Posts in category: LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT

Nothing causes a talk wreck on the crammed and jammed Communication Highway faster than taking your eyes off the road and yelling at a fellow talk passenger: “It’s my way or the highway!” In fact, that kind of “It’s-all-about-me!” negative thinking and talking is an exclusive VIP club you can’t afford to belong to. Why? It excludes others by making them feel as unimportant and insignificant as dirty stale gum stuck to the bottom of an old tennis shoe.

EFFECTIVE LEADERSHIP COMMUNICATION

The Entrepreneurs Center in Dayton, Ohio, recently asked me to host a “Talk to Me” business communications seminar to help “incubating companies” and “entrepreneurial leaders” get a good grip on good communication. The leadership group developed this list of communication roadblocks…do any of them fit your situation with communication at work?

9 ROADBLOCKS TO GOOD COMMUNICATION AT WORK

Roadblock #1: Not being interested in what people have to say. “Turning a deaf ear” to those people who come across too strong, or talk too much and create creating “white noise” that is distracting.

Roadblock#2: Not having an agreed-upon system of communication. Clear communication channels that everyone can use so that talk is focused on producing positive results and not watered down with platitudes.

Roadblock #3: Not being open-minded. No resolution of issues, much less a full exploration of issues to know the travel options on the talk highway.

Roadblock #4: Not enough “kneecap-to-kneecap” and “eyeball-to-eyeball” opportunities for regular, weekly communication. The “virtual office” undermines the need for human connection and contact, and thus deprives us of the synergy that “alive and lively” emotional interaction promotes.

Roadblock #5: Not cooperating confidently. Insecurity complexes or “hoarding of vital information” to “feel secure” and “in control” of one’s work environment.

Roadblock #6: Not staying mentally on track. Drifting off in fantasy, reverie or throwing a private irritating pity party as talks become boring or stuck in a rut.

Roadblock #7: Not listening to what you don’t want to hear. Complex problem-solving does not thrive in a black-and-white world; it prefers a colorful world that values holding differing viewpoints in your mind at the same time.

Roadblock #8: Not remaining patient and calm while driving in crowded talk traffic. Stressing out while driving on the communication highway and blurting out put-downs or put-offs that make passengers stare off into blank space.

Roadblock #9: Not being patient with or understanding your opposite communicator type. Empathizers who blow off Instigators as “blowhards,” and Instigators who snub Empathizers as “too touchy-feely.”

LET’S TALK FOR A CHANGE

You can drive around any of these roadblocks with skill and aplomb when you spend four minutes a day using the “Talk to Me” communication system. First things first: Know your own communicator type. Second things second: Know how your opposite communicator type views you negatively. Third things third: Keep stopping along the way to put gas in your tank, so your energy will be positive when your temper is tested.

ARE YOU A XENOPHOBE?

A “xenophobe” is a person who is unduly fearful, contemptuous or suspicious of strangers or foreigners, namely, new people you don’t know who are new to you. What better to do: You can listen well and ask directive questions to encourage everyone with whom you come in contact to attend a “Let’s Talk” town meeting of the minds…especially helpful as you travel on down new highways and byways of change.

ARE YOU CAUSING A TALK WRECK?

Here’s a tried-but-true tireless example of being a good communicator: If you don’t know the names of the people on the cleaning crew in your office, then you aren’t communicating in open ways that include everyone to do better business today. Nothing stops or blocks open talking from flowing on the two-way Communication Highway faster than bellowing at a fellow talk passenger: “It’s my way or the highway!” Why? It excludes and rejects others and turns you into a xenophobe.

ABOUT LEADERSHIP COMMUNICATION PSYCHOLOGIST DR. DENNIS O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a Dayton-based communications psychologist and relationship expert who has spent over 30 years of his career dedicated to the advancement of organizational and leadership development, personal executive coaching, effective couple communication skills, and positive and effective communication strategies for anyone. Dennis is the author of three books, and father to three daughters, two of whom are teenagers. Dr. O’Grady is the developer of the “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone” system available on his Web site and at Amazon.

It’s easy to send mixed signals or miss the communication mark at work. Just ask anyone who works for a living in the fast-paced, exciting world of commerce and leadership communication. With “open lines of communication,” the team canoe heads in the right direction with all canoeists paddling in the same direction. But with “incomplete communication,” you can end up with lack of morale, or the equivalent or an elephant sitting in the canoe, lazily grinning. When members of the team don’t listen well, they also don’t generate new ideas that will provide strategic solutions to old problems.

BEING A MORE EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATOR AT WORK AND HOME ISN’T IMPOSSIBLE USING THE “TALK TO ME” COMMUNICATION SYSTEM

I recently led a luncheon seminar for business executives on “the business of communication” for the Entrepreneurial Development Network or EDN in Dayton, Ohio. The seminar was sponsored by the Dayton Development Coalition, the Dayton Metro Library and Greater Dayton IT Alliance. My colleagues from Aileron were present, too. It was a highly interactive training seminar that tested each participant’s talk type, role-played how Empathizers and Instigators too frequently misunderstand one another, and demonstrated how to stay on the right road of communication for the benefit of all. The bottomline: My “Let’s Talk” seminars teach you how to be more responsive to other types of people or communicators to produce better results for all constituents.

WHAT’S THE TOUGHEST COMMUNICATION CHALLENGE YOU FACE AT WORK TODAY?

In all, 9 Empathizer or E-type communicators and 15 Instigator or I-type talkers participated. Here are their answers to “What’s the toughest challenge you’re facing at work today?”

1. Incomplete communication. Being complete in all communications, verbal and written, so there is a good exchange of complete ideas and accurate messages.

2. Misunderstanding of roles or positions. Unclear communication about who does what, when and how and why.

3. Being too virtual. No daily “kneecap to kneecap” or “face-to-face” human interaction where you can “read” the nuances or tone of the speaker message.

4. Too much e-mail. Large quantities of unnecessary e-mail can tighten the noose of “lack of time” around your neck, or you may accidentally delete an important message because you prefer to talk by phone or in person.

5. Clarity and clarifying. Getting across what is meant and needed and the “keep it simple” ordering of tasks to accomplish in order to get the job done.

6. Not listening. Too many strong personalities in the meeting room at the same time trying to get their point across without encouraging or including differing viewpoints of the “less vocal” speakers.

7. Fear of public speaking or debating. Team members who fear speaking up, although they have vital input, for fear of appearing stupid, outnumbered or resistant to change.

8. Words as gospel. Using “bookish” words or talk to make a point but missing the boat of real world applications using uncommon, common sense that energizes action.

9. Taking enough time to toss around creative or novel ideas. Hurrying through agenda items, or taking too much time on distracting people or problems, thus failing to meet and greet “outside of the box” emerging trends.

10. Butting heads. Too many bulls in the china closet “butting heads” about the “right and wrong ways” to problem-solve versus solving the problems in “what works or doesn’t work” steps…and then moving on by compromising.

11. Agreeing on a resolution to a problem. Coming to agreement on a productive course of action is best accomplished by adopting the strengths of your opposite communicator type.

12. Being able to dialogue. A good dialogue is not a bombastic monologue. It involves handling emotional objections logically, and negotiating a new route to take with a fellow driver on the two-way communicator highway.

MOST PEOPLE ARE IDIOTS?

Guess what: Most people are idiots who like to blame it on others. I’m just joking, don’t ya’ know? It’s all about me…just joking, too. We all need human contact because life is more grand when you talk to others and learn about emotional communication.

USING WHAT WORKS VS. DOESN’T WORK DEFINES EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

The point of using positive and effective communication isn’t to get your way, but to get the job done by realistically accounting for and being responsive to what is and what isn’t working. In fact, elsewhere I’ve written about “The Hummingbird Effect,” which tells a story about how a trapped hummingbird in my garage did more and more of what wasn’t working and became exhausted. “Doing the right thing” is not the same thing as “Doing what works to solve a complex problem whose solution is not obvious.”

UNDERSTANDING COMMUNICATOR TYPES

Reserve the time to be a better communicator today. Using the “Talk to Me” communication system, four minutes of daily study is all it takes to become a more proficient, positive and effective communicator to make things happen that are good for us. Being too confident and overbearing, does not recognize the importance of others’ perspectives that will enable you to get the job done faster and with less expense of frustration. You are either an Empathizer or Instigator communicator. If you aren’t working to better your type, you had better be prepared to fall behind in the race for better business opportunities.

ABOUT LEADERSHIP COMMUNICATION AND ORGANIZATIONAL BEHAVIOR COMMUNICATIONS CONSULTANT DR. DENNIS O’GRADY

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a communications psychologist with over 30 years experience dedicated to the advancement of personal growth and organizational development. His executive and business consulting programs and keynote seminar speeches focus on the areas of communication, change management, leadership development, strategic decision-making and conflict resolution and relationship enhancement. Dr. O’Grady’s third book that teaches his effective and positive communication system is called “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone” and is available at his Web site and at Amazon.

When an 8-foot red-tail boa constrictor was found frozen along the banks of the Great Miami River one day during a cold Dayton, Ohio winter (allegedly an escapee from a local tattoo parlor), it reminded me of how e-mail has grown larger and longer. In fact, some days when I open up my “in-box” email folder, I cringe. Oh, how the flood of spam can water down clear communication that is precise, accurate and positive. But you can do something about it.

E-MAIL’S EFFECTIVENESS HURT BY SPAM, LACK OF MESSAGE CLARITY

Jim Debrosse, Staff Writer for the Dayton Daily newspaper, wrote a fascinating look at the dynamics of e-mail and how “one communication expert recommends ‘kneecap-to-kneecap’ meetings.” I knew you might like to read Jim Debrosse’s complete article that appeared in Tuesday, January 30, 2007 Dayton Daily News here.

With spam soaring to more than four out of every five messages sent to computer inboxes, organizations that depend on e-mail increasingly risk miscommunication and missed communication, a variety of experts say.

Technicians charged with filtering spam “walk a very balanced line,” say Paul Hernandez, director of computing and telecommunications at Wright State University. “The more aggressive you are about blocking spam, the more you run the risk of blocking legitimate e-mail.”

Robert Chelle, a professor of entrepreneurship at the University of Dayton, said he checks his blocked junk mail at least once a day–up to 150 messages–to make sure he hasn’t missed correspondence from students, faculty or consulting businesses.

“If someone sends me a big file, it may look like spam” to the university’s filters, he said.

At least one expert in organizational leadership–Roger Carlsen of Wright State University–says businesses, universities and government can no longer depend on e-mail to conduct their official business.

“I think it’s less reliable and less effective than probably the U.S. mail,” he said.

Carlsen said he finds “false negatives” among the blocked messages in his spam file every day, and warned that not everyone has the time of willingness to peruse their spam.

Angelia Erbaugh, executive director of the Dayton Tooling and Manufacturing Association, is one of those who does check and pays a price for her vigilance. “We’re just a tiny operation, but because of our general e-mail address, we get flooded with spam” — about 1,000 messages a day.

“Not only is it quite annoying, some of it is downright disgusting,” she said.

To further complicate communication, Carlsen said, the sender of an e-mail has no assurance it reached the recipient unless the recipient responds. And with so much spam clogging mailboxes today, more messages are being bounced back as “undeliverable.”

That’s one reason that Basil Zabek, business development manager of the Dayton Development Coalition, believes it’s the responsibility of the sender, not the receiver, to make sure the message has been received. “If you really wanted me to have it, you would send me another e-mail and make a phone call, if it’s that important.”

Dennis O’Grady, a Dayton-area communications psychologist, and author of the book Talk to Me, recently conducted a seminar on effective communication for 42 area entrepreneurs and business leaders, where he found a common complaint was “there’s too much virtual communication, not enough daily contact.”

“With e-mails, communication is sometimes more confusing than clarifying,” O’Grady said. He used the example of someone responding to a colleague’s e-mailed proposal with an e-mail that said, “That’s just great!”

“It could be a compliment. It could be sarcastic. Or it could mean ‘you and I both know it’s a loser and we have to come up with a solution,'” he said.

There’s no substitute for what O’Grady calls “kneecap-to-kneecap communication, where you’re sitting down together and really talking things through.”

Why? “Because 82 percent of communication is nonverbal,” he said. That includes tone, facial expressions, gestures and even the surrounding physical environment–none of which can be put into an e-mail.

E-mails can create distance and even animosity among employees, O’Grady said. In his seminars on effective communication, O’Grady asks his clients how often they will pick up the phone and call a colleague if they don’t fully understand an e-mail.

“I found it depended on how well they knew the person sending the e-mail,” he said.

So where direct contact was needed most to communicate with a colleague, the recipient of the e-mail was least likely to reach out to the sender, he said.

The speed of e-mail is both its advantage and its Achilles’ heel, O’Grady said. The temptation is to put thoughts quickly into words and then hit the send button without “tending to the relationship” with the other employee, he said.

Effective communication is not just putting words together, but taking into account that we are “emotional creatures,” he said. “That’s why I like people talking eyeball to eyeball, kneecap to kneecap, and that takes time.”

ABOUT DAYTON DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER JIM DEBROSSE AND DR. DENNIS O’GRADY

Jim Debrosse is a Staff Writer for the Dayton Daily News. This reporter can be contacted at (937) 225-2437 or jdebrosse@DaytonDailyNews.com. Communications psychologist Dr. Dennis O’Grady, is available for media interviews at (937) 428-0724 or www.drogrady.com

Communication is everything. Whether in the bustling entrepreneurial business venture or in the hustling couple adventure of love, co-partners naturally develop and follow rules of conduct. Especially when times are tense, these rules help everyone to keep a calm head and everyone in the team canoe paddling sanely in the same direction. With rules, people know what to say and do when feeling bad. Without rules, canoeists might end up hitting one another over the head with paddles.

RULES FOR CONDUCT AS CO-LEADERS

Two brothers of a leading entrepreneurial company in the Dayton region co-created a set of rules for conduct that work for the betterment of all. These type of “lead your own life” rules for “conscious living” lead to effective and positive communication and produce the results of peaceful co-existence and mutual prosperity.

Rule #1: BEING ON TIME. Each of us is response-able for being on “our time”…to show up to paddle the canoe together at the appointed hour.

Rule #2: NO SLAMS OR PUT DOWNS. Each of us is response-able to eliminate negative verbal slams or non-verbal put-offs and put-downs when we feel frustrated by a lack of progress.

Rule #3: SKIP GIVING PAYBACKS. Each of us is response-able to forego “an eye for an eye” paybacks that cause melodrama and pain and blind everyone.

Rule #4: TO BE RESPECTFUL. Each of us is response-able to treat one another respectfully…in ways that we wish to be treated.

Rule #5: TO WALK IN DIGNITY. Each of us is response-able to carry the self in ways that promote kindness, caring and dignity for the difficulties of our mutual work, and the strains of working together as a team.

Rule #6: CHANGE WHAT ISN’T WORKING. Each of us is response-able to discontinue doing what divides us, causes unnecessary anger, and keeps us doing the “same old same old” that isn’t working.

Rule #7: PUT ENERGY INTO THE RELATIONSHIP. Each of us is response-able to put energy into studying effective communication approaches and skills that get the job done and make each partner feel valued and valuable.

OPEN COMMUNICATION CHANGES THE WAY YOU APPROACH LIFE

In the “Talk to Me” communication system, participants who use these new talk principles a few minutes every day report, “I’ve changed the way I approach life!” Pretty powerful commentary coming from leaders at work or home of remarkable character and caliber. The system strikes a chord with most, as my “live” keynotes and seminars prove.

TEAM CANOE

When you combine the respective strengths of the Empathizer-type communicator style AND the Instigator-type communicator style, you will paddle to new places in your “team canoe” that you could never dream of possible.

ABOUT DR. DENNIS O’GRADY

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the developer of the “Talk to Me” communication system that adds energy, better mood, self-worth, effective communication and problem-solving rules to our valued business and family systems. His latest book on communication is called, “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone.” O’Grady is a keynote speaker, corporate and leadership communications consultant, and leads “seriously funny” training programs in positive and effective communication skills in the workplace.

Is personality an empty black box when you drive off to work in the morning? Are you able to “separate” the stresses of family, parenting, elder care and health issues from the daily work grind? Does your mood and emotional attitude actually affect how well you drive around communication roadblocks to get to your goal destination? You can bet your laptop battery on it when you’re feeling unplugged from a positive attitude and plugged up from stress! SO what “work types” correspond to the “personality types” that come out when people meet at work or go out socially?

IS PERSONALITY STRESS RELATED TO JOB PERFORMANCE…ARE WE ABLE TO LEAVE OUR PROBLEMS AT HOME?

It may not be easy to plug yourself into a positive communication style–but it sure is worth your time and trouble to be curious about what makes people “tick” and why some people get “ticked off” so easily. The standard personality disorders you read about in my article “You’ve got some serious issues” are excerpted with permission from Table 6.3 in Chapter 6 (The Psychology of Managerial Incompetence) in Dr. Robert Hogan’s eye-opening new book “Personality and the Fate of Organizations.” Dr. Hogan is the rare breed of organizational psychologist who brings the academic alive in the real world of commerce to help organizations “fit” the right person to the right job so work can get done without excuse-making or belly-aching.

WHICH WORKER TYPE…LEADER TYPE…OR FAMILY MEMBER TYPE ARE YOU?

How well do you communicate when things aren’t going well? The acid test: Your communication style, namely, whether you are an Empathizer-type communicator or an Instigator-type communicator, serves as the “filter” through which you pour your personality and understand why you do what you don’t want to and succeed to do what you want to accomplish. Now, here are the same “11 personality styles” in Dr. Hogan’s system related to “work types and job performance” so you can “see” how they relate to the real world you live and work in.

1. EXCITABLE. Persons with high scores on this dimension expect to be disappointed in relationships; they anticipate being rejected, ignored, criticized, cheated, or treated unfairly.

2. ARGUMENTATIVE. Persons with high scores on this dimension expect to be wronged, betrayed, set up, cheated, or deceived in some way.

3. CAUTIOUS. Persons with high scores on this dimension fear being criticized, shamed, blamed, humiliated, or somehow disgraced.

4. RESERVED. Persons with high scores on this dimension seem self-absorbed, self-focused, indifferent to the feelings or opinions of others–especially their staff or close family members–introverted, misanthropic, imperceptive, and lacking in social insight.

5. LEISURELY. Persons with high scores on this dimension march to the sound of their own drum. They are confident about their skills and abilities, cynical about the talents and intentions of others–especially superiors–and they insist on working at their own pace.

6. ARROGANT. Persons with high scores on this dimension expect to be liked, admired, respected, attended to, praised, complimented, and indulged. They exude a sense of entitlement, excessive self-esteem, and an expectation of success that often leads to real success. But when their needs and expectations are frustrated, they explode with narcissistic rage.

7. MISCHIEVOUS. Persons with high scores on this dimension expect that others will like them and find them charming; consequently, they expect to be able to extract favors, promises, money, and other resources from other people with relative ease.

8. COLORFUL. Persons with high scores on this dimension believe that others will find them interesting, engaging, and worth paying attention to. They are good at calling attention to themselves–they know how to make dramatic entrances and exits, they carry themselves with flair, and self-consciously pay attention to their clothes and to the way others react to them.

9. IMAGINATIVE. Persons with high scores on this dimension think about the world in unusual and often quite interesting ways, and they enjoy entertaining others with their unusual perceptions and insights.

10. DILIGENT. Persons with high scores on this dimension are concerned with doing a good job, being a good citizen, and pleasing authority. They are hard working, careful, planful, meticulous, and have very high standards of performance for themselves and other people.

11. DUTIFUL. Persons with high scores on this dimension are deeply concerned about being accepted, being liked, and getting along, especially with authority figures. they are alert for signs of disapproval, and equally alert for opportunities to ingratiate themselves, be of service, and demonstrate their fealty and loyalty to the organization.

THE IMMATURE PERSONALITY

Dr. Hogan has spent much of his extensive and illustrious career understanding the emotional and attitudinal factors that “derail” managers and executives who have been voted most likely to succeed. Personality theory offers a solid foundation regarding “why people do what they do including crack under stress or pursue self-defeating actions.” It was always my favorite subject in school…and remains so to this day.

IF YOU DON’T OWN A PROBLEM…YOU CAN’T SOLVE A PROBLEM

Do you have issues? Well probably, to a slight extent. But people who really have issues aren’t just being “disagreeable” or “moody” or “having a down day”…serious personality problems don’t change without some VERY serious professional psychological intervention and focused help. Tragically, people who have the “biggest issues” are the “biggest denyers and liars” and “wrong-headed mules” about who really has the real issue or is a thorn in the side of a family or organization. “It’s never-ever my fault because I’m always in the right!” is the fight song of the immature personality. Thus, years of therapy may be required since: “If you don’t own a problem, you can’t solve a problem!”

HOW TO BE THE LEADER OF YOUR OWN LIFE USING PERSONAL AND ORGANIZATIONAL LEADERSHIP COMMUNICATION TOOLS

You know my ‘change battle-cry’ by now: “Be the leader of your own life!” Are you the leader of your own life? Remember the key results of a New Insights Communication poll: Good leaders go to great strides to improve the skills in little ways every day to net huge results and positive payoffs. You are choosing to do the same today! Aren’t you?

ABOUT DR. ROBERT HOGAN
Dr. Robert Hogan is founder and president of Hogan Assessment Systems, a company in Tulsa, Oklahoma, that uses Hogan’s personality assessment tests to help organizations select employees and develop leaders. Dr. Hogan’s newest book is called “Personality and the Fate of Organizations,” which links personality characteristics to people’s behavior, including their successes and failures in the workplace. The book was published in June 2006 by Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, and should interest anyone who is curious about people, careers and organizational politics. Hogan says: “My goal is to increase the reader’s ability to understand other people: how they are alike, how they are different, and why they do what they do.” The book can be ordered through the publisher’s Web site, www.erlbaum.com. Information about the Hogan Personality Inventory for pre-employment screening purposes is at www.hoganassessments.com. And the Director of Communication for Hogan Assessment Systems is Rolf Olsen at rolsen@hoganassessments.com or by calling #800.756.0632 or #918.749.0632.

ABOUT DR. DENNIS O’GRADY
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is founder and president of New Insights Communication, a company in Dayton, Ohio, that uses O’Grady’s communication systems to help organizations achieve change, improve personal effectiveness and develop responsive leadership and problem-solving tools. Dr. O’Grady’s newest book is called “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone,” which links emotional and attitude preferences and performance obstacles and solutions to communicator type. “Talk to Me” can be ordered through the Web site, www.drogrady.com or by calling 1.937.428.0724.