Posts in category: LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT

IS SUCCESS AS SIMPLE AS HANGING THE BROOMS AND SHOVELS?

Is success as simple as hanging the brooms and shovels where they’re supposed to go? Is it finding out what works well and doing it over and over again, instead of doing what doesn’t work over and over again? Right you are on both counts. A best practice in communications psychology is to ask top-performing leaders how they get such good results, so those same results can be duplicated by others. In short, when the novice does what works for the master, lo and behold, the novice gets good results, too.

5 COMMUNICATION BEACONS FROM A TOP FLIGHT INSTIGATOR LEADER

After a recent corporate training session, I asked one of the participants, a long-standing, peak-performing Individual Quality (I.Q.) Leader of a growing business in the area, for his Top 5 Leadership Commandments for Good Communication. Here’s his formula for success which you, too, can use…

5 Positive Attitude Beacons from a Top Gun Communication Flight Master:

1. KNOW WHO YOU ARE. Don’t try to be everything to everybody. Find out what you do well and what you like to do, then do those things a whole lot.

2. ACCOUNTABILITY. Each of us is accountable and has a boss to be accountable to. We’re expected to perform those functions assigned.

3. WORK ETHIC. You are paid to produce positive results.

4. DISCIPLINE. Do it the right way – the same right way – over and over and over again.

5. A SENSE OF TEAM. No matter what function or role you perform at the workplace, we’re just people…and just because I have a different job than you, doesn’t mean I am better than you.

In short, if you embrace your role in the company and strive every day to become a little better at it, we will have success, and, at the same time, set everyone up for success.

ARE YOU A TOP COMMUNICATOR?

What 5 attitudes do you use to navigate your success? Top communicators don’t allow their communication to come out of the blue, dropping out of thin air and confusing others like a spinning gyroscope that drives everyone batty….

Sandwich. The fourth Earl of Sandwich was John Montagu, and he engaged often in his favorite pastime, gambling. Any time he was able to take a seat in a game, he would. During his playing times, he didn’t want to leave the gaming table to take the time to eat formally at the dining table. Instead, he ordered his servants to give him a slice of roast beef between two pieces of bread so he could eat while he played. Because this sandwich was portable and needed no utensils, it became widely incorporated into the daily lives of those who were short on time or who found it difficult to be at home for every meal. The Earl of Sandwich may not have been the first to come up with the idea of a sandwich, but he was the first to use it in public…often.

WHO IS “TALK DOC” DENNIS O’GRADY?

Dennis E. O’Grady, Psy.D., is a Dayton communications psychologist and relationship communications coach. Dennis wears two hats, one of corporate trainer in leadership communication skills, and the other as a couple communications expert. The Talk2Me system bridges communications gaps and helps resolve family conflicts. Dr. O’Grady’s mission is to give you tools to use to improve the quality of your life. Dennis is the author of Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone.

AVOID LOOKING LIKE A GOOF BALL

Last time I told you that movie hero Rocky Balboa was an Empathizer-type communicator. In the Talk to Me© leadership communication system, he would be a “Seer.” He went to war with Apollo Creed for the Heavyweight Boxing Championship. As you’ve learned, whom you box with in real life is typically your opposite communicator type. I’ve also taught that you should walk in the shoes of your opposite talk type. Are there characteristics which tell you that boisterous and flamboyant top dog Apollo Creed was an Instigator communicator? You tell me….

DO YOU EAT NAILS FOR BREAKFAST?

Instigator-type communicators don’t mind a good fight or conflict. They are strong-willed, eat nails for breakfast, and fart thunder. I-types can’t stand losing, much less losing face, and they want to win big and look good while doing it. When criticized harshly, they will work harder and smarter to be the one in the right. Situations that worry most people roll off the backs of Instigators like water off a duck.

I-type talk-traits which Apollo demonstrated:

…Lived life with fiery passion – and an occasional flare-up
…Easily accepted that he was the greatest champion
…Turned bad news into an opportunity
…Snatched success out of the jaws of defeat
…Came up with the promotional idea of using a local talent
…Bragged comfortably
…Got lost in the marketing and didn’t see that Rocky had nothing to lose
…Surrounded himself with very talented people who could deliver what he needed
…Saw the map ahead which would solve his problems
…Made a memorable spectacle of the whole thing, with fancy costumes and all
…Confident – ever confident
…Never going to give up or quit
…Believed in justice and fairness for all

ARE YOU AN INSTIGATOR-TALK BOXER?

If you are an Instigator communicator, these traits will fit you like a hand in a boxing glove when you’re in the ring with your talk opponent:

• You need R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

• You default to anger when vulnerable.

• Tough feedback is easier to give than to take.

• Getting past the past is your way to make peace, not war.

• Reaching a friendly compromise is a challenge, when you are hurting.

• An Achilles heel for you, however, is that when the red flag of anger is flying, logic flies right out the door.

• Rogues or toxic communicators, psychodrama, and making a mountain out of a molehill drain your physical energy battery.

• When stressed, you forget that being right and winning is not the same as being loving and compromising.

• You are for doing less of what isn’t working.

• You recommend a cooling off period before attempting problem-solving, when the bridge of trust has been weakened.

• Although proud, you can admit to making mistakes.

• You are a role model for how to get down to business and not beat around the bush.

• You tend to be loyal to people who produce the results you seek.

To avoid looking like a goof ball, use your strengths, and your co-communicator’s strengths, for the good of all.

ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the new Talk Doc in town, a corporate consultant, team trainer, and the insightful, original developer and researcher of the Talk to Me© positive and effective communication system. T2Me has been successfully implemented in multi-generational family companies and couples communication training.

IN THIS CORNER…ROCKY BALBOA

Remember when you watched and felt the first punch of the original Rocky movie, starring Sylvester Stallone? And what about the music from that muscle-pumping soundtrack… ♫da-da-dah♪… ♫da-da-dah♪ … ♪da-dum …♫da-da-dum♪-dum-dum …. It still makes me want to punch bags, do sit-ups, sprint up hundreds of steps, and leap up-and-down in celebration! I enjoyed watching this classic with my wife and daughters recently.

Do you recall the story line? In one corner of the ring is Apollo Creed, the heavyweight boxing champion of the world, who is, at the moment, in a pinch for a payday. The other corner was occupied by a Philly Italian underdog boxer named Rocky, who had nothing to lose and who trained by breaking the ribs of slabs of beef hanging in a meat freezer.

Each man was a skilled, thriller fighter. Could it be that Rocky was an Empathizer-type communicator, in the Talk To Me© system, who was known for being super-sensitively tuned-in, as my wife suggested? Adrian! And what about idea-man Apollo Creed, whose promotional genius saved the day? Here comes a left jab…you tell me. Rocky was an Empathizer, but how do I know?

CHARACTERISTICS THAT EXPLAIN WHY UNDERDOG ROCKY WAS AN EMPATHIZER COMMUNICATOR

Although Empathizer-type communicators have guts that don’t quit, and they possess “jerk radar,” they can also be saps and neglectful about sharpening their talent tools. E-types don’t want to stand out and risk falling down. (In fact, when slammed or shunned, E-types shut down and disappear on you.)

E-type talk-traits that Rocky demonstrated…

…Sensitively talked to his two turtles, Cuff and Link
…Dreamed big but thought small
…Put a great deal of thought into joking with Adrian at the pet store, to gain her favor
…Although he felt slighted, he avoided conflict with his gym manager
…Procrastinated working out at the gym and lost his locker
…Intuited that although Adrian was shy, she was a beautiful woman, inside and out
…Couldn’t bring himself to break the thumbs of a client who owed the loan shark cash
…Kept forgiving Adrian’s brother, when he was an “anger alcoholic” repeatedly
…Had difficulty believing in his natural born boxing talents
…Really valued talking to everyone on the street and being in relationships with people

Rocky always empathized and connected with people and creatures of all kinds. He was muscled, big and rough, and tough spoken, but he had a soft heart of bright gold.

ARE YOUR TALENTS SHUFFLED AROUND BY OTHER PEOPLE?

Empathizers can lose track of who they are, which results in a forfeiture of confidence. Rocky set his goal to go more than three rounds and still be standing at the end. The fight ended in a tie, so he got his wish. Are you in an invisible boxing ring or cage, feeling as though you’re being shuffled around, causing you to get off track and unable to reach your goals, my dear Empathizer communicators? Don’t let anyone, anyhow, anyway toss you into the backseat of your life or throw you out of your communicator car!

ARE YOU AN EMPATHIZER-TALK BOXER?

If you are an Empathizer communicator, these traits will fit you like a hand in a boxing glove:

• You tell the truth and listen more than talk, to really know what’s really going on.

• You dislike, “I know best…” or “I’m right and you’re wrong…” extremism.

• You care about people, not just about their money, so you can sleep at night.

• You may not have book-smarts, but you do have street-smarts. Unlike many people, you actually learn from life.

• You are able to predict which strategies will fly or fail, based on your uncanny ability to look into your crystal ball and see the future.

• An Achilles heel for you, however, is that you get your knuckles bloodied, trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.

• You are able to command great respect and loyalty, not only because you put your customers’ needs first, but also because you genuinely care about their satisfaction as well as their frustration, over the long haul on the two-way communication highway.

• You have uncanny relationship savvy.

• You are opposed to doing more of what isn’t working.

• You have irreplaceable wisdom, earned through painful experiences.

• Although humble, you do know best.

• You are a role model for how to get along with anyone.

• You tend to stay loyal to people who aren’t being loyal to you, to the company, or to the project.

What about the communicator type of Apollo Creed? Where does he fit into the scheme of things…? Stay tuned for the next round of good communication in the Friday Talk News.

ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the new Talk Doc in town, a corporate consultant, team trainer, and the insightful, original developer and researcher of the Talk to Me© positive and effective communication system. T2Me has been successfully implemented in multi-generational family companies and couples communication training.

WHY BURN YOUR BRIDGES?

You’re on a communication quest to get along better with your leader manager. Although things are strained between the two of you, you realize that whatever you seek, you can have. You are a visionary. You can envision where things need to be in the future, and you can conceptualize how to go about getting there. You do, however, need the help of others who are committed to you and your “big vision” of change. How do you conduct yourself as a follower and/or a leader of people? Do you manage people with hands-on involvement, just as you know people would like? Below is a three-step Talk To Me© leadership communication exercise that will make you and your people want to take action in spite of any silly fear of failure.

I. WHAT KIND OF COMMUNICATION QUEST ARE YOU ON WITH YOUR LEADER MANAGER?

What kind of relationship would you like to co-create with your boss or manager? What open doors of communication would you like between yourself and your manager, or between you and upper supervisory or upper management in general? One trainee told me, “I would like communication between my manager and myself such that we can truly work as a team instead of as two separate people. That way we both understand our places and know what’s going on.” O.K. then…let’s explore the specific footwork of the talk tool which will facilitate that objective.

II. WHAT DO I WANT TO GET OUT OF THE COMMUNICATION WITH MY MANAGER?

Make a list of what outcomes you would consider to be indicative of a positive relationship with your manager. Here is one of my real-world Instigator-type trainee’s “The type of positive relationship I’d like with my manager is….” list:

1. Open criticism. Ask why I completed a task a specific way, or give me feedback I can learn from. This goes further than telling a person they’re wrong to do it the way it was done.

2. A good leader gives direction. If you need for me to do something, tell me. Give me specific steps and instructions about how to do it. I want to do it the way you would like for me to do it.

3. Confront when something’s wrong. Ask open-ended questions and just talk about the project. Ask why we can’t do it a different way, if that process would work better.

4. Let me (and everyone) know about changes. Don’t make me find out in a meeting that there’s something I’ve done wrong. Tell me about changes so I’m not shocked by hearing it from a customer or agonized by what I don’t know.

5. Training. You have to teach and train someone to perform the desired behavior correctly. Don’t throw someone into a deep lake and tell them to swim. Keep lines of communication open, and don’t make me feel like a dumbbell.

6. Demonstrating how things are to be done. As an experienced leader or mentor, role model what you want to see in me.

7. Tell me what’s going on for the day. To start the day, give me a brief overview of what needs to be completed before the end of the day.

Be the powerful communicator you are today…without embarrassment.

III. HOW WOULD I HAVE DONE IT DIFFERENTLY?

Can you list examples of open-door or two-way communication that makes no one feel inferior, lazy, or stupid? Make a list of 7 or so items, just for kicks. Directive Questions are a big part of the Talk to Me© system, not telling people what to do. It’s listening and repeating before sounding off, so everyone stands a better chance of being on the same page. Asking directive questions doesn’t come across bossy….

1. What do you have going on?
2. Could you do this?
3. Why did you do it that way?
4. Do you think this will work?
5. What are your thoughts on this?
6. How would you do this?
7. Is there something that could have been done differently?

Don’t make anyone feel lower than you. Don’t give anyone the impression that, “Hey, get off my back, because it’s not my job to help fix or to fix that.” A closed mind creates a bad mood, which is like a tar baby — you can get more stuck in the tar, or bad mood, the harder you fight against it.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO A COMMUNICATION EXPERIMENT?

Answer these three questions to fulfill your communication quest to become a better communicator:

1. WHAT IS MY COMMUNICATION QUEST WITH MY MANAGER? Example: Give my manager/boss a daily task list to which I plan to commit and accomplish.

2. WHAT 7 THINGS DO I WANT OUT OF THE COMMUNICATION WITH MY MANAGER? Example: I’ll better my communication skills by talking openly about what has to be done, and what barriers may come up that I’ll need to address.

3. LIST 7 EXAMPLES OF OPEN DOOR COMMUNICATION? Example: I’ll ask my boss to prioritize my list of the day’s projects or activities, or I’ll ask specifically what I should do.

You are in the driver’s seat of your communication life, aren’t you? I know you can’t control everything, but you can control what comes out of your mouth. And, remember to keep using your “Multi-Million Dollar Talk Tools” every single day that you are brave enough to show up for the work of good communication!

ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the new Talk Doc in town, a corporate consultant, team trainer, and the insightful, original developer and researcher of the Talk to Me© positive and effective communication system. T2Me has been successfully implemented in a “top down” fashion in companies which know that communication is the best investment in the development of people skills, if you want to guarantee positive results. Dennis is president of the Dayton Psychological Association as well as a clinical professor at the Wright State University School of Professional Psychology. His “Talk Textbook” received The 2008 Axiom Business Book Award silver medal. Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone, is available at Amazon. Not much time to read? Quick reads on Dennis’s communication approach are available at no charge at www.drogrady.com.

MAKE A CORRECTION IN DIRECTION

How feedback is given can make you dance or make you depressed, can’t it? Delivering quality feedback is one key to good communication. So…would you like to know how to get more work completed by employees in the same amount of time? Would you register your supervisees for communications training if their work output were to increase by 50% as a result of better communication? And, what if everyone in the team canoe was having more fun to boot? Heaven’s to Betsy…of course you would drive in positive talk lanes that solve persistent problems. And how? Well, that’s just what happens when you intentionally use the Talk to Me© positive and effective communication system. Gone will be the days of hearing, “I feel like I’ve been thrown under the bus again!”

E-TYPE OUTPUT: I’M TRYING TO KEEP MY TIRES MOVING

Do you know the communication type of your talk partner? It’s the Golden Rule of Good Communication. Why? Production can fall off as much as 50% when Empathizers feel put down or are having a bad week. (Instigators lose their edge, too.) Here’s the sensitive viewpoint of a loyal-to-a-fault Empathizer (E-type) employee, who feels her Instigator (I-type) boss is simply too pushy.

I’m feeling overwhelmed. I feel like I’m juggling more than a few things right now. My Instigator boss hits me emotionally. She is pretty dominating, bold, opinionated, very public, won’t back down, and has insecurities and too much pride. Trouble spots? I’m trying to keep my tires moving, but I could start grinding down to a halt at any time. I feel the cogs cranking a little slower. I’m starting to feel weighed down, and I’m beginning to blame other people. I-types move so fast, and, as an E-type, I just can’t keep up with them. I-types don’t seem to feel much; they are like programmed robots, giving you results while setting aside emotional stuff. I need to be able to disconnect from my emotions, just like I-types do. The more things pile up, the more overwhelmed I feel. I need to form a plan and delegate tasks, like an Instigator does.

I-types are experts at setting aside “emotional stuff” to get results. The above example shows how E-types, be they male or female, can become emotionally flooded during stress-centered times. With Talk to Me© training, everything changes as everyone adopts a new point of view.

THE SILENT TALK TRAGEDY

Without ever realizing it, Instigator supervisors and managers behave like the proverbial Hare, running over (or past) their slower-moving Empathizer supervisees and employees. Here’s what ignorance of your communicator type, and the type of your co-communicator, costs you in missed opportunities that may not come knocking on your door again:

1. Unintended frustration mounts

2. Motivation declines

3. Complaining increases

4. Mistakes are repeated

5. Good results don’t stick

6. A dog vs. cat power clash

7. Empathizer employees will shut down, shut up, and duck behind walls

8. Instigator managers will listen less, shout more, and charge the walls

9. Results are lackluster

End motivational result: I-types then will have to go to the back of the E-type line. Why? The E-type will secretly feel “thrown under the bus” by the I-type! Instead of alienating your opposite talk type, wouldn’t you like to learn how to work cooperatively within that opposite viewpoint, to the benefit of all concerned?

BENEFITS OF BETTER COMMUNICATION BETWEEN THE OPPOSITE TALK TYPES OF INSTIGATORS AND EMPATHIZERS…or…HOW TO AVOID COLOSSAL COLLISIONS THAT STRIP DOWN MOTIVATION, ON TALK HIGHWAY

My dear I-types: Can you walk softly in the beautiful blue suede shoes of the sensitive E-type communicator and just carry a big talk stick? Or do you wear your favorite Army boots when you’re talk dancing with the “too sensitive” one? What positives you will accrue as an Instigator leader, when you flexibly adjust to the preferred talk style of your Empathizer employee:

1. You won’t tick off the very people who click off the items on your “to do” list

2. Grudges of which you are unaware will stop growing

3. The bridge of trust will be buttressed instead of blown up

4. There will be extra efforts behind the scenes to satisfy customers

5. There will not be the “spinning top” or unnecessary distractions of anxiety, anger, and energy drain

6. Good ideas and solutions will be placed on the Communicator Table into the light of change

7. You will keep your best people and lose your losers

8. Troubled talk waters will once again be calm and glassy

Bridge Over Troubled Water: Collisions on Talk Highway strip down motivation. Why let your employees suffer from lost aspiration to achieve goals? What could you do with 50% greater work output in the same time period, without strain or drain? How much would that be worth to you? Lots of money and even more peace of mind would be my guess. Let’s end our collective ignorance. Did you believe me when I said “…production can fall off as much as 50% when Empathizers feel put off their emotional game?!” Should you help your employees build and maintain a bridge over the rushing waters of miscommunication?

DO YOU FEEL AS THOUGH YOU’VE BEEN THROWN UNDER THE BUS?

Yeah, we’re only human, and it hurts when you or I get our toes stepped on. But, my dear I-Leader, why can’t you talk to me in the talk style that I prefer, so that I will go the extra mile and smile for you when the chips are down? Well, you CAN, when you’re no longer ignorant of the Empathizer vs. Instigator motivational preferences. Here’s how a positive Instigator can turn on the light of a positive Empathizer:

The Instigator communication leader should:

1. Take time to warm up the communicator car engine

2. Not speed off, screeching your tires, if you don’t instantly get your way

3. Groom the texture and tone of the conversation…everyone sits in the front seat

4. Not approach boldly and interrupt gruffly or callously in a demanding tone of voice…don’t give directions unless asked

5. Use “ask talk” instead of “tough talk” to get things done quicker…don’t be a backseat driver

6. Make it sound like hardly anything you touch is an “urgent emergency”…the journey is more important than the destination

7. Not be a dictator but engage in dialogue…enjoy talking as you ride…relax and enjoy the trip of a lifetime

8. “Just take a talk minute” and discover the personal life of the person…nourish connecting instead of disconnecting

9. Show generous vs. stingy signs of regular verbal appreciation…you don’t have to like the long drive to enjoy the ride

Why not take time to talk? I-types are performance-driven and are constantly judging the self against the list of goals and objectives accomplished in the least amount of time. Thus, to I-types at work it’s nothing personal…it’s only performance-driven. But, you already knew that!

DON’T YOU STEP ON MY BLUE SUEDE SHOES!

Elvis is still alive and well — a living legend in many minds. In my case, I’ve sung “Don’t You Step On My Blue Suede Shoes” to my three daughters as they were growing up, until each girl split a grin groaning! But be careful where you step. If you step, or worse, if you stomp on the blue suede shoes of an Empathizer communicator, you may make an enemy for life without fully realizing why. And that’s a cryin’ shame, because our beloved E-types are the workhorses who pull a wagon load along for our companies, organizations, and families.

The Rule of Motivation: What could you do or say when you accidentally step on the toes of your fellow Empathizer talk dancer and partner, knowing the mishap would predictably result in a 50% reduction of positive energy, productivity, or output?

ABOUT RELATIONSHIP COMMUNICATIONS COACH, CORPORATE TRAINER, AND COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the “Talk Doc” and president of the Dayton Area Psychological Association, as well as the developer of the TALK TO ME© positive and effective communication system. Why invest in a process that will improve your communication skills fast, in both personal and work relationships? Why waste time alienating people and prolonging the effort to reach a common goal, when you can use good communication strategies which pay extraordinary dividends! When you use the tools and strategies detailed in Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, you’ll find that it’s easy to keep your car in the center of Talk Highway, leaving the ditch to those communicators who play the lame Blame Game.