Posts in category: LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT

How do positive attitude and leadership principles really work? Being a positive leader who builds TRUST is pretty straightforward and simple, really. You don’t let “things fall through the cracks” or change what you’ve agreed to do by when because you don’t have the spare time. The rule of good leadership: Do what you say you’re going to do.

CHARACTER SPEAKS LOUDEST OF ALL

The rule of good leadership: Do what you say you’re going to do. The fundamental “ACTIONS COMMUNICATING RULE” a positive leader lives freely by:

1. Do what you say you’re going to do

2. Do what you say you’re going to do WHEN you say you’re
going to do it

3. Do what you say you’re going to do WHEN you say you’re
going to do it on a DAILY BASIS

4. Do the above because it works to build TRUST on your team
and in your romantic and parenting relationships at home

5. Enjoy the tangible and intangible profits that sprout
from this garden of trust

WHY 75% OF ALL LEADERS FAIL

In executive coaching, I teach that true leadership effectiveness is keeping one’s word. It builds team esteem and trust. Laconically, in consulting with many different types of organizations and companies, I frequently hear how pep talks and team building retreats and exercises don’t translate into changed behavior back in the work environment. In fact, often awful leaders aren’t “de-selected” but tolerated or worse yet, promoted.

LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT TRAINING—DO WHAT YOU SAY YOU’RE GOING TO DO WHEN YOU SAY YOU’RE GOING TO DO IT ON A DAILY BUSINESS BASIS…AND SMILE

Yes, you have to manage your level of insecurity and frustration to get results. And yes, you have to do what you’ve agreed to do even when you do feel like it or you’re in a really BAD mood. And being so mindfully mature means you must think about how your actions impact others…and walk in others’ shoes every day to build trusting leadership and follower-ship.

Here are 14 DISCUSSION AND TALKING POINTS for your next leadership development training or executive coaching session where truth talks at power. How would others who work and live with you say you stack up?

1. Positive leaders simply and only focus on delivering and measuring RESULTS.

2. Effective leaders have both PEOPLE SKILLS and have highly developed PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS.

3. Positive leaders are HUMBLE. Effective leaders ask more questions and are able to elicit sincere responses because they listen to tough answers while managing their anxiety-failure feelings.

4. Effective leaders BACK UP WORDS WITH ACTIONS. Negative leaders only talk a good game.

5. Positive leaders INFLUENCE OTHERS WITH TRUTH. Negative leaders only “manage impressions” and influence you to think well when team wise things are sickly.

6. Effective leaders SOLVE PROBLEMS. Ineffective leaders are hard to pin down about why what needs to happen never quite seems to happen.

7. Positive leaders are LIKED AND RESPECTED. Negative leaders are feared, disliked, disrespected due to their intimidation and manipulation political games played.

8. Effective leaders are CONSTANTLY SELF-IMPROVING. Ineffective leaders think they’re great as they are and get mad or huff and puff when you give them negative or corrective feedback.

9. Positive leaders WILL TELL YOU WHAT YOU MAY NOT WANT TO HEAR.

10. Negative leaders are pros at telling managers at a higher level what they want they want to hear and using psychological excuses, while critiquing leaders and managers at lower levels using psychological critiquing.

11. Effective leaders can LOOK THROUGH THE EYES OF THE TEAM. Ineffective leaders only see things from a uni-dimensional perspective—their own narrow-minded viewpoint.

12. Positive leaders LISTEN TO FEELINGS. Negative leaders scold and shame feelings or don’t really care how anyone else feels.

13. Effective leaders DON’T USE PSYCHOLOGICAL EXCUSES. Ineffective leaders always have a logical sounding reason why results have failed to materialize, namely, “It’s not my fault…it fell through the cracks!”

14. A positive leader is a GOOD ROLE MODEL. The acid test of a good leader is: “DO what I do instead of doing what I say you should do but I don’t do!”

CREATING TRUST: SO HOW DO YOU STACK UP AS A LEADER TODAY?

Are you a role model of the behaviors you wish to see exhibited in your team members, family circle and friends or kids? Do you hang around people who deliver positive results…or do you hang with the “wanted poster” outlaws who talk positively but behave negatively and rip off others’ energy? Ultimately, negative leaders say one thing and do another… “I do what I want to do and don’t do what I don’t want to do!”…BECAUSE THEY CAN get away with it. I challenge you to build trust on your team by doing what you say you’re going to do…and doing what you say when you say you’re going to do it…and doing these two ways of doing business on a daily basis.

POSITIVE, ETHICAL AND EFFECTIVE LEADERS IMPROVE THEMSELVES A LITTLE EVERY DAY

The results will happen pretty darn fast…and trust will grow quickly on your team and the mood will pick up pace. Leaders improve themselves a little bit every day. After all, we want to work for positive people we trust to be humble and effective and keep their word when they may not feel like it. Positive leaders hang around other leaders who DELIVER POSITIVE RESULTS.

DAILY…negative leaders just deliver empty promises of future actions rarely taken.

ABOUT DR. DENNIS O’GRADY

Dennis has been using this new approach to effective communication in his private executive coaching and professional relationship counseling practice and with corporate management teams, sales teams, community groups and professional associations. As such, he’s helping them integrate these new communication tools into their companies, personal relationships, family dynamics and business/work-related communication exchanges.

In fact, the Empathizer-Instigator thinking and approaches can be applied to everyday life, and his goal is to give people a new understanding as they drive down the two-way communicator highway. For a synopsis of Dr. O’Grady’s leadership development book, please visit http://www.drogrady.com/web_Mailer.html.

Every human resources manager worth his or her hay completely understands what a communications “zoo” today’s workplace can be. Quote in point: “Nobody’s speaking about the elephant in the room!” It’s a euphemism that highlights how sometimes the most important, pressing important topics for business discussion are all but glossed over, denied or outright ignored. Smart leaders and managers can smell and tell when there’s a dusty, big, fat, hairy, smelly, messin’-n-stinkin’ pachyderm in the workplace or house.

ZOO CREW:  WHAT ELEPHANT? I DON’T FEEL LIKE TALKING ABOUT IT!

Denial is not a wonderful thing, because if your team or “zoo crew” can’t talk openly and honestly, chances are problems won’t get solved and crises will build until they bust out of the zoo. Denial may not be a very big a problem when profits soar, but when profits shrink these “perception impressions” cause big costly errors. You and your “esteem team” just can’t throw a blanket over a big elephant and pretend it isn’t around, can you?

TUSK…TUSK…TUSK

So how do you know when an elephant is occupying the room…and that the big beast stinks…real bad? Here’s how to raise your E.Q. (or Elephant Quotient) by 10 points, easy:

1. SPLITTING HAIRS. Holding meetings and weighing and measuring and discussing and splitting hairs about what really IS an elephant or what makes an elephant tick. Who doesn’t know what an elephant looks and smells like?

2. NOT FEELING LIKE TALKING. It doesn’t matter if you want to talk about the drudgery and droll of elephant droppings, because elephants are going to drop their droppings in our living room or board room, regardless.

3. DRESS IT UP. Putting a dress or tuxedo on the elephant or dousing it with expensive perfume or cologne doesn’t make it stink or poop any less.

4. IT’S NOT THAT BAD? I don’t know about you, but the reality of my experience suggests that elephant crap IS that bad, whether shallow or deep, and you should be mad. No amount of positive attitude adjustment is going to make the room stink less.

5. DON’T TALK ABOUT IT. Not talking about the elephant poop and goop means you and your team will have to spend an enormous amount of wasteful time and energy walking around “poo-piles” and using clothes pins to pinch your nostrils shut.

6. EMOTIONAL BRIBERY. Emotional bribery is telling a leader or manager what they want to hear when it’s bad for the company and future profits. An example: “Well, yes…there might be an elephant in the room if that’s what you think but it’s not always in the room and besides it’s on a diet and is almost no trouble at all. Now about this other project we’ve got to discuss…”

7. SWEET RAGING RAMPAGING. Some talk sweetly when miffed, implying in tones that suggest that you are out of your skull if you think talking about elephants…or elephant excrement…or rampaging elephants makes any sense, whatsoever. “Psycho-critiquing” shuts down and shuts up healthy criticisms about: “It’s not working around here and we all know it!”

8. CRAZY AS A TARZAN OR JANE? Managers who live in denial aren’t “stupid but ignorant” because they don’t get it…or know what they’re talking about. Why do we listen in rapture to power-driven managers who make big mistakes by ignoring and refusing to deal with reality?

9. THROWN UNDER THE BUS. The ultimate fear of “anger in the workplace” is your being “accidentally” “thrown under the bus” because you don’t tell upper management what they want to hear—and no witnesses will come forward.

10. KISS THE ELEPHANT’S RUMP. Many of us react on the “work team” as we learned to survive in the “family team.” For example, kissing the rump of the stinking elephant to obtain favors…even telling a “white lie” for job security.

ZOO SURVIVAL: KISS THE ELEPHANT’S RUMP?

If you try to talk about the elephant to the zookeeper and you are ignored, patted on the head, brusquely scolded, talked over, told a bunch of head-spinning slick rationalizations or excuses, sweetly chastised or ridiculed and threatened with “you’re off the island to survive on your own”…then your managers will simply “shut up and go along to get along,” which is a cryin’ shame.

If there’s an elephant (rhinoceros, hippopotamus) in the room…be a real mouse to scare the elephant out of the house…instead of acting like an imperfect human being who pours expensive perfume all over the pachyderm and dresses it up in a fancy business suit to salute. There’s simply no more time to lose.

ABOUT DR. DENNIS O’GRADY

ABOUT “TALK TO ME” BY DR. DENNIS O’GRADY

Dr. Dennis O’Grady’s third and latest book is called, “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone.” TALK TO ME is a self-help and personal growth psychology book about communication, and it specifically lays out O’Grady’s newest theories about two types of communicators: Empathizers and Instigators. With great success, Dr. O’Grady who is a Clinical Professor at the Wright State University School of Professional Psychology, has been using this new approach to effective communication in his private executive coaching and professional relationship counseling practice and with corporate management teams, sales teams, community groups and professional associations. As such, he’s helping them integrate these new communication tools into their companies, personal relationships, family dynamics and business/work-related communication exchanges.

In fact, the Empathizer-Instigator thinking and approaches can be applied to everyday life, and his goal is to give people a new understanding as they drive down the two-way communicator highway. For a synopsis of Dr. O’Grady’s personal growth book, please visit http://www.drogrady.com/web_Mailer.html.

In addition, Dr. O’Grady’s training programs, background and resources are featured at his website: www.drogrady.com (including a blog that provides daily, useful information, tips and advice). He hopes that visitors to his Web site will find helpful information, feel comfortable working with new ideas and be willing to share their insight into topics of importance. Please order the book, so it should arrive soon. After you’ve had a chance to look it over, please feel free to send any feedback to him – by letter, by phone call, by e-mail or by posting a comment on Dr. O’Grady’s blog!

Today’s lesson, “The Hummingbird Effect,” starts with a story, as all good lessons do:

“A short time ago, in a land near by, a hummingbird was trapped in my garage early on a summer morning. It couldn’t find a way out, and it spent all its energy and drive flitting furiously back and forth looking for the exit. I got plenty worried about that beautiful, Lilliputian, fast birdie (I’ve always cottoned to hummingbirds because like angels, now you see them and now you don’t!). I was rushing to an important meeting, but I couldn’t leave that little bird to survive on its own or die. Besides, my teenage daughter, Erin, was watching if I would show compassion to “lessers” than me. HUMmingbird…what should I do? Get some dynamite…lock the door…ignore the problem…miss my important meeting and what excuse could I use, anyway? A hummingbird tied me up in my garage?

THE HARDER YOU TRY…THE BEHINDER YOU GET, SOMETIMES

Why all the cognitive consternation? Why couldn’t I just drive off and “let nature take its course?” Hey, have you ever looked into the forlorn eyes of a sensitive teen AND the darting eyes of a dastardly bird all at the same time? I couldn’t “bear” it…the guilt would be too terrible. I couldn’t find a lot to laugh about, my friend! Get the dreadful picture: This “storyline” took place in upper-class suburbia, and pitted one business consultant and family man (lucky father of three interesting daughters, females who love all of Mother Nature’s critters)…against one fast little bird who kept hitting her teeny tiny head against the wall, hard…bang-banging-thumpin’-and-lumpin’ HARD! What’s a poor dad and communications psychologist and executive coach supposed to do?

ARE YOU FULL OF INTEGRITY OR FULL OF IT?

Are you ever in a trap of your own making? I could hear the bang…bang…banging of that precious little head hitting the ceiling hard and almost feel the breeze coming at me from the frantically-twirling and twisting wings in thin air. Why all the muss and fuss? Well, this little bird was in a trap of its own making. Now, I’m not blaming “Birdee” or her predicament. All I’m saying is that Birdee flew herself into this mess and although she made her bed of a garage, I couldn’t let her remain in it. I would not let this outcome stand; besides which, I would feel tons of guilt about being a terrible father if my daughter thought I was “heartless and gutless.” (Teens and employees alike sometimes have a way of rammin’ ethics and integrity down our throats, now don’t they all you leaders, parents and managers?)

SINCE ANXIETY IS BORROWING TROUBLE, DON’T TAKE OUT A LOAN

Oh, my, how the little feathers flew! My oldest teenage daughter and I, felt SO sorry for the little banged-up bird, that we attempted a brave and risky “rescue” that included the use of a ladder. (I’m phobic of ladders because so many of my friends and colleagues have fallen off them, nearly killing and maiming themselves). Erin named our new-found friend, who was acting VERY dim and grim, “Birdee.” The struggle got personal very fast, as many of our struggles do at work and home.

BLAME THE BOONDOGGLE NOT THE BIRD

We almost shouted, “Why won’t you let us help you, you dang-blasted bird?!” I was starting to blame the bird for its own boondoggle. Are you like our Hummingbird and involved in work or activity that is wasteful, or pointless, but gives the appearance of having value? The definition of “boondoggle” is an activity or project that is trivial and wasteful of time, energy or money. Something of little practical value but strongly in political favor.

WHEN AT FIRST YOU DON’T SUCCEED…TRY, TRY DOING SOMETHING DIFFERENT…WHY DON’T YOU?

The thumping of Birdee’s head against the ceiling was sickening. I guess Birdee must have thought the way out of this box was to fly up and out. Perhaps 53 times before, the solution to the problem puzzle was to “fly up and out,” but NOT this time. In fact, this time the old solution had become THE problem. And Birdee was getting her brains knocked out of her fast as her wings could beat a minute…and subsequently flying harder and faster and harder and faster and…WHEW. I was getting dizzy just watching her while Erin was losing hope and worrying that Birdee would die, right there in our garage.

BEATING YOUR HEAD AGAINST A WALL AT WORK?

This experience showed and taught me one-more-time (Hey, are you ready to hear again what you know but sometimes fail to use because your brains are rattling loose in your skull as you beat against a wall of resistance?) that when at first you don’t succeed…DO try doing something different, including doing the OPPOSITE of what you’re currently doing. OR you can choose to keep being thick-headed and doing what you’ve always done and banging your head up against an immovable wall. Stay the course, and you can give yourself a gigantic headache and get stuck in a cobweb of stress that will clip your wings and steal your zing.

YOU CAN’T SEE THE NOSE ON YOUR FACE UNLESS A COACH CARINGLY HOLDS UP A MIRROR

Short story: Sometimes, you, your boss or teammates can’t see the solution to a problem, the same way you can’t see the nose on your face unless someone caringly holds up a mirror. That’s why you pay communications consultants, professional relationship counselors, mentors and teachers, or personal trainers and spiritual advisors of all kinds to help you see the forest for the trees. If you are living in your own world, and failing to take advantage of helpful resources who are experts in their niches of expertise, then you’re doing just that: living in your own world. Perhaps you are a legend in your own mind…but you’re going to get your wings clipped when you least expect them to.

ARE YOU DASHING FURIOUSLY HERE-AND-THERE AND GETTING NOWHERE?

You see, this little greenish-blue Tinkerbell of a hummingbird was trapped in my three-car garage on what should have been one very fine summer day THAT morning…beating its wings at 3,457 times per minute AND flying about, furiously dashing here and there. Now get this: The garage doors were wide open but the little bird couldn’t “see the light” to exit his box. She kept doing more and more and more of what wasn’t working to solve the problem. “Birdee” was failing the “FLEXIBILITY VS. STRESS TEST.” Ah, SO many people at work are SO busy working on SO much of nothing. Just because you look, ACT busy or leave others with the impression that your time is crunched, doesn’t necessarily mean that you are getting done what is most important to do to “solve a problem and move on.”

GIVE UP ON GIVING UP

I’ll tell you in a minute about Birdee’s outcome. But I will tell you now that I was up on a ladder…trying to catch “Birdee” in a fishing net…late for a meeting in Toledo…brainstorming with my teenager…trying to stay calm…watching little feathers begin to pop off “Birdee” as she kept hitting her head against “the wall” of the garage ceiling. What was my goal…what was I trying to accomplish…how long before I should give up and quit. Or should I take the pill of my own advice, and: “Give up on giving up?!”

IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM IS…CHANCES ARE YOU WON’T BUMBLE OR STUMBLE ON THE SOLUTION.

“Why won’t you do something different, Birdee?” I urgently fussed. “Why can’t you fly out the open garage doors into the world you are seeking instead of flying back-and-forth and up-and-down with the doors wide-open on this fine summer day?” I frustratingly mused. The problem, you can tell, was that this fragile tiny jasmine creature that hovers as fast as a jet and is thrice as pretty…couldn’t solve the problem of getting back out of the box she had inadvertently put herself in. In fact, Birdee wasn’t aware that she had put herself in the box at all and probably hadn’t studied the “box problem” to even know the parameters of the problem. If you don’t know what constitutes a problem, how can you devise a complete solution and know why it works?

CHANGE HAPPENS WITH OR WITHOUT YOU

The end of the Hummingbird story is a happy one. Birdee got caught in a cobweb in the garage corner, and I could get my net around her. Erin and I gently removed the cobwebs from her wings, and watched the barely moving body and chest pump for desperately needed air. I had never seen a hummingbird up so close. We laid Birdee on my white handkerchief and in a bit…Birdee flew off none the worse for the wear and terror into the bright day. And in fact, while writing this…Erin and Riley and I just saw “Birdee” fly by our window to the flower bush in our sideyard…and my daughters (and I) screamed their delight.

Always remember: Sometimes trying harder is the solution…and sometimes it’s NOT! When in doubt: Do something different…even do the opposite of what you’re doing that isn’t working…and fly away from the trap you find yourself wrapped up in.

Can you talk at work? Because I’ve been a communications consultant for so long, maybe I’m nuts about executive coaching and positive communications training in the workplace. BUT I think teamwork is solidified by talking openly about the good, the bad and the ugly without casting stones of blame at esteemed co-workers.

SO YA’ REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT’S THE TRUST LEVEL LIKE IN YOUR WORKPLACE?

As an alternative, what types of questions would I suggest you ask as a leader or manager to review satisfaction among the troops? My retort to leaders: Do you really want to know what your co-workers can’t talk openly to you about for fear of reprisal if they speak up honestly? So ya’ really want to know what’s the trust level like in your workplace—low, high or medium? Hey, why not…I’m with you!

WHY CAN’T WE TALK AT WORK?

The “directive questions” below (if you have the nerve to ask them) reveal what truly needs to change in order to do an even BETTER job of serving our customers’ needs and surviving and thriving as a department and company. Do you dare ask them of yourself, and your fellow workers, today?

1. Ask sincere feedback questions that work at work, such as: “So, how’s it been goin’?” Then listen open-mindedly to the answer.

2. Ask the often overlooked or unasked questions that work at work, such as: “So, what can I do to make your life go easier (better) today?” Then implement the answer in a little way today.

3. Ask “big picture”-focused questions that solicit feedback, such as: “Overall, if you use a grade card for my communication style…what grade would you give me? An A, B, C, D, F…or an “I” for incomplete? Be honest!”

4. Ask for energy questions that work at work to measure emotional satisfaction, such as: “Do I act as if I enjoy working with you and enjoy being around you? Or do you feel like a fixture around here, like a lamp or a table?”

5. Ask motivational questions that work at work, such as: “Do you feel I constantly critique you or make unfair negative comments about your work habits? Or do I make you feel about as unspecial as a hood ornament on a car?”

6. Ask bold questions that work at work, such as: “How free do you feel to initiate dialogue with me at any time about anything?”

7. Ask feedback-focused questions about ‘how full our glass is,’ such as: “Give me some feedback about my attitude. Do I send the message that I’m an optimist, or a pessimist or pretty neutral?”

8. Ask employee-evaluation feedback questions that work at work, such as: “How’s your attitude been lately? Do you see yourself as an optimist or a pessimist or a neutral person around here?”

9. Ask humble feedback questions that work at work, such as: “Are you able to speak openly to me and not hold anything back without fear of being put off or put down?”

10. Ask for change-focused feedback that work at work, such as: “What ONE thing could I do around here that would make your work life and effectiveness better?”

11. Ask for positive feedback about what you’re doing well that work at work, such as: “In what ways do I help you accomplish your goals by what I say or do?”

12. Ask directive questions that work at work, such as: “In what ways do I boost your confidence levels by what I say or do? How could I do better by you?”

13. Ask for groans that work at work, such as: “In what ways is your self-esteem balloon popped by what others are saying or doing?”

14. Ask for gripes that work at work, such as: “What one thing would YOU change around here if you had the power to change anything?”

15. Ask for improving your effectiveness that work at work, such as: “What ONE THING could I facilitate that would make everything go better around here?”

16. Ask for critiques in your listening skills that work at work, such as: “Do I listen to you without interrupting? Or do I turn a deaf ear to your complaints, or put you down when you have a complaint about me?”

17. Ask for critiques about your interpersonal sensitivity skills that work at work, by asking: “Do I need to be hit by a solid two-by-four between the eyes to wake up and smell the coffee and change? Or do I act dumb and fail to get the message that you’re trying to send to me?”

18. Ask for critical feedback that works at work, such as: “Do I let you know how important you are around here or do I make you feel that you are making a mountain out of a mole hill?”

DO YOU HAVE THE NERVE OR GUTS TO ASK FOR FEEDBACK AND HEAR THE TRUTH?

Of course you can hear the truth, and use it to solve problems and become better at what you do best. Of course, no one likes conflict or to hear negative news, and asking for feedback does result in a combination of both the good and the bad and the surprising. Got caring? Then at least ask:

1. “HEY, HOW’S IT GOIN’?” (Then listen to the under 500 word answer.)

2. “SO, WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE YOUR LIFE GO EASIER (BETTER) TODAY?” (And then try to do one of the suggestions in a little way.)

Hey, so how’s it goin’? Do you have the nerve to ask for, or give, positive and negative feedback? Of course you do. You and your team can quickly change a group dynamic of intimidation, complacency or mistrust by talking openly and non-defensively for a change!

OFF WE GO WITH THE BLAME GAME?

Do people in your work area feel too intimidated to talk openly and honestly and share their wisdom about how to make things run better for everyone? There’s only one way to tell: Ask one of the feedback questions per day for the next couple of weeks; then listen OPENLY to the answers as if they are the gosh-honest truth. (Be aware that it may take a week for esteemed workers to really believe that you are REALLY asking their opinion, since doing so is so rare in the workplace today)!

ASKING FOR NEGATIVE AND POSITIVE FEEDBACK IMPROVES Y/OUR PERFORMANCE

“What goes around comes around” if you don’t have the time or take time to ask for honest feedback to improve performance. If you don’t ask for honesty on a regular basis, and reward it, THEN the trust factor among team members is weak and too splintered. If you can’t talk about anything…how can you be effective at anything…and doesn’t that just leave “water cooler complaining or gossip” as the only de-stressing outlet?

IS YOUR TEAM PADDLING THE COMPANY CANOE IN THE SAME DIRECTION?

In another “seriously fun” article, I used canoeing as a simple and rich metaphor for effective teamwork vs. ineffective teamwork. In short, how can your team get to where you all need to go if the direction is unknown or feedback results unmeasured? Moreover, how can you all paddle successfully in the same direction, IF you can’t talk about which direction you ought to go in? Simple answer…you can’t because you will later or sooner get trapped in a whirlpool and hit the rocks and capsize and come up sputtering, wet and frustrated.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady provides executive coaching and professional training in Dayton, Ohio, and surrounding areas. Dennis is the author of “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone.” In this inspiring new communication program and leadership training workshop, you will learn the crucial differences between Empathizer-type communicators and Instigator-type communicators. Chances are the person you struggle with the most, and whom you think of as a “difficult person,” is in reality your opposite communicator who is comfortable with what you are uncomfortable with. In the case above, Empathizers “freeze up” and are reluctant to give helpful negative feedback while Instigators feel free to “let it rip” and speak their minds. You can “test your type” and receive a free communicator type feedback report by clicking on the link “What’s Your Communicator Type.” If you believe you are a “good communicator” then ask the two questions above to a co-worker…and listen open-mindedly to the answers. You at least will be able to tell the level of trust your co-communicator is experiencing with you.

Does it sometimes seem as if the powers at work are SO busy talk-talking about and creating “action plans” about needed changes that your opinion falls on deaf ears and doesn’t seem to carry more weight? If it is true that meaningful change must harness the individual powers of all employees, working as a team, then who has the power to make change happen fast and last? Why doesn’t your opinion count for more? Are you just supposed to surf the ‘Net and get some sleep at work until you can go home and start living authentically? Alas, if the No. 1 indicator of success in the business world today is the ability to harness the power of change…and make small changes that all team members must “buy into” for huge profits, why are companies and leaders ignoring the very workers who have the power to pull off these changes…namely, YOU?!

WHAT CAN I/WE DO TO MAKE THINGS BETTER FOR YOU?

When I do workshops on Leadership Talks and on the Talk To Me communication training system for a wide variety of corporations, companies, small businesses, associations and the like…I am amazed at the level of disempowerment and even open disgruntlement that workers today express. A common complaint: “Why don’t THEY ask ME what would help to make things better around here? What will it take for my ideas to jump over hurdles and be listened to or used? Why do we talk a good game of change, but then not change what would really solve the problems? What are we so afraid of…the unknown? I’m tired of the talk…talk…talk that the “talking heads” around here do while feathering their nests. It’s as deep as a can of nuts!

ARE YOU SATISFYING YOUR CUSTOMERS AND COWORKERS?

I recommend you ask these powerful questions to all of your customers whether upper management does or doesn’t:

1. What can I/we do to make things better for you?

2. What grade would you give me/us about how well I/we’re serving your interests and needs?

3. What ONE thing can I do to make your life better…and your job
easier?

4. What have I promised to do for you, that I have failed to come
through on?

5. What could I/we do to open up lines of communication with you?

THE POWER RESIDES IN YOU?

When it comes to you, your life and your self-esteem, please know this is true as the nose on your face:

• The power isn’t in your boss
• The power isn’t in your company
• The power isn’t in shopping at the mall (Just teasing here, teens)
• The power isn’t in your luncheon sandwich, salad or soup (Just teasing you here, hungry adults)
• The power isn’t in your bank account, new purse or car
• The power isn’t in your fantasies, reverie or imagination (But it makes me feel so good, too)
• The power isn’t in your romantic partner’s mood or how nice they are treating you
• The power isn’t in the newest, latest and greatest business action plan that the brains have devised
• The power isn’t in the latest business guru who teasingly asks you: “Who moved my cheese?”
• The power isn’t in your brilliant ideas, untapped and unused talents, your unrealized potential for greatness
• The power isn’t in your procrastinating to gain a sense of control during tough times
• The power isn’t in not caring about what happens so you don’t get hurt
• The power isn’t in complaining, laughing painfully and belly-aching over the top of cubicles
• The power isn’t in the big boys and the big girls leaders club who sound SO super-confident
• The power isn’t in your next door office mate or neighbor
• The power isn’t in your mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, president, vice-president, or janitor (well maybe the custodian)
• The power isn’t in the difficult person, the negatalker, your antagonistic intimidator, team partner nemesis or other BIG TALKER with a small mind
• The power isn’t solely in the latest and greatest work crisis, psychodrama or stress event
• The power isn’t swashbuckling pep-talk that is fakery and phony-baloney
• The power isn’t in a powerful mentor, beloved friend or super-smart colleague you admire
• The power isn’t in my book TALK TO ME or on this Web page (well…maybe…still no, though…I’m just seriously joking, here…I think!)
• THE POWER IS IN YOU to walk carefully off the slippery slope called poor-me, victim thinking!

ARE YOU MADE TO FEEL LUCKY/GUILTY THAT THE COMPANY EVEN BOTHERS TO DO BUSINESS WITH YOU?

You are self-employed, and selling your talents to a grateful or begrudging customer or company group. Do you feel like an unwanted guest at the corporate or company change party, sometimes? Who doesn’t! One thing is for sure…if the power to change our companies resides in the individuals who work for THE company, why NOT make all
the people feel genuinely important instead of overlooked, invisible and insignificant? Why aren’t we remembering that THE POWER TO CHANGE IS WITHIN EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US…YOU AND ME.

In short, talk is cheap but positive action in the workplace is priceless!

THE POWER IS IN YOUR DOING SOMETHING NEW FOR A CHANGE

Yea…I say unto thee…The power isn’t in a movie star, a talking head, a bestseller, fashionable styles, the perfect body weight, finally achieving perfection, beauty and good looks, cosmetic surgery, applause and positive strokes, being needed, getting the kids raised and off to college, a pretty PowerPoint presentation, winning the debate point at the expense of a good relationship, communicating that means agreeing with mediocrity, nodding your head when you would rather say “no,” clamming up when a bully pushes a point down your throat, telling the boss what s/he wants to hear, being depressed and depressive to be around…or other emotional gadgetry that nets you misery and pours water on the fires of your passion that interferes with making a good work performance into a GREAT job well done! Can I hear an “Ah-ha…the light bulb has turned on!”

THE POWER IS IN YOU TO WALK CAREFULLY OFF THE SLIPPERY SLOPE OF POOR ME, VICTIM THINKING

No matter how despondent you feel…no matter how many times you feel you’ve beaten your head up against the corporate brick wall…no matter how many times your boss seems to pursue their own agenda at the expense of your wisdom…no matter how often you feel like shutting down or shutting off…no matter own many times you stuff anger only to stuff yourself with food or booze later…don’t you give up hope! Don’t you do IT. Don’t you allow your positive actions based on a positive attitude to get lost in the desert called the fear of change. The power IS in YOU! As Dr. Wayne Dyer, says: Believe IT, and YOU WILL SEE IT.

Yes, you and I DO really upset ourselves AND there’s everything in the inner-personal, private self-talk world that we can do about it. Walk off that slippery slope. Say, I WILL whenever I want to, Coach Dennis O’Grady!”

IT…MY WORK…REALLY UPSETS ME!?

Sure, a situation exerts control over you, your physical health and psychological welfare, your emotional mood…and many more aspects of your life. BUT you still have a say in how you will experience these stress events…in a positive or negative attitude that makes you a victim or a victor.

Does “IT really upset YOU and ME?!” Or is it truer and more genuine to say, “I really upset ME?” Well, it’s both to be sure…but you only have control over the later agency…namely, YOU. If you and I have the power to upset ourselves, then you have the accompanying power to un-upset yourself. Unleash your positive change powers as a healing force in a difficult work world, today. And don’t ever let anyone keep you down for very long!

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a clinical psychologist and communications coach from Dayton, Ohio, USA. His new communication theory of Empathizer (E-type) vs. Instigator (I-type) communicators is featured in his newly released book TALK TO ME: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone. In Dr. O’Grady’s landmark clinical studies, Empathizer communicators perceive the locus of control or power to be in the other person or situation, while Instigator communicators perceive the locus of control or power to be in the self or the situation. Just click on the underlined links to view workshop descriptions based on Dr. O’Grady’s books including Change Management, Communication Skills and Conflict Resolution.