Posts in category: LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT

Are you harvesting your entire communication orchard crop? In the Talk2Me© system, half of the field is an orange grove called Instigator communicators, and the other half of the field is an apple orchard called Empathizer communicators. We tend to stay with our own communication type and think our opposite type is a fruit! Hey, both apples and oranges are fruits, you know what I mean? Your opportunity is to pick the ripening fruit from the area of the orchard where you’d ordinarily consider it trespassing if you were to go there!

HOW DO YOU DELIVER QUALITY FEEDBACK TO SENSITIVE TYPES?

How do you deliver quality feedback to sensitive employees or people – the Empathizer communicators? How do you harvest your entire crop instead of sitting on a three-story high pity pot? Recall the sage advice that you can’t compare apples and oranges? Well, that stands true with communication tools or keys that unlock doors to sensitive communicators, too. (No, you don’t have to nurture crap just to get things done.)

Your Empathizer (E-type) apples will prefer this type of feedback to help them feel good and embrace change…

▪ INPUT. Give the E-types the option to have their say and give their input. Don’t be unapproachable.

▪ COOPERATION. Listen to the E-type’s idea to see if it is something you can implement. Let the guy or gal go with it.

▪ STROKE OR PRAISE. Provide a steady diet of praise. Some people want to hear when they’re doing a good job.

▪ THE COMPLIMENT SANDWICH. Combine positives and negatives. Start off with a positive statement, state the negative concern, and then end with another positive statement.

▪ LISTEN/RESPECT/TRUST. Respectful listening builds trust. Listen Up! That’s why God gave you two ears and one mouth. Show respect, and E-types will learn to trust you.

▪ DO NOT CALL THEM NAMES. Talking down (i.e., calling an idea or person “gay,” even in jest) drives fearless motivation into the ground.

▪ SCRAPPY VS. CRAPPY FEEDBACK. I speak up…and you speak up…and no one is drowned out. That’s how you give feedback to E-types!

▪ PRAISE EVERYONE FOR CONTRIBUTIONS. To encourage others to replicate successful strategies, point out the positive results that your team member (spouse, child, friend) is producing. Positive feedback is a guidance system that tells us when we’re on course.

▪ TALK TO PEOPLE. Find out what’s going on in their lives and follow up the next day. Invest yourself in opening up new communication avenues.

▪ CONVEY WORTH. Convey the worth and importance of an employee’s work to the overall operation’s success. This has to be done through genuine praise in little doses.

▪ ENCOURAGE. Encourage the attributes you like to see.

▪ REASSURANCE. E-types can become discouraged during tough times, so let them know they’re not alone.

THE LET’S TALK FIELD OF COMMUNICATION

Do you hang around with or hire those who are like you, to make it easier and communicate better? Instead, let’s harvest the half of the Let’s Talk Field of Communication that you ordinarily wouldn’t touch with a 10-foot ladder. Want to double your communication profits? Now you’ve got the CliffsNotes about how to speedily harvest your apple orchard, also known as Empathizer-type communicators, if you dare to care to.

THE UNKNOWN IS JUST LESS KNOWN TO YOU

Now, don’t start flipping out thinking you’ve got to change a bushel basket full. Not so! The talking point: The unknown isn’t unknown, just less known to you. The four T2M talk quadrants are one-half of the brain, too. Why not use new neural pathways? And remember that your communication toolbox should include blue and orange tools to make your harvest go faster.

ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS O’GRADY, Psy.D.

Dennis delivers Talk2Me© Leadership Communication workshops which provide a Communication Toolbox full of positive communication tools to set people up for success. Dr. O’Grady can be reached at (937) 428-0724 or at www.drogrady.com.

THE SKILL OF INFLUENCING PEOPLE

“To lead is to serve…” clips along international leadership expert and inspiring speaker James Hunter, who hails from Detroit, Michigan. I recently had the privilege and honor of hearing Jim talk to a top flight, leadership group at Dayton Freight Lines, which is a privately held professional trucking company, based in Dayton. (On a personal note, Jim is married to a clinical psychologist, and that makes him a better communicator, by definition!)

QUIPS AND QUOTE-NOTES ON LEADERSHIP GEMS THAT WILL STICK WITH YOU AS YOU GO THROUGH YOUR DAY

EVERYBODY IS A LEADER

Everybody is a leader.
To lead is to serve.
Humility isn’t thinking less of yourself…it’s thinking less about your self.
Any time two or more people are gathered, there is an opportunity for leadership.

WHEN YOU HAVE SOMEBODY’S HEART—THE REST OF THAT PERSON WILL GO WHERE YOU WANT IT TO GO

Are we going to be glad you were here?
Who can get your people to own the mission of the company?
Management has little to do with leadership.
How do you inspire people to action?
Old way: When I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you!
Do you have your people from the neck up? Will your people walk through a wall for you?

IT’S ALL ABOUT PEOPLE AND RELATIONSHIPS…PEOPLE DON’T QUIT THE COMPANY—THEY QUIT THE BOSS

It’s all about people and relationships.
When you treat your employees badly, they will take it out on the customers.
People crave attention more than they crave bread. (Mother Teresa)
To truly be an inspirational leader, you must serve those you lead. (Sam Walton)
People don’t quit the company – they quit the boss.
How you behave affects lives. Would you like to work for you for half your life?
Why is it that I get the whole person when all I’m looking for is a set of hands? (Henry Ford)
When the Gods wish to destroy us, they first give us 30 years of prosperity. (Chinese proverb)

PEOPLE NEED TO BE REMINDED…MORE THAN THEY NEED TO BE INSTRUCTED

All change is not progress…but you can’t progress unless you change.
Nobody became a better leader by reading books or going to class.
People need to be reminded…more than they need to be instructed. (Samuel Johnson)
Treat people the way you want to be treated….Go be the boss you wish your boss would be.…Be the dad you wish your dad would’ve been….Be the co-worker you wish your co-worker would be.
Leadership is identifying and meeting people’s needs.
Everything I need to know I learned in Kindergarten. (Robert Fulgrum)

LEADERSHIP IS SERIOUS MEDDLING IN OTHER PEOPLE’S LIVES

Spend a little time in the prayer closet.
Leadership is serious meddling in other people’s lives. (Max DePree)
A leader has a most powerful influence on those they lead….It is a sacred trust. (John Wooden)
Leadership is influence – nothing more, nothing less. (John Maxwell)
You are leaders serving leaders.
What is leadership? It is an influence process. (Ken Blanchard)

LEADERSHIP IS THE SKILL OF INFLUENCING PEOPLE TO WORK ENTHUSIASTICALLY TOWARD THE COMMON GOOD

Leadership defined: The skill of influencing people to enthusiastically work toward goals, identified as being for the common good, with character that inspires confidence.
You can be a great manager but a horrible leader.
Leadership is a skill, a learned or acquired ability available to every one of you…not something you’re born with or a combination of personality and genetics.
Power: The ability to force or coerce others to do your will, even if they would choose not to, because of your position or might (paraphrase: “Do it or else!”).
You’re either green and growing – or you’re ripe and rotting.
There may be some natural born leaders, but they’re too few to count on.

CAPTURING THE MINDS AND SPIRITS OF OTHERS IS THE HALLMARK OF A GREAT LEADER

Leadership is about that person you are in the dark, when no one is looking. (Dwight Moody)
Just because you can do the job well, doesn’t mean you can inspire others to do the job well.
Capturing the minds and spirits of others is the hallmark of a great leader.
Everybody wants to change the world, but nobody wants to change themselves. (Leo Tolstoy)
When we think we’re thinking, we’re often just rearranging our prejudices. (Edward Murrow)

YOU CAN KNOW ALL ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE LEADERSHIP AND NEVER KNOW IT

You can know all about something (leadership) and never know it!
Can you “get it” from your head…to your heart…to your hands…to your actions in the world?
My wife’s a shrink! You can know all about mental health but not know mental health.
Did anyone ever learn to swim by reading a book?
We spend billions on talk and nobody gets their head and heart and hands into the game.
Leadership is character in action. (Warren Bennis)
99% of leadership failures are failures of character. (Norman Schwarzkoff)

CHARACTER IS DOING THE RIGHT THING ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU DON’T FEEL LIKE IT

Character is doing the right thing, especially when you don’t feel like it.
Character is the glory of being human between the stimulus and the response.
A two-year-old attitude of “Me-first and pooh-on-you!” is really ugly in a 50-year-old.
Talking about change is like putting perfume on a pig.
There ain’t no human beings; there are only humans becoming.
Intentions minus actions equal squat. (Ken Blanchard)
Intentions + Actions = Will

THE ONLY TWO SURE THINGS IN LIFE ARE DEATH…AND CHOICES

The only two sure things in life are death and choices.
The qualities of moral character that enable a person to inspire and influence a group of people successfully. (United States Marine Corps Definition of Leadership)
It ain’t about what you do, boss, it’s all about who you are.
You don’t manage people; you manage your checkbook. You lead people.
Raise the bar to improve morale.
Character means pushing us to be the best in all that we do.
Excellence is inspiring in and of itself. Never dumb down the standards.
Honesty is the #1 thing people want from a leader. You then build trust by being honest.

CREATE A TEAM OF “ALL LEADERS” WITH DIFFERENT RESPONSIBILITIES

Your actions speak so loudly I can no longer hear you.
Dishonesty is avoiding the hassle by not telling the whole truth and by confronting others.
Create a group of “all leaders,” each with different responsibilities.
Give a quality project, on time, and at a reasonable price.
The higher you are in any organization the more personal change is required of you. (Peter Drucker.)

WHEN YOU GET THE LEADERSHIP THING RIGHT…ALL THE REST WILL FALL INTO PLACE

You get the leadership thing right and all the rest will fall into place.
There are no weak platoons – only weak leaders.
Every union drive is about broken relationships.
Everything rises and falls on leadership.
Start with the leadership team and the symptoms of low morale will disappear.
Anyone among you who wishes to be the leader must first be the Servant. If you choose to lead, you must serve. (Jesus Christ)
Authority: The skill of getting people to willingly do your will because of your personal influence. (Paraphrase: “I’ll do it for you.”)

WHEN EVERYONE IS KISSING UP—ALL YOU CAN SEE ARE BUTTS

When everyone is busy kissing up, all you can see are butts.
Seagull Managers: Make a lot of noise, poop on people, eat your lunch, get in the way, and then fly away.
Make sure your people have everything they need to win.
CEOS: Customers/Employees/Owners/Significant Others
Without people, there is no business.
Healthy relationships: Identify and meet needs through good communication.
Power damages relationships.

MY PAY IS MY RIGHT, BUT YOUR PRAISE IS MY GIFT

My pay is my right, but your praise is my gift.
At the core of the human personality is the need to be appreciated and respected. (William James)
There’s nothing more powerful than an idea whose time has come.
HR has spontaneous human combustion when you talk about love.
Act with love. Extend yourself to people, and seek their greater good.
Hugging and spanking is the essence of Servant Leadership.
It’s all about accomplishing tasks while building relationships for the future.
Do you bring to the party the skill of getting results and building good relationships simultaneously?
We hire for character…and train for skills.
Love is the act(s) of extending yourself for others, by identifying and meeting their legitimate needs and seeking their greatest good.
I am my wife’s biggest case.
I’m not asking you to like your people…I’m asking you to love them.
Being in power is like being a lady. If you have to remind people you are – you aren’t. (Margaret Thatcher)
There are no shortcuts to serving.

A GOOD LEADER WALKS THE TALK

PATIENCE: A good leader shows self-control.
KINDNESS: A good leader gives attention, appreciation, and encouragement. (Common courtesy)
HUMILITY: A good leader is authentic, not boastful, arrogant, prideful or “puffed up.”
RESPECTFULNESS: A good leader treats others as important people.
SELFLESSNESS: A good leader meets the legitimate needs of others, as opposed to the wants of others.
FORGIVENESS: A good leader will give up resentment when wronged.
HONESTY: A good leader is free from deceptive behavior.
COMMITMENT: A good leader sticks to the choice(s) you have made.

I’M NOT WHERE I WANT TO BE BUT I’M BETTER THAN I USED TO BE

10% of people will change from the inspiring messages they are constantly hearing.
Healthy tension helps you to grow.
Identify your gaps, and use feedback to further your growth.
If you don’t measure it, you can’t evaluate progress.
If you’re too old to change, you’re too old to lead.
You must be the change you wish to see in the world. (Ghandi)
The only two certainties in life are death…and choices.
What are you going to do differently today?
It’s time we all stop looking for magic dust to be a great leader.

ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS O’GRADY, Psy.D.

Dennis delivers Talk2Me© Leadership Communication workshops which provide a Communication Toolbox full of positive communication tools to set people up for success. Dr. O’Grady can be reached at (937) 428-0724 or at www.drogrady.com.

Servant Leadership corporate speaker and author James Hunter can be reached at http://www.jameshunter.com/index.htm or by calling (734) 692-1771.

DON’T FLIP OUT ABOUT NEEDING TO CHANGE

What’s in your communication toolbox? Why not pick your top list of communication tools, from our Talk2Me training classes, to take along with you to use when the traffic is jammed up on the two-way communication highway? On what tool will you rely most heavily? When you hop into your blue Empathizer or burnt orange Instigator communicator car, what tools are important to carry with you to ensure safe travel?

YOUR SPARE TIRE IN TIMES OF TROUBLE

Much like a spare tire or a GPS device, daily use of your chosen keys for effective communication can save the day when times are tough. Here’s what a recent class of “precision communicators” decided to use:

▪ APPLY GOOD COMMUNICATION TOOLS AT HOME. Use good communication 24/7 at home and work. I don’t want to take anyone for granted, because being unhappy at home carries over to being less productive and less positive at work. Turn the headlights on during dark times, and bring everything full circle.

▪ COMPLIMENT PEOPLE. Compliment people more than I do, and I won’t always assume other people know how good a job they do.

▪ LISTEN WITHOUT AN AGENDA. I’m going to really listen and not listen with an agenda. I’m going to start really thinking about what the other person is really saying. Then you can figure out the core of the problem and solve it.

▪ APPLY IT…YOU’LL LIKE IT. Apply what works for you to better communicate. If I don’t buy into the T2M program and use all of the tools, then nobody else will, and everything will stay the same.

▪ GENUINE RELATIONSHIPS. I’m learning to utilize the different ways to communicate with Empathizers and Instigators and work on that to build a better and genuine relationship with each person. That’s the only way we both can reliably get something productive out of the interchange.

▪ ACCESSIBILITY. I’m becoming more available and accessible, and I’m listening more. I’ll listen to what my crew and family are actually saying. Don’t just wait until they’re quiet to jump into the fray.

▪ BE WHO YOU ARE. Be genuine instead of fake. If you are a good listener and have the traits of a leader, just feel free to be who you are, and it will all fall into place.

▪ USE THE COMPLIMENT SANDWICH. The one thing I’m going to mainly focus on is “The Compliment Sandwich,” which I feel will get me lots of results. When I must criticize, I’ll try to lead with a positive and insert the negative in the middle and end with a positive (+/-/+). Instead of only dishing out constant negatives, compliments will speed up results.

▪ GAIN RESPECT AND TRUST. Listening is gaining respect and trust. All communication begins with building bridges of trustworthy communication. Listen to the type of talker and apply-apply-apply good talk tools.

▪ TAKE TIME TO SIT DOWN AND TALK. It all starts with making yourself accessible. A classic example is taking the time to sit down with everyone. Make yourself open and available to begin talking around the Communication Table.

RULE OF THE ROAD

Don’t flip out about needing to change. We’re not really CHANGING…we’re simply ADDING tools to your tool box. You don’t have to change but do add new tools to use to make life better for you and yours.

ABOUT “TALK DOC” COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the “Talk Doc” and president of the Dayton Area Psychological Association, as well as the developer of the TALK TO ME© positive and effective corporate communication training system. Why invest in a process that will improve your communication skills fast, in both personal and work relationships? When you use the tools and strategies detailed in Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, you’ll find that it’s easy to keep your car in the center of Talk Highway, leaving the ditch to those communicators who shout out “It’s my way or the highway!”

Imagine a group of high I.Q. Leaders sitting around the Communicator Table, using the strengths from both sides of Talk Boulevard. Poke a little fun by calling them Talk Docs, or Doctors Of Communication, or DOCS for short. Put them through a bunch of intensive daylong training modules in the Talk2Me© positive and effective communication system…and what do you have? Smart people who don’t live in their isolated caves on Introvert Island, that’s what. Hey, no man (or woman) is a rock or an island, who feels no pain or never cries, Paul Simon!

CLASS 7, MILLION DOLLAR TALK TOOLS LEADERSHIP WISDOM—

Knowledge is power minus action. Thus, “knowing what to do” is different from actually “doing what works.” Thus, you can be a big brain who gets little done. Here are “tiebacks” to the world of real communication, with which smart communicators wisely relate and apply….

1. WHEN TALKING WITH OPPOSITE COMMUNICATOR TYPES, TRY TO EMULATE THEIR POSITIVE TRAITS

2. BE A RISK-TAKER

3. A FEW MINUTES OF MY DISCOMFORT CAN MEAN A LIFETIME OF COMFORT FOR SOMEONE ELSE

4. IN ORDER TO GET OFF MY ISLAND, I NEED TO BE MORE DIRECT…NOT WORRY SO MUCH…AND BE WILLING TO TAKE MORE RISKS

5. LEARN TO SPEAK IN CLEAR TERMS…DON’T EXPECT OR ASSUME THAT OTHERS WILL KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TRYING TO SAY

6. LEARN HOW TO USE THE GOOD TRAITS OF INSTIGATORS AND EMPATHIZERS, INSTEAD OF THE NEGATIVES

7. EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATORS WILL GET OFF THEIR PARADISE ISLAND BEFORE DISASTER OCCURS

E-SIDE OF TALK STREET VS. I-SIDE OF TALK STREET

Each two-sided gold coin of shiny communication wisdom was accounted for around the “real life, we’re all on the fly” Communicator Table one fine DFL day. (Instigator wisdom here are the “odd numbers,” and Empathizer wisdom the “even numbers.”) Do you walk on both sides of Talk Street, using the strengths and talents of your opposite communicator type? I’ll bet you do, or your get up and go would have got up and went!

LEADERSHIP STYLES

What makes a good leader great? Do we burn those sensitive Empathizer communicators at the stake?

Better not, because E-types know the solutions to vexing problems, light the way ahead, have radar that, when not all gunked up, gets us all down the two-way communicator highway, better off instead of blasted apart.

Why are I-types such good leaders? They know a thing or three about confidence, respect, crisis management, taking risks, seizing the opportunity, and motivating team members to pull the wagon harder.

Use the best of both styles to achieve Peak Communication Performance.

ABOUT “TALK DOC” COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the “Talk Doc” and president of the Dayton Area Psychological Association, as well as the developer of the TALK TO ME© positive and effective corporate communication training system. Why invest in a process that will improve your communication skills fast, in both personal and work relationships? When you use the tools and strategies detailed in Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, you’ll find that it’s easy to keep your car in the center of Talk Highway, leaving the ditch to those communicators who shout out “It’s my way or the highway!”

A MULTIDIMENSIONAL WARRIOR

What are top picks for a positive attitude set for top sales people? In the Talk2Me© positive and effective communication system, top sales people continually venture outside of their comfort zones. They don’t criticize what everyone else is doing, or failing to do, instead getting on down the road of two-way communication that consistently yields results and boosts energy especially when you hit roadblocks or have setbacks. Picking top sales people is an intuitive art and logical science.

TOP LEADERSHIP COMMUNICATION SKILLS FOR SALES PEOPLE

Top sales people are in the driver’s seat of their own professional and personal life by using these 6 strengths of a realistically positive attitude:

ATTITUDE #1: A SELF-STARTER
Top sales people are self-starters who are alert and organized, confidently going into the unknown, to pick the new fruit of old opportunities. They don’t get to the end of their driveway in the morning feeling indecisive about whether to turn left of right.

ATTITUDE #2: A QUIET AGGRESSIVENESS
Top sales people have a lean competitive streak in them. They are willing to work hard to accomplish results by using their multidimensional talents. They don’t suck up to the manager, which is a low trust indicator.

ATTITUDE #3: A STRAIGHT SHOOTER
Top sales people don’t exaggerate and tell you straight about suggestions to do things differently and better. They don’t manipulate others by keeping them close to avoid hearing needed negative feedback.

ATTITUDE #4: OFFERS IDEAS AND FIXES
Top sales people are new idea generators and can take criticism all day long, but don’t become chronic complainers. They don’t quit and are passionate about finding answers to your business problems.

ATTITUDE #5: GO WHERE FEW DARE TO GO
Top sales people harvest the entire field knowing that differences enrich us all. They don’t avoid half of the field that includes potential customers of an opposite communicator type who are difficult to build rapport with.

ATTITUDE #6: A COMPLEX COMMUNICATOR WITHOUT A COMPLEX
Top sales people know that communication is everything, and that many personalities and influences flow together or impede the sales process. They don’t shirk from living on the edge of stress every day … the edge of fatigue … the edge of changing trends and peoplescapes.

Top sales people are “multidimensional communication warriors.” They’re using the strengths equally of sensitive Empathizer-type and insensitive Instigator-type communicators. Thus, E-types become more ME-types and I-types become more WE-types.

SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY SOMETHING CLICKED INSIDE OF ME AND I FEEL LIKE A TOTALLY NEW PERSON

This 39-year-old Empathizer male communications client had this to say after 5 sales leadership training sessions in the Talk2Me© system:

I really need to thank you. Somewhere along the way something clicked inside of me and I feel like a totally new person. I could go on and on. My joy is back and happiness follows and my negative thinking has almost totally disappeared. If something comes after me negative, I’ve figured out how to turn it positive. My emotions are powerful and I’m getting compliments at work to “keep doing what you’re doing because it’s working.” The issues that brought me here are no longer an issue. I’ve totally released and let go of what I can’t control. I just really want to thank you for doing what I came here to accomplish. You’ve given me great tools. I’m responsible to use them and it’s up to me to use tools that work. This is stuff I always knew within me but the fear of changing kept me from doing. I’ve applied the T2M tools in a frame of mind of wanting to move along instead of feeling tired or defeated.

STOP PUSHING AGAINST THE RIVER

So stop pushing hard against the river of opportunity … quit paddling backwards against the flow of communication … flow with the force of the river to go downriver and net results as big as your biggest dreams. Your life starts today! After all, you are a multidimensional communication warrior!

A MULTIDIMENSIONAL WARRIOR

You are a warrior when you come home through the door exhausted. What’s needed in the top sales professional? A good personality … highly motivated … positive energy … ability to juggle 100 plates on long sticks … shrugging off rejection like water off a duck’s back … and still smile. It’s multidimensional selling at its best.

WHO IS “TALK DOC” DENNIS O’GRADY?

Dennis E. O’Grady, Psy.D., is a Dayton communications psychologist and relationship communications coach. Dennis wears two hats, one of corporate trainer in leadership communication skills, and the other as a couple communications expert. The Talk2Me system bridges communications gaps and helps resolve family conflicts. Dr. O’Grady’s mission is to give you tools to use to improve the quality of your life. Dennis is the author of Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone. www.drogrady.com.