A negatalker is addicted to negative chatter that zaps teamwork. Are you a legend in your own mind? Perhaps you’ve been zapped and your energy has been sapped by this zinger: “You’re not listening. Why do you always have to be SO negative?” When someone says that to you, the attempt is to make you feel bad for disagreeing with the speaker.
YOU’RE ENTITLED TO YOUR OWN OPINION
Aren’t you entitled to your own opinion, though, without being conversationally beat up? Of course you are! Your “zapper” would be more honest and direct to say, “Please don’t be honest with me, and please don’t tell me what you’re truly thinking and feeling because you’re really making me uncomfortable and anxious.”
WHY YOU CATCH MORE FLIES WITH HONEY THAN VINEGAR
Whoa! Perhaps no one ever shared with guilt trippers that they can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. I believe you get more positive by being positive, and that negative begets negative. Unproductive communicators who are afraid and unaware of their feelings, both negative and positive, talk and behave in ineffective ways that inadvertently zap teamwork at work and home. Negatalkers hammer you with, “It’s my way or the highway!” which is one-way communication of the worst kind.
THE PROPAGANDA OF PESSIMISM
Are you trying to exert control via a cynical attitude? Here are a few things to know about negative talking that blocks and closes down creativity:
- Negative talking derails teamwork by dragging good deeds through the mud.
- Negative talking assassinates new ideas.
- Negative talking makes you and I act dumb and goofy.
- Negative talking promotes the kind of thinking that says, “I/we’re so smart and right and our customers are a pain in the neck and SO wrong!”
(Here’s a refreshing thought: Why not talk positively for a change about/to the very people who butter your bread, valued people such as your boss, spouse, co-worker, customer, child or all of the above?)
ENERGY DRAINERS AND CHANGE ZAPPERS
Negative talking that demotes optimism and promotes pessimism via the twin villains (or sycophants) of Fear and Anger to flourish in the workplace and home occur when you and I:
(-) Put grease on the squeaky wheel BUT don’t change the oil in the car
(-) Think of yourself or others as too “chicken” to change
(-) Stay too busy to think outside the box
(-) Fix what isn’t broken…and don’t fix what is broken
(-) Keep grousing or listening to listless griping
(-) Make excuses and take excuses
(-) Only do what you’re told to do
(-) Stir the pot for some cheap entertainment
(-) Cause trouble to make you and your job seem more important
(-) Worry about what people will think or say
(-) Work hard only when others are watching
(-) Be cynical, steal credit, crucify compliments
(-) Play the blame game zealously
(-) Pat on the back popular people who are idiots
(-) Put off feeling happy until your life’s humming along perfectly
(-) Keep a death grip on the status quo
(-) Keep on wanting what you don’t have…and not wanting what you do have
(-) Run frantically on the “I don’t have the time!” treadmill
(-) Worship being smart or right instead of wise
(-) Go along with “group think” to cement your job or to get along
(-) Keep procrastinating by doing what’s important last
(-) Mindlessly salute negative belief systems that don’t work
(-) Believe “poise under pressure” is futile
(-) Fail to take healthy risks by fearing failure
(-) Keep on doing what doesn’t work
(-) Close your mind to facts while opening your mind to fear
(-) Keep key information sequestered
(-) Don’t share your true experience to make change happen
(-) Hide the truth behind a smokescreen of propaganda and rhetoric
(-) Be too bored to try something different
(-) Sound negative when positive results occur
(-) Spurn healthy disagreement
(-) Spend lots of money to feel good or powerful
(-) Go home burned up and used out…and then yell at the cat, dog, kids
(-) Don’t try anything new that will change your mind about your negative thinking
A CHAIR TO CHEER FOR CHANGE
Every boardroom and kitchen table ought to hold an empty chair designated for the respected colleague and beloved family member or partner called “positive change.” Personal success means telling the whole truth and respecting the need for growth and change-not keeping a death grip on the status quo and padding the box you keep yourself in.
DROOPING MORALE … BOOSTING YOUR MOOD
I personally need to practice mood managing because I can become impatient and surly when I’m around close minded thinkers and pessimistic speakers. For instance, I’ve never much cared for negative chat or idle water-cooler chatter that wastes my time and yours by putting down workers or customers who do good things to keep a company or family afloat. In fact, that’s why I personally use the Talk to Me system that boosts mood and drives positive and effective communication.
DO YOU LOOK A GIFT HORSE IN THE MOUTH AND THEN PULL ITS’ TEETH?
Are you a Positalker? Of course you are! You are thankful … grateful … peaceful … and you accept a gift horse without looking at its’ teeth. In contrast, Negatalkers look a gift horse in the mouth, and then pull out the horses’ teeth! Don’t let a Negatalker put preconceived notions in your mind about what will or won’t work in your life. You must judge the effectiveness of positive thinking and speaking tools. Why not instead be brave of heart and talk positively for a change of scenery?
GOOD TALK ISN’T CHEAP…IT’S PRICELESS
The best way to enjoy living in the present and controlling what you can is to worry less about what you have precious little control over — namely, naysayers and the negative beliefs they worship. Stand up to negative people and speak the positive. Stand up for good communication that drives positive change!
ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.
Dennis E. O’Grady has a B.S. degree (Bull _hit degree) from Pessimism University, also known as PU, where he received a 4.5 (out of 4) G.P.A. in his Bad Attitudes studies. Dennis went on to receive his E.S. degree (Elephant _hit degree) from PU, in the Psychology of Digging Holes So Big You Can Fly Planes Into Them. After jumping into many holes of his own digging, as well as some dug by others, Dr. O’Grady received his B.O.N.K.A (Being Optimistic Never Killed Anybody) degree from the Wright State University School of Professional Psychology. Ralph Real (also an alumnus of P.U.), in his Pessimism Street Journal review of Dr. O’Grady’s third book, Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone, gave the book a thumbs and toes down, while sticking his nose up in the air. Real went on to say: It’s a stupid book. Just another ‘fake it until you make it’ treatise on why it’s better to feel bad than good. The author seeks to line his pockets at the expense of big newspapers like this one. This is just another example of why you can’t fix stupid. So if you’re smart…you’ll think like me…Ralph Real. O’Grady had only one thing to say in rebuttal: Being Optimistic Never Killed Anybody!
