Posts in category: LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT

I hear it every day from clients I coach in communication skills… “I’m spooked because great things are happening so fast. I wasn’t struggling at all, and I was in a peaceful zone. When’s the other shoe going to drop?” The fear of success ending abruptly, or embarrassing failures lasting forever, haunt some of the best people I know. It doesn’t have to be that way.

MY MIND IS MORE FREE, CAREFREE AND FOCUSED USING THE TALK TO ME COMMUNICATION SYSTEM

There is also a terrible irony to the combustible mix of fear and success. You can be a big success and still screw up big time. For example, a respected and esteemed executive coaching client of mine — let’s call him Dick — recently asked me:

“Good things are happening. I now know what the dynamic is behind that…it’s my better understanding of my communicator leadership subtype. Now, Dennis, how can I better handle the success that’s unfolding? I’m watching the company blossom right before my very eyes. We’ll reach and FAR exceed targeted expectations. If I’m not careful, though, I’m going start panicking and shoot myself in the foot or trip others up with my lip.”

Your mind is a terrible thing to misplace. You don’t want to panic when times are great or when times are grim! And who says executive leaders with big egos and dreams can’t learn to become sensitive communicators?

INVENTERS ARE GENIUSES AT INVENTING RESULTS

Why is this savvy business leader able to produce powerful results that appear almost magically? Well, here’s why: Dick’s leader subtype is called “Inventer.” Inventers make up about 20% of our population. They are enormously able to PRODUCE POWERFUL RESULTS, positive or negative, for good or ill. When focus is lost, Inventers can become destroyers.

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU’RE AN INVENTER LEADER? ARE YOU ABLE TO MAKE PEOPLE BLOSSOM OR WITHER AND SHRIVEL?

Are you able to make people blossom, or wither and shrivel? According to the Talk to Me effective leadership communication system, if you have this ability then chances are you’re an Inventer leader. So I told Dick, whom I admire and love,

You know you have a green thumb to make people and businesses blossom right before your very eyes. It’s astonishing, but you already knew that, Dick! You have that special knack, and personal power, to produce powerful positive results, as if by magic. Likewise, you can use that power to rip out the lungs and heart of those you talk to, whenever you panic and react by behaving or talking in self-defeating ways. It’s your choice. You are able to make projects, results and people around you blossom or wither and shrivel.

“My mind is more free,” is a result you will experience by using the Talk to Me system.

HERE’S HOW TO HANDLE THE SUCCESS THAT’S UNFOLDING

You, too, get to chose whether you use your communication powers in positive or negative ways. Here’s what I recommend for “inventive leaders” to handle the success that’s coming your way:

1. KNOW YOU HAVE A GREEN THUMB. Become aware that what you touch blossoms and what you ignore shrivels up or dies.

2. ENJOY THE RIDE. Don’t be a dry drunk on a temporary high of success, or don’t hang on too tightly to the steering wheel of your life, causing your knuckles to turn white.

3. FEEL THE LOVE. Experience how you are liked, loved and looked up to. Breathe! You’re going to win big, emotionally and financially.

4. YOU DON’T HAVE TO BRING YOUR FEARS TO LIFE. You must find ways — that don’t strip you of joy — to help you enjoy this trip in the present moment.

5. WHY PANIC NOW? Instead, enjoy the power to produce such HUGE results. Why panic about running into a disaster of a communication car wreck when you have master control of which way the vehicle goes?

6. NO, YOU’RE NOT GOING TO SCREW THINGS UP AGAIN. Sure, you can really mess things up, but that doesn’t challenge you to feel the full joy of using your mind.

7. NO PAIN…MORE GAIN. You’ve got the power! You don’t have to struggle at all, because much of it is make-believe after all. Also, your sincere compliments are more precious than gold, and they aren’t a sign of weakness, either.

8. YOU HAVE THE POWER TO BE AWE-FILLED OR AWFUL. By using the Talk system, “funny little things” will come into your mind to say or do, and that will cause you to prosper. That’s “the light bulb went off” effect. You will feel your mind is more free, and you will experience freedom from relationship chains.

SMALL ACTIONS ALWAYS NET HUGE REWARDS

Whether a company, couple, or family unit, when you use the Talk to Me system, results happen fast and last, no matter how long a problem has been around. Meaning: small new actions seem to lead to large rewards. Client example: Focusing 10 minutes daily on a pet work project, instead of being ruled by urgent time emergencies.

WHEN IS THE OTHER BLESSING GOING TO DROP INTO YOUR LIFE?

By using the Talk system, “When is the other shoe going to drop?” is replaced by, “When is the other blessing going to drop into my life?” An example this morning was a communications client who received an unexpected raise.

EVERY CELL AWAKE AND TINGLING NOW?

When you embrace your success, you will feel that every cell in your body is awake, tingling and smiling with pride at the deep feelings of satisfaction that you’re experiencing. You will probably make mega-millions of dollars, one more time, but this time you are going to enjoy the ride. You will feel a profound sense of peace and gratitude; you will smile more; and the people you mentor will share in these good tidings, too. Just you try it and see for yourself!

ABOUT CORPORATE TRAINER AND RELATIONSHIP COACH DENNIS O’GRADY, PSY.D.

The Talk to Me system is designed to help you help yourself stop stewing…or screwing things up in your life. And you don’t need to stew any longer, or worry about what all bad dreadful gunk is going to happen to you when you’re not on guard. You now seek the middle road…instead of going to extremes. You now have nothing left to prove…instead you’ve got a whole bunch of life to enjoy. You now don’t try hard to be right, instead knowing that trying to be right turns out wrong most times. But you already knew that! Water your career and relationship life, and make them blossom, by experiencing your mental powers to create and nurture.

I know you want to use your communicator style in powerful and positive ways, because what you touch turns to gold, too. You can’t disagree. You can turn people on, and you can turn people off. It’s nothing to feel intimidated by! You get to create to your heart’s content.

Not messing up your success is a small new action that nets interpersonal dividends AND helps you to enjoy the ride along the way. In short, peace of mind deepens and anxiety lessens. As another client told me, “I’m now able to be in the zone, the peace zone!” So why not feel alive, every cell in your body smiling, as you stop getting in your own way.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the president and founder of New Insights Communication, and the father to a new communications approach that will open your mind to receiving new results that you’re going to love and enjoy. Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone is now available at www.drogrady.com and at Amazon.

I had to get my laptop computer fixed. As a small business guy, I have to make good decisions on the fly, and I don’t have deep pockets to absorb expensive mistakes if I do business with the wrong person. I’ve noticed that despite high-flying talk from people who want my business, many outfits live in the lowlands of broken promises and very poor customer service. In fact, many outside consultants don’t even ask for my business or act like they are doing me a favor by taking my money.

BE THE REAL DEAL IN POSITIVE BUSINESS COMMUNICATIONS

You’re the real deal though. In fact, vendors and customers may have a hard time believing you and may negatively think, “He or she is too good to be true.” But you’re a true, ethical and decent person, and you don’t want people to take advantage of you. You put into practice in your business communications many strategies that so many others preach from the pulpit but don’t live out in the real world:

1. YOU ASK AND LISTEN FOR WHAT YOUR CUSTOMER NEEDS. You don’t tell your customers what they need, but you listen to what they tell you about their problem and how you can help them.

2. YOU HONESTLY EXPLAIN HOW YOU CAN HELP THEM. You skip the jive talking and simply provide for your customer the facts of what needs to be done to solve their problem.

3. YOU DELIVER. Eureka! You actually do what you say you’re going to do!

4. YOU DELIVER ON TIME. It’s frustrating how many people don’t deliver in the time frame agreed upon with the quality of results promised.

5. YOU SMILE REASSUREDLY WHEN YOU TALK. You seek to deliver a positive mental attitude to your customers, most of whom are probably having a terribly frustrating day.

6. YOU DON’T MAKE THE CUSTOMER FEEL STUPID. All of us struggle with being ignorant in areas outside of our expertise when we have to depend on others’ knowledge to help us succeed. You seek to make your customer feel at ease in trusting their problems to you.

7. YOU DELIVER THE GOODS AT A FAIR PRICE. You don’t live or die by the amount of money you make — you want to provide a great product at a good price. Your customers will not only come back the next time they need your help, but they will serve as a source of referrals to their friends, your future customers.

8. YOU OFFER ADDITIONAL SUGGESTIONS TO IMPROVE THE LIFE AND WEALTH OF YOUR CUSTOMER. When a customer trusts you, they will ask for your suggestions and listen to additional ways to solve their embarrassing, pesky problems.

CONFIDENCE IS COMPETENCE

Business Rule #1: Showing an attitude of confidence makes your customers think you are competent. Now, of course, you had better BE competent if you expect your business to succeed. Overall, psychologically, customers don’t want to feel stupid, feel like an odd duck, lose security, or be humiliated by the unexpected ripping apart of their status quo. YOU are the answer to their problems, don’t you know. Do you want to feel confident, positioning your company and family for increasing levels of success…and make good money, too? Of course you do!

SHOCK YOUR CUSTOMERS BY GIVING THEM WHAT THEY WANT (LACK)

Do you understand your personal power as a communicator? It requires that you have confidence in yourself, and that you skip the inferiority complex business. It means, as an Empathizer communicator, that you affirm the multitude of your talents without shyness. And it means, as an Instigator communicator, that you realize people naturally trust your confidence and want to follow your call to go down open avenues of opportunity that don’t lead over a cliff.

ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS EXPERT DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Communications psychologist, corporate trainer and author Dennis O’Grady has a bone to pick with Empathizer communicators. Exude confidence. Feel confident. Show your confidence, for gosh sakes! Stop lying to yourself or others, implying that you don’t own a boatload of skills and talents for hire. When you exude a lack of confidence, others will assume you have a lack of skills, when the reverse is true. Why can’t you be more like Instigator communicators who know that this confidence talk rule rules in the business world? Well, now you can. In my book “Talk to Me,” clinical research has shown that E-types are too humble and hard on themselves, and they don’t talk the self up enough during business meetings. I-types are super-confident and exuberantly promise what they may or may not be able to deliver. Hear me ye E-types: Practice in your brain being more confident four minutes a day. For example, don’t deviate from questions–answer strong–to stop selling yourself short. Say inwardly, “I’m not afraid to show my confidence.” Or, “If I don’t have confidence in my skills, who should?” And, “Would I hire the unconfident person, a person with a little confidence or a person who exudes confidence, all other things being equal?” So, if you don’t have confidence in yourself, my beloved Empathizer-type communicator, then it’s nothing personal when no one else does. Exude the confidence of a person who gets things done. If you’re serious about doing this, spend time reading about the “Talk to Me” system that helps Empathizers increase their confidence in communicating confidently. Stop fretting about being picked on, critiqued harshly, or coming up short. You have a great deal of control over whether or not you get hired or fired. Daily build confidence in your professional and business communication skills. Lecture over…for now!

Bad communication is a result of unnecessary roadblocks that are erected on the two-way communication highway. Inattentive communication can cause you to feel like a wreck. Unexpected roadblocks can send you into a ditch. Can’t we all just get along and get where we need and want to go? Yes, in fact, in a recent “Effective Leadership Communication” seminar that I led for human resource managers in Dayton, Ohio, Empathizer and Instigator communicators felt pretty much the same way, but for different reasons. Is your company “studying and analyzing” what turns weak or bad communication into something more positive? Good move.

GROUP BRAINSTORMING THE “TALK TO ME” WAY

I split up our group of 100 managers by their communicator type. On the left side of the room were about 60 Empathizer or E-type communicators. On the right side of the room, were 40 Instigator or I-type communicators. Each small group of same-type communicators came up with their own answer to the question: “What’s the biggest roadblock to good communication?” (Before you read down the list, come up with your own answer to this very important question).

EMPATHIZER VIEWPOINT OF ROADBLOCKS TO POSITIVE COMMUNICATION

1. PERSONAL EMOTIONS. E-types correctly see that anxiety, the blues, boredom and other personally occupying emotions can disrupt open talking. Emotions can be like a noisy radio turned up way too loud.

2. NOT LISTENING. E-types correctly observe that the inability to listen, or to correctly hear what is being said, is the same as trying to drive a car without tires.

3. CLOSE-MINDEDNESS. E-types shut down and stop talking when their ideas are received with blank stares or aggressive counter-arguments.

4. NEGATIVITY. E-types are intimidated by strongly voiced opinions that “seem logically right in spite of what my gut tells me.”

5. IDEA KILLERS. E-types believe that all ideas should be put out on the communication table and given a fair hearing before a decision is made.

6. INTERRUPTIVE OVER-TALKING. E-types know that “communication interruptus” creates incomplete communication; it stifles all team members’ best solutions from being efficiently implemented.

7. EGO. E-types are too unselfish and humble. When big egos are on parade, they get quiet or back off.

8. LACK OF CONFIDENCE. E-types are overly impressed with managers who talk confidently; they’re prone to doubting their own best ideas.

9. MISUNDERSTANDING. E-types don’t want to rock the boat, and are shy to insist that new actions happen now.

So, that’s what compassionate Empathizer communicators feel are the biggest roadblocks to good communication today on the two-way communicator highway. And what do Instigators think?

INSTIGATOR VIEWPOINT OF ROADBLOCKS TO POSITIVE COMMUNICATION

1. PERSONAL BELIEFS. I-types say holding onto preconceived ideas impedes your ability to listen cooperatively, and causes inattentive or careless talking, much like taking your eyes off the road while driving.

2. NOT LISTENING. I-types correctly observe that when others can “see the vision” held in their minds, there is a greater chance that this map will be used for the long communication journey ahead.

3. NOT COMMUNICATING. I-types know that speakers are discouraged from speaking up again if listeners are not able to repeat verbatim what was said or do not demonstrate an understanding of the speaker’s comments.

4. FAILURE TO USE TWO-WAY TALKS. I-types are intimidated by uncontrolled emotions; they view “negativity” as one-way communication fraught with bad feelings, communication that won’t allow for co-equal and fair discussions.

5. CREATING A DISCONNECT. I-types believe that good ideas are killed off when there is a relationship disconnect or dictatorship.

6. MULTI-TASKING. I-types believe that “multi-tasking” disrupts careful listening that aids the strategic decision-making process, because multi-tasking interrupts careful listening, learning and sorting through difficult data.

7. BLOCKED COMMUNICATION. I-types vow to use a two-way communication system, because they know one-way talks are unstable over the long haul, much like running on fumes in an empty gas tank.

8. DISTORTED INFORMATION. I-types are afraid of distorted information; they also don’t like “impression management” that is designed to make someone believe as you do and overlook what you have done.

9. STUCK SPINNING YOUR WHEELS IN RUT OF A MISUNDERSTANDING. I-types don’t mind rocking the boat. They believe that leading somewhere is better than being nowhere.

So, that’s what passionate I-types view as the leading causes for communication breakdowns, or a failure to communicate, that makes everyone feel like a failure.

THE WHOLE BRAIN OF THE BALANCED COMMUNICATOR

Together, E- and I-types make a “whole brain” that includes a high Emotional I.Q. and a high Logical I.Q. “Adopting the strengths” of your opposite communicator type, leads to a synergy that makes everyone check the box of, “My manager is a good communicator.”

ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST AND KEYNOTE SPEAKER DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady consults with corporations and business leaders and managers who desire to improve their communication to improve their results. He pioneered the “Talk to Me” communication system, and author of three books, the latest “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone.” Dr. O’Grady gratefully acknowledges the McGohan Brabender team for hosting this state-of-the-art “Effective Leadership Communication” seminar for Human Resource managers and leaders in the Dayton region.

Now you know what compassionate Empathizer communicators (E-types) feel are the biggest roadblocks to good communication today on the two-way communicator highway. But what do Instigator (I-types) communicators think blocks off important communication avenues? Overall, I-types push hard to forget about the past and move on, because they know one-way talks block positive communication, much like running on fumes in an empty gas tank.

GROUP BRAINSTORMING THE “TALK TO ME” WAY

I recently divided a group of 100 HR managers by their communicator type in a training exercise at McGohan Brabender in Dayton, Ohio. On the left side of the room were about 60 Empathizer or E-type communicators. On the right side of the room, were 40 Instigator or I-type communicators. Each small group of same-type communicators came up with their own answer to the question: “What’s the biggest roadblock to good communication?” (Before you read down the list, come up with your own answer to this very important question).

INSTIGATOR VIEWPOINT OF ROADBLOCKS TO POSITIVE COMMUNICATION

1. PERSONAL BELIEFS. I-types say holding onto preconceived ideas impedes your ability to listen cooperatively, and causes inattentive or careless talking, much like taking your eyes off the road while driving.

2. NOT LISTENING. I-types correctly observe that when others can “see the vision” held in their minds, there is a greater chance that this map will be used for the long communication journey ahead.

3. NOT COMMUNICATING. I-types know that speakers are discouraged from speaking up again if listeners are not able to repeat verbatim what was said or do not demonstrate an understanding of the speaker’s comments.

4. FAILURE TO USE TWO-WAY TALKS. I-types are intimidated by uncontrolled emotions; they view “negativity” as one-way communication fraught with bad feelings, communication that won’t allow for co-equal and fair discussions.

5. CREATING A DISCONNECT. I-types believe that good ideas are killed off when there is a relationship disconnect or dictatorship.

6. MULTI-TASKING. I-types believe that “multi-tasking” disrupts careful listening that aids the strategic decision-making process, because multi-tasking interrupts careful listening, learning and sorting through difficult data.

7. BLOCKED COMMUNICATION. I-types vow to use a two-way communication system, because they know one-way talks are unstable over the long haul, much like running on fumes in an empty gas tank.

8. DISTORTED INFORMATION. I-types are afraid of distorted information; they also don’t like “impression management” that is designed to make someone believe as you do and overlook what you have done.

9. STUCK SPINNING YOUR WHEELS IN RUT OF A MISUNDERSTANDING. I-types don’t mind rocking the boat. They believe that leading somewhere is better than being nowhere.

So, that’s what passionate I-types view as the leading causes for communication breakdowns, or a failure to communicate, that makes everyone feel like a failure. But what do our sensitive Empathizer communicators think?

THE WHOLE BRAIN OF THE BALANCED COMMUNICATOR

Together, E- and I-types make a “whole brain” that includes a high Emotional I.Q. and a high Logical I.Q. “Adopting the strengths” of your opposite communicator type, leads to a synergy that makes everyone check the box of, “My manager is a good communicator.”

ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST AND KEYNOTE SPEAKER DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady consults with corporations and business leaders and managers who desire to improve their communication to improve their results. He is developer of the “Talk to Me” communication system, and author of three books, the latest “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone.” Dr. O’Grady gratefully acknowledges the McGohan Brabender team for hosting this state-of-the-art “Effective Leadership Communication” seminar for Human Resource managers and leaders in the Dayton region.

EMPATHIZER VIEWPOINT OF ROADBLOCKS TO POSITIVE COMMUNICATION

In an earlier article, I discussed the Empathizer communicator perspective of roadblocks to good communication:

1. PERSONAL EMOTIONS
2. NOT LISTENING
3. CLOSE-MINDEDNESS
4. NEGATIVITY
5. IDEA KILLERS
6. INTERRUPTIVE LISTENING
7. EGO
8. LACK OF CONFIDENCE
9. MISUNDERSTANDING

Is your company “studying and analyzing” what turns weak or bad communication into something more positive? Are you studying good communication moves with your life partner, too? Good move.

Bad communication is a result of unnecessary roadblocks that are erected on the two-way communication highway. Inattentive communication can cause you to feel like a wreck. Unexpected roadblocks can send you into a ditch. Can’t we all just get along and get where we need and want to go? Yes, in fact, in a recent “Effective Leadership Communication” seminar that I led for human resource managers for McGohan Brabender in Dayton, Ohio. Empathizer and Instigator communicators felt pretty much the same way, about closed communication and how to keep lines of communication open, but for different reasons.

EMPATHIZER VIEWPOINT OF ROADBLOCKS TO POSITIVE COMMUNICATION

Is your company “studying and analyzing” what turns weak or bad communication into something more positive? Are you studying good communication moves with your life partner? Good move. Here are the 9 communication killers according to 100 HR managers who are sensitive souls:

1. PERSONAL EMOTIONS. E-types correctly see that anxiety, the blues, boredom and other personally occupying emotions can disrupt open talking. Emotions can be like a noisy radio turned up way too loud.

2. NOT LISTENING. E-types correctly observe that the inability to listen, or to correctly hear what is being said, is the same as trying to drive a car without tires.

3. CLOSE-MINDEDNESS. E-types shut down and stop talking when their ideas are received with blank stares or aggressive counter-arguments.

4. NEGATIVITY. E-types are intimidated by strongly voiced opinions that “seem logically right in spite of what my gut tells me.”

5. IDEA KILLERS. E-types believe that all ideas should be put out on the communication table and given a fair hearing before a decision is made.

6. INTERRUPTIVE LISTENING. E-types know that “communication interruptus” creates incomplete communication; it stifles all team members’ best solutions from being efficiently implemented.

7. EGO. E-types are too unselfish and humble. When big egos are on parade, they get quiet or back off.

8. LACK OF CONFIDENCE. E-types are overly impressed with managers who talk confidently; they’re prone to doubting their own best ideas.

9. MISUNDERSTANDING. E-types don’t want to rock the boat, and are shy to insist that new actions happen now.

So, that’s what compassionate Empathizer communicators feel are the biggest roadblocks to good communication today on the two-way communicator highway. And what do Instigators think?

THE WHOLE BRAIN OF THE BALANCED COMMUNICATOR

Together, E- and I-types make a “whole brain” that includes a high Emotional I.Q. and a high Logical I.Q. “Adopting the strengths” of your opposite communicator type, leads to a synergy that makes everyone check the box of, “My manager is a good communicator.”

ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST AND KEYNOTE SPEAKER DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady consults with corporations and business leaders and managers who desire to improve their communication to improve their results. He is developer of the “Talk to Me” communication system, and author of three books, the latest “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone.” Dr. O’Grady gratefully acknowledges the McGohan Brabender team for hosting this state-of-the-art “Effective Leadership Communication” seminar for Human Resource managers and leaders in the Dayton region.

INSTIGATOR VIEWPOINT OF ROADBLOCKS TO POSITIVE COMMUNICATION

What do passionate Instigator (I-types) communicators view as the leading causes for communication breakdowns, or a failure to communicate, that makes everyone feel like a failure?

1. PERSONAL BELIEFS
2. NOT LISTENING
3. NOT COMMUNICATING
4. FAILURE TO USE TWO-WAY TALKS
5. CREATING A DISCONNECT
6. MULTI-TASKING
7. BLOCKED COMMUNICATION
8. DISTORTED INFORMATION
9. STUCK SPINNING YOUR WHEELS IN RUT OF A MISUNDERSTANDING