Posts in category: LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT

Leadership communication principles boomed like a mortar round in the book Fixing Hell by Col. (Ret.) Larry C. James, Ph.D.  This is a disturbing, yet memorable, work. When Abu Ghraib was a wasteland, nothing but sand and rocks and run-down buildings, with garbage and raw sewage everywhere you looked, the Army called upon Dr. James to get a fix on fixing things fast.

Were you there? In 2004, the first CNN pictures blasted and bloodied our national psyche as images were brought home to us from Abu Ghraib, showing naked dog piles, an Iraqi prisoner standing with a hangman’s noose around his neck, and K-9 dogs terrorizing detainees. A few apples gone bad in a putrid barrel of human misery?

YOU’VE GOT TO BE THERE

This is the e-mail I sent to Dr. James, who was scheduled to give a workshop I was helping to spearhead, for clinical psychologists in Dayton, Ohio…

Hello Larry:

It was good to have dinner with you a while back.  The Dayton Psychological Association Board and membership are looking forward to your workshop.

I was deeply moved while reading your book, Fixing Hell. I truly appreciate the courage you needed to share your leadership principles and life lessons. The discussions about your mother and your return home made me weep. The media descriptions which we see and read are so sterile in comparison….

As a psychologist, you take us all to the basement to sort through our skeletons and attempt to humbly fix what’s broken.

See you at the workshop Friday!

Respectfully yours,
Dennis O’Grady

GO TO THE BASEMENT

Dr. James spent his vital life energy fixing Hell, and then he walked away with the new form of PTSD to boot. He did it by being an emotionally attached leader who was present and accounted for at all times of day and night.

Traditionally, Instigator leaders in the TALK2ME© system have been the status quo.  The times have changed. In my book, Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, Dr. James represents the new breed of Empathizer leader. These leaders combine head and heart and use their Emotional I.Q. to fix the impossible.

Col. James, a change-seeking leader who is executing emotional wisdom without being soft, describes the core values of an Empathizer leader to his trainees:

You have to be there. As a leader you need to always remember to be there. Never allow yourself to be a vacant, distant, and emotionally detached leader. Vacant leaders simply aren’t there. You gotta go to the basement. One of the problems in most organizations is that rarely will you find its senior leaders getting down and dirty to the lowest level and looking in every closet and every basement of every building. Why? Number one, it will tell you where the skeletons are, and number two, it will tell you where all the broken crap is hidden. Number three is most important: it will tell your subordinate troops that you have a vested interest in their organization and let them know that they can’t hide anything from you. Remember, your troops will judge you by your deeds, not your words. A leader who stays in the rear will take it in the rear.

EIGHT RULES TO LEAD BY

How do you lead when you’re exhausted, dehydrated, frightened, and smack dab in the middle of the raging fires of Hell and there’s no escape hatch and your life may disappear the next instant?

RULE #1: YOU GOT TO BE THERE
Be available at all times. Be there with your soldiers. Eat at their tables in the chow hall, sleep where they sleep, everything.

RULE #2: BE SEEN
When leaders are not seen by their subordinates, they will begin to drift away from following the rules.

RULE #3: YOU MUST BE INVOLVED
Be everywhere. Along the way there, talk with and have fun with the lowest-ranking people (privates, secretaries, janitors) you meet. That’s where you will really build morale.

RULE #4: BE BOLD
We all love being around a leader who has a big set of balls. Make the right, hard, moral calls. Be bold and lead.

RULE #5: BE PASSIONATE
Be passionate in everything you do. Your soldiers who work for you will see it in your eyes, and more importantly, they will feel it in you. Your passion will spread through the rest of your unit like wildfire.

RULE #6: BE FUN
Cut up with folks, tell stories, have a good time, laugh. Nobody likes being around a mean, nasty boss.

RULE #7: BE ENERGETIC
Do whatever you do with energy, and people will want to be around you. It will be infectious.

RULE #8: BE CLEAR
Everyone who works for you must, at all times, know the rules of engagement. Remember, soldiers will do what their leaders allow them to. If you allow it, a soldier will do it.

AN ARMY PSYCHOLOGIST CONFRONTS ABU GHRAIB

That’s what Dr. Larry James learned the hard way, at a dark, hot place once used as Saddam Hussein’s torture chambers in Iraq, on his way home to his loved ones.

Dr. James in now Dean of the School of Professional Psychology at Wright State University in Dayton, Ohio.

Let’s all acquire what we admire, by adopting the inner strengths of our opposite communicator type. If you’re an Instigator-type communicator, you will benefit from sensitivity training. If you’re an Empathizer-type communicator, you will benefit from insensitivity training.

INSTIGATOR COMMUNICATORS ARE LESS SENSITIVE

Here are some presents I wish for Instigator communicators, who are not afraid to take charge and lead us all out of emotional swamps…

• Enjoy being a willing passenger instead of a hard driver
• Make decisions with your heart
• Listen for what you don’t expect to hear
• Look…and look again…before you leap
• Take a cautious step back to look ahead at predicted obstacles
• Be cool: Maintain a courteous and professional attitude in every situation
• Anticipate and respond to changes in others moods
• Know you have the negative, AND the positive, relationship climate control at your fingertips
• Leave your bad mood at the door when you come home
• Become an expert listener and LISTEN UP
• Demonstrate flexibility, sensitivity, compassion, and interest by not always knowing
• Be a better follower to enhance your leadership skills
• Waste a little time in idle chit-chat with people who help you attain your goals
• Dwell on the present of the present
• Make an unexpected phone call to someone you know who admires you
• Concede that emotions are strengths

EMPATHIZER COMMUNICATORS ARE MORE SENSITIVE

Here are some presents I wish for Empathizer communicators, whose ideas light the way ahead during the darkest of times…

• Be less sensitive and not so afraid of hurting others’ feelings
• Flush mental crap
• Refuse to take on the bad mood of a bad news bear
• When you are uncertain, project strength and confidence
• Push back when you’re feeling pushed around
• Speak up, take the bull by the horns, talk no bull, speak louder to be heard
• Use assertive action solutions to problems when you feel bad
• Kick the self-doubt habit
• Know your “daring to care” attitude is admired by all, if shared only by a few
• A faithful and loyal friend who reflects the faithfulness and loyalty seen in you
• Care less about what others think, believe, or resolve
• Accept that you have Million Dollar Ideas that will help us all, so SPEAK OUT
• Be not afraid of conflict!
• Be a risk taker; jump right in instead of testing the waters
• Be willing to put the pressure on someone other than yourself
• R-E-S-P-E-C-T yourself!
• Speak assertively of the creative solutions you see to pesky problems
• I respect and admire you, my dear I- and E-types!

A TWO-WAY COMMUNICATOR HIGHWAY

May Blessings of Better Communication Abound!

ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS O’GRADY, Psy.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a Communication Expert and Developer of the TALK2ME Communication Roadmap. You, too, can profit from better communication!  Talk with Dennis at 937-428-0724.

Sensitive souls fear conflict. And why not? Empathizers have had their full of unhelpful conflict. In contrast, thicker-skinned Instigators embrace conflict as a necessary part of the forces that forge progress. But a mixed group of trainees in the TALK2ME system have a higher view of accessing hidden inner strengths for the benefit of all. Are you too sensitive for your own good?

TOO GOOD FOR YOUR OWN GOOD?

Empathizers are perceived as saints. One quip regarding this quirk: “If you stand next to the super-sweet Empathizer communicator you will get cavities.” How nice can you be? Instigators suggest putting a little salt next to that sweet.

The Communication Table team wisdom about how sensitive souls can go from ordinary to extra-ordinary…

• Divine self-confidence

• Be not afraid of conflict

• Be a risk taker

• Jump right into problems

• Be a hard driver

• Don’t be afraid to hurt someone’s feelings for the greater cause

• Put the pressure on someone who is slacking

• Speak up: “Closed mouth’s don’t get fed”

• Do not avoid conflict when it may be necessary

• Fierce debating is viewed as a strength

• Don’t give in to get along

• Refuse to allow emotion to affect mood

• Know Instigators view showing emotion as a personal weakness and leadership flaw

ACTIVATE YOUR INNER STRENGTHS

What better list for Empathizers divined by Instigators in close talks with Empathizers? Although you were born an Empathizer, you can walk/talk/act and sound off like an Instigator. And why not? You will have more opportunities presented to you that way that you can grab hold of and run with.

ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS O’GRADY

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a Communication Expert and Developer of the TALK2ME Communication Roadmap. You, too, can profit from better communication!  Talk with Dennis at 937-428-0724.

Ethical Empathizer voices are drowned out when they are working with a sick team. A sick team doesn’t consistently use healthy communication tools. When people communicate better, profitability results, and we all get along far better and have a little fun at work while we’re at it.

What Makes a Sick Team Sick TALK2ME Communication Roadmap…

1. A sick team is very isolated. Each individual is an island – there is no team.

2. A sick team is very distracted. Team members are going in 25 different directions at once, doing 25 different things instead of focusing on the singular goal ahead.

3. A sick team does not encourage cross training and fertilization.

4. A sick team doesn’t expend resources on providing backup help or investing in its people.

5. A sick team frowns on social interactions.

6. A sick team plays teenager-like games of gossiping.

7. A sick team doesn’t hear the truth from upper management, who tend to bend the rules to benefit themselves.

8. A sick team doesn’t learn and grow, so its best people go elsewhere where they can be part of a real team.

Are you a communication saint? Oh, yes, ethical one, you are. However, you need a positive work environment or you will feel used, confused, and used up. Is that conducive to productivity?

THE TALK2ME© COMMUNICATION SYSTEM—DAYTON, OH. A simple and innovative roadmap for better communication that builds a positive climate of trust and respect…because better communication flows with profitability…and better communication is about walking our talk as leaders. “Talk Doc” Dennis O’Grady customizes business programs for customer-centered communication. Better communication equals proven profitability. Every employee — executive or rank and file —  uses tools and strategies from their Communication Toolbox as they meet around the Communicator Table or as they are driving down the Communicator Highway. Dr. O’Grady also provides individual and couple communication coaching at 937-428-0724. Which type of communicator are you? http://www.drogrady.com/type.php

POSITIVE LEADERSHIP PRINCIPLES ON THE TALK2ME COMMUNICATION ROADMAP

Do you have a roadmap to positive leadership that works 90% of the time? Can you pull from all these inner strengths when the occasion calls for it or when the situation warrants?

•    Careful—won’t keep making the same dumb mistake
•    Not blindly going along, but will implement
•    Sensitive—it really matters to the person
•    Respected and respectful—a feeling of wanting to do it for you, because of feeling valued
•    Empathy—one-on-one relationships
•    Open to other ideas
•    Building trust by caring
•    Showing regard and being sensitive equals a feeling of worth. Increases productivity and teamwork.
•    Will adapt and change course as needed
•    Know what has to be done
•    Forge ahead—takes uncertainty out of decisions
•    Doesn’t let emotions get in the way of making hard decisions
•    The real deal has meaning and purpose and leads as others follow
•    Decisions based on sense
•    Step towards the problem
•    Follow the plan to a ‘T’
•    Results as measurements
•    Secure in decisions

ABOUT THE TALK2ME COMMUNICATION ROADMAP

A balanced and effective leader uses the inner strengths of both Empathizer and Instigator communication styles depending on the situation. You will get blisters trying to shove your feet into the wrong pair of communicator shoes. Find out your communicator type, and receive a free report, by clicking on http://www.drogrady.com/type.php

DR. DENNIS O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a Communication Expert and Developer of The Talk2Me leadership communication system. You can talk with Dennis at (937) 428-0724.