to better communication across all levels.