Posts in category: LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT

DO YOU HAVE A STRONG PERSONALITY?

If you have a very strong personality, then chances are you’re an Instigator-type communicator. That means you can open your mouth and insert your foot in the wink of an eye. In contrast, your sensitive Empathizer co-workers have elephant-sized memories for snubs and slights that seem to them as though you’ve tried to cut off their heads.

Self-professed case profile of an Instigator-at-work communicator who unintentionally caused Empathizer co-workers discomfort…

…I’VE ALWAYS HAD A VERY STRONG PERSONALITY
I have a very strong personality, and I’ve wrestled with that all my life. I don’t really like having such a super-strong personality. I typically don’t attack anyone personally or use words that would tear a person down. “It’s not what he says – it’s how he makes me feel.”

…“IT’S NOT WHAT HE SAYS – IT’S HOW HE MAKES OTHERS FEEL!”
I’ve gotten negative feedback in my reviews. It’s not my intention, but sometimes I make others feel bad. There’s a common feedback theme: “It’s not what he says, it’s how he makes me feel.”

…THERE’S A BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WHAT I’M INTENDING – AND HOW I’M BEING PERCEIVED
I never attack anyone. I never verbally badger. I don’t go after anyone’s person. I never attempt to tear anyone down. But the perception is that I intimidate people and make them feel devalued.

…I CAN TAKE IT – WHY CAN’T YOU?
You can beat me to death and I can take it. The reality is, I do a pretty good job of getting past anything like that.

…THE END RESULTS JUSTIFY THE MEANS, BECAUSE THEY ARE WHAT MATTER MOST
I’m all about getting results quickly and not wasting time. The means don’t matter as much as the results that you’re paid for. Still, most people prefer an empowered atmosphere to a suppressive atmosphere.

…I FEEL UNCONQUERABLE
I try to show confidence at all times. Other times I feel totally worthless. I will survive and be O.K. If my job were to end, I would be a bum.

…I’VE ALWAYS FEARED BEING UNDER SOMEBODY ELSE’S CONTROL
I am a control freak and can get irritated and impatient easily. I’ve told my boss: “If I were you, I would have fired me long ago.”

…A MASKED CHILDHOOD THAT WASN’T VERY GOOD
The older I get, the more my past haunts me. How poorly my parents equipped me to be the person I would like to be.

…ONCE AGAIN, I HAVE PEOPLE UPSET AT ME
I guess I’m very intimidating. I don’t always know how I’m coming across. People describe me as intense, and I’m not afraid of conflict or telling you what you don’t want to hear.

…THERE’S A CLOUD OF PURE STRESS HANGING OVER ME
I’m so stressed out, I make others uncomfortable. “What mood’s he in? Is he going to bite your head off today?” Even my dogs can tell when I’m stressed.

…ORDER AND CONTROL COMFORT ME
To me, there’s a way things must be if I’m going to be in charge. I’m going to do it my way….

IS THE MESSAGE YOU’RE SENDING, THE MESSAGE YOU’RE INTENDING?

If you’re accustomed to getting what you want by acting mad and talking bad and blaming others for the whole mess, then your day of reckoning is coming, and you will be in a head-on communication wreck. Did it come out of the blue? Nah. You read it here first at drogrady.com! Why not learn to be a more sensitive communicator, instead?

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a relationship workplace communication expert and clinical psychologist from Dayton, Ohio. You can reach Dennis at 937-428-0724.

The television series House is a favorite of mine. Don’t you wish you could be a cowboy like Dr. House and shoot blunt talk bullets and still be able to keep your job and relationships alive? I work with real life leaders like House who produce phenomenal results while improving their relationships, by their own testimonial accounts, using the TALK2ME© system. Just you try it and see for yourself, Dr. Skeptic.

THE CASE OF COWBOY

Judge for yourself. Here is the real story and candid conversation I had with a computer whiz kid, whose MO was to come into a company to solve legendary problems, ahead of budget and ahead of time…25 leading companies, to be exact, all of which you would recognize by name.

Although everyone revered Cowboy’s results, his people skills left a lot to be desired. A C was the best grade he ever received in communication from any of his bosses. In fact, coworkers who were Empathizers would predictably end up feeling shunned and gunned down by this inventive Instigator. Cowboy just didn’t understand. Wasn’t he delivering what few could do, saving companies hundreds of thousands of dollars?

INSTIGATORS DON’T INTEND TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS

Instigators don’t intend to hurt your feelings. They’re just trying to produce positive results and get the job done…and if your feelings get hurt in the process, you should just get over it and mosey on down the Talk Trail. Empathizers, by contrast, will shrink away from the Communicator Table and go to their bunks when feeling shot at by outlawed communication tactics.

Sadly, Cowboy unintentionally but eventually got into it with Empathizers (E-types) on the team, male and female alike. What could he do to change this pattern? First, he could understand that Empathizers walk in shoes, not cowboy boots. E-types tend to live in town, follow the rules, socialize more than strategize, and they want to move projects cautiously forward, after carefully looking at alternatives. Empathizers want to include contributors on their problem-solving team. Cowboy learned about these differences…to great advantage.

DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU’RE TALKING TO?

Cowboy achieved the following results with just 3 coaching sessions with me, using the TALK2ME tool of knowing the differences between Empathizer and Instigator preferences. Here’s the scenario: Cowboy is ready to snap at an Empathizer co-worker who needed his help. This action could have brought an entire project crashing to the ground, a project that involved millions of dollars with lives at stake…

In the past, I would have put Al’s response down flat. I’d tell my boss, “Look, I’m already propping up five or six teams technically. Al was assigned this task, and he doesn’t have the right people; but the fact is, it’s Al’s task. He needs to be more technical, and I don’t see how it’s my problem that you put someone in charge who should go back to school.” This would have gotten me labeled arrogant and not a team player. Now that I know I was talking with an Empathizer communicator, Al, I took another route.

Short story: Al ended up singing my praises to the boss and going to bat for me because I called to talk with him on the phone instead of avoiding him, tuning him out, or turning a cold shoulder.

Historically, it’s been a Battle Royale, and I’ve lost, because people at the top have perceived me to be arrogant and breaking the rank and file. I’ve been at 25 companies. Company presidents I’ve reported to said I pushed people out of the way to get things done…and I ended up making enemies. Dennis, your message and techniques sink in a lot faster than I thought….You can’t treat people badly who are less skilled than you.

TALK2THEM

Here’s what I said to Al, using the TALK2ME© approach, which includes being pretty open and phrasing my words in a positive way…

Al I know you are in a bind and this task list is due. I want to help you out. I’m supporting about 5 other people now, and my time is pinched. I want you to know that I’ve liked working with you on problems in the past, and we’ve had phenomenal success at high levels. The fact is, I’m being told I have to support these other teams. How can I help you? Have you been given the right resources? Did they offer someone else up to help? I can’t spare time now but I can in a couple of weeks. I’ll do whatever I can. I can break away a few hours if Hal hits a roadblock. He’s pretty good technically. You are extremely effective at setting up appointments and the detail work. Together we work fantastically well.

Dennis, you told me this would be effective. I’m the type of person your system applies to directly.

I HADN’T PUT TOGETHER WHY PEOPLE HATED ME

I had to make a good call, based on our discussions. I told my wife, “I’m not used to this.” What I really wanted to do was to call Al and tell him to buzz off. It’s the first time in my career that I knew why what I did would or wouldn’t work. I hadn’t put together why people hated me. It changed the entire office atmosphere the next day with our group of 40. The chaos and tension were gone, and the team was moving forward again. It was as though the crisis had never existed in the first place.

EVERYONE WAS LOSING IT—THEN THEY CALMED DOWN

Even though I am I-type, I have habits I can change….Everyone was losing it. In my mind’s eye, I can still see it – everyone calmed down. For example, Al and Hal were mad at one another but started getting along better. People stopped taking sides. At heart, we all just want to solve problems, but this was building to one of those critical junctures where generally I would have quit and gone on to another contract. It would have been a battle, and I would have put my technical books in a box and prepared to leave.

I like the adrenaline rush from the technical work. I’ve gotten my accomplishment fix. Because I have the skill set, I could walk away from any job and be hired quickly by another company. But I want to click with a team of people and have stable and positive relationships.

IT WAS BETTER THAN EXPECTED

Truthfully, I am still surprised. I read your book and blog. It was exceptionally accurate in a lot of ways. However, the results were far better than I expected. In fact, what I was really surprised by was that it almost seemed like it calmed the whole team down.

THE RIPPLE EFFECT: IN THE PAST, I DIDN’T THINK OF THE TEAM DYNAMIC

At one time, I thought of myself as a ringer or cowboy who would come in, fix things and leave. I didn’t think of the team dynamic and my positive or negative impact beyond the work itself. The positive results of using those TALK2ME strategies were phenomenal. Looking back, I must have had such a big impact on a team and could make the process a train wreck. I never thought of it that way. If you ask me to fix something, what does someone feeling bad have to do with it? The positive impact had such a ripple effect – several days after that phone call, there was a warm, fuzzy feeling that was functional instead of dysfunctional. Suddenly, people who weren’t even in the war room came back and started talking again. That split that started to occur…if I had gone my normal route, I would have continued to force a wedge into the split for several more weeks or months – without intending to.

A FIRST TIME IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE

The thing that most surprised me, even though everything you told me made sense, was that it was the first-in-a-lifetime experience. I was out of my element when I made that phone call to Al. But it really did lead to astonishing results. I’ve played cowboy a lot, and, man I have to tell you, people have asked me if I was lonely out there, playing cowboy by myself. That’s all I had; I didn’t know anything else. Put bluntly, some people wanted to be me, like Dr. House in the television series, telling the boss off and solving the problem and then giving the department the finger and leaving…and that was a pretty bad feeling. There’s an entire other side of it that I see now.

IT DIDN’T TAKE THAT MUCH TIME TO MAKE THAT PHONE CALL

It didn’t take that much time to make that phone call to Al. In fact, it felt good having made the phone call. Al was so responsive, right from the start of the call. In the past, I was being torn apart and burning out over issues of clarifying communication and getting around impasses.I was the classic Cool Hand Luke-type cowboy. Where are you now? You know, being defiant until the Warden threw him in solitary saying, “Son, what we have here is a failure to communicate.” Playing the role that I played, there was nobody propping me up. I feel the connection now. I realize that Al really felt that I was treating him like dirt, although that was not my intention. However, intentionally or not, he felt that way. And as an E-type, he felt that I had abandoned him and walked away from his needs.

I’VE GOT TO TELL YOU I’M GRATEFUL FOR YOUR SYSTEM

I’ve got to tell you, I’m grateful for your system. All the same, I don’t like referring to it like computer stuff – a system! Maybe it could be a program or something….I was almost amazed at how effective it was, once I made that call. I expected it to work, but I had never imagined that there would be exponential results. I really did not anticipate that ripple affect to the team. I was worried about being tweaked or changed as a person, instead of improved as a communicator. I was scared if I talked to you and you changed me too much, I would lose the edge that I wanted to keep as part of myself. Now I know that I had nothing to worry about….

YOUR CALL

It’s your call, my beloved Empathizer and Instigator leaders. These results aren’t a fluke. They happen like clockwork when you take a few minutes a day to learn them. In fact, you will go from the Wild West of wayward communication and train wrecks, to a Wonderful World of engine-propelled communication. Are you driving a blue Empathizer communicator car or a burnt orange Instigator communicator car? Are you licensed to drive on the two-way communicator highway?

Make your House call today at www.drogrady.com

ABOUT THE TALK2ME© SYSTEM

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the founder of New Insights Communication, a coaching and relationship counseling practice located in Dayton, Ohio. Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the author of three works, the most recent being Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone, which is a communication training book. Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a corporate trainer, keynote speaker and motivational speaker. His executive coaching and business consulting programs are targeted at the areas of leadership development, communication, change management and conflict resolution.

Primal Leadership: Realizing the Power of Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman’s 2002 book, gives a solid description of what will happen when you adopt Empathizer-type leadership talk tools that relate to emotional intelligence. In fact, Empathizer leaders will feel validated while Instigator leaders will feel liberated, and all of us will benefit by spreading a good mood infectiously around.

WHAT’S IT TO YOU?

Instigator-type communicators are frequently dinged on 360-feedback leadership surveys for being TOO….

•    Direct and driven, aggressive, and controlling
•    Dictatorial, intimidating, lacking a collaborative attitude
•    Insensitive to the needs of others
•    Too blasé about investing in relationship connections, not taking time to build bridges of rapport
•    Unaware of what causes team members to feel distressed or resistant
•    Much a strategic thinker, one without a heart and prone to over-leading
•    Forceful to make others perform, which can reduce cooperation and motivation
•    Impatient to listen to feedback that disagrees with your viewpoint
•    Deficient in empathy and willingness to show concern for people
•    Short and abrupt in e-mails or conversations

Many of these attributes don’t tend to bother thicker-skinned Instigators, but they turn off Empathizer-type communicators (50% of our population), like clicking off a light switch.

How you win: As an Instigator, adopt more Empathizer characteristics and, like a computer chip was inserted into your brain, your emotional intelligence will be activated. You will experience the results first hand…and the positive outcomes will amaze you.

AN I-TYPE LEADER TALKING

The following is from an Instigator leader who came for TALK2ME© coaching after receiving shockingly low grades on his 360-evaluations…

Dr. O’Grady:

I successfully completed TALK2ME© communication training within the time frame of 8-10 sessions, which we’d we discussed prior to beginning.

I am happy to say I’ve successfully hit the goals and objectives of the best ways to communicate with my team. I now understand the key differences of Empathizer vs. Instigator communicators. Using the new E-type talk tools I learned from you, I am now able to inspire people to: achieve higher levels of motivation, taking a win-win team approach; listen effectively to positive and negative input, lifting company morale significantly; clarify and confirm communication, creating a two-way street of communication; get everybody on the bus to work together, getting tasks completed more quickly; communicate objectives weekly, and now each week there is a positive result, such as successfully moving a business! Thanks again for giving me new talk tools to use at work and at home.

Overall, good communication leads to proven profitability!

WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL ABOUT EMOTIONAL IQ?

Instigator leaders trust logic over emotion. Empathizer leaders trust emotions, but not when they’re too intense. As both types seek to become balanced communicators, they need to blend Logical IQ and Emotional IQ to connect both sides of the brain.

Here are some points, well honed in Primal Leadership, that have to do with Managing Mood In The Workplace, a seminar in the communication series I co-lead…

➢    Great leadership works through the emotions.

➢    If leaders fail at driving emotions in the right direction, nothing they attempt to do will work as well as it could or should.

➢    Sensitive leaders who are tuned-in intentionally create optimism and unity.

➢    Less sensitive, tone-deaf leaders unintentionally create pessimism and division.

➢    A leader’s mood – and how she or he impacts the moods of others – plays a significant role in any organization or family.

➢    Understanding and managing emotions sets the best leaders apart from the rest. They net tangible results; retain talent; manage higher morale, motivation, and commitment; and they implement swift and sure actions that get results.

➢    The leader acts as the group’s emotional guide and broadcasting system.

➢    Clearing away the smog of toxic emotions from the company culture climate and building bridges of trust on the two-way communication highway are key to lasting success.

➢    The leader has amplified power to sway everyone’s emotions in a very positive or a very negative way.

➢    Anxiety and rancor throws a team off stride, while enthusiasm and caring set a team in full stride toward the goal.

➢    The often overlooked and underused Primal Dimension: Followers look to a leader for a supportive emotional connection – for empathy – like giving oxygen to an exhausted patient during difficult times.

➢    When emotions are driven positively, there is resonance, which makes people shine.

➢    When emotions are driven negatively, there is dissonance, which makes people depressed, markedly lowering output from individual workers.

➢    When a team experiences a leader as being out of touch, and individual members feel frustrated by riding their mood roller coaster, team output can be expected to be restricted by at least 40%.

➢    Recent studies of the brain reveal the neurological mechanisms of primal leadership.

➢    Due to the open-loop limbic system, emotions are spread and received through social interactions – you DO make people feel good or bad by what you say or do…and the reverse is true, too.

➢    The open loop of emotional contagion is so much a part of our daily lives, that we don’t even notice it, much like we tend to be unaware of the noses on our faces, unless we happen to look into mirror.

➢    Positive emotions open up communication channels and creative problem solving, while negative emotions close down communication avenues and creative problem solving.

➢    Positive emotions lead to good moods and better communication, while negative emotions lead to bad moods and poor communication.

➢    Powerful emotions are spread non-verbally to others and inwardly to oneself. That’s why everyone watches the boss.

➢    Thus, an Emotional Soup simmers in teams, with each player adding his own flavor, but it is the leader who adds the strongest seasoning.

➢    The Emotional Leader has the credibility, trust, and respect of followers, thereby setting the tone and tempo of the work symphony.

➢    How easily we catch hold of a leader’s emotional states and moods, good or bad, has to do with how expressively his face and voice conveys his feelings.

➢    The more open leaders are – how well they express their own enthusiasm, for example – the more readily others will feel the same contagious passion and compassion.

➢    Leaders for whom you want to work, and the kind of leader you strive to be, is one who exudes upbeat feelings and who makes others feel good by being around during tough times.

WHY DRIVE UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF A BAD MOOD?

Now, you and I know that no one is always in a good mood…unless s/he happens to be the Perfect One. But the Expert Communicator leader manager has learned to manage his or her moods in the workplace and at home in ways that profit everyone.

Thus, driving under the influence of a bad mood, being irritable and flying off the handle, shooting from the hip, cynicism and sarcasm, gossiping and belittling, being dictatorial or domineering, or cold and MOODY – in short, chopping people off at the knees and expecting the team to swim across an Olympic-size pool of pity – simply won’t work.
Why make your best and brightest stars quit a moody boss and choose to leave town?

OK…TALK DOC…HOW DO I RAISE MY EMOTIONAL IQ?

It’s not too tough, you know. Just utilize these key stair steps in the TALK2ME© communication system…

1. Understand that Instigator-type (I-type) communicators as leaders are typically perceived through a sensitized emotional lens.

2. Understand that the main criticism of Empathizer-type (E-type) communicators is a wish for the I-type leader to “take time to talk,” “be more empathetic,” and “exhibit more receptivity to others’ needs, requirements, ideas, and timetables.”

3. Understand that I-type leaders, who adopt the strengths of E-type communicators, will build a two-way highway of top-flight communication.

4. Understand that when teams are trained in the TALK2ME© communication system, worker harmony and high output will be produced, vs. hard feelings between workers and lack of motivation. This requires E-type     communicators to understand and adopt the I-type strength set, too.

5. When you understand what makes Empathizer communicators tick, or become anxious and ticked off, your leadership feedback scores will dramatically raise – as if by magic.

WHAT TO DO?

Most people would give their eye teeth to BE YOU! I know I would. I hope your arm isn’t too short to pat yourself on the back. Now that you know you don’t need to change, there’s a little tweaking from which you will benefit.

Know this: This knowledge has been the missing key to accelerate good communication driving skills which predictably leads to proven profitability in your life.

In summary, dear Reader, I respect your courage and willingness to learn and grow for the good of us all.

ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS O’GRADY, PsyD

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a Communication Expert and Developer of the TALK2ME Communication Roadmap. Dr. O’Grady provides individual and relationship coaching and counseling.  Talk with Dennis at 937-428-0724.

THE INVENTOR LEADER

There are four leadership subtypes in the TALK2ME© positive and effective communication system.  Of the four – Inventor, Seer, Intuiter, Leader – do you know which you are?

In my leadership development studies, I found that the INVENTOR leader was the most powerful producer of positive results. Everything we see – from the light bulb, to computers, to psychotherapy – is the large-minded innovation of an Inventor leader.  Thomas Edison, Bill Gates, and Sigmund Freud are all Inventor leaders, but from far different fields.

WHAT ARE THE INNER STRENGTHS OF THE INVENTOR LEADER?

Inventor leaders want to cut to the chase. They are true visionaries with the ability to magnify results and take action when others are chewing their fingernails or sitting on their hands. Inventors have the uncanny ability to find the diamonds in a rock-strewn canyon. Key characteristics which Inventor leaders share:

INVENTOR LEADERS:

▪ ARE VISIONARY. You envision the next great leap which is necessary to create a higher level of success. You see when the world needs an improved light bulb or laptop, and you aren’t afraid to make it happen. You utilize the key help of the super-motivated souls with whom you surround yourself.

▪ ARE MASTER CREATORS. What you see in your innovative mind is quickly formed, expeditiously created from the vision in your mind’s eye. Your mind is like a powerful broadcasting station that sends out requests which are quickly answered by the universe. You’re accustomed to your mental powers, but others are awed when you envision a future reality that, by today’s standards, might seem like science fiction.

▪ ARE CHARASMATIC. You can’t help being a “people charmer,” though you might claim that you are not. People tune in to your station, listening carefully to your viewpoints, internalizing them and often repeating them as their own.  People like to love you. This is a little hard for you to fully comprehend because you measure yourself harshly. If you are in an oppositional relationship, you shrug it off, hardly missing a beat.

▪ ARE MAJOR MOOD MAKERS OR MOOD BREAKERS. Because your mood is infectious, you are a major mood-maker. You can make people feel good or bad, although you contend that every person is responsible for his or her own feelings. You can bring people up by using carefully crafted words, or, with nothing more than a skeptical glance, you can squash the self-esteem of another like a bug underfoot. Yes, you do have that kind of interpersonal power.

▪ CREATE SIGNIFICANT RESULTS. You rarely create outcomes or events that are average or mediocre. You either do “A” or “F” work, but never “C” work in the field of your passions and with your family. What you create is either extremely positive or extremely negative, and your results are typically big-time. The Creation Equation: When you are in a good mood or are confident, your results are positive. But, when you are in a bad mood or feel insecure, results are negative.

▪ ACTIVATE THE INNER POWER OF OTHERS. Why do others love to work for you? You push people hard to go way beyond their self-imposed boundaries to achieve new heights. To be around you, all talents must be tuned up. Your people will be pleasantly surprised that they are able to achieve levels of performance they had only imagined, before they began interacting with you. And they do have you to thank for pushing them outside their comfort zones, which they now know could easily have become their coffins.

▪ ARE MASTER LOGICIANS. You are the master of the meta-message. Often, what you don’t say but what you imply carries more weight in the minds of those you seek to influence. Thus, you gently lead others to the conclusions and impressions you wish to convey to them. If so inclined, you could be the wizard of propaganda.

▪ DOMINATE DECISIONS. You are quite able to convince others that your way is the best way to go. You can be perceived as intimidating and overpowering through the tool of conversational coercion. However, you feel you know what’s best for the group as a whole and only have the good of all at heart.

▪ STRUGGLE WITH INTERPERSONAL CLOSENESS. Your life partner may perceive you as backing up or putting the brakes on when he or she is trying to get close to you by using effective communication. When confronted, you will go to your island to cool off. You intensely dislike being pushed to talk about vulnerable emotions or past mistakes, as you see this as a sign of weakness and a big waste of time. Your partner disagrees.

▪ HAVE STROKES OF GENIUS AND SEIZURES OF INSECURITY. Life is a two-sided communicator coin of both positive and negative life challenges.  Chances are, as a child you might have been reared by a tyrant parent who was controlling, belittling, moody, strict, or harsh. As a result, you set the pole vaulting bar very high for yourself, and you loathe failing or being put under anyone’s thumb. Perhaps those tough foundational times of loss vs. gain are the fuel for your strokes of genius.

You may have noticed that not every statement above fits you nicely, like hand in glove. However, many of these insights ought to ring true for you as an Inventor leader. I also know what you’re thinking. “Yes, but, what about the negative side of the coin? This is all fluffy and comfy, but it doesn’t capture the facts of my personal relationship life.” And of course, you’re right again.

In the TALK2ME© system, Instigator leaders are hard-driving and focused on achieving target goals rapidly. Empathizer leaders, on the other hand, are focused but take more time to develop goal strategies. Empathizer leaders look before they leap, while Instigator leaders will first leap and then try to fix their mistakes. Both leaders are equally talented, just in different ways.

WHAT ARE KEY TRAITS OF EMPATHIZER (E-TYPE) LEADERS?

In order to be considered an Empathizer-type communicator:

1. You absolutely have to be a good listener.

2. You have to understand what the problem is by working collaboratively with the individual person who has the problem.

3. Your leadership style mandates that there has to be a buy-in from all team members to arrive at the best solution – no dictating of how to solve the problem or nixing the solution that is chosen.

4. You believe that communication is a shared responsibility. It has to be a two-way street – no monopolizing the Communicator Table. Open discussion of the presenting concern is mandatory.

5. You need regular affirmation of your achievements through commendations, acknowledgements, and positive feedback.

6. You relate to the world through your feelings. Your emotions run deep as the ocean.

7. Your leadership style involves researching the problem at hand to find as many possible solutions as possible, then you debate those options around the Communicator Table to select the one which will reach the goal that’s been set.

8. You try to please too much; you back down too frequently; you are too much of a perfectionist; you are too generous; you are patient to a fault; you are afraid of conflict.

9. You freely pass out compliments and show appreciation for ideas and work ethic, making a big difference in promoting involvement by all team members.

10. You never point your finger. If a person comes up with a problem-solving idea, he doesn’t feel like they’re out on a limb all alone, which builds confidence in your individual team members and the team as a whole.

Hard driving Instigator leaders can sometimes be misperceived as impatient tyrants or bully bosses. Relationship-driven Empathizer leaders, and their “New Communication School” skill sets, are increasingly in demand to smooth out troubled waters that stem from mergers and other organizational changes.

Dennis O’Grady is a Dayton clinical psychologist and developer of the results-driven TALK2ME positive and effective communication system. Dennis can be reached at (937) 428-0724.