Posts in category: LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT

Roadblocks and detours which evoke losses are caused by the stereotypes about our opposite communicator type that we harbor. In fact, we often throw the mood ball or tomato or hot potato across the room to our opposing type. What to do to prepare future leaders for building bridges of trust and respect that solve problems and seize opportunities?

LEADERS MUST KNOW THAT GOOD COMMUNICATION DOESN’T LEAVE ANYONE OUT

Improved communication skills will lead reliably to increased enthusiasm, steady performance, and profits. Could it be that simple? Yep. Leaders must walk the talk, and they must practice what they preach.

• Notice there are two communicator types
• Take each half and make a whole communicator
• Utilize the strengths of both types
• Adopt the strengths of your partner’s communicator type
• Plan to package your message by communicator type

But how to know which is your “half-a-brain” communicator type of Empathizer vs. Instigator communicator? Many of the following characteristics may be extremes but are still worth listing.

DINGS AND FINGER-WAGGING TO THE INSTIGATORS

Common negative perceptions of Instigator leaders (I-types), by their Empathizer (E-type) followers…

• Not people people
• Can be bossy
• Tends to make preventable mistakes
• Are not prudent
• Control freaks
• Know-it-alls
• Employees are more likely to shut down on I-types
• A willingness to embarrass others in the presence of others (public ridicule)
• Insensitive (to feelings)
• Abrupt
• Inflexible
• Don’t take everyone’s feelings into consideration
• Close-minded
• Forceful, direct
• Intimidating
• Unapproachable
• Short attention span; No undivided attention

Empathizers are bugged by the accusation that they are too soft and too needy for social approval.

DINGS AND ZINGERS TO THE EMPATHIZERS

We need to activate the inner strengths of our opposite types to avoid disasters. Think of the Titanic, the ship that could never sink, but did.

Perceptions of I-types warning of E-dangers…

• Soft – too emotional
• Need hugs
• Don’t get to the point – wishy-washy
• Easily influenced (devalues own leadership skills)
• Make better followers
• Are pushovers (I-types trust more someone who can think for themselves)
• Thin-skinned
• Need to show more competitive firepower
• Try to please everyone: they want to be liked/they seek approval
• So afraid to take a chance, they miss opportunities
• Conscientious to relationships; people take advantage of them
• Don’t get off the fence; are constantly waiting for approval and applause
• Overly dramatic/emotional/roller coaster moods
• Too sensitive
• Tend to be pessimistic
• Lower confidence in the outcome of things
• Long winded (full of hot air)
• Irrational/illogical (I-types devalue excessive information and find it frustrating)
• Tend to be complainers and pushovers

Instigators are miffed by the accusation of being too cold-hearted and too close-minded to corrective feedback.

KEEP ON TRUCKIN’ DOWN THE TWO-WAY COMMUNICATOR HIGHWAY

Are you dedicated to service and good communication instead of communication breakdowns? Keep on truckin’ down that two-way communicator highway!

ABOUT “TALK DOC” COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is known as the “Talk Doc” around town. He is president of the Dayton Area Psychological Association, as well as the developer of the TALK TO ME© positive and effective communication training system. Why invest in a process that will improve your communication skills fast, in both personal and work relationships? When you use the tools and strategies detailed in Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, you’ll find that it’s easy to keep your car in the center of Talk Highway, leaving the ditch to those communicators who shout out, “It’s my way or the highway!”

Do you feel as though you’ve been thrown under the bus? You can bounce back like a rubber tire by using the Talk2Me© leadership communication system. Yeah, Empathizers, or E-types, are only human, and it hurts when you or I get our toes stepped on. But, my dear Instigator, or I-Leader, why can’t you talk to me in the talk style that I prefer, so that I will go the extra mile and smile for you when the chips are down, instead of telling you to go and pound sand? So how does a positive Instigator leader turn on the light of a positive Empathizer follower, you wonder? Simple, but not easy….

HOW A POSITIVE INSTIGATOR-LEADER CAN TURN ON THE LIGHT OF A POSITIVE EMPATHIZER-FOLLOWER

The Instigator communication leader should:

1. Take time to warm up the communicator car engine

2. Not speed off, screeching your tires, if you don’t instantly get your way

3. Groom the texture and tone of the conversation…everyone sits in the front seat

4. Not approach boldly and interrupt gruffly or callously in a demanding tone of voice…don’t give directions unless asked

5. Use ask talk instead of tough talk to get things done quicker…don’t be a backseat driver

6. Make it sound like hardly anything you touch is an emergency…the journey is more important than the destination

7. Not be a dictator but engage in dialogue…enjoy talking as you ride…relax and enjoy the trip of a lifetime

8. Just take a talk minute and discover the personal life of your talk partner…nourish connecting instead of disconnecting

9. Show generous, rather than stingy, signs of regular verbal appreciation…you don’t have to like the long drive to enjoy the ride

AFFIXING BLAME DOESN’T FIX PROBLEMS…OR WHY YOU SHOULDN’T DRIVE IN FRONT OF YOUR HEADLIGHTS ON A DARK NIGHT

If you don’t know Communicator Type Talk Technology, chances are you will witness someone being thrown under the bus as a human sacrifice. Conversely, when you’re no longer ignorant of the Empathizer vs. Instigator motivational preferences, you will have everyone pulling in the same direction and not throwing anyone under the bus as a scapegoat. Why allow your E-followers to lose 50% of their production and motivational energy due to the fear factor? Life’s much more filled with learning new things and fun than that!

ARE YOU PERSON-DRIVEN OR PERFORMANCE-DRIVEN?

Why not take time to talk? Instigators loathe wasting time. I-types are performance-driven and are constantly judging the self against the list of goals and objectives accomplished in the least amount of time. Thus, to I-types at work, it’s nothing personal…it’s only performance-driven. Make it more person-driven, my beloved I-types, and you will find your scores shoot up at least a grade on satisfaction surveys at home and work. Just you try it and see for yourself!

ABOUT “TALK DOC” COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. O’Grady is the “Talk Doc” and president of the Dayton Area Psychological Association, as well as the developer of the TALK TO ME© positive and effective corporate and personal communication training system. Why invest in a process that will improve your communication skills fast, in both personal and work relationships? When you use the tools and strategies detailed in Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, you’ll find that it’s easy to keep your car in the center of Talk Highway, leaving the ditch to those communicators who shout out, “It’s my way or the highway!”

Are you keeping your communication tools sharpened or are they getting a little rusty? I enjoy working as a communication educator with classes of ethical and successful leaders who strive to drive a little bit better on the two-way communicator highway, every single day. We can all learn a thing or three about improving our communication skills. Wouldn’t you agree? Positive and effective communication is the best contribution you can make to those you serve and lead each and every day.

► MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR TALK TOOLS: WHAT TOOL FROM YOUR COMMUNICATION TOOLBOX WILL YOU BE SURE TO TAKE AWAY AND USE BACK HOME?

Are you keeping your communication tools sharpened? Here’s a list of the Best of the Best Communication Tools that were brainstormed by a group of 8 Empathizer leaders and 5 Instigator leaders from Class 10:

▪ If you let a negative attitude become part of your mood, it will become part of your reputation.

▪ The 10% of your employees who have a bad attitude will take up 90% of your energy. Stop letting them. Don’t ignore your positive people.

▪ Treat all employees the same, using the E and I communication knowledge I’ve just learned.

▪ Any attitude, positive or negative, is going to be the deciding factor of your results for that day.

▪ Go the extra mile with people. Build a bridge of trust.

▪ Attitude becomes character.

▪ There is a time to open your mouth and a time to keep it closed, especially when strong emotions are involved.

▪ Take some time to give a little more thanks in “atta boys” and “good jobs,” even if it’s something as small as getting the garbage cans emptied.

▪ Persist in talking to people the better way, not the wrong way.

▪ Practice more empathy. Realize that I have a tough job to do, and the people I ask to do the work, also have a tough job to do.

▪ Position myself in the center of the Communicator Circle and recognize which direction to go.

▪ Be confident in the knowledge of your performance and the professionalism of your actions.

▪ I need to become a student of the definition of “poise.” Take time to become an effective communicator and leader.

Leadership skills and communication go hand in glove!

USE IT (COMMUNICATION SKILLS) OR LOSE IT (PROFITS)

Are you learning something new every day? Grow yourself, grow your people, and your profits will grow. You learn something new each day when you practice new communication tools four minutes a day. Where are your Multi-Million Dollar Talk Tools? Are you keeping your talk tools sharpened? Yes, and you are becoming a better communicator today!

ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS O’GRADY, Psy.D.

Dennis delivers TALK2ME © Effective Communication executive, management and supervisory workshops which provide a Communication Toolbox full of positive communication tools to set people up for success.

He also uses the TALK2ME © system with his private, relationship communications training clients.

Dr. O’Grady is known as the “Talk Doc” since the advent of his positive and effective communication system, TALK2ME ©. He is president of the Dayton Psychological Association, founder of New Insights Communication, and is a clinical professor at the Wright State University School of Professional Psychology. His talk textbook, TALK2ME: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, received the 2008 Axiom Business Book Award Silver Medal.

Please feel free to contact New Insights Communication at (937) 428-0724 to set up a time to speak with Dr. O’Grady. Your questions and inquiries are welcomed.

This could be the high achieving, Instigator-type communicator (I-type) credo: YES, I WANT IT TODAY….IF I’D WANTED IT TOMORROW, I WOULD HAVE ASKED FOR IT YESTERDAY! Does this performance pressure, which is typical of I-types, annoy your team partners at work or co-partner in Love, Inc.? You’re not alone in Oz, Tin Man.

ARE YOU MARKED FRAGILE OR DANGEROUS?

Are you trucking along the two-way expressway serenely, or are you careening out of control? Is your cargo going to make it to its destination in top condition? Empathizers or E-types have FRAGILE marked on their wooden crates or cardboard boxes. Instigators, or I-types, have HAZMATS or DANGEROUS labels pasted on their metal drums. (Fragile people are not packaged well, so they get hurt….) Can you adapt your driving style to match the needs of your cargo?

YES, I WANT IT TODAY…IF I’D WANTED IT TOMORROW, I WOULD HAVE ASKED FOR IT YESTERDAY!

How would you criticize your favorite Instigator communicator? Here’s how a recent Talk2Me© corporate training group did the job.

E-TYPES give these I-TYPE SLAMS:

1. YOU’RE TOO INSENSITIVE. I-types don’t tiptoe, and they step on others’ feet. They don’t think through what they’re going to say, and they don’t take others’ feelings into account.

2. YOU’RE TOO AGGRESSIVE AND OPINIONATED. They have too many opinions, and we don’t want to hear your opinions all the time.

3. YOU’RE TOO INDEPENDENT. I-types try to do everything on their own, and they don’t ask for help, even when it’s necessary. Instead of getting everybody’s ideas, they believe that, “If you want it done right, you have to do it yourself.”

4. YOU’RE TOO IMPATIENT. I-types want results right away. “Yes, I want it today….If I’d wanted it tomorrow, I’d have asked for it yesterday!”

5. YOU’RE AFRAID OF FAILURE. They think failure’s always bad. I-types don’t view failure as an option, because it’s the worst possible outcome. Example – Single’s Life: “I wasn’t rejected; she just chose a different path.”

6. YOU’RE STUBBORN. I-types encounter their vulnerable empathetic or E-nature and then turn into stubborn mules when things don’t turn out as planned. The I-type has this inability to admit defeat instead of admitting that there are many ways to skin a cat. Instigator viewpoint: “There may be many ways of approaching this problem, but what I decide, we’re going to try first.”

7. YOU DISLIKE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM. They think they’re close to perfect: “I’m right and you’re not!” They won’t easily agree with you, no matter how appropriate and advantageous your input. Instigator viewpoint: “I can take criticism; I just may not listen to it…. OK, I’ll listen, but I’ll still do it my way.”

8. YOU DON’T GET MAD – YOU GET EVEN. I-types believe in the actions of retaliation to reprove and repay. They hold grudges. E-type viewpoint: “Life’s too short so just forgive and forget!” I-types don’t get mad; they just get even. Thus, E-types are sulkers, while I-types hold grudges. Key difference: I-types will shoot you on the spot, while E-types will poison you slowly.

9. YOU LIKE CONFLICT. They don’t avoid conflict when conflict isn’t useful. The I-type view: If you avoid conflict, it could lead to bigger problems. The E-type view: I-types don’t feel guilty enough or worry about a thing, and they stir the pot to cause conflict just so they’ll feel important as problem solvers.

10. YOU DO NOT WORRY. Although a lot of people worry, I-types try to find a solution to fix the problem, but they do not worry about things they cannot control. I-type view: E-types make up things to worry about. Example: “E-types will worry about stuff that may not even happen and they’ll take the worst possible outcome to dwell on.” In short, Empathizers are pessimistic worriers, while Instigators are optimistic worriers.

DO YOU HAVE THE RIGHT STUFF AS A COMMUNICATOR?

Let us not be blind to the secret strengths of Instigators, which are admired by Empathizers everywhere. I-types are self-confident, direct, energetic, risk-takers, visionaries, self-starters, results-driven, timely at addressing issues, and they don’t worry much about what they cannot control. These are positive signs of a roadmap to confident communication and better results.

Called on the Carpet. The origin of this phrase goes back to earlier times when carpeting was expensive and quite rare. Oftentimes companies and businesses had just one office that was carpeted – the boss’s office. When the boss wanted to talk with an employee, usually to give him bad news, he’d call him to the office, which was carpeted. Thus when somebody in authority wants to reprimand someone, that person is being called on the carpet.

WILL THE TALK TO ME© COMMUNICATION ROADMAP WORK FOR YOU?

In the words of one top executive of a major regional company which is based in Dayton, “…If we can’t communicate with each other, therein lies many of our problems. It’s all about the customer. Talk To Me© is a communication system that will give you the tools and strategies to communicate better with your peers, your subordinates, your customers, your families. You learn how to listen and how to talk more effectively. Talk To Me© is great, but you can’t really explain it….It just works! As you put the communication tools and strategies that you learn to good use, you set up the work climate for clear communication, thus setting yourself up for success.”

ARE YOU A COMMUNICATION CHAMPION…OR HOW TO TELL WHEN A YOUNG PERSON WILL OWN THE COMPANY ONE FINE DAY

How can you tell when someone will own the company due to their good communication skills? It’s no mystery who uses good communication skills, is it? Simply put, you feel good and better off during and after the verbal interaction. Of course, the communication moves which must be made in order to leave a positive lasting impression, do take a little time and gutsy perseverance when your confidence is shot. But you can be the communication champ you were born to be!

OWNING THE COMPANY BY USING GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS…A CASE STUDY

Here are nine communication moves that Bill, a repairman at a Twiddy vacation resort at the Outer Banks, used with me to on a recent family vacation at OBX. Bill, who is in his twenties, simply talked to me like the communication champ he was born to be. He….

1. SAID HELLO. As I was sitting on my bike in the cul-de-sac, Bill greeted me as he put away some tools from his previous repair job across the street. Bill didn’t keep his nose stuck to the ground or stuck up in the air.

2. INTRODUCED HIMSELF…SHOOK MY HAND. Bill then grinned and turned to me, extending his hand in a friendly way. “I’m Bill. Glad to know you!” he said in an open-minded fashion. Bill took the time to treat others to the same treatment he liked to receive.

3. SHOWED INTEREST IN ME BY ASKING A QUESTION. Bill asked if my wife, three daughters, and I enjoyed the community spirit of this Corolla Light area. Bill didn’t avoid me like the plague because he thought it would cause him extra work.

4. LISTENED TO MY PROBLEM. Bill was a repairman for the company from which our family rented our house. He was just finishing another call when I told Bill our bathroom outlets were out, due to dueling hair dryers, and I couldn’t find the circuit breaker box. Bill didn’t act like I was an idiot when the circuit box was located behind a bedroom door.

5. OFFERED TO FIX MY PROBLEM ASAP. Bill said he could take a look since his last job didn’t take as long as he thought it might. Bill didn’t make me feel ill at ease because I had a problem, but instead he put me at ease.

6. FIXED MY PROBLEM. Bill took the necessary steps to fix my problem without complaining or offering excuses why the job was impossibly taxing. Bill didn’t add to my problems but subtracted from my “to do” list.

7. SMILED BIG. Bill flashed a broad smile to both my teenage daughter and me as we were getting ready to go on our afternoon bicycle ride together. Bill treated everyone close to me with the same courtesy and respect he afforded me.

8. COMPLIMENTED. Bill tipped me with a compliment. “Your voice sounds familiar, like one of the trainers on the self-improvement audio tapes I’ve been listening to.” Bill didn’t keep his positive opinions to himself, creating a “connect” to the benefit and betterment of all.

9. SAID GOOD-BYE. Bill left the Communicator Table and thus closed the communication circle by saying: “Good-bye….I hope you and your family enjoy the rest of your vacation with us. I’m sure you’ll be back soon, and perhaps you can even train our management group.” Bill didn’t think this was an ending of our doing business together…but just a beginning.

Bill made my day a better one. Two dueling hair dryers running on high on a hot Outer Banks (OBX) family summer vacation…blown fuse…you know the drill. I couldn’t find the fuse box in this three-story guest home which sat gazing at the ocean. Enter young person, Bill, whom I vote as much likely to succeed in business due to his people skills and positive communication drills. Are the nine moves above common to your communication practice? Why, or why not?

COMMUNICATION GUTS GALORE…IT’S ALL ABOUT COMMUNICATION

It’s all about communication. Everything boils down to good communication. It all begins and ends with good communication. Although good communication practices are common sense, they are not commonly executed. Do you live in your own world, alone on Introvert Island? Or do you extend your hand…talk out and up…seize the day…and drive away with the new opportunities the day affords you? And what about twenty-something Bill? He will be very successful in his business life because he takes seriously the business of good communication. Now it’s your turn, too.

NINE REASONS WHY A POSITIVE ATTITUDE NEVER KILLED ANYONE

To communicate a positive attitude at work, YOU CAN…

1. Say “hello” to everyone you come into contact with during your day

2. Show interest by asking open-ended questions about the other person’s unique experiences

3. Take the cotton out of your ears, and listen up for a change

4. Offer to fix small problems ASAP…you will be remembered for going the extra mile

5. Smile…big smile…you’re not six feet under the turf, yet

6. Extend your hand and give your first name as if you really do matter (which you do)

7. Subtract, don’t add, stress to a customer’s day

8. Give a sincere compliment….A positive attitude never killed anyone

9. Show respect by saying “good-bye” when you leave the Communicator Table

WHAT MESSAGE DO YOU SEND? ARE YOU CREATING COMMUNICATION FEATS OR COMMUNICATION DEFEATS?

What message do you send to the stranger who is a new customer? Do you send the message that you’re too busy? Too smart for your own good? Too tired and stressed in? Too distracted to solve a customer’s problem? Now, Bill could’ve quipped off the rules and regulations and told me to call the main Twiddy Realty Office to get my repairs done (and I’d have been put off or put on hold for twenty or more minutes…), but he didn’t do that.

He didn’t quote me chapter and verse of stupid rules, but instead he made me feel like I ruled in his corner of the world.

Quite a communication feat? Yes, and no. Simple to do, yes, but simply not done often enough.

Are you creating communication feats or communication defeats? Today, will you act like you own the company you work for?

WILL THE TALK TO ME© SYSTEM WORK FOR YOU?

In the words of one top executive of a major regional company which is based in Dayton, “…If we can’t communicate with each other, therein lies many of our problems. It’s all about the customer. Talk To Me© is a communication system that will give you the tools and strategies to communicate better with your peers, your subordinates, your customers, your families. You learn how to listen and how to talk more effectively. Talk To Me© is great, but you can’t really explain it….It just works! As you put the communication tools and strategies that you learn to good use, you set up the work climate for clear communication, thus setting yourself up for success.” Reports have come in indicating that the talk tools trainees learn are extremely helpful in the home environment as well.

In addition to training executive and site-based managers and supervisors for the above-mentioned regional company, Dennis has also trained smaller managerial groups for an internationally known designer and manufacturer of robotics, and he has trained all employees of a small, local electronics distributorship as well. Talk today with Dr. Dennis O’Grady at 937-428-0724.