Posts in category: MANAGE MOOD

GIVEUPITIS: LITTLE PERSONAL CHANGES MAKE A HUGE DIFFERENCE

Here’s how to help cure depression, or a depressive relationship, by using the healing power of positive thinking:

1. Give up grumbling when your “opportunity clock” goes off in the morning
2. Give up scaring yourself with “WHAT IF” obsessing that these and these and these bad things will happen to me when…”
3. Give up focusing on what you don’t have and instead focus on what you would like to have happen TO/BY YOU for a change
4. Give up whacking yourself 20 lashes with a wet noodle for “ALWAYS failing”
5. Give up being so damn NICE all the time…set some limits
6. Give up telling mean people what they want to hear…tell the truth
7. Give up getting even, or punishing yourself, which puts you behind
8. Give up any past programmed memory that runs your present day
9. Give up surrounding yourself with takers and losers
   
10. Give up trying to change others who WON’T (not “can’t”) change

Stop waiting for the prince or princess to arrive, the magical amulet to give you special powers, the big financial windfall, the “quick fix” easy diet, the PURRfect romantic partner who has no baggage or a life situation that won’t splinter your heart when you give to life all you’ve got.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a Dayton, Ohio, communications consulting psychologist and the author of TALK TO ME

ARE YOU WAITING FOR THE MAGIC PILL, CURE OR SILVER BULLET?

Always feel in a down mood…in a slump? Is your mood like a speeding roller coaster taking you to places you’d rather NOT go? Have you “given up” trying to get to alter your mood without drugs or chemicals? Hope is here!

LIFE’S SUPREMELY FAIR?

There’s no magic pill for the cure of depression–and shouldn’t be. True, about one-third of the people I see for “talk therapy” and who suffer from the “blahs and blues” take anti-depressants to give them a helping hand, sometimes for a longer time than they care to. But pills aren’t magic, and they have real-life consequences, such as weight gain and reduced libido or sex drive.

My point is this one: WHAT IF a great deal of the blues normal people like you feel might simply be caused by your depressive attitudes?

WHY I HAVE GIVEN UP ‘GIVING UP’!

What if a negative attitude, the flu-like equivalent of GIVEUPITIS, might make or break what you DO today…not just how you FEEL or your mood?

I know, I know. If only I knew the troubles you’ve seen…I’d give up, too. Well, I have seen plenty of troubles and I do give up from time to time, and giving up doesn’t work except to make me sullen and sulky. I hate quitters…especially ME when negativity has become my middle name instead of change.

SURF THE STRESS WAVE

And no, I’m not entering the keen debate about whether there’s a growing overuse of powerful anti-depressants, anti-anxiety drugs or antipsychotics with our kids/adults as discussed today in USA TODAY. I’m just saying that an optimistic vs. pessimistic attitude is proven to have a direct impact on physical health and mental health.

Instead, up your chances to take a ride to places you want to go. You and I, people, CAN change and overcome great odds.

Say with me now: I HAVE GIVEN UP ‘GIVING UP’!

ABOUT TALK TO ME

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a professional keynote speaker from Dayton, Ohio. He is also the author of three books that deal with change management, mood management, relationship relaxation and positive and effective communication skills. Dennis is the author of “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone.” As a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist, he has spent more than 30 years helping himself and others out of depression and into “being a leader of your own life.” Has someone taken a straw and sucked the life out of you? Then order a copy of “Talk to Me” from this site to experience a quick boost in your energy. If you don’t experience feeling better fast…your money will be completely refunded to you with no questions asked. In the meantime, do a few of those “little things” that you know will work to “add energy” to your life. After all, suffering isn’t your communication style at all! Also, in an accompanying article, I will tell you how your experience of depression and what does and doesn’t work for treating depressive issues significantly varies depending upon whether you are an Empathizer-type communicator or an Instigator-type communicator.

What To do When You’re Fed Up With Being Down
It’s NOT so hard to change hardening of the attitudes.

When you’re fed up with feeling down, there are ways that you can talk to yourself that will build back up your confidence. But nothing kills progress or open communication faster than close-minded attitudes that box a person into a comfortable or so-called secure “known zone” that is both stifling and claustrophobic.

Got attitude? Here’s the reality: all of life is a series of choices regarding how you will respond to yourself and others when you’re feeling afraid due to a loss of control. The paradox: The harder you try to control people or a situation…the less effective and satisfied you will be…and the less positive feedback you will receive from your world. Hard attitudes keep you stuck in that paradox.

Why do humans excel in talking negatively to themselves?

– Practice since childhood creates the perfect “I/You’re not good enough!” environment for avoiding emotions

– Good people feel bad about feeling mad

– Feelings can rule the home or work roost

– Extreme emotions can supplant rational talks

– Fear specializes in making people feel shy and embarrassed

– Hard feelings: “Better to be safe than sorry!”

– Hard thinking: “I won’t be blind-sided by hurt if I keep my guard up!”

TAKE THE TALK TRASH TO THE CURB

BE(A)WARE: If you catch yourself blaming or badgering yourself or someone else…you CAN BOOST your attitude. Hard attitudes will run your life if you permit them to…and drive you up a wall and down again over and over and over.

Poisonous people wage war on your happiness to gain the upper hand of control.

Poisonous people hate emotions…and wage war on your happiness to gain the upper hand of control. If you bite into their poison apple, you will fall asleep into depression or frustration, or both.

Who’s messing with your peace of mind today? Why is it that you try to help someone who repeatedly stings you with their poison, and at the expense of your own happiness and personal desires? The answer just might be that you fear doing what you “love to do” to feel energized and happy because doing so might mean you are SO “selfish.”

Do you feel confident that: “There’s no better person to be than ME!?!”

Or have you given a negative person a license to drive around helter-skelter in your mind and bring you down? What’s UP to you: Allow no one to make your head spin around…to mess with your serenity, contentment OR peace of mind for long. And don’t feel sorry for someone who saps your energy and zaps your self-esteem while simultaneously pleading for your help and understanding.

The timeless fable I share below is excerpted from my book, Taking the Fear Out of Changing, and will explain to you why, “Sympathy may not always be the best policy!”

The Fable Of The Scorpion And The White Horse

ONCE UPON A TIME there was a tremendous life-threatening fire in the forest. All the animals were frightened and panicked.
The animals frantically ran toward the big river that bordered the forest to reach safety. Most of the animals were able to cross the wide river with the help of a rush of potent adrenaline.
All reached safety except for the Scorpion, who because of his small size was unable to cross alone. Without help, the Scorpion would die in the fire. He knew what he must do.
A marvelous White Horse came galloping up right then. The other animals in the forest greatly admired the White Horse for his good deeds, strength and kind spirit. The Scorpion was no different from the other creatures in this regard.
The Scorpion called out in a tiny voice: “Oh, help me, White Horse, help me get across the river.” At once the White Horse answered: “I can’t do that. I can’t help you. You are a Scorpion; you will bite me if I give you a ride on my back acoss the river.”
“Why don’t you TRUST me?” replied the Scorpion. “Biting you would jeopardize my life and would be a foolish thing to do. Wouldn’t you agree?”
On a sorrowful note the Scorpion pleaded: “Only you can help me White Horse. Please don’t leave me behind to be burned alive in this terrible fire.”
Reluctantly, the White Horse agreed. Going against his better judgment he said: “Okay, hop on. But you better be careful. Remember, both of us will drown if you pull anything funny.”
The Scorpion thanked the White Horse, and with a dark red glimmer in his eyes, hopped on quickly. The White Horse, swollen with pride and muscles rippling, swam mightily out into the river.
About half way across, the White Horse suddenly felt a horrendous sting. Poison filled his veins.
The White Horse screamed: “You fool! What have you done now? You’ll kill the both of us. We’re doomed to drown. How could you do such a stupid thing? Why on God’s earth did you do this?”
And the Scorpion calmly replied: “Because my dear White Horse, I’m a Scorpion!”

Read the fable carefully and you will find that the Scorpion never promised he wouldn’t bite the beautiful White Horse. The popular saying that “IT is what it is!” (I2WI2) means a Scorpion stings.

The moral of the story? Fair play relationship rules all change when you’re around a poisonous person. A poisonous person “sells” you on helping them, figuring: “It’s up to the buyer to beware, be-aware and be wary!” Or put differently, “It’s not my fault that I am what I am!”

“Why don’t you trust me?” is a good gut-check perhaps that the person you’re currently dealing with is NOT to be trusted. Pleasers struggle and strain with the fact that no amount of extra giving can–or should–make someone else change or be diffferent…to be a better person.

Ending the search for approval and the neurotic avoidance of saying “no” or appearing too “selfish” or “disagreeable” isn’t easy for pleasant people who are natural born people pleasers. BUT your happiness and high energy are worth the investment to avoid wars you cannot win.

Disallow yourself from being stung with the poison of unhappiness that won’t help anyone.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a change management and communications consultant from Dayton, Ohio, and the author of “Taking the Fear Out of Changing” at www.drogrady.com

The Importance of Straight Animal Talk in a Crooked Human World